Chapter 25: Return

And, we’re back! This is another chapter of totally original material that possesses a real positive energy even in the confrontational parts, and even though it closes with Pete feeling uneasy. The relationships among these characters have long been established in this fanfic, so everything that takes place in these chapters happens within a family of friends. In fact, that very theme is explicitly stated in this chapter and the feelings these characters share are exactly that, the love of family. It reminds me of my youth and the close group of friends I had back then. This family feeling is both described and tested in this chapter as the story moves slowly forward for Pete and Earn and their family of friends. A great read, with some very poignant issues raised along the way. 

The opening with Pete and Por in the car is a great scene between caring friends. The banter is totally convincing and the riffs on their absent friend’s behavior (Card? Is that you? Have you inhabited Pete’s body?) work only because of the intense character development that has been set down in prior chapters. Pete gives us a recap on the events of their Christmas break, and we finally learn what happened between Por and Hack. This was a surprise indeed, since Hack has been previously described as shy (although we knew he liked Por, who knew he’d be bold enough to kiss him?). The interesting twist is not really Por’s reaction (imo) but how his reaction is used later in the chapter to bring to light a very important issue (more later). Pete’s reaction to Por on the drive to Earn’s is not surprising considering his level of self-knowledge and, besides, who among us hasn’t been put off by a friend’s opinions, but unwilling to confront them at the same time? (Aside: Pete issues an open disclaimer in this section that he likes guys, but doesn’t like Por in that way. Didn’t he catch himself staring at Por’s a*s while he was trying to pick up dropped coins in an earlier chapter, and hasn’t he made comments about Por being shirtless and toned in more recent chapters? Just saying, but I suppose that was just because Por is a guy, and not because it’s Por, right?)

The arrival at Earn’s house and the name calling and insults they exchange as they greet each other so happily sets the “family tone” of the interactions in this chapter. Por is so happy to see Earn he gives him a bro hug and Earn passes it on to Pete in what Pete feels is a more “intimate” degree, and he shares how Earn’s hug makes him feel, “as his arms engulf me in his body’s bright flame.” How’s that for a hot image? Por’s crack, “Come on you two. You can later” and the unspoken request by Pete that translates into Earn putting Por into a headlock shows just how close these boys are. Not to mention that it is totally how it would happen among a close group of friends in real life. The bit was funny and a sweet piece of storytelling. From here we learn that Pete and Earn communicated every day they were apart on their respective Christmas holidays, as well as how much Pete and Por bonded during the same time by hanging out, drinking with friends, etc.

We soon learn that the guys are off to greet Card at the airport as he returns from his Christmas break in Singapore with his father and stepmother. They arrive in time to see Card and his family approaching baggage claim and we get a glimpse of Card’s home life as they approach the boys who are now holding up a hilariously obnoxious banner stating “Welcome Back Card! Where Are Our Gifts.” Card’s father is formally dressed, but his stepmother is attired a bit over-the-top in a fancy dress and adorned with jewelry. She condescendingly comments about the boys being unruly, but Card quips back that she’s talking about his friends. Soon the reunion of the four is underway and Card gets a big uplifting hug from Por and an all-around warm welcome from Pete (What’s up, Mr. Freeze – hilarious) and Earn, and then Pete commiserates with Card about what a chore it is to babysit Por (also hilarious). The reunion complete, they flee the airport for a favorite restaurant at Siam Paragon to catch up and bond. This entire passage is yet another reinforcement of the “family” nature of the relationship between these four friends, plus we get a little more background from Pete why Card is Card, via a recap of his upbringing after the passing of his mother and the role his stepmother currently plays in his life at home.

As the Christmas break ends and the boys return to school, Pete reflects on what this time has meant for him starting back on the day when he and Earn cut class. It seems he initially noticed a shift in his relationship with Earn at that time, particularly that the they shared more tender moments together, but he’s also hesitant to place any faith that this perception reflects reality, ultimately deciding to take things slow and confess his feelings after he figures out who the new boy is that Earn likes. This train of thought is suddenly broken when we find that Pete is actually sitting in the school cafeteria and Earn is bringing him a plate of food, an act of consideration that warms Pete’s heart, and has them playfully teasing each other as Penguin and Panda. They are soon joined by Tee, Card and Por, and from here the scene takes a serious turn.

They begin a discussion of the upcoming performance of the Cheer Team at the Basket Ball Championship at Huamark Stadium, and Card reminds the group that the choreography for the event still needs to be worked out. Por derisively intones that the Angels (sitting a few tables away) can work it out, setting off Pete’s internal alarm. He quickly jumps into the conversation in a supportive way, with an assist from Tee, but Por rants on that he hopes the Angels won’t ogle their bodies during the practice sessions, a comment that irks both Earn and Pete. Pete replies that he doubts they will do so since they are friends, but Por is unrelenting, causing Pete to reaffirm his point, only to find Por suddenly focused on a table behind Pete where Pun and Noh are lovingly teasing each other as they eat. When Por loudly wisecracks, “Get a room guys” it startlingly breaks up their teasing, and upsets Earn as Por adds, “Have some respect for the rest of us.” At this point Card jumps in calling out Por by name in an attempt to silence him, and when Por remains oblivious to his offensiveness, Cards asks him to shut up. Still undeterred, Por questions the appropriateness of “that kind of relationship” and implies that they should be ashamed, hiking Pete’s anger up another notch; but it is Earn that jumps in asking Por what’s so wrong with their relationship. When Por snaps back that even Earn must see something isn’t right with that, Earn’s temper flares and he’s on the verge of pouncing on Por when Pete quickly senses the seriousness of his friend’s anger and grabs his clenched fist under the table, calming him such that Earn decides to take his lunch and eat elsewhere. As Por continues to remain oblivious as to what the problem is, Pete flatly states to Por that he’s the problem. This incites Por to chide Pete in return for being too sensitive (causing Pete to consider pounding Por’s head in while Phun and Noh look on from the distance). It’s Card that finally reins in Por with the final threat delivered in icy sub-zero tones, “Shut your mouth or I’ll shut it for you.” With the focus of the room upon them, Pete quickly chokes down his food and bails in search of Earn.

Pete laments that they are barely back from vacation only to have this drama pop up to complicate things. He understands that Por is feeling betrayed by what happened with Hack, but doesn’t really want to speak to him for the time being, leaving Card to be about the only one willing to keep Por in check. After classes the group assembles out at the soccer field to discuss the upcoming performance with the Angels and ask them to work out the choreography. In the course of this meeting, Card reminds Pete that the paperwork for the event still has to be submitted to the Student Council office for approval and produces the completed permission slips for turning in, an unexpected kindness on Card’s part that touches Pete and he thanks Card sincerely, but then extends his thanks for Card making an effort to keep Por quiet. Card tells him that Por was pissing him off too, and they both commiserate about how they are going to patch things up within the group. When Card admits that he doesn’t know how to resolve the situation, he also lets on that he has others issues to address as well, which prompts Pete to inquire what they are but Card kicks the can down the road and urges Pete to rush off and hand in the forms before the office closes.

Pete arrives at the Student Council office to discover that the only person on duty to accept the paperwork is Phun. Pete enters the office and begrudgingly greets him explaining why he’s there. Phun congenially remarks that several school groups are going to various events since returning from the break and how much fun it must be to be able to do so. Pete is thrown off by his friendliness since it doesn’t jive with his previous encounters with Phun and he inadvertently hands over the forms in an abrupt manner, annoying Phun in the process. Between this and Por’s earlier behavior in the cafeteria, Pete feels compelled to address Phun in a somewhat conciliatory manner, so he apologizes to Phun about Por’s behavior at lunch. Phun’s response is one of understanding, and Pete decides he’s not such a bad guy after all. Pete thanks him for accepting the papers but then once again abruptly asks him to get them in as soon as possible, prompting Phun to ask, “You don’t like me very much, do you?” When Pete tries to respond, it comes out awkward and garbled, but fortunately Phun seems to understand his intent is benign, and Pete thanks him again and leaves with a wave. 

So finally there is an open confrontation with anti-gay sentiments and biases among these characters. Thank you! This is another conversation that LS only mildly touches on but never addresses head-on. The manner in which the topic is introduced into the story is very well crafted, the pacing of the conversations strong, and if a character had to be picked to be the heavy, Por was the best choice for the job. Including Phun and Noh in the issue was a smart move as well, and better still, having the incident serve as a growing moment for Pete later on when he runs into Phun in the Student Council office was fantastic. It always bothered me that Pete didn’t like Phun, although I understood why within the context of this story. I just always thought that they shared certain traits and would naturally tend to get along.

As Pete tries to figure out why his opinion of Phun has shifted, he’s reminded of questions he wanted to ask, of Card being vague about something too, as well as Earn sharing a lot with him, yet keeping secrets from him; not to mention Por’s recent intolerant rants. He’s perplexed at the source of all this, but his musings are interrupted by a surprise phone call from Lhew, asking if he wants to hang out. Pete decides that it would be a welcomed break from all the drama in his circle and agrees to meet her at McDonalds. Before they hang up, Pete tells her that he’s glad she’s back in Thailand and that he’s missed her. Lhew returns the sentiment, and Pete hears both happiness and hints of sadness in her response. After the call, Pete’s mind quickly jumps back into wonder mode as he contemplates the tumult happening all around him, voicing the belief that everyone’s changing while he stays the same; a thought which leaves him feeling uneasy.

So some of the open issues from the prior chapter have been answered, but most have been left unresolved, and we now have a new potential situation to explore when Pete and Lhew meet up for the first time since breaking up. There are lots of reasons to keep on reading, and I know I won’t be disappointed in what’s to come. Thanks once again for making my day. :)

Chapter 26: Plans

Due to my work schedule I have limited time so this will be less intensive than usual. Maybe my schedule will lighten up after the first of next month.

And welcome back to the Round 2 of The Family Feud! This chapter continues with Por’s gay panic storyline from the prior chapter and takes it to a more serious level. This is now moving from a passing discussion of a very important issue to a full blown plot element. But as in real life, these types of issues arise among close friends and family, and it will be interesting to see if they move beyond it and toward a more healing place. Just as in real life, there are no guarantees. 

From a writing standpoint, it’s steady as she goes. The narrative flows smoothly and fords it’s path forward at pace we’ve come to expect when not side-stepping through events from the series. The conversations are natural and the events as real as life.

The chapter opens on a Cheer Team practice session led by Chanel and Bell out on the hot soccer field. As Chanel counts off the routine, Bell admonishes Por for giving a lackluster effort. As Earn joins in telling Por to just do it right, Por replies that he doesn’t want to expose his body to wandering eyes as he looks at Hack off to his right. Practices have been trending this way for days and everyone is at wits end with Por’s obnoxiousness and no one has the time or energy to deal with him. Pete finally jumps in and reminds Por that they are all doing the routine, and so should he. As Por continues to refuse to open his shirt, Pete appeals to Card to reason with him, but Card is too tired and fed up as well. When Chanel challenges Por’s recalcitrance, Por accuses the Angels of ogling their bodies, and Belle snaps back that he’s flattering himself. When Por rudely responds, “Keep telling yourself that gay boy” Earn snaps shouting at Por to watch his “ing tongue” in response, and follows up by reminding Por that the Angels played a big part in helping earn the money for his laptop. From here the situation quickly escalates, and harsher words are exchanged and Earn and Por end up standing chest-to-chest in a stare down about to come to blows. With a quick nod, Pete and Card come up behind each one of them and bang their heads together calling them “Idiots” and breaking the tension. Card immediately berates Por for being ungrateful and promises if this behavior continues he’ll beat Por’s a*s himself. Pete turns to Earn and instructs him to set an example, and that as the leader he needs be mature and less hot headed, and then reminds him that the seniors are in the stands watching the scene with dismay. Both Earn and Por simultaneously apologize but the tension is electric.

Afterward Pete laments that while they’ve been around each other a lot lately for their Cheer Team responsibilities, they haven’t been able to hang out as friends. Between that and the return to school being in full swing, they are all pretty wiped out. As Earn and Pete crash on the bleachers at the end of their practice, they both express how tired they are and Earn complains about Por’s attitude. They look over at Card standing over Por, who is sprawled on the grass, obviously giving Por a lecture. When Pete suggests Earn might consider telling Por about his s*xuality (especially since the Live Concert performance when he sang to Noh), Earn admits he’s currently uncomfortable about labeling himself. Pete assures Earn that he’ll be there by his side until he gets comfortable and reminds Earn that he can speak with Card and Hack since he had confided with them as well before the Live Concert, but Earn says he prefers talking to Pete; a response that sends Pete’s heart racing. They end up sharing some food as they continue to rest on the bleachers and have a pleasant time teasing and feeding each other.

Pete checks his phone and quickly texts Lhew about their meet up at the mall at 7:00 pm, but Earn invites Pete to share dinner with him, Earn’s treat. Pete explains he has plans, but Earn is persistent until Pete hesitantly tells him he’s meeting up with Lhew. Earn says he thought they broke up, which Pete confirms (though he feels guilty) and explains they are still friends and she needs Pete’s help. Earn makes a joke about Lhew being cruel and breaking it off with Pete but still asking favors of him, but Pete can tell Earn’s reaction is a bit off. Pete knows he never told Earn that he was the one who ended the relationship and why, and acknowledges he should confess his feelings to Earn soon, but only when a better opportunity arises. Earn wishes him a good time, but again Pete feels a note of sadness as he departs.

Pete heads over to Por and Card to let them know he’s taking off and finds out Card needs a ride to Siam Paragon. Card moves off to collect his things, leaving Pete and Por to chat for the first time since the near fight with Earn. Finding himself without dinner companions, Por decides to text Josie. Pete picks up on this and teases him a bit and they end up making a crude joke about a double-date , which leaves Pete wishing that Por was more like this all of time. As Card and Pete pass by the bleachers Card explains to Earn that he’s hitching a ride to Siam Paragon with Pete, and Pete gives Earn a bro hug and fist bump as they head off to his car because he still feels awkward about leaving him alone. During the ride to Siam, they chat about Card’s trip to Singapore. It turns out it was all for his father’s business and Card ended up having to hang out with the partner’s children, who only wanted to party, although he enjoyed the sights. When the subject shifts to Por, Pete mentions that he’s been talking a lot about dating Josie. This prompts Card to ask Pete how long that’s been going on, and Pete says it was few weeks back, and then recalls all that has since transpired in the interim and feels suddenly sad. Pete tries to change the subject by asking Card about his love life, but Card plays dumb, so Pete makes a joke about his Singapore trip, the partying and his bottomless credit card surely means he must have gotten laid. Card simply says, “Por has rubbed off on you, hasn’t he?” Pete agrees that it’s probably so, and then Card wonders why Pete couldn’t have rubbed off more on Por. In the end Card acknowledges that he flirts here and there, but that he’s not really into to anyone at the moment. As they are about to head off to their respective destinations at the mall, Card suddenly remembers to invite Pete to his father’s new forest getaway explaining that he had already invited Por and Tee and that Pete should ask Earn. When Card explains he’s debating about inviting Hack as a way to resolve the mess with Por, Pete Jokes they should lock them in a room together for 2 days, but then suggests that with so many of the squad going, the Angels should be included so they can practice. Card likes the idea and sees it as a chance for them to all bond since drifting over the break, and at this point the boys go their separate ways.

Pete arrives at McDonalds to find Lhew seated at a table waving. In spite of being nervous, Pete sits down at Lhew’s table with his food as they greet each other. When Pete sees the enormous spread on Lhew’s tray he teases her about practicing for an eating contest and quickly gets a playful punch on the arm which melts his nervousness away. They begin catching up immediately about what transpired over the Christmas break including the change in Por and why, but when Pete mentions Earn, he notices Lhew’s expression change for a split second so he quickly asks about her trip to the US. Since Lhew visits the US once a year she has a network of friends there to visit. As she describes her experiences, Pete is filled with wonder and awe and can see that her trip helped her recover from their break up. Lhew expresses how much she misses her American friends already, so Pete teases her about not missing him over the break, admitting that he missed her. Lhew smacks him on the head and calls him an idiot in response and as Pete rubs his head his eyes catch sight of the bracelet he gave her. As silence descends on the table Lhew asks how things are with Earn. After getting a lukewarm reply from Pete, Lhew finally flat out asks if they are dating, and with the memory of the letter Lhew wrote him after the break up, he quietly answers no. In short time Pete is explaining that he intended to confess to Earn but that Noh showed up and sort soured his chance and Lhew seems to understand why it became a missed opportunity, reminding him that she doesn’t want their ending to be in vain. They munch on the remains of their meal before moving on to their shopping tasks. They have a breezy chat while they walk around the mall, and after Lhew has loaded Pete down with ton of bags to carry, they drop into a musical instrument store only to find the place seemingly deserted by the staff. As Pete ponders over a selection of guitar picks, Lhew sits down at a piano and starts tapping out a song, eventually coaxing Pete into grabbing a guitar. Lhew switches tunes and sings “Torn” and Pete joins in. He watches her while she plays and she seems sullen and depressed. At the end of the song, Pete apologizes to her for not being the right guy for her, but Lhew assures him it’s not his fault, she just needs some time to get over it.

After making his guitar pick purchase, Pete gets the inspiration to take Lhew on a little adventure in the mall and leads her up the escalators toward the arcade they had gone to on a previous date while Lhew looks bewildered as to where he’s taking her. When she realizes where they’re headed, she smiles and sincerely thanks him, and promptly promises to kick his a*s at every game. As they rip through the games Pete comes to understand that he’s having a change of heart and experiencing something he hasn’t felt in quite a while, hope. Hope for a better future between him and Lhew in a beautiful friendship.

This chapter works its magic in a slow, but effective way. The start prepares us for more struggle and division among Pete’s family of friends as a spillover from the last chapter, so we don’t anticipate the sweet and healing ending that comes. Pete has finally closed the door on his self-punishment with the help, once again, of his amazing ex-girlfriend. They are now forging a new path toward a genuine friendship, and it is clear that the feelings of caring and respect they shared at the start of their relationship were completely genuine. Pete’s involvement with Lhew was a clarifying experience and the break up, while sad, was inevitable from the start without either party understanding that in advance. Pete has grown, and at least with respect to his relationship with Lhew, he’s returned to the kind, supportive, intelligent and sensitive person he started as at the beginning of this story, yet much more self-aware and wiser. There are hints that this same growth is taking shape in his relationship to Earn as well. As I said in my prior comments on previous chapters, Pete has the abilities and the tools, he is just learning how to apply them. The positive resolution with Lhew is his first success, and there will eventually be others that follow. The real happy ending here is the blossoming of hope inside Pete, for without hope we are severely hampered in life’s pursuits. As hope blooms within us, so do possibilities, and I have no doubt that Pete will eventually begin to see this and act on it in respect to Earn. The enticing wait to see how this plays out is what keeps us reading with anticipation. It was a lovely and inspiring ending. Thank you.

Chapter 27: View

Once again my time is pretty limited so I’m going to have to cut out most of the usual summarizing I do and focus on targeted areas of the chapter. Not surprisingly, the purely original material is greatly appreciated. I love the expansiveness of original stories and revel in the inventiveness. 

The rest house setting for this chapter is an inspired idea. It offers a change of scenery as well as an isolated environment where events can play out in a more compressed time frame. The pre-travel preparations and the formal countdown of duties and tasks (as well as the pairings and assignments Card hands out upon arrival) provide the formal school-related storyline under which the personal dramas of the key characters play out with such force. It’s kind of a nice school life vs. personal life dichotomy that plays out simultaneously, but it also underscores the importance of how personal connections play an important role in more proscribed relationships. The car trip from town allows Pete to recap what’s been going on for him and his friends and set the tone for what we can loosely expect once they arrive at their destination. We also get an introduction to some new characters, namely a handsome and athletic underclassman named Dirk who, it turns out, was tricked into joining the Cheer Team by Card (hehe). We also begin to see the start to a possible thaw in the frozen relationship between Hack and Por, and Pete catches us up on the confusing interactions he’s been having with Earn lately. They have spent a lot of time together hanging and eating out, but Earn has still not shared who his new crush is and he’s seemed sort of cold every time Pete has hung out with Lhew. Obviously the light in Pete’s head has still not gone on proving that even the vision of intelligent people can at times be a bit myopic. It is interesting to be a reader with knowledge that the two main characters do not yet possess. It is sometimes fun watch their situation from afar, and other times hard to stop yelling at them (or is that just me?).

The arrival at the rest house is a bit of an overwhelming experience for the group since the place turns out to be more like a resort. After everyone piles out of the vehicles, Card recounts some rules and assigns everyone into groups each with specific tasks to perform, and just happens to pair Por and Hack together to setup the wifi, Bluetooth and sound systems inside and outside the house. After tolerating Por’s protests over the pairing, Card states that he’ll pay Por double what he was charging Hack for computer lessons to get the job done (and just to shut him up and get them started). This is the set up that ushers in the best conversational dialogue written in this chapter. Before we get there though, we find out that Earn is paired with Tee to do paperwork and Pete is paired with Card while the Angels are packed off to the kitchen to make lunch for everyone.

Here the story shifts for the first time to a POV other than Pete’s. It initially seemed odd to me because it pulled me out of the story a little bit, but I got over it in no time. There is clearly an advantage to doing the POV shift to Por. It speeds up the action by not requiring Pete’s presence, plus it allows other characters to speak freely in their own voices. We are paid off for this shift with some really excellent emotional interaction and dialogue between Por and Hack. Por starts off his tale in a rather testy mood because he has to work alongside Hack. At first they start to talk past each other, then venture into neutral small talk as Por sorts through his thoughts and emotions. Finally Hack asks him the key question that opens the floodgates and the exchange is so real that it feels like we are standing right there with them. We have all had conversations like this in our lives so we recognize the authenticity of the writing here. As each character discusses his feelings and motivations for what transpired between them, the revelations they share about themselves and their pasts paint their characters in vivid colors while connecting their actions and emotions in ways that explain their behaviors and open doors to understanding and ultimately forgiveness of each other.

The staging of Por’s thoughts and related feelings reveals his version of events and his assumptions about Hack’s motivations. Por also shares emotional baggage from his past and we begin to see how this has influenced his interpretation of Hack’s actions and interest in him. Por’s sharing is raw and real, but even as his inner turmoil spills out in front of us, he shows that he’s been listening to Card’s lectures and understands that he has been acting out toward everyone around him. For his part, Hack gives as good as he gets, and his emotionally honest responses to Por’s accusations are the key that unlocks Por’s understanding and he sees that his opinions about Hack are misplaced. This realization hits Por like a blind mind suddenly seeing for the first time. This is really psychologically compelling because it authentically reflects how the human psyche readily constructs an incomplete picture of the external world and then acts on it with full confidence until challenged. Without doing a play-by-play, suffice it to say that the final resolution that emerges is emotionally satisfying for readers because it works for the characters themselves. We care about these characters and want to see them make peace and move on, and it’s the superb storytelling that makes us care about them so much.

The next shift is to Earn’s POV where he and Tee are completing Cheer Team paperwork. Earn seems a bit restless and longs to get up and spend time with Pete. He finishes his share of the papers first, but Tee whines about being left alone so Earn lingers a bit to keep him company. The interesting part of their conversation surrounds Choi and Odd as the candidates for President and Vice for next academic year. Tee provides a revealing analysis of the offices and respective holders in the year prior to Earn and Pete’s tenure, and then projects it forward in determining which role best suits Choi and Odd in the future. His complimentary analysis of Earn’s leadership as a diviner of people’s individual strengths paired with his motivational skills seriously embarrasses Earn. With the ice thus broken, they eventually end up in a discussion of their respective personal lives and Earn ends up explaining his relationship limbo to Tee without disclosing the specifics of his s*xuality because he’s just not ready to label himself. He internally relives his defeat at Noh’s feet, admitting there are still some lingering feelings, but when he shifts to talking about Pete, he realizes that if he tells Tee he’s talking about a guy, he’ll have admitted what he’s been trying to avoid, so he decides to tell Tee his current crush is a lesbian friend that’s recently broken up with her girlfriend. (I totally do not understand this decision. I get Earn referring to a “she” but why did he have to make her a lesbian? He could have just said her boyfriend. It sounds unnecessarily complicated to me at this point, but whatever.) The upshot of the conversation is Tee motivating Earn to confess how he feels (seize the day type of speech), and Earn decides to grow a pair and tell Pete. He excuses himself from Tee and heads out into the open air to find and confess to Pete that he likes him, holding onto the hope that Pete can help him heal his wounded heart after Noh. Earn approaches his friends with “yes” on his lips, but it’s a “no” day for him. As Earn approaches Card and Pete collecting firewood near a shed, he sees what appears to be Card leaning in to kiss Pete, and while his heart sinks in pain he hears Pete’s shocked voice call out his name.

Timing is everything, as the saying goes, and for such musically talented young guys, I have to say that both Pete and Earn have the worst timing. How many times have they crossed up on each other now? Yikes! Well, the cliff hanger ending here is a great one anyway, even if it revolves around another missed opportunity. So Earn sees what he believes is Card kissing Pete. Ugh! If true, this is indeed one scenario that needs some serious explaining. I can’t wait to hear what Card and Pete have to say for themselves or what Earn has to say for that matter. And Poor Earn! What must he be thinking? Perhaps Earn is mistaken in what he saw, but if he’s not, then Card and Pete are, what? Are they messing around in the moment, starting something new, making a bad mistake, or just being a couple of a*sholes? What the hell does this mean??? Well, that’s why it’s called a cliffhanger. The next chapter can’t come fast enough now, and hopefully we won’t have to wade through half a chapter to find out the answers we want (but it would be a delicious trick on us if we had to wait that long for an explanation). This is hands down the best chapter ending so far. Thanks for another great read!

Chapter 28: Doubt

So considering that I still feel like (spoiler alert) the puddle Por hurled up on Card’s bathroom floor in the next chapter, I’ll try to make cut to the chase without cheating you of what mental acuity I still possess.
The POV by Card works just as the prior shifts in POV have, but I think that the combined expansion each new POV shift helps strengthen the fabric of the story as a whole.  I didn’t pick this up at first because I was comparing the impact the POV shift experienced in the original novel from Noh’s POV to special chapter’s where we hear Phun’s voice.  Those shifts in voice are much clearer and more dramatic in telling quite individual sides of the same circumstances.  Here the shifts, while clearly from one character to another, are more subtle.  It was not until I got to the end of this cycle and considered the arc of this journey that I saw its cumulative influence on the story.  I’m not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.  I think it depends on what was intended and an argument could be made either way.
So we know by now that Card is a bit of a control freak and that this leads him to think things out far in advance and lay plans to direct events towards the ends he seeks (even if it means he manipulates people from time to time), but in his POV we finally find out why.  The internal dialogue Card carries on for us exposes him as far less sure of himself than the persona he projects to even his closest friends (although Pete seems to have previously deciphered that Card’s emotional damage runs deeper than it appears to on the surface).  This vulnerable side of Card bothered me at first, probably because I have a tendency to identify with him, but I quickly came to realize how much more human he comes across after exposing his flaws, and it completes the circuit on his personality as to why he can even make friends in the first place if he truly is “Mr. Freeze” as his friends call him.  Truth is, he isn’t emotionally frozen at all, just very emotionally self-protective as a result of the trauma surrounding the death of his mother in childhood.  The complexity of a child experiencing the death of a parent is considerable, and addressing this issue and its influence on a young adult in his relationships with others is daunting indeed.  This is very serious territory and I doff my hat for making the attempt at all.  The impact of such a loss is very age-dependent but whatever the age, when a child experiences the loss of a parent, not only is the actual relationship lost, but also a sense of self as it exists within that relationship.  In this scenario we go little deeper than the event itself and learn no more about Card’s reaction other than that he emerges from the experience feeling left out of the loop and cut off from the pending reality (and finality) of the situation.  When it catches up to him after his mother’s death, he looks back on the event with intense regret for having missed its true significance and emerges with the conviction to never remain on the outside when it comes to the intimate truths of those closest to him.  I won’t say this is an impossible motivation or even an unlikely one, but the many steps from there to here are unspecified and it remains unclear if this is a probable and/or believable path to his present psychology.  
As mentioned above, we are let into the internal workings of Card’s mind as he links up his past observations of the interactions between Pete and Earn and tries to find out answers to the questions that his obsessive mind cannot let rest.  After posing a series of “tests” for Pete in an attempt to divine the nature of his relationship with Earn, Card has to face that he has not achieved the clarity he wants and so decides that the direct approach is in order.  The writing in this section tightens up really nicely as Card charges head on toward his target in a logical and verbally methodical attack, but Pete, as intelligent as he is, does not give in without gaining a concession from Card; Card must explain why knowing the truth about Pete and Earn is so important to him.  It is at this juncture we learn Card’s motivation as spelled out above.  The “big reveal” of Pete’s s*xuality and the ensuing discussion around it is mutually supportive, but the great twist in this passage is that Card thinks Pete and Earn are together in keeping their “relationship” hidden, but what he finally learns from Pete is that it’s only one-sided (from Pete to Earn according to Pete), a scenario Card had not anticipated, and so Card learns once again that he’s a fallible human being after all.  Card eventually asks Pete why he hasn’t confessed his feelings to Earn, and offers to help when Pete says he needs an example of how to do it.  It is their ensuing roleplay that leads to Earn stumbling upon them in what appears to be a kiss, sending the story tumbling into yet another emotional ravine.  There is also a bit a personal test Card plays out in this scene where he appears intent of finding out if his previous nervousness at kissing Pete during the drinking game weeks back at Pete’s house had any significance for him personally.  He finds it doesn’t, but I am not so sure that including it here isn’t a bit confusing.  It makes me wonder what his real motives are.  Is he really trying to live out his pledge not to be left in the dark about the people he cares about or is he trying to prove something about himself?  It could be argued that these priorities are in competition with each other in this circumstance.
From here Card’s POV ends and the story returns to Pete’s POV, where it remains for the duration of the chapter.  Since there was significant re-writing in a couple of spots from here on I’ll summarize a bit more than I’ve done so far.  Following Earn’s discovery of the “kiss” Pete immediately wants to pursue Earn and explain away what he thinks he just witnessed, but Card’s reason prevails and Pete finally agrees to chill and let emotions calm before trying to make peace.  I’ll jump over all the lunchtime awkwardness and mention that the pre-practice exchange between Earn and Pete showed tension between them, but not nearly as much I would have expected.  The post-lunch practice was a great scene for how everyone in the group performed flawlessly or nearly so EXCEPT for the Earn-Pete-Card unit, as well as all the sh*t they drew for it as a result.  The post practice awkwardness between Earn and Pete continues through dinner but shows signs of thawing as the bonfire and drinking get underway along with teasing and threats of hazing leveled toward Hack and Dirk.  Eventually Pete breaks out his guitar to begin the night’s sing along session and he is joined by Earn, Card and Tee on the first song (having been handed his missing panda pick from earlier by Earn at the last minute).  They of course nail the performance to the amazement of all in attendance as a sign that even though they are may currently be in discord, they are not at root discordant with one another.  From here the guitar begins to pass from one to the next as they the group sings along.  Eventually the guitar passes to Earn, who sings a riveting version of ‘Breakeven’ directly to Pete.  As the Angel’s fan themselves, and Earn brushes it off, Pete is confused as to why Earn sang this song to him.  In the aftermath of Earn’s performance Card hatches a plan on Pete’s behalf to answer Earn’s song with one of his own and with a few quick conversations around the circle, Card arranges to have Dirk presenting Pete with the guitar under the guise of checking out the tuning.  After a preliminary adjustment and testing, Pete is joined by Card, Tee and Poe in singing ‘Lean on Me’ which, with the weight of all Pete’s friends on his side, finally thaws the freeze between Pete and Earn and they begin to act more normal toward each other, especially after Card pulls Earn over to sit next to Pete after the song ends and the guitar is passed along to Dirk.  
Eventually the drunken night devolves as expected with the less intoxicated leading the more intoxicated off to bed.  Pete and Earn exit the main house down the rocky steps toward the guesthouse and Pete begins to struggle under the influence of all the alcohol, prompting Earn to thrown Pete’s arm over his shoulder to help guide him down the steps.  At first Pete objects, but Earn insists and Pete gives in, secretly enjoying being close to Earn and the contact with his body as Earn conveniently hums “Lean On Me’ while helping Pete along (did you have to make it so obvious?  ^__^).  They eventually settle into the guesthouse and after some nagging exchanges about drinking water and getting dressed properly for bed (with Earn having to force Pete out of his day clothes and into sleeping attire) they finally settle down.  Earn signals that the lines are open by telling Pete, “You know…even though the view of the lake is amazing from here, I like your star ceiling better.”  From here they joke and tease and then Pete just outright tells Earn that he and Card didn’t kiss, after which Earn admits he knows since Card already told him.  In the half-sober conversation that follows Pete admits he let Earn’s new crush slip out with Card, to which Earn admits that he let slip with Tee that Pete had broken up with Lhew.  In this newfangled version, Pete is now asking Card for advice on how Earn should approach his new crush, and Earn understands it to mean Card was in favor of acting aggressively (hence the appearance of the kiss).  As Earn seems to relax under this conception of events so too does Pete, but he quickly teases Earn for reacting so strongly at the thought of Card kissing him.  When Earn seriously asks Pete if he thought Card’s suggestion was sound, Pete balks pointing out the misunderstanding it caused between them.  As the morning wears on, Pete notes it’s time to sleep and closes his eyes only to be asked by Earn a minute later if he can hug him.  Jokingly answering in the negative, Pete tells him that he doesn’t even have to ask, pointing out he’s never refused him before.  Earn slips one arm under Pete’s head and the other over his chest but Pete grabs it and places it at his waist so Earn can’t feel his beating heart.  Pete realizes he could bask in this warmth and these feelings forever as he drifts of to sleep.
And so after a chapter of tumult, the boys end up close together, but no closer than before.  The weight of this prolonged tension is strenuous for them and for us as readers as well.  We may know what we think is going to happen and can’t wait for it to arrive.  But as in real life, our expectations are not in control of the storyline.  We have all lived this in our own lives when we’ve sought the love a special someone and they have evaded us though any number of chance circumstances and misunderstandings.  And as in real life, we must never give up on that quest or on the belief that love will ultimately be achieved when the time is right.  I have full confidence that Pete and Earn will happen in this story.  We just have keep tabs our ringside seats so that we can enjoy it when they do.