Heo PD took a deep drag of his cigarette, exhaling over his head, beyond the edge of the rooftop. He could hear the crew packing up after finishing the opening scene. Surprisingly, one of the idols had managed to solve the silly game the writers had come up with. He liked that her, Song Eun Mi; he could see the spunk in her eyes.

“Mr. Heo.”

Heo PD did not even flinch when he heard Zico’s voice from beside him. “What is it, Mr. Zico?”

“May I have a word with you in private?”

He continued to smoke, filling his lungs with the poison that he was sure one day would kill him but kept the stress and bad moods away. “In private? We’re in the middle of filming.”

“It’s important.”

The tightness in his voice, the narrowed eyebrows, the fierce deadness in his eyes told Heo PD that no matter how much Zico had seen, he was still nothing but a child. He recognized the urgency of youth in him, the ferocity with which he believed life should be lived.

Heo PD remembered having lived like that in a life past (perhaps two). A life before he started worrying about his wife’s failing health, about the bills that accumulated over the years; a life before he had traded the guitar for cigarettes.

“I’m sure it is.” He finished his cigarette, putting it out inside a little leather pouch. He hadn’t emptied it out in a few days, cigarette butts were beginning to accumulate.

“Sir,” Zico glanced around them, lowering his voice. “This is about one of the cast members.”

“For goodness sake, Zico can’t you be professional for once? Whatever your issue is with them could you at least act like they’re nothing to you? Too many people are depending on this program’s success. Do us all a favor and act like an adult.”

Stunned, Zico could only look at him. Heo PD felt slightly guilty for having spoken so harshly, but he had said nothing that wasn’t true. He’d heard of the rumors that followed Zico and Song Eun Mi wherever they went. Having them together was clearly a bad idea, but that’s how the higher ups had wanted it. He had no say beyond that which was to be filmed.

“Listen, if you make a scene, it will get out. You will place yourself at the center of a scandal and bring that other person down with you. In your line of work, a scandal every now and then is good for publicity, sure, but in this case, that would only complicate things for a lot of people.”

He heard his assistant calling him. Placing a hand on Zico’s shoulder as he walked by, he whispered. “I will try to make it easier for you both as long as you behave. For now, do not take car number two.”

Giving him a small pat, Heo PD headed back to work.

Tae Jun watched Zico approach Heo PD. A bad taste spread across his mouth, sliding down his throat, settling at the pit of his stomach.

“Hey,” Eun Mi waved a hand before him. “Don’t mind him.”

“How can I not? He’s only trouble.”

“Oh as if you’re such a model citizen.”

Tae Jun snapped his head around, looking at her with dark, accusing eyes. “Are you comparing me to that piece of—?”

Eun Mi released a deep, heavy sigh, shaking her head. “If you’re so much better than him then prove it. Be professional. Don’t let what happened between him and I affect how you treat him. That’s not the kind of person you are, oppa.”

He knew what Eun Mi meant, knew that he could not bring himself to fully dislike Zico simply because he and Eun Mi didn’t get along. He didn’t like the way he treated her, but he had done a well enough job at the press conference in Hanoi.

“He’s just bad news, Eun Mi-ah.”

“You don’t know that. Just because bad things have happened while he’s around doesn’t mean he’s a bad person.”

Tae Jun’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Are you serious right now?”

Eun Mi shrugged. She glanced at Zico, glanced at him and felt his presence punch her in the gut. Her palms began to sweat, her hands to tremble. She clasped them so that Tae Jun would not see how afraid she was.

“Be professional,” she said, making her way to the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Lady’s room, why? You want to tag along?”

“Don’t sass me.”

Sticking her tongue out at him, Eun Mi made her way out of the crowd. Only after she was safely hidden from any preying eyes inside a bathroom stall did she begin to gasp for air.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Things had gone so terribly wrong again.

She tried to remember her breathing exercises, the kind her therapist always told her she must practice when she felt the world began to swallow her whole. But breathing never helped because she could never get her lungs to work properly.

“C-calm down, Eun Mi. Nothing bad will happen.”

She said a prayer, stumbled through the words, started again, whimpered and clutched her chest. The tiles were cold against her bare legs, the world began to fade and return in warped shapes.

The sudden buzz of her phone made her yelp loudly. She fished it out of her pocket with trembling hands, praying that it wasn’t Tae Jun. The name on the screen eased the pain in her chest, opened up her lungs.

“Hey.”

Taewoon’s voice soothed her. She took several gulps of oxygen, leaning against the stall’s door.

“Taewoon.”

“What’s the matter? Did something happen? Where are you?”

“I’m alright. I’m just a little out of breath.”

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. His voice reached her slowly, treading its way across the phone line to her, deep, gentle, kind.

“Not now, Eun Mi. It isn’t the time or place.”

Eun Mi gripped the phone with a shaking hand. She inhaled deeply, swallowing the knot in , beating down the fear.

“Taewoon.”

“Eun Mi, listen to me, when you have a chance, after your schedules, I’ll come get you. We’ll go out for spicy rice cakes, how does that sound?”

Eun Mi’s stomach growled in response. She blushed even though there was no way Taewoon could’ve heard it. She placed her hand against her cheek, trying to push down the heat. “T-that sounds great!”

Taewoon chuckled. “Eun Mi-ah, hang in there, my dearest.”

If Eun Mi had had any strength in her legs left it would’ve disappeared instantly. She leaned against the door, biting her lip to drown out her squeals. Her smile ripped through, her giggles bubbled out.

Cheering her on wasn’t much, promising dinner didn’t seem like anything at all, but it was all Taewoon could do.

The atmosphere was awkward. Eun Mi stole glances at Choi Jonghoon then stared at one of the cameras with wide eyes. They’d been paired off by drawing lots (although Eun Mi had been specifically instructed to take a certain slip) and she had ended up in the same team as FT Island’s quiet leader.

Each team had been given a shopping list with different groceries they must buy before heading to “Leader HQ.” Eun Mi had felt terrible for Tae Jun; he’d driven off with a sulking Zico in the passenger seat.

Now, with no one else around them, Eun Mi felt the reality of the program settling in. She continued to look around awkwardly, she could even see the captions they would add at the bottom of the screen: Meanwhile, in this awkward silence….Still nothing.

In truth, Eun Mi wanted to ask him so many things, but she knew that she couldn’t assault him with endless questions. Her Primadonna side kept rearing her yellow head. Eun Mi fiddled with her hands, trying her hardest to keep quiet…

And failing.

“Sunbaenim,” she started, “congratulations on your comeback.”

Looking a little surprised, Jonghoon brought the car to a stop at a red light. He turned to look at her, his eyes steady and somewhat shy.

“Uh, thank you.”

In truth, he doubted that the young junior idol beside him even knew just how long and hard FT Island had worked for this particular album. Most junior groups congratulated them out of forced politeness, with very few actually harboring any well-meaning.

Eun Mi jumped in her seat, angling her body towards him. “Congratulations on your FTHX tour, I heard it went really well!”

Jonghoon didn’t know what to say. It had been a while since their FTHX tour had ended and their promotions for Pray were nearing their end. He hadn’t expected her to know so much about FT Island. He felt as if he were about to be swept away by a powerful current.

“You know FT Island?”

“I love FT Island!”

With that Eun Mi started singing a medley of their more popular songs. Jonghoon felt his lips twitch, a happy smile making its way across his face.

“Do you play any instruments, Ms. Eun Mi?”

“I play the guitar, but it’s nothing impressive.”

“Oh, really? The guitar?”

The rest of the ride was filled with talk about guitars and music. Jonghoon enjoyed talking to Eun Mi, she knew more than she had let on. Jonghoon could also see that she played the instrument often from the old callouses on her fingers.

Jonghoon made a point to ask her more about her music later. As he pulled into the supermarket’s parking lot, he spotted another team making their way indoors.

“Ms. Eun Mi, do you know what this program is about?”

“I have no idea.”

He laughed. “That seems to really bother you.”

“It really does. They made us pack and this ‘Leader HQ’ they mentioned earlier—Do you think it’s like some sort of dorm life?”

“Eey, there’s no way!”

“Sunbaenim, please don’t jinx us.”

“What? You’re pinning it on me? That’s ridiculous!”

“What if we do end up in this ‘dorm life’? It’ll just be leaders.”

“That’s an interesting concept. Maybe it’s a survival show. May the best leader survive.”

For some reason, Eun Mi found that statement hilarious. Jonghoon had to wait for her hiccupping guffaws to stop before getting out of the car. He really didn’t believe his comment had been funny at all, but Eun Mi carefully wiped away the laughter tears that had accumulated at the corner of her eyes.

He found himself thinking of her as a little sister, someone that could talk music with him and laugh at the lame jokes he made.

Zico walked beside Tae Jun. He held the list of the things they must buy but he had not read it. The car ride to the supermarket had been made in absolute silence. The cameramen in charge of them felt ill at ease.

Tae Jun stopped walking. Zico came to sudden halt beside him. Somehow, he felt small when he stood next to Tae Jun.

His aura weighed down on him, his dark eyes seemed to penetrate every defense he put up. Though he remained expressionless, he was still really handsome. His dark hair fell across his forehead in sharp wisps, somewhat hiding his thick and sharp eyebrows. He had a sharp nose, and thin lips that were quick to reveal his displeasure.

“Hand me that.”

“Y-yes.”

Zico gave him the list, feeling small and insecure. It was unlike him, to be frightened by anyone, yet there was something about Tae Jun that made him think that he would be murdered swiftly and effectively if he crossed him.

Choi Tae Jun was taller, older, and more experienced than Zico. Usually, Zico did not feel the difference in age, talent, or experience; with Tae Jun, he sensed it to the point where it almost suffocated him with fear.

As he handed him the list, he spotted a Celtic crescent moon tattooed on the inside of his wrist. The black and blue ink were distinct, yet the tattoo was small enough to be hidden by a thick bracelet or watch.

“They’re letting us broadcast our tattoos?”

Tae Jun looked up from the list, briefly glancing at Zico. He noted that he wore a carefully selected outfit that would hide that which should not be there.

Tae Jun scoffed. “Whether or not they let us, I don’t particularly care. They can take the time to censor it out if it’s a problem.”

The camera men exchanged uneasy glances. Zico stared at Tae Jun, the force of his words paralyzing him.

“Hey! Choi Tae Jun!”

Tae Jun flinched, hunching his shoulders. “Aw, .”

Eun Mi stormed up to him, her hands on her hips, a very amused Jonghoon tagging along behind her. “What was that? Are you giving the crew a hard time?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Cover it up.”

“It’s a violation of my human rights.”

Frowning, Eun Mi pulled the smallest ribbon at the end of her braid off. She took his hand, wrapping the blue fabric around his wrist.

“Drop the attitude.”

Tae Jun rolled his eyes, smiling softly. “I was just having some fun.”

“Well stop it. We’re working. Now show me your list.”

“Isn’t that against the rules?”

“I don’t know. And if it is, it’s fine as long as the writers don’t find out.”

“We ditched ours,” Jonghoon said with a grin.

“Eun Mi-ah, what have you been doing?”

“Oh, this and that. Now let me see.”

They exchanged lists momentarily. When they seemed satisfied, Eun Mi returned Zico their list.

“Don’t let his Marine face scare you. He’s really not that tough. See you guys later.”

Jonghoon led the way, with Eun Mi behind him.

Zico turned to Tae Jun, surprise and shock written on his face. “M-Marine?”

Tae Jun shrugged. “They’re not as bad as people think.”

“You already did your military service? When? How?”

“As soon as I turned eighteen.”

Zico fell in step with him, following him down the aisles in stunned silence. He couldn’t begin to imagine himself in the military; the fact that Tae Jun had completed his service so early made Zico feel as if he were falling behind. It was stupid to think that, to compare himself to another based on whether he’d completed his military service or not, but he couldn’t help it.

“Why?”

“Why did I enlist so young?”

Zico gave a single nod.

Tae Jun smiled, throwing a bag of rice into the basket. “So that I could debut with L6 and not worry about leaving them on their own.”

One of the camera men sighed, lowering the camera. “Guys, this definitely won’t air.”

Tae Jun smacked his forehead with his hand. “Alright, let’s try this again. Let’s actually mean it this time.”

Ienna answered the phone on the third ring, soy sauce off her finger as she did so. She didn’t have to look at the screen to know that Eun Mi was the one calling.

“Hello! Unnie, did you finish filming already?”

“For today, at least.”

Ienna sensed the exhaustion in her voice. She put the rice down, listening intently to her leader’s words.

“Unnie, will you be coming back tonight?”

“No, it doesn’t seem like I will.”

“What kind of program is it? Have they told you?”

“Yes, it’s somewhat complicated when you first hear it.”

Eun Mi explained how the leaders were expected to live in a dorm. Every two weeks or so they would be officially filming, but they were also welcome and even encouraged to stop by as often as they could.

“Isn’t it like Roommate?”

“Yes, that’s what we were all wondering, too. It seems like there will be missions for us though.”

“Honestly, unnie, it sounds like a mess.”

“Doesn’t it?” Eun Mi laughed.

Ienna could picture her rubbing her forehead in defeat, a rare sight, but a meaningful one when it appeared. She cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder, proceeding to wash the rice. She felt nervous doing it on her own without Eun Mi’s guidance, but she had been told that she could do it well enough.

She listen to Eun Mi describe the program.

The producers and writers had aimed for a cast that would lure in international viewers as well as domestic, which is why they had created a program with idols as the center. Eun Mi had her doubts about its success in Korea, but she figured that the international fans would really appreciate a program where they could see their favorite idols interact with one another.

Living in a dorm with people she didn’t know made Eun Mi hesitate.

“You have to share a room?” Ienna nearly dropped the rice.

Eun Mi sighed. “Mm. I have to share a room.”

“Unnie, that’s no good! Why did you agree to this? Why did Manager Jo agree to this?”

“I have no idea,” Eun Mi’s laugh sounded somewhat hallow. “Apparently, the companies were aware of what the program entailed. Keeping us in the dark is all part of the concept.”

“What kind of crazy concept is that?”

“We’re all leaders, Ienna. They want to see how we will react to unexpected situations. Give the position of a leader more meaning than just a name.”

“That’s stupid! We selected you as our leader for a reason!”

“The public doesn’t know that. What goes on behind the scenes, the reasons why we were selected to lead, the public knows none of that.”

Ienna shook her head, turning away from the rice cooker and back to the noodles. “It just sounds so flimsy.”

“We just need to trust the production crew. They must know what they’re doing otherwise the program wouldn’t have made it this far.”

“Unnie, who’s sharing a room with you?”

“Chorong unnie.”

She exhale a sigh of relief. “That’s great! Who else is sharing the dorm?”

“Tae Jun oppa is here.”

“Really?! That means that L6 is leaderless tonight as well? Kain oppa is bound to stay up all night without Tae Jun oppa to herd him to bed.”

“Su Jongie is there. From the looks of it, Tae Jun left very strict instructions. Even the managers are under his tyrant rule.”

“Unnie, you make him sound like such a bad guy!” Ienna laughed, taking a noodle and tossing it against the wall. It bounced off, landing on the stove. She frowned at it.

“Ienna, call the girls.”

Ienna did as she was told. ReNA and Chae gathered around the countertop, looking down at the prettiest picture of their leader on the phone’s screen. DAEE lingered by her bedroom door, only joining them when Eun Mi had a rollcall.

“Listen girls, I won’t be coming home tonight. Tomorrow, a small camera crew will follow me. Since we have practice tomorrow, behave as you normally do. ReNA, please help Ienna with the noodles, she’s still learning.”

“Unnie! How did you know? Are you spying on us? Did you leave little cameras around the dorm?”

The thought of Eun Mi having them under surveillance made DAEE nervous. Her palms became sticky. She wiped them on her jeans discreetly as she looked around the room.

“You were arguing with them just a few minutes ago. Don’t forget to clean the kitchen as soon as you’re done. It better not be Ienna doing everything, do you hear me?”

“Yes!”

“Good. I’ll see you girls tomorrow.”

“Good night, unnie!”

Sighing, Eun Mi stared at the device on her hand. Her thumb lingered over her contact’s list, her heart longed to call Taewoon.

“Were you talking to CELESTIAL?”

Chorong smiled at her, offering her an apple. Eun Mi tossed her phone on the bed, suddenly aware of the multiple cameras in the room.

“Yes.”

“Do they give Ienna a hard time?”

“Not at all,” Eun Mi laughed. “They just forget to clean up after themselves sometimes. Ienna is very OCD. She’ll clean everyone’s mess, and by clean I mean that she will throw everything in the trash.”

Chorong’s soft face lit up in surprise. “Will she really?”

“She will. I don’t blame the girls for wanting to rest when they get home, but my mother always said that we have to be responsible for our careers and our housework.”

“She doesn’t sound like a traditional woman,” Chorong said with a smile.

Eun Mi shook her head. “We divide the housework. We’ve always done it. When I was in school, I’d have to clean my room and wash the dishes after dinner every Tuesday and Thursday. My dad would clean the living room every Wednesday. Mom made a chore chart and if we ever wanted to trade chores, we could. It didn’t matter as long as it got done.”

“Wow! That sounds like a very democratic way of running a household.”

The memories of her past life made Eun Mi drown in a bittersweet sea. She looked around the room, seeking a distraction.

“Unnie, have you unpacked yet?”

“Not yet.”

“We should go look at our closet. This room is just for two, right? I think we’ll have more than enough room. I didn’t bring much. If it’s alright with you, we could tell the others that they can use the space we don’t?”

“That’s a great idea. I’m sure Gyuri sunbaenim would appreciate it. Do you have any schedules tomorrow?”

Eun Mi plunged herself into the task of unpacking, allowing Chorong to lead the conversation and laughing along with her. They ended up playing some music, having their own little party in their closet.

Gyuri, Hyolyn, and Jimin found them eventually, joining them without asking a single question.

They weren’t her usual family, but Eun Mi felt safe enough.

DAEE tiptoed out of her bedroom, biting her lip as she closed the door behind her. Ienna was a heavy sleeper, but she wanted to take no chances. She didn’t exhale until she had locked the door to Eun Mi’s bedroom behind her.

She borrowed a simple throw blanket, wrapping herself in it as she settled against a corner of the dark room to wait for his phone call.

Around midnight, it came.

“Hello?”

“Noona.”

His voice made her skin break out in goose flesh. Her heart hammered in her chest, her stomach tied itself up in hot knots.

“Hi.”

“I miss you.”

DAEE did not want to feel this way. She did not want to believe that their relationship was illicit, but in their situation, they had no choice. At least, not now or anytime soon.

“Noona?”

“I miss you, too.”

“Can you sneak out? Hyung just went to bed.”

Eun Mi’s warnings bounced around in her mind. Logic told her to listen.

“Yes. I’ll see you in a few minutes. Same place as last time.”

“Noona?”

“What is it?”

“Be careful.”

DAEE shook her head, slipping out of the dorm with too much ease. She looked over her shoulders too many times, took the longest way to her destination, using as many backroads as she could. By the time she arrived, DAEE wondered if their relationship was worth so much trouble.

As she entered their secret place, he took her by the waist, pulling her into a kiss so passionate, so powerful, DAEE’s mind went blank.

She looked into his eyes, those eyes that were so different and yet so similar to hers.

“Noona.”

His lips crashed down on hers, consuming her.

“W-we can’t.”

He laughed, her cheek. His touched burned her, lured her. “That’s what you always say.”

DAEE sighed, melting into his arms. Giving in a little couldn’t hurt.