I grabbed my mobile and dashed out of the house as fast as I could. There were cars everywhere and I could hear drunk men arguing from several streets down, which led me to think about the bad things that could possibly happen to an unaccompanied, drunken girl. But thinking about such things only made me restless.

I dialled Dahyun’s number once again, and she picked up within a matter of a few seconds.

“Oh, it’s you again!”

“Dahyun, describe where you are.”

“I can see a black cat, and it keeps staring at me—”

“Do it properly, damn it,” I hissed back, sprinting to different streets.

“It’s quiet here, June. I can’t see anyone.”

“No cars?”

“No cars.”

“What’s the name of the street?”

Without even meaning to, I ended up in a completely different subdivision from ours. And I was already breathless from running so fast.

“Um, I can’t read it.”

“Damn it, Dahyun,” I muttered, exhausted. I slowed down, but I kept looking around nonetheless. There was absolutely no sign of her. “I can’t find you. Can you describe the place a little better?”

“There’s a huge elephant here, some monkeys and a lot of zebras. The elephant keeps looking at me. But it’s fine because it’s real friendly, you know? Damn, it’s like a safari here. I don’t know if there’s a safari park in Seoul, but damn, June, I’d really like to go if there is. I heard from one of my classmates in biology that safari parks in Africa are…” Drunk, Dahyun rambled on about safari parks, and I kept searching for her.

A few minutes later, and it finally came to me: the playground.

The breeze blowing wafted over me as soon as I saw Dahyun, sitting on one of the swings, and ever so slowly I began to feel calmer. The gloomy feeling that had swept through me had disappeared. Though there was still a bitter aftertaste.

“Oh, you found me!” she beamed.

My body was listless, my legs swollen. I felt as if I’d swallowed an overcast sky. But the feeling of relief was greater than all of those things.

“C’mon, let’s go home now.”

Dahyun stood up stumbling, and soon she stretched her arm out as if she was reaching out for a hug. “I fell a few times already. I don’t want to walk, so give me a ride on your back instead. I won’t throw up on you or anything, I promise! Just this once, hm?”

. . .

“Hey, June, I’m sorry.”

A gentle wind swept past us, carrying the smell of a familiar takeaway place.

We crossed the road, and the cars continued moving along. The sky was darker, the cloud cover thicker than before, the moon invisible, and the light that shined from the city was far more attractive than it was during the day. Light that came from the cars, the buildings, shops, houses and streetlights—as if merged together to create a beautiful urban set. Like a brightly lit candle in the middle of a dark room.

“For what?”

“For calling you this late.”

I scoffed. “It’s alright.”

“I really am sorry.” Dahyun continued.

“I know already.”

Dahyun narrowed her eyes and smiled, tiny wrinkles appearing around her eyes. “You’re really interesting, you know? After all these years, you still talk like the first time we met.”

“I wonder.”

“I wonder,” she imitated. “The way you talk is so polite—so distant. You still haven’t dropped the honorifics, too. Are you still uncomfortable with us? Or perhaps only with me?”

“It’s just how I talk.”

She smiled and joked, “I hope you’re telling the truth.”

I didn’t reply after that.

“Are you annoyed?”

“Waking me up at two, asking me to go find you, and now making me give you a piggyback ride? Of course I’m annoyed.”

“Am I that heavy?”

“My whole spine feels like it’s going to crumble down any moment now.”

Dahyun laughed and gave me a whack on the back of my head. “You’re an .”

I felt her breath whenever she spoke, and the fact that her face was touching my neck almost drove me crazy. I had to remind myself every now and then, that Dahyun was drunk. She didn’t care if her face was touching my neck, or if her breath were reaching my cheeks. Heck, she didn’t even give a damn if her arms were wrapped too tightly around me.

I had to remind myself, over and over again.

The only heart which was leaping that night, was mine—not hers.

For the rest of the journey home, Dahyun just clamped shut and simply rested her chin on top of my shoulder. I wanted to ask her a lot of things. Why she left Hanbin’s apartment alone while she was still drunk. Why she stayed over in the first place. Why she chose me to find her, instead of calling Tzuyu, Chanwoo or Jiwon. But I could already tell that all kinds of thoughts were whirling around in her head, so rather than interrupt them I kept silent and kept walking.

“Everybody left so early,” she suddenly told me, half mumbling. “And I thought, ‘, I have to go, too.’ But I never found the chance to leave.”

“How come?”

“I think I wanted to prove something.”

Dahyun stalled for some time, and I could only keep quiet, then. She was searching for the right words.

“I wanted to show him that it didn’t shake me. And that he doesn’t need to feel awkward around me for being with her.”

“But I’m sure he already knew that.”

She shook her head.

“It’s because of me that Hanbin didn’t introduce her to us until now, even though she came back four months ago. It shouldn’t have taken him that long, June.”

The wind picked up once I turned the corner to our subdivision. It was much quieter than the other roads we passed that night. There were no cars on the road, and all the lights from the houses were turned off. The silence was almost unnerving.

“So once again, you hurt yourself,” I finally said. “So that things will turn out better for everyone, you third-wheeled the guy you love and his girlfriend for a whole night.”

“But I don’t love him. At least not anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter. Third-wheeling your first love and his girlfriend isn’t an ideal situation either.”

Dahyun remained silent for a while, and suddenly burst into tears. I could just about feel her tears slowly dampening the yoke of my t-shirt.

She cried quietly on my back, but I just kept walking.

“If you knew that, then why did you leave me there on my own, June?”

. . .

When we arrived outside her front porch, Dahyun suddenly realised that she had forgotten her house keys back in Hanbin’s apartment. Her parents were away for the weekend, which meant that there were no other ways to get inside. So after stalling for a while, I told her that it was already too late to walk back, and suggested the idea that she stayed over at my house for the night and collected her bag from his apartment in the morning. She accepted my offer with no hesitation.

We didn’t speak much when we entered my house. We were careful not wake my parents up and soon parted ways with a simple goodnight. Dahyun slept in my bedroom, and I stayed downstairs in the living room. When I checked the clock, it was already five. I went to the kitchen, drank a glass of water, snuggled into the couch, and closed my eyes. But sleep wouldn’t come.

I drew the curtain aside, and there was the sky, starting to glow with brilliant splashes of colours. I knew I wouldn’t get back to sleep. So, once again, I grabbed my shoes and headed outside.

. . .

“I’m a little surprised,” Hanbin said, upon opening the door and inviting me in. Things were pretty quiet at that time, considering it was only half past six in the morning. “What’re you doing here? Did you forget something?”

“Dahyun left her house keys,” I said. “I came to get it for her.”

“It’s over there by the coffee table,” he said, his tone different from how it was a few seconds ago. I knew that Hanbin was confused, but still, I gave him no explanation. I grabbed the keys and made my way out. But before I left his apartment, he stopped me for a moment, and asked, “How come you’re the one collecting her keys for her?”

“She called me last night, crying because she didn’t know where she was. I let her stay at my house when she realized that she left her keys at your apartment. And I was awake anyway, so I decided I’d collect it for her.”

“I offered to walk her home, June, but she said she was fine. She wouldn’t let me—”

“But you let her go anyway,” I cut in. “You let her walk alone, drunk, in the middle of the night. I mean, even if she doesn’t act like it sometimes; even when she swears like that, and acts like nothing ever bothers her. Dahyun’s a woman, too, you know?”

Hanbin froze, fists clenched tight. “Was she hurt?”

“Her knees had cuts on them, so I had to carry her. But she’s fine now.”

“Was she hurt?” he asked again, this time louder—without missing one beat.

I couldn’t help but be frustrated when I finally got the grasp of what he meant. Of course she was hurt, I wanted to say right there. I wanted to snap. I wanted to swear at him in every language that ever existed.

But instead of doing those things, I did what I did best. I stayed silent.

“I’m sorry, June,” he said, without an ounce of insincerity in his voice.

. . .

is it over here //

yes im finally active again haha ^^