I looked up at the tedious sky, and my eyes traced the raindrops which fell on the puddles, forming multiple ripples. The breeze flowing under our umbrellas suddenly turned cold, its dampness sharp against the skin.

The school year officially ended with a rainy day in summer, and on the way to Dahyun’s house, we ended up sharing two umbrellas between the six of us. I was under the transparent umbrella with Hanbin and Chanwoo, while Jiwon, Dahyun and Tzuyu shared the black one. We were behind the three of them.

“Hey, don’t you punks find it weird that this is the last time we’ll all be walking home from school together?” Jiwon asked. “And on a day like this, too.”

Something tugged at my chest, so I chose to stay quiet and waited for somebody else speak instead. But to my surprise, everybody did the same and carried on walking in silence.

Jiwon chuckled, and ruffled the back of his head. “I didn’t say that to bring the mood down.”

We still stayed quiet.

“Okay, you freakin’ miserable s I—no—we knew it was going to be like this. So let me tell you this, do you know what I have inside my bag?”

We shot him a look, and a mischievous grin tugged on his face.

“I’ve beer inside my bag,” he said, smiling. “And lots of it. It’ll be our first time drinking together as a group! How ‘bout that, huh?” Saying that had only triggered multiple cheers from us. The gloomy air disappeared, and suddenly it wasn’t so quiet anymore.

“You never fail to surprise me, Jiwon!” Dahyun beamed, offering a smile of admiration and linking her arms with him. We kept walking—this time at a faster pace.

Every now and then, I’d look up to steal a quick glance at Dahyun.

Her sunny smile never wavered despite the rain.

. . .

We ended up staying in Dahyun’s living room because her parents were away for the weekend. We blasted music, talked about things, drank alcohol and got tipsier each hour that went past. Jiwon and Hanbin weren’t unfamiliar to alcohol at all, but for the rest of us, drinking was a new thing. It was awkward at first, but once an hour had past, things became comfortable again. We were usually quiet kids. Whenever the six of us were together, we were always just talking, watching films or sharing the silence. But ever since I’d met the five of them, that night was the first time we’d ever been that rowdy.

“Truth or dare,” Chanwoo mumbled. “Hey, guys!” Stumbling, he turned down the stereo, and proceeded to talk. “Let’s play truth or dare!”

A little drunk, we all sat around the coffee table and tried to play the game properly. The alcohol made us giddy, and somehow everything seemed funnier than it actually was, so it took a while for the game to seriously start.

“I’ll start, then!” Jiwon belted. “June, truth or dare?”

“Dare!” shouted Dahyun.

“Hey, that’s not how the game freakin’ works, he has to pick it himself,” Jiwon hissed, and then after chugging all of his beer and opening another bottle, he repeated, “June, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“What’s the furthest you’ve gone with Myoui Mina?”

“Kiss,” I answered. One side of my head felt strangely heavy, and before I knew it, answering embarrassing questions like those only became easier. I didn’t even hesitate. “Right here,” I pointed at my lips. “On her birthday.”

The five of them jeered loudly. For a moment, I had to wonder why saying that out loud didn’t feel a tad bit embarrassing, and then I finally understood why so many people choose to drink alcohol despite its horrible taste.

For the next one, I picked Chanwoo. He picked truth as well, so I asked him if he had a girl he fancied, and he simply replied with a yes—but he was never going to say who it was.

“Then, I pick Dahyun,” Chanwoo sang, cheeks red and eyes half closed already. “Truth or dare?”

Dahyun, along with Jiwon, seemed to be a lot tipsier than everybody else. A grin took over her face, and she raised her hand and shouted, “Dare!”

Chanwoo seemed to be thinking for a while, which caused Jiwon to whisper something to him. “I dare you to kiss Hanbin,” he finally said, laughing.

I suddenly felt something heavy swipe at my heart.

Dahyun laughed, and then she put her arms around Hanbin—it was there and then that she kissed him in front of us. It happened so fast that the kiss itself lasted longer than her hesitation. He was enjoying it. And I just sat there, looking at them. I didn’t know whether it was because of the alcohol or not, but seeing Dahyun lock lips with Hanbin made me want to puke.

. . .

“Now it’s finally my turn,” Dahyun beamed giddily. She chose Tzuyu.

I couldn’t remember what Dahyun had asked her at the time, or who Tzuyu chose after that round, or who else picked who after that and what kinds of questions they asked each other. I just stopped paying attention altogether.

“June!” Dahyun shook me. “Aren’t ya’ listening? Truth or dare?”

I raised an eyebrow at her. It only seemed like I was spaced out for a couple of minutes, but perhaps it was longer than that. For starters, Jiwon was suddenly topless, Tzuyu was asleep on the couch, Chanwoo and Hanbin were drunk-arguing about a random topic, and there were more empty beer bottles on the floor than there were before.

“Uh, truth,” I said, a little confused. Did I pass out for some time?

“Hm, let’s see,” she groaned. I looked around once more. Nobody was really paying attention to the game anymore. Everybody was doing their own thing. When I looked at Dahyun again, she was peering at me, and she finally said, “Tell me a secret.”

Then, she burst out in a random laughter. I didn’t know what she was laughing about, but her laugh was nice. Full and warm.

I smiled. “You’re meant to ask me something.”

“Uh, okay, fine,” she whined. Her half-open eyes stared at a fixed point on me. “So, why haven’t you asked her out yet?”

Swallowing the unexpected lump in my throat, I paused for a second.

Because of you, was what I wanted say.

But before I could even give her an answer, so abruptly, Dahyun passed out.

. . .

I woke up in cold sweat the next morning. I had a dream that was so frightening that I couldn’t even bring myself to try and remember what it was. So with that, I got up, took a shower and headed downstairs, ready for the first day of summer break. Mother and father were sat around the dinner table and they were just talking amongst themselves. When they saw me, they both stopped in their tracks and shot me a weird look.

“I-I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I drank with the others, and I didn’t realize how late it was already. It was the final day of school and all, and Hanbin and Jiwon aren’t going to be there anymore, and—”

My parents just laughed. “Reminds me of the first time our Jinhwan went drinking with his friends,” my mother said.

“With all the same excuses, too,” my father added, laughing even more. I joined in and sat down with them. “Back then, he must have been younger than you, June, when he came home at sunrise, drunk as any guy could be. You should’ve seen his face the next morning, all flustered and red!”

“’I didn’t realize how late it was already,’” mother rejoiced. “It never changes, huh. It’s always the same excuse.”

I found myself laughing along with them.

It was the first time the three of us ever talked about my older brother in a long time. They hardly told me any stories about him.

“Now, June, just because we were hard on your brother, doesn’t mean we’ll go easy on you, alright? This is your get-out-of-jail-free card. If this ever happens again and you come home at sunrise, we’re not going easy on you, got it?”

Despite telling me off, I couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you.”

. . .

Throughout the summer, all we ever did was hang out and take random train journeys as a group. We drank every now and then, mostly when we had nothing else better to do, but we only did so during special occasions.

I began seeing Mina on an even more daily basis. I even brought her along to one of our train journeys as a group. And before I knew it, things with Mina were taking a serious turn. Of course, that didn’t mean that my feelings for Dahyun were disappearing, either. And that’s what got me all the more confused.

I’ve always been the type of person who had a difficult time trusting people. And yet slowly, Mina was becoming somebody I could’ve easily trusted with my whole being and someone who probably understood me more than anybody else. But when it came to Dahyun, I wanted to understand her more than anybody else. I wanted to be that somebody she could easily trust with her whole being.

Which is why, even when that summer had ended, I never had the guts to ask Mina out, or tell Dahyun how I really felt.

. . .

I’ve something to tell you, June.
The night before I left, I visited that place once more. It was two hours before sunrise, and I had plenty of time to kill. I wanted to call you on the phone and ask you to come with me, but I didn’t want to disturb your sleep anymore. So I just went, and figured I’d just leave you alone on my last day.
So anyway, I went to that place and for a few hours I just sat there, drowning myself with thoughts and such. Thinking about the lousy memories we created in Seoul—the six of us. You know, the train journeys, the times we all just played video games and watched movies or talked or something. I’ve never had such intense thoughts about our circle until then. Tzuyu’s habit of biting her lip when she was confused. Chanwoo’s cranky voice when he’s tired. Hanbin’s intense stare, which only ever softened up whenever he looked at her. Jiwon’s crooked smile. It just kept pouring out! I tell you, June, I was so busy thinking about all those little things that I had completely lost track of time!
Alright, enough of that. So this is what I wanted to say.
When I finally stopped thinking about such things, I looked at my watch for a second, and it read five a.m. or something. And almost out of reflex, I looked at the sky right there and then. The colour of it had changed.
It was a somewhat scary sky. It seemed high. It seemed low. It looked blue. It looked orange.
Gentle and lonely. Something like that.
It was truly frightening. But it was so beautiful at the same time. So striking that I couldn’t even look away—not even for a second. Ever since then, I’ve always wanted to talk about the sky I saw that day. But even if I told someone, I felt they wouldn’t understand.
Thing is, I’d really like to see that same sky again, June.

One day, I’d like to watch that sky with you.

Your good friend,

                                Kim Dahyun.

. . .

i aint running //