Chapter 3: Sunlight

As I commented on your last chapter, I like the steady pace of the story very much. It suits the casual exchanges Pete and Earn share. I thought the wake up scene was handled particularly well. When Pete awakens with Earn's head on his chest and an arm and leg over him, my heart skipped. I thought, What? Wait, did I read that right? Is this a watershed moment? Then Pete simply and matter-of-factly goes on to relate the interactions that follow for a few paragraphs, while I'm hanging with excitement going wait, what the hell just happened? Then Pete finally turns to explaining the backstory and how they ended up that way. I enjoyed that suspense a lot. I also loved the scene at the breakfast table with Pete's mom and the housekeeper. I thought the whole exchange between Earn and the housekeeper was really cute and reinforced how close Earn is with Pete and his family. Again, very casual and inviting dialogue and the humor of the two ladies shouting to each other and waking up Pete's father while the boys squirm and trade looks at how animated everyone's acting was also intimate and fitting. The jumpsuit scene is a nice touch too, as well as Earn smiling as he anticipates seeing his plan for Noh to be his attendant at the event play out in his mind (thinking of him as his wife - LOL). Those are nice links to the novel and the series and help hook and pull us into the future storyline to come. I like that too, very much. Now I have to honestly share that I do have an issue with the wake up scene. You previously had Pete show signs that he had experienced unusual reactions to some of his interactions with Earn (Pete looking at Earn and feeling uncomfortable/nervous, Pete noticing his heart beating a little too fast, Pete feeling nervous about Noh replacing him as Earn's closest friend, etc.) all of these events shaking Pete like little earth tremors, and you deftly let Pete ponder their causes and meanings without really coming to any conclusions about them. I love that. Is he starting to realize something about himself? We still don't know for sure. But here's my point - if Pete is beginning a journey to self-revelation, wouldn't having Earn sleeping on top of him hit him like an earthquake? It seems to me that events like that would really force the issue to the surface of his consciousness in far more unavoidable way than the previous examples I cited. So in that sense I feel like the scene, as well done at it is, seems like its in the wrong place in the arc of Pete's journey. I could see it being the "aha moment" for Pete (assuming that's where he's going) or I could see the scene taking place after Pete acknowledges to himself that he has feelings deeper than friendship for Earn but simply stays silent about it while he figures out how to proceed, but simply feeling embarrassed by having Earn's hard c0ck pressed against his leg seems unrealistic to me. I have a degree in psychology, so I am sensitive to these types of issues. I just jumped up and read the other writer's comments and they clearly did not react the same way to the scene that I did, so I believe my reaction is an outlier and that no one else will care. I just wanted to share that with you since I told you I'd honest about my reactions. That aside, this was really enjoyable to read and nicely constructed. I always get a warm feeling from your work. Thank you. :)

Chapter 4: Complement

This chapter fulfills your goal of character building well. The measured pace and comfortable flow as you insert your material onto the known framework of the series fit nicely together. 

The "compliment" scenes were an effective way to reveal more not only about each of the boys themselves, but what they see and think about each other, as well as how they interact. We get a refresher on the kind heartedness and intelligence of Pete as well as Earn's underdog complex (I made that up, but I mean it in a positive way). We get to see Pete offer Earn advice and Earn accept and acknowledge Pete's special relevance in his life. We also get to see Earn, the leader, strut his motivational skills as well as interact with his team in both a harsh and very sensitive ways. The story just flows really naturally, although there may be some lines that Jae Mi will want clean up.

I would like to make a suggestion. I suggest you consider altering the title from "Compliments" to "Complements" purely because I asked you to. Just kidding. I understand your choice, but after reading the chapter several times, it struck me that although you cast them as very divergent personalities, you have also built these two boys into a very close relationship in which they complement each other very nicely. They seem like two important and necessary (albeit distinctly different) parts of a good team. Anyway, that's what I was thinking and why I suggested it. Like when Earn is being harsh on the phone with Por, good natured Pete steps in to remind him that these guys are their friends, not servants, and that the day is supposed to be fun. Then when Earn wants to know why Pete is so confident about their success this day, Pete delivers just the answer that makes Earn spin 180 in mood and he calms down. That's why I suggest complement. 

Always looking forward to more. Thank you. :)

Chapter 5: Drink

This chapter falls right in line with its predecessor. It's a little rambling but it tracks the series in a very weak spot. The good thing is that we get the same tone and cadence of the previous chapters. Of course the focus is all on Pete and what he is seeing and how he reacts to it. He has a revealing exchange with Fi, demonstrating his ability to empathize with someone who had been a previous adversary over the Angels participation in the event but, the crux of this chapters happens afterward.

The main event, and the key character movement in this chapter, is Pete's reaction to the exchange between Phun and Earn down on the field. Pete is forced to watch from afar and attempt to interpret the interaction between the two other boys, revealing his flare up of jealousy disguised in his mind as a defensive and protective attitude. He tells himself his reaction is on behalf of his "friends" but we know it's really all about Earn. It's the fierceness of his reaction (jamming drumsticks up Phun's a*s - ouch!) that betrays him. In fact, his desire to jump the barriers and swoop in from the stands to "save" Earn from Phun is also pretty revealing about the depth of his reaction. His need to close his eyes, to calm himself, reinforces how shook up he is. We get a reprise of Pete's anger toward this incident on the ride to drop Earn off at home as well, again showing just how deep this emotional dig in Pete's side was for him.

The close of the chapter is really sweet and revealing at the same time. How can we not smile and sigh over his sadness (depression actually) as Pete laments the sudden absence of that "ball of muscles" as he affectionately refers to Earn. 

There is a subtle but distinct shift in this chapter in Pete's head which I find really superbly executed. While he has not fully accepted what he is feeling, he has stopped questioning his feelings. There is no more talk of "what am I feeling?" or "where did that come from?" running through his head. This is a very important development for the arc of his character and the direction this story is headed. I hope he doesn't backslide in future chapters. Very nicely written. As always, looking forward to reading more. Thank you. :)

Chapter 6: Offer

This chapter runs apace with the preceding chapters in this series in both style and casualness. Everything in this world happens very naturally and easily, even the drama. But while we move only a small distance along the timeline of events in this chapter, we take a big step in story development with the introduction of Pete's one time girlfriend, Lhew. Three emotional milestones/markers take place for Pete in this chapter.

Pete arrives late at the post tournament party and quickly starts downing dubious amounts of beer and mystery drinks. He finally finds his cheer teammates sitting with Earn and joins them for more drinks. He gets to be present when Noh runs by to reveal a bit of the backstory of the deal they had and Pete put 2 +2 together and adds up the scene earlier in the day with Phun pestering Earn. Noh's attentions towards Earn, fan some of Pete's emotions and Earn catches Pete unconsciously staring at him. After Earn tries to feed Pete, Pete admits that his chest is fluttering. Thus marks the first emotional milestone in this chapter.

Pete and his friends get up to dance where Pete runs into Lhew, literally, who is also out on the dance floor with her friends. They are initially surprised to see each other after not speaking for 4 years, but Pete notes that they were more like friends back then and mostly just shared common interests. They end up outside talking where an admittedly drunk Pete flirts with Lhew. He notes that she had not changed a bit since junior high, except that now she's a full blown hottie, and he feels sweaty as they talk. He gets her number after she grabs his phone and adds it calling herself Cute Lhew ;3 ensuring that they will be seeing each other again in the near future. So passes emotional milestone number 2.

Immediately after the foregoing, Pete sees Card smoking a ways away and joins him to hang out. He looks in through the window to see Earn sitting with the band members and hanging onto a slightly intoxicated Noh. Pete admits to being bothered and heated by seeing them hanging onto to each other as well as hearing Earns peels of laughter. And so passes emotional milestone number 3.

I think we get a very clear sense that things are getting complicated rather quickly for Pete. The road ahead is looking like it might have a big fork in it, or maybe it won't. We don't know, but we know it's going to be interesting to watch it play out. As casual as the events of this chapter spill out, the tension is building as is our interest in where this is going. Very nicely done.

I liked everything about this chapter, but I can see some readers feeling that it is too long. Part of this is the short timeline issue I mentioned earlier, but there are also passages that while present and entertaining, can be seen as non-essential. For example, we know why Pete is late to the party because Ohm gave vague instructions, do we really need to see the exchanged texts? There are other passages of dialogue that add non-essential facts that I enjoyed, but don't really need to be here. Anyway, if you find any merit in this comment, there are places to trim.

I look forward to where this is headed. You've managed to throw a very interesting twist into the Pete/Earn storyline. I applaud your willingness to take on this novel approach and can't wait to see how long you maintain the tension this adds. :)