Chapter 11: Messages

Like previous chapters, this chapter uses songs to broaden the narrative and support the plot, and they are used rather keenly here. The opening tune is telling us something about Pete’s psychological state, something that he may not be consciously aware of or be consciously embracing, but the message is important since the song also reprises later on in the chapter at a critical point in Pete’s date with Lhew. There are other supporting music selections as well as club stills to support the storyline.

The first time I read this chapter I plowed through the first few sentences with excitement before I guessed it had to be a dream, but what a great way to advance the story and tease the readers at the same time. Pete’s back and forth continues in this chapter starting with this s*xy opening, and reveals a broadening of his imagined interactions with Earn beyond what actually happened on that first drunken night. And like a ghost, memories of Earn haunt Pete all morning long, even on his run, and Pete is well aware that something is afoot. The domestic scene in the kitchen that follows between Pete, his housekeeper and his mom are a sweet reminder of how calm Pete’s home life is compared to what’s roiling through him emotionally and psychologically. We also get treated to a round of text chats between Por and Pete, Card and Pete, Pete and Earn and finally Lhew and Pete. The exchanges reinforce the first two characters as important friends in Pete’s life (along with supporting emoticons) and the chat with Earn that includes Earn’s teasing admission that he’s getting jealous of Lhew stealing Pete away lets us see Pete once again try to deal with feelings for Earn which he is struggling to understand and control. The final chat with Lhew is teasingly sweet and to the point, but brings us to the focus of the story: Pete and Lhew’s second date. But before we get there, we learn that Pete has a special picture on his phone of he and Earn that he plans on keeping saved, even though he’s deleting a lot of others to free up storage space.

So Pete cleans up and drives to Lhew’s house to pick her up. His description of watching her walk toward his car dressed for their date is rapturous (he describes glistening hair and smooth milky white legs) and it has him gulping for air. The destination for the second date is a mystery to Pete, and this makes it more adventurous and exciting. This is a great device for the readers as well. They chat about school as they drive, Lhew giving him instructions along the way and they end up at a mysterious building where they have to wait in the car quietly for a text before they can enter. The banter turns serious, and they become drawn into a near kiss when the awaited text arrives and interrupts them. As Lhew reads her message, Pete distracts himself by fiddling with his phone only to mindlessly hit the first icon he comes to calling up that special picture with Earn that he wouldn’t delete earlier. Shocked, Pete hits another icon only to play (a different version of) the song that opens this chapter, convincing Pete that he’s having a heart attack and causing him to drop his phone in shock. This recalls his dream that opened the chapter and Pete has to chase Earn out of his head and reinforce that they are just friends. But of course we know that Pete “randomly” hitting these two icons on his phone is anything but random. Pete’s reaction to “accidentally” playing the song at this point (having nearly just kissed Lhew) shocks him, but it tells us that he is aware of what those lyrics mean in relation to his feelings for Earn. And this won’t be the last time Pete sees Earn in his mind today either.

They walk hand-in-hand toward the mysterious building and enter after having to punch in an access code, thus building up the tension and thrill of what’s to come. Inside awaits more mysterious hallways and a curiously labeled elevator, all causing Pete to feel more excited and the anticipation (along with holding hands with Lhew) make his heart race. After pushing the button labeled “Lockers” they arrive before a muscular bouncer behind a table who comments how handsome Pete is. Pete is taken aback by this and tells himself that he is pretty sure the guy is gay (which puts Pete off). After Lhew gives the bouncer some money (Do they use the term “bucks” to describe money in Thailand? Don’t think so), they pass into a locker room where Pete learns that they have come to this place to play live laser tag. With anticipation of the unknown ahead of him and Lhew by his side Pete enters a labyrinth-like dungeon and they spend an unknown amount of time competing and supporting each other in their fun-filled quest to hunt down members of an opposing team of competitors. From here they climb to the 7th floor where they enter a glowing nightclub full of neon painted patrons. At this point Lhew paints a heart and lightning bolts on Pete’s arm with neon paint and Pete paints wings on her back and a rainbow design on her legs. They then dance and drink for an hour or so and Pete takes off his sweaty shirt like the other guys and Lhew puts her hand on his chest, they grind against each other, and eventually Pete kisses her while his hands explore her body. But during the intensity of their kiss the face he sees in his mind is not Lhew’s, and images from his morning dream pop up. Pete forces them out of his mind to focus on Lhew, but notes that he’ll be seeing that other face tomorrow. Once again Pete finds his mind conflicted with his feelings and circumstances. He may find Lhew fun and physically attractive, but he also feels that way about someone else, and while he can temporarily avoid them, he cannot stop those feelings from surfacing.

As I have commented before, Lhew is portrayed as smart, quick-witted, self-assured and fun loving. She teases Pete by continuously calling him penguin even though he tells her that she really has to stop calling him that. In this sense she is not unlike Pete’s friends, which makes a certain amount of sense and explains why, at least in part, Pete finds her so compelling. It also helps to explain why Pete trusts her and is willing to follow her lead as she opens up new experiences and feelings for him. Pete’s horizons are expanding, on both sides. He may still not understand what exactly is happening, but he seems open to the possibilities, which is a good place for personal growth to start.

Special shout out to the title of this chapter. It encapsulates both actual messages sent between the characters in the chapter as well as the metaphorical messages the characters send each other through their words and deeds. There are also messages being sent to the readers, which, of course, are vital for us to understand. I already mentioned the message in the first song provided at the opening of the chapter. But the most salient message is when Pete “accidentally” opens the picture and replays the song while he’s in the car with Lhew. If Freud is justified in maintaining that there are no accidents in the unconscious mind, then Pete’s unconscious is telingl him something about his repressed feelings for Earn precisely when Pete is at his most distracted. As Pete focuses on Lhew, his unconscious forces the action which prompts his realizations toward Earn in a way that shocks him so much he drops his phone. So in this sense Pete gets the message, and so do we.

The level of intricacy in the story has been steadily rising. For example, I don’t think it is just for light humor that the two people who Pete has set his eyes on both used the same response to his question of “What’s up?” There is a subtle layering of meaning being built up which connects the characters and their motivations. Additionally, Pete’s emotional see-saw and the complexity of his internal narrative have been handled deftly; likewise Pete’s psychological expansion as his internal emotional dynamic comes ever more into focus. Our ability to buy into Pete’s emotional situation in a meaningful way is testimony to how well written this is. If it were not, Pete would come across as unbelievable or disingenuous (which he does not). Well done.

 

Chapter 12: Assumption

From a reader’s perspective I find what transpires in this chapter exceptionally interesting. The author embraces a storyline directly from the series and has to seamlessly slip it into his own fiction. What he has to work with is pretty parallel to his own ideas, but this material also presents him with constraints that he has to work within while keeping his own story arc viable. First, though the outside material parallels his story, he must write sufficient bridge material that fits into his own work (a process started well before the beginning of this chapter btw). Second, the length of the outside material makes the first challenge harder by forcing him to forge the in chapter bridges as efficiently as possible to avoid making the chapter longer than is otherwise needs to be, while still trying to make it fit into his style and his story arc. He uses a batch of clever techniques to pull this off.

This chapter opens with Pete nursing a hangover while ruminating on the stellar date that closed the last chapter. We find out that he and Lhew made out for a while, and also that Pete is home alone for the week via another of his mom’s notes which he finds on the table. This plays into a decision he makes at the close of the chapter. He goes through a morning “greets” ritual to his friends, acknowledging to himself that while he had a great time with Lhew the previous night, that Earn kept popping into his head was really bothering him. After some aspirin and a shower, Pete heads over to Earn’s to help write a report on the Cheer Team. Once he arrives, he gives us a brief description of the odd layout of Earn’s maze-like house and then has a friendly chat with Earn’s mom on his way to Earn’s room on the second floor in a separate building behind the main house. As Pete arrives and silently opens the sliding door, he hears Earn saying, “But what if I were to think of you in that way… What would you say?” Here is where the dialogue from episode 8 of the series starts, making for the bulk of the exchanges in this section of the written story. Recall that in the series, this scene and dialogue are preceded by the vacation group of Phun, Noh, Aim and Yuri sitting around a tense breakfast table after the “morning kiss” Phun planted on Noh without first brushing his teeth. In the context of this chapter however, the opening date night afterglow is the bridge from the last chapter and the remaining domestic scene at Pete’s house and his arrival at Earn’s are all bridge material to make the entry into this portion coincide with the larger arc of this story. 

The key to making the series dialogue work in this story rests in Pete’s internal dialogue; and that internal dialogue is used in several similar, yet slightly different ways. For example, in the series dialogue, Pete tells Earn that he walked up to his room after Earn’s mom let him in. Since part of the written story’s bridge material contains that encounter, the set up fulfills the dialogue. It is through this clever detailing repeated many times over that the two stories are woven together. When Earn stumbles off to get his laptop, Pete tells us in his head that Earn’s childish demeanor makes things between them feel like they did back when they were practicing for the event and before all the drama (he may be speaking about both his internal feelings as well as the scene). Again, this “thought bubble knitting” pulls the show dialogue and the written story together. This same technique is employed slightly differently elsewhere in this scene to insert original written story material between show dialogue segments. For example, while Earn is waiting for his laptop to boot up, Pete tells us that they chatted about Pete’s date, etc. Of course in the series this never happens, but here his thoughts give us storylines that keep the big arc aligned within the framework of the series dialogue. Pete does this again when he escapes to the bathroom to sort out his thoughts. In the series he practices how to let Earn down tactfully, but in this story he also thinks of Lhew, and how images of Earn keep blending in with hers. He also inserts the fear and the pain in his heart when he thinks that what he is about to do might end their friendship; all of which once again serve to pull the dialogue naturally into the written story. For a last example, when Earn explains why the other team members cannot attend using the series dialogue, Pete mentally inserts he rationale and criticizes Por for going to the cheap buffet with Hack, a bridge set up from the previous chapter, again all to pull everything together under the bigger arc.

The confusion in this scene over Pete mistakenly thinking that Earn is secretly crushing on him has been cautiously worked toward in the written story’s prior chapters so that the show dialogue not only falls naturally into place in this story, but is actually hijacked to serve and advance it. Pete’s psychological tension in this confused exchange takes on a much wider dimension than it did in the series because we know a far more detailed backstory from reading the prior chapters of this story. We share Pete’s reference to the drunken night of s*x, and we instantly understand his fear realized at the moment when he internally conjectures that Earn might have since remembered what transpired as Pete’s confusion in this scene skyrockets. His pounding heart references not only the conversation dialogue from this scene in the series, but also Pete’s earlier descriptions of his physical reactions to Earn in the written story. Pete again references this backstory knowledge when he discounts his pounding heart and that it might portend his having been falling for Earn for quite a long time. When Earn finally gets through to Pete that he doesn’t like him (in that way) Pete is both relieved and afflicted by a stabbing pain in his chest and we know, from the previous chapters, precisely why. And when Pete doesn’t entirely believe Earn’s denial, we also understand this reaction. The backstory context expands the significance of the series dialogue while making it mesh with the written story. This is accomplished through the themes set down in previous chapters. In essence, we have been unwittingly following a trail of breadcrumbs that has delivered us right to this spot in both this story and the series. 

There is an additional thing of interest happening in this chapter. As Pete and Earn speak the dialogue from the series, it is interpreted through the eyes and experiences of Pete from the story, which tells ultimately, of something that is still developing for him. In the internal dialogue in this chapter the story’s Pete emerges to keep us engaged in what is happening to him as he continues to struggle with his feelings and attractions to both Lhew and Earn. 

After the series dialogue nearly runs its course, we are returned to the written storyline where Pete and Earn eat lunch, Card eventually shows up and their project and homework get finished. Pete’s internal narrative sets up the chapter conclusion with his desire to patch up the day’s misunderstandings and the series dialogue is tapped for this purpose once again. After Earn tells Pete to forget about what happened because they are friends, Pete is both relieved and saddened. He neither wants to go home to an empty house nor hangout with Earn. He has only the desire to lose himself in something. This close gives us back the Pete we started with and all of his internal conflicts. By allowing his desires and a few vague signs and signals to cloud his judgment in this chapter, Pete jumps to an erroneous conclusion that what he both desires and fears with Earn is about to come to pass. Although his attempts to defer the situation comically blow up in his face, in the end he is left relieved, but saddened and emotionally exhausted. It seems that the next chapter is set up to make a big event happen. I sure hope I’m right.

 

Chapter 13: Bare 

Pete in turmoil at the close of the last chapter, so it is no surprise that this one starts with Pete in much the same conflicted condition. His desire to lose himself in something remains, but he is now on a search for answers. Earn’s status of “just friends” is both reassuring and troubling to Pete and he is bothered by the reasons for his feelings. Card’s concern for his friend is really endearing, and it is a sweet testament to Pete’s intelligence and sensitivity that he understands this even in his current state. (Btw - It’s gratifying to see that the work put into these side characters in the prior chapters is being put into play to expand the nature of their friendship in this chapter as well as move the story along.) But Pete knows that relying on his friend in this circumstance holds risks he is unprepared to take at this point and decides to go off drinking on his own. A decision that proves to set up the major event I sensed coming at the conclusion of last chapter.

So Pete updates his FB status with a vague plea for sympathy and then drives to the pub where they celebrated following the soccer event and plants himself at a table with enough beer to drown his sorrows. As he begins his alcohol “mind cleanse” in earnest, he struggles with trying to understand how his life has gotten to the point where he is dating a girl he’s genuinely enamored with while pining for his best friend. He now knows and acknowledges that he has feeling for Earn that go beyond friendship, but struggles to understand how it is possible. The next piece of his puzzling journey falls into place when Lhew, upon seeing his FB status, messages him with her concerns for his wellbeing. Reluctant though he is, he decides she needs to know he has feelings for someone besides her, and agrees to have her join him for drinks and talk. I think this is very believable for his character, even though he is in the midst of a personal crisis. He desperately needs to figure out what’s happening to him, but he also knows he needs to be honest and up front with her. This is very much in line with Pete’s character as a truly good and intelligent person who treats people he cares about with decency. 

When Lhew arrives her concern is stated directly. Loosened up by a few beers, he tells her that he has feelings for someone else that match the feelings he has for her (pointedly avoiding that it’s Earn – more about this later). While Pete senses that this information dampens her mood, to her credit as a strong and independently minded person, she tells Pete that she is fine with an open relationship, just as long as he pledges to let her know first if he chooses the other person and that they remain friends in that event (damn Pete sure knows how to surround himself with quality people!). 

From this point, things quickly escalate. A drinking game ensues (I have to say I think at this point too much alcohol is being slurped down, but you know how I feel about this issue already), and they end up spilling previously unshared facts about themselves. The cutest thing we learn from this is why Lhew calls him penguin, and the story behind it is really adorable. This revelation, accompanied with the other things they’ve shared (not to mention all the drinking >__<) does have an enchanting effect on Pete. The drinking continues and Pete admits in the course of the game that he’s never had s*x. Lhew is both surprised and not surprised by this admission, noting that she’s aware of how he talks and feels about his close circle of friends, mentioning Earn by name. This reminds Pete of the whole dilemma that brought him to bar in the first place. His solution is distraction, and so they hit the dancefloor. What could be described as a bit of dirty dancing ensues and while Pete is charged up by Lhew and their intimate dancing, he still fights with thoughts of Earn. As his conflicted feelings rise along with his inebriation, Pete tamps them down by getting more physically intimate, passionately kissing Lhew on the dancefloor. As time passes, and with passions aflame, he asks her to spend the night, and they are soon driving (drunk I might add – at least four beers and half a bottle of liquor – my ghad!) to Pete’s empty house (thanks mom and dad for going out of town). The passion builds and builds as their raises the intensity of their emotions and physical lust, and Pete finally has what he wants, an obliteration of his mental dilemma as he becomes totally engrossed by their love making (kudos for having them use a ). His mental release is short-lived however, as he spies the empty side of his bed and images of Earn storm back into his consciousness along with a sense of guilt. The chapter closes with Pete wiser for his feelings, but just as conflicted about what they mean and what to do about them.

Holy cow! This chapter is an E Ticket ride if ever there was one (that’s an old reference to how Disneyland used to sell ride tickets, the E Ticket rides being the best and most intense ^__^). Addressing first the why, well, Pete wanted to lose himself in something. That was his stated goal, and he did accomplish that, even if his success was ever so fleeting. I find what transpired quite believable. Putting intoxication aside, is Pete using Lhew in this situation? In a way he is, but not in a decidedly callous, calculated or manipulative manner. Pete is trying to escape his emotional conflict by distraction (which is not the purest of motivations), but he is 17 and trying to figure himself out while not fully comprehending the complete picture. The fact remains that Pete is genuinely attracted to Lhew both personally and physically. He’s been honest and open with her about having similar feelings for someone else, and although that person remains unnamed, I believe it has more to do with Pete wrapping his head around it being a guy as opposed to any nefarious or manipulative reasons on his part. Furthermore, if Pete is truly bis*xual, then having his first complete (i.e. penetration) experience with a woman is endorsed from a societal point of view. Societies differ in how s*xuality (in all its vicissitudes) is embraced, but opposite s*x coupling is clearly the favored expression in most societies, so an inexperienced bis*xual Pete would, alcohol or not, tend to gravitate to this expression first as a path to deciphering his s*xual identity. The bigger issue, of course, and the one that is hanging over Pete and Lhew as a result of this coupling, is what will this mean tomorrow. We don’t know the answer to this huge question. Pete’s feelings for Earn have not budged as a result of what just transpired (illustrated by Pete’s feelings of guilt to him), but we don’t know if what just happened has changed how he feels about Lhew, or how hers may have changed toward Pete. 

We start with tension. We end with tension. While Pete got some answers tonight, they are dwarfed by the big questions waiting tomorrow. I give you a lot of credit for taking the story in this direction. There will be readers that have issues with this, but many of the fans who read your fiction and who are in it for the long arc of this story will understand and maintain their faith in your work. The complexity you’ve built into Pete’s character makes this closer and closer to the messy way we all live our lives in the real world and makes it that much easier to identify with this struggling and likeable, nay loveable, hero. Great Job! smile emoticon

 

Chapter 14: Recognition

This is the day after chapter where we get to find out how Pete and Lhew are feeling and thinking. As it turns out, there are some things falling into place for Pete, while others seem to be falling out of place. Lhew gets some confirmation of her status with Pete and a “push” regarding Earn.

Pete wakes up to the smell of food and finds that Lhew has taken the initiative to cook them breakfast. He’s in an elevated mood after thinking over his first time, but then, as we have so often read on these pages, thoughts of Earn emerge once again, and Pete is puzzled over his feelings of guilt. After some pretty funny good morning banter, Pete and Lhew sit down at the kitchen table to eat where Pete gets a text from Earn apologizing for the awkwardness of the previous day along with committing to Pete that he’ll tell him who he likes when he’s ready. The text makes Pete smile, and Lhew catches it. She then openly tells Pete that she knows the text is from Earn, and then the bombshell, that she knows he’s the other person Pete told her he likes. Pete is shocked by her perceptiveness, and when asked, she explains how she deduced it was Earn. (I knew I liked her!) The upshot of this revelation is the conversation that follows wherein Lhew helps Pete decipher and acknowledge that he is bis*xual. Though Pete’s initial reaction is to think of himself as a freak and a ert, Lhew helps him understand that his attractions are not abnormal and that acknowledging this has not changed the person he was yesterday. Her insight into Pete is not only necessary to help him figure himself out, but it is handled in a levelheaded yet tender way. She coaxes him along supportively which speaks to her character qualities, especially since we already know that her emotions are being hurt by the knowledge that Pete has feelings for Earn. Lhew knows how she feels about Pete and cares enough about him to react by supporting and nurturing him, stepping around the issue of what impact it has on her own status with Pete. To my way of thinking, she’s by far the most interesting character in this story.

Following their “breakthrough” breakfast, they drive to Lhew’s house in time to get her ready for school. Their conversation along the way includes a story about Por dancing for drinks and cautions about addressing Card by his full name, but Lhew points out that Pete seems reluctant to mention Earn at all. When Pete denies it, she calls him on it, clearly favoring a direct approach. She wants Pete to sort out his relationship with Earn, but Pete doesn’t know if Earn even likes other guys noting that the only inkling he has comes from the night they got drunk. In the end he tells Lhew that he and Earn are friends first, and that he’ll bring it up when time is right. He then pointedly tells her that she’s the one he likes and is dating now, however she reminds him of the promise he made to keep her in the loop if his feelings change away from her and toward Earn. After he drops her off he decides to stay the course, while trying to find out who Earn likes a quickly as he can so that he can make his own decisions which way to turn. 

While the previous night has clearly brought Pete and Lhew closer together, it has done little to sway Pete in either direction. Lhew is still holding an open door for Pete, and is certainly supportive of helping him sort out his internal feelings and desires; however she’s beginning to feel the tug of her emotional involvement in a love triangle. She trusts Pete to be honest with her as best as he can, but she has to reaffirm their agreement to protect her heart from disappointment.

From this point on, the series pretty much takes over (LS2, Episode 9) and we live through the battle over the cuttlefish and its aftermath. It’s a nice tie to the series, and serves its purpose. The addition of a conversation between Card and Pete breathes some life into these familiar events and uses the prior development of the Pete-Card friendship in previous chapters to expand the story. This short-lived addition returns us to the events of the series where Pete makes a successful peace offering of squid to Earn in the cafeteria at lunchtime. In between the spoken dialogue from the series we at least get a peek into Pete’s worried feelings that Earn may stay mad at him over spilling the dried cuttlefish as well as his physical reaction to Earn’s hand rubbing his head as he teasingly signals his forgiveness. The scene ends here in the series, but in this story Earn starts asking Pete about why he wasn’t online the previous night. Pete avoids telling him what he was really doing and changes the subject. Pete also gets drawn away by the Angels as they solicit advice for their ideas about the Christmas Fair. Within this setting we get another peek into Pete’s inner thoughts and feelings regarding the Angels and how they are treated around the school, and he actually shows admiration for their clever subversion of their situation into an advantage. It’s a nice addition to the chapter and once again shows us what a good and decent person Pete really is. (Lhew has reasons to trust him.)

Pete returns from the Angels to find that Earn has left the cafeteria and Pete gets to name drop of bunch of characters from the series into the story. These mentions make the story tie into the series, while elements of the series’ storyline are also incorporated. Pete makes it to class in time to turn in his assignment and then leave with Earn and Card to collect Hack and head off to practice for the Live Concert auditions. There’s light playfulness in the air and they make Hack’s day when they show up at his classroom to collect him personally. Earn even manages to teasingly wink at one of Hack’s classmates as he works the crowd. The playfulness continues as they mess with Hack telling him stories about the Cheer Club Camp trip they take at the end of each year. It’s a nostalgic reminiscence for Pete, and as his mind drifts to their morning swims in the lake, he wonders how his recent self-realization might complicate things this year. Pete acknowledges that a lot has happened these past few days, but feels with the support of Lhew and Earn, he could get through it. The chapter ends with “Who knew things would get even more complicated over the next few days?”

The last sentence in the chapter makes it sound as if Pete is telling the story in retrospect (how else could have gained the perspective to make that statement?), while in the rest of the story he seems to be vividly struggling to understand and live through real-time experiences. There is something that does not feel right to me about that. I suggest a modification to the final sentence to avoid the contradiction.

I think the psychological arc Pete makes in this chapter is credible, but extremely condensed. While subjects differ in how they identify, acknowledge and incorporate psychological realizations concerning themselves (and especially regarding their own s*xuality), plus factor in cultural standards, doing it all in the course of one day seems unrealistic. Going from acknowledging his bis*xuality over breakfast, to being able to attend school and actually function like it almost never happened is hard to reconcile. It would require time and considerable emotional resources to reach that level of psychic stasis. I know Pete has actually been building up to this point in the story before this specific day, but his emotional growth in one day seems overstated. Buddha may have attained enlightenment by meditating overnight, but that was after 6 years of ascetic training. I am confident that few readers will share my observation, and the need to move the story forward is certainly pressing. I suggest no changes.