Okay, I admit it. I’ve been real lousy replying to your letters, and it’s not because I hate writing. I’ll have you know that I’ve actually been writing a whole lot recently.

Once a week!

Proud of me? It’s kind of a routine now. First week, I write to Tzuyu. Second week, it’s Jiwon. Third, Chanwoo; fourth, Hanbin. And then finally, it’s your turn.

Hey, June, no hard feelings or anything! It’s not that I like you the least. It’s just that I find it the most difficult writing to someone like you. See? Even now, I can’t even explain what I mean by that. But it’s weird, because whenever I miss home, it’s usually your letters that I end up re-reading. It makes me wonder, do you like reading my letters, too? How’s my writing nowadays? Actually, now that I think about it, you never scold me for it anymore. Have I really improved? Heh.

How are things over there?

Your good friend,

                Kim Dahyun.

. . .

It was winter back then, and the early December rain had drenched the city for a whole day.

During lunch, all the students were inside the classrooms fooling around. I read my book, and Chanwoo, as usual, ate his lunch next to me. The heavy downpour from the outside submerged with the brash noise inside our school: the random outbursts of laughter, people screaming and sprinting down the hallways, everybody talking amongst themselves. Even though the weather seemed to make everything else look drab and gloomy, when you were surrounded by such racket, such cheeriness—sometimes you couldn’t help but feel happy instead. 

And then all of a sudden a sharp, ear-piercing scream cut through the commotion.

The scream came from outside.

The classroom went silent for a second, with all the people quiet and confused, looking at one another to confirm if they had all heard the same sound, but then a greater uproar arose when everybody rushed to the windows to see what it was. Chanwoo grabbed my arm and we both hurried along with everyone else. There were three girls in front of us, but we had a good view of what was happening outside.

Some girl was stood in the rain, face terribly pale and hands shaking furiously. Her bag was teared open on the ground with all of her belongings ripped to shreds and drenched in mud water. Lipstick snapped in half, textbooks torn to pieces, gym clothes tattered. Certainly, it really was an unusual sight on a Friday afternoon, but what really shocked me was seeing Kim Dahyun stood opposite of the girl. Her eyes had looked entirely flat, no sentiments behind them whatsoever, while the girl’s had raged with anger and fear. Did Dahyun do that to her? was the question on everyone’s minds back then. The answer became clear in a second.

Because suddenly Dahyun spoke. “Try repeating what you said earlier.”

No response.

The girl wiped her face, and you could tell she finally mustered up the courage to speak. “Damn you—”

Dahyun’s arm reached out and gave her a shrill whack on her cheek. An echo, and then, silence. The girl’s pale face had immediately turned red. Some people around me gasped in shock, while most just kept quiet, watching the scene closely and gulping nervously. Nobody even dared getting the teachers.

“Try repeating what you said earlier,” Dahyun said again. Her voice monotone, and her stare calm.

It was true that Dahyun was the kind to lose her temper easily, screaming like a little child when she was scolded by her parents, face turning pink out of anger if her father didn’t give her what she wanted, sobbing and swearing when she couldn’t take it anymore. She had a reputation of a spoiled child in our neighbourhood. But right there, as she said those very words, chills suddenly ran through me.

In all the time I’d been around Dahyun, I hardly ever saw her that mad.

I looked around me, to find no sight of Chanwoo. Normally, I wasn’t the type to get involved in things that didn’t have anything to do with me, yet almost out of reflex I found myself pushing through the crowd, running through the corridors and heading towards the scene. By the time I got there, the girl was already forced down on her knees, with Dahyun’s hand clutched tightly onto her hair. 

“Dahyun, that’s enough,” I said cautiously as I walked towards them. “Let her go now. Everyone’s watching.”

Dahyun looked at me for a second, and then at the classroom windows, where a whole crowd of people turned away just to avoid meeting her stare. She tilted her head back to the girl. And suddenly, with a quick movement, Dahyun released the girl’s hair with force, pushing her back and causing her to land on the ground.

With that, she walked away, and I somehow found myself trailing behind her.

. . .

“Are you just gonna keep on following me, June?” Dahyun suddenly spoke, her back turned to me. We aimlessly wandered around the busy part of the city. The clouds had cleared up and the sun had come out, but Dahyun was still drenched.

I didn’t know where we were headed.

I swallowed, beginning to feel nervous. I felt like I was balancing on a tightrope. I either fall, or get to the other side. “Do you want me to stop?” I asked. “Should I go?”

“Jeez, at least buy me food or something, y’know,” she replied, tone back to normal and all. “Damn, I didn’t even get to eat lunch today, and I left my money at school.”

“Um.”

“Oh, boy.” Dahyun stopped, turned around and looked me up and down. “You don’t have money either, do you?”

I nodded.

She heaved a heavy sigh, and her eyes softened up. “Have you eaten lunch?”

I shook my head. “I was about to, until you—”

“Do you even know how to cook stuff?” she cut in.

“Cook what?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Stuff.”

I shook my head once more.

“You really are hopeless, June. But good thing that you have me, huh?” she teased, flashing a mischievous smile—the kind that shaped her eyes into pairs of crescents.

“I mean, I would have been eating my lunch right now if you hadn’t caused a scene back there,” I remarked.

She simply scoffed, and murmured, “Yeah, okay, but look who’s following me, nevertheless.”

. . .

We finally reached Dahyun’s home after a good ten-minute walk in the city.

It was a large house; oak pastel flooring, white walls, open space, modern and cool—full of huge windows. The group always went to Dahyun’s house whenever we wanted to hang out, playing pool in her basement, lounging in her kitchen, so I was no stranger to it all.

While pondering inside Dahyun’s house, I noticed the hollow echoes that my feet made when walking on their floor, different compared to the creaks it would make inside my own house. There was something about it that churned my stomach.

It was those thoughts that always pushed through in my mind whenever I entered her home. It was too big for somebody like Dahyun, who had no siblings and whose parents always seemed to be away. I thought that maybe it bothered her, too, or perhaps maybe she was already too used to it. But still, no matter how hard I tried to shake it off, there was always something unsettling about her house. It was considered a family home, but it reminded me too much of a bachelor’s pad.

Dahyun made food, while I was busy reading a book. A book called Rabbit, Run by a man called John Updike. It was part of the bundle of books that my father brought home. It was a wonderful book, uniquely written, and I absolutely took any chance I had to continue reading it.

“Rabbit, Run?” Dahyun asked, looking at the front cover. “Is it any good?”

“It is.”

She continued staring. Like a little child gazing at a toy, waiting for somebody to give it to them.

“You can borrow it after I’m finished with it,” I finally told her.

“No, thanks. You know that reading’s a chore for me,” she said, a smile gracing her lips. “But…”

“But?”

“I want to hear about it,” she said. “Tell me about the book once you finish reading it.”

I scoffed. “Why would you want to hear about that?”

“Just because.”

I kept on staring at her.

“Sometimes I really do wonder what goes on inside that head of yours, June. Y’know?”

I shrugged my shoulders in return, and focused on the book again. Dahyun went on preparing instant noodles, her back to me.

“Thank you for stopping me back there,” Dahyun suddenly said. She was stood still for a moment. “Who the hell knows what I would’ve done if you hadn’t been there. I made myself look bad in front of everyone. The delinquent girl with the pink highlights. Doesn’t sound bad, huh?” 

“Doesn’t sound bad at all,” I scoffed. “But no need to thank me. Chanwoo, Tzuyu, Hanbin and Jiwon—they would’ve done the same thing. I was the nearest to you when it happened, that’s all.”

“Still,” she said, and then she stayed quiet for a while. “Do you think he was watching as well, June?” Her eyes suddenly gleamed with curiosity.

It took me about a second to understand what she was talking about, and when I finally did, I took a careful approach.

Of course Hanbin was watching.

Everybody was watching. 

“I don’t know. But even if he was, what are you worried for?” I continued. “He isn’t the type to judge someone so quickly. Especially if it’s you.”

Dahyun stood there thinking, her eyes focused on something else other than me. “I wasn’t worried about what he thought. I was just wondering if he saw, that’s all.”

“Sure,” I scoffed.

“Whatever.”

And then, like always, the conversation turned another direction. Dahyun started talking about something else, something so vague that I could barely remember. She made it clear that she didn’t want to talk about the incident, or why she did those awful things to that girl. So I was careful to avoid that subject.

After we finished eating, I simply thanked her for the noodles, and went on home. And at home, I pondered on more about the events that happened that day.

Dahyun liked attention, but she wasn’t the type of person to humiliate somebody, especially not in front of a large crowd. So I kept on wondering, then, just what exactly did that girl do to push her that far?

Soon enough, without even meaning to, I found the answer.

. . .

keep your head up //

i only realised that the last time i updated this was roughly about 6 months ago. so many things has happened recently, from exams to personal stuff, and whenever i tried to write something i'd immediately find myself giving up.
i'm kinda back for now, and i'll honestly try to update as often as i can. thank you for all of your encouragement. ^^