Eun Mi tried very, very, very hard not to look in SHINee’s direction. Her heart pounded in her chest, her palms became sweaty. She’d seen them a thousand times in music shows, fan meetings, concerts, and now backstage before official events, but she could never get used to their presence.

SHINee literally shined whenever she saw them. They shined even more onstage. She was really glad that Key wasn’t present, otherwise, she would’ve been a bumbling mess of nerves.

“Noona,” Dae Hyun said with a soft smile. “I think my collar is as straight as it’s going to get.”

“Oh! Sorry!”

Dae Hyun laughed, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. “You should just go talk to them. Haven’t you introduced yourself yet, even as a junior?”

“Of course I did! After CELESTIAL first debuted we had a chance meeting before a filming. It would have been incredibly rude not to greet them then.”

“Aw,” he pinched her cheek gently. “You’re so cute when you fangirl.”

Heat rushed to Eun Mi’s cheeks. She punched Dae Hyun in the stomach (lightly), and then moved on to stand beside Ienna.

“It’s obvious,” Tae Jun said.

“What is?”

“That you’re trying very hard not to look at them.”

Alarmed, Eun Mi cast a quick glance at Onew and Minho. They were engaged in light conversation with the two representatives of EXO, Suho and Chen. Onew listened carefully, the corners of his lips upturned in a kind smile. Minho joked, had cute outbursts, and smiled a lot. Eun Mi could feel her heart fill with warmth.

“It’s obvious,” Tae Jun said again.

“What is?”

“That you’re a hopeless fangirl.”

“Ugh. Just shut up.”

Blushing extremely hard, with her heart fluttering infinitely, Eun Mi turned away from SHINee.

SHINee’s Minho watched the small, black haired girl move around the waiting room. Her hair was too peculiar to forget; a dark waterfall of loose curls that doubled as waves. The momentum of her walk made them bounce or sway depending on her steps. She looked pretty, as always, but there was an unmistakable gloom surrounding her.

“She’s not looking well,” Minho whispered.

“I would imagine so. She’s been through a lot in the past twenty-four hours,” Onew replied.

“Hyung, should we—?”

“We can’t. You know how she feels about this.”

“I know. But if we could just, I don’t know, greet her as her seniors, maybe?”

Onew considered his words quietly. He watched their Shawol straighten up Dae Hyun’s collar, acting more as a coordi noona than an idol. Dae Hyun, the stoic twin, caught his eye and gave him a tiny, almost unperceivable smile.

Tae Jun followed Dae Hyun’s gaze. Onew’s eyes remained steady while Minho’s screamed at him to let them approach Eun Mi.

“If Jonghyun hyung was here, do you think Tae Jun hyung would let us say hello?”

“It isn’t Tae Jun that is keeping us away, it’s Ma Ri herself. You know how she feels.”

Minho’s cute face contorted into a grimace. “I know and I don’t like it. It’s silly. She’s been SHINee World from the very beginning, does she really think we don’t know? Does she really think we wouldn’t figure out that she’s been a loyal fan? Hyung, she can’t really believe she’s as invisible as she thinks she is. Besides, I’m sure she’s dying to get her album copies signed.”

Onew couldn’t help smiling at that. Though Ma Ri had debuted as CELESTIAL’s leader and main vocal Song Eun Mi, she had remained a loyal member of SHINee World. SHINee could see it in her eyes whenever they met her. They thought she would have approached them after debut, but Ma Ri had kept her distance. SHINee only ever saw CELESTIAL’s Leader Eun Mi in public.

She remained respectful to them, a faithful Shawol, only admiring them as idols, never approaching them as individuals.

Tae Jun, as it turned out, used to attend the same high school as Jonghyun. Once he debuted with L6, they’d gotten back in touch; he’d been the one that told them Ma Ri would never approach them.

“She loves SHINee too much. She admires all of you as artists. Approaching you would mean the illusion of SHINee would shatter. You became her anchor, if she loses that, who knows what’ll happen.”

The one that had found that statement outrageous had been Key. He’d laughed loudly, calling it silly, childish, and cowardly. Still, he loved their Shawol Ma Ri too much to go against her wishes, even if he yearned to have a long conversation with her. It was no secret Ma Ri liked Key best, either.

Sighing, Onew shook his head as he turned away from Tae Jun’s even gaze. He smiled at Minho, patting him on the shoulder.

“Minho, let’s not cause her more grief, alright? We need to respect her just as much as she’s respected us.”

Crestfallen, Minho exhaled, pouted, and nodded. “Yes, hyung.”

“Eun Mi-ah!”

“Unnie!”

Eun Mi braced herself against APink Chorong’s sudden love attack. Her arms went around Eun Mi, holding her tightly, securely. Eun Mi patted her back, comforting her. Ienna stood by Naeun, their arms linked.

“Eun Mi-ah, we were so scared for you! Your manager wouldn’t let us see you at the Stadium. Tae Jun oppa said you were okay but I was worried!”

“I’m doing alright,” she giggled, “don’t worry, unnie.”

“Are you sure you’re doing okay?” Chorong’s eyes were brimmed with tears.

She’d really gotten a fright when she heard her friend had been attacked. She checked Eun Mi up and down, turning her this way and that.

Eun Mi laughed softly. “You know me, strong as a horse! I’m an Aztec warrior, remember?”

Chorong pouted. She continued to look her over, not wanting to miss anything. Naeun, who had come along with her, her hair.

“You’ll worry your members,” Eun Mi scolded in a whisper.

The subtly of her cautionary warning made her fellow leader reign in her emotions. Chorong straightened her back, blinked her tears away, and smiled. Naeun visibly relaxed.

“Unnie,” she smiled at Eun Mi, “are you sure you’re okay?”

Eun Mi reassured her, steering the topic away from her and to LUV’s success. Soon, she had Naeun teaching her and Ienna the key points of the choreography. Eventually, she bullied Dae Hyun into learning too.

“Oppa?” Chorong whispered to Tae Jun. “How is she really doing?”

Tae Jun didn’t look at Chorong. He kept his eyes on Eun Mi.

She’d told him that she’d slept relatively well the night before; the lack of dark circles under her eyes confirmed the fact. Tae Jun had been around Eun Mi long enough to detect the tattle tale signs of when she was about to fall apart; to his surprise and great concern, it really did seem as if Eun Mi was just fine. There was a gloom about her, but it wasn’t threatening.

“She seems to be doing alright.”

“I’ll keep an eye on her in the waiting room.”

Tae Jun nodded. “Thanks.”

“Do they have any idea who might have done it?”

Over the heads of his fellow colleagues, Tae Jun locked eyes with Block B’s Zico.

“No,” he said. “They don’t have a clue as to who might have been behind it.”

Chorong understood.

When the time came for them to be ushered into the press conference area, she and every idol present was determined that no rumors would be fueled.

Eun Mi was tense. She tried to sit as still as possible, but her nature never allowed her to stay immobile for too long. If she moved her hands, the reporters might take it as a sign of anxiety. If the played with her hair, she could come across as disrespectful.

She conformed to crossing and uncrossing her ankles. Every so often, a question would be addressed to CELESTIAL, so she cleared and spoke slowly, trying to enunciate every syllable properly.

Korean was tricky; if she wasn’t careful, one word could end up having an entirely different meaning. Eun Mi hated being given handicaps for being a foreigner, so she tried her best. Ienna would help her if she needed it, but so far, she managed.

But it wasn’t the questions or the flashing cameras that had Eun Mi feeling so anxious. It was the fact that she was sitting right beside SHINee. Eun Mi tried very, very, very hard to lower her heart rate, to keep her trembling hands still.

She could feel SHINee’s Flaming Charisma Minho lean ever so slightly forward whenever she spoke as if trying to understand her words better. She tried not to, but she imagined Onew with a passive, gentle expression.

The fact that Block B and L6 were sitting behind her didn’t help either. Whenever they addressed a question to Block B, it was always after addressing CELESTIAL. Eun Mi always handed Zico the microphone with a gentle smile, making sure to meet his eyes.

Everyone knew that the reporters were trying to find some sort of validation to the rumors that had been circulating Eun Mi and Zico’s relationship for the past month.

The meeting with the Vietnamese press was easier on Eun Mi than the one with the Korean. The people of Vietnam felt apologetic towards every idol, especially Eun Mi, that something negative happened during an event that was meant to promote friendliness between two nations. Eun Mi did her best to ease their worries.

When they met with the Korean press, Eun Mi could feel her blood begin to run cold. In Mexico, one of her professors had always instructed them that the best questions were those that carried poison. Preguntas envenenadas, he called them, poisoned questions; the kind that were made while already knowing the answer, the kind that were made to test just how much the other party really knew.

Reporters were cunning. They could proceed with a line of questioning that would eventually confuse the interviewee into contradicting themselves. They say a good liar remembers their lies, so must idols remember what they say in interviews least they dig themselves their own graves.

Eun Mi smelled the poison before it stung.

“Ms. Eun Mi,” one reporter, a short, stout man with a nose too wide and too flat, took his turn.

Graciously, Eun Mi accepted the microphone from Minho, trying to keep her SHINee World excitement from clouding her mind.

“Yes?”

“How is your condition?”

The fierce sound of cameras photographing her reaction sliced the atmosphere. Everyone kept a close eye on her.

“I’m doing very well, thank you for your concern. How about yourself? Have you had a meal yet? I had a delicious bowl of pho yesterday, I highly recommend it!”

Several reporters smiled, others laughed, some even told her she was cute. But this particular reporter smiled rather viciously at her as he pushed his old fashioned glasses up.

“Was that before or after the attack?”

Silence descended upon them with the force of a tsunami. Eun Mi didn’t answer right away. She kept the mic close to her lips, a sign that told them she planned to answer, as she considered her words carefully.

Before she had the chance to respond, the reporter changed gears, aiming his attack at another.

“Mr. Zico, is it true that it was one of Block B’s fans that attacked Ms. Eun Mi? Is it because you don’t like her that your fans took it upon themselves to show it?”

The ruthlessness of his words was followed by a few seconds of utter silence. No reporter wrote or typed, no photographer captured a single shot.

Eun Mi felt someone moving behind her. Zico placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it a little too hard.

“Hand me the mic.”

Their gazes locked. In those three seconds, Eun Mi saw something terrible in them: wrath, pure and chaotic. If she gave him the mic, she knew that Block B would plunge into a scandal that could force them into hiatus again. So, doing what she did best, Eun Mi gave Zico’s hand a gentle squeeze as she turned her attention back to the reporter.

“It wasn’t a BBC,” Eun Mi declared. “BBC do not behave like that, they love and respect Block B. If you take time to pay attention to BBC, you’ll find a very endearing fandom.”

“Are you speaking up for your attacker right now?”

“No, sir, I am not. As far as any of us is concerned, that person could have been anyone. What they wore as they assaulted me could be just as much an attack on Block B as it was on me. The only thing that is for certain is that whoever did it is an anti-fan.”

“Yours?”

“Certainly. I was their target, was I not?”

“Aren’t you being too pompous now? Do you consider yourself that great as to be worthy of anti-fans?”

Zico took the mic from Eun Mi, standing.

“You, sir, have no right to proceed with this line of questioning.”

“Are you being defensive because your fans did this?”

“Whoever did this is no BBC. Even if they claim to be a fan of Block B, I shall never acknowledge them as one.”

“Mr. Zico,” Eun Mi said through clenched teeth. She tried to catch his eye, but he continued to speak, keeping his hand on her shoulder to prevent her from standing.

“So then, could you tell us what your relationship with Ms. Song Eun Mi is?”

“Sure, I’ll tell you.”

Every idol present kept their eyes forward. Eun Mi clasped her hands on her lap tightly. Ienna reached over, placing her hand over hers in an attempt to be comforting. Eun Mi ended up hers to ease her concerned death grip.

“Eun Mi and I just met. We have nothing to do with each other aside from the handful of activities our groups have been in at the same time.”

“Why do you address her so informally then?”

“We’re the same age.”

“Why does she address you so respectfully?”

“He’s my senior,” Eun Mi spoke up. She took the mic Zico offered her and repeated her words. “He’s my senior. Wouldn’t it be rude of me to address him informally when we’re in a work setting?”

“Are you hiding behind your handicap now? Will you say it’s all because you’re a foreigner?”

“Hey, man, ease up,” another reporter said. “Why are you being this rude?”

“You should really shut up now.”

“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”

“Do you think you have the right to harass them this way just because they’re idols?”

“Who do you think you are anyway?”

No one noticed the moment in which Onew silently stood up, left the room, and returned with a group of security. Even the organizers of the event had been too shocked by the man’s fierce hostility towards Eun Mi that they’d sat frozen. The reporters now all turned against their colleague for being so unprofessional.

It wasn’t until security was pulling him out of his seat, escorting him almost forcefully out of the room that some semblance of tranquility returned to the room.

“Let’s take a ten minute break,” one of the organizers said. “We’ll resume afterwards.”

“Mr. Zico,” Eun Mi tugged on his sleeve. “My shoulder if you would, please.”

Zico released her, exiting the room without so much as apologizing. Eun Mi sighed, rubbing the sore area from where he’d gripped too tight.

“Are you alright?”

Eun Mi felt all the air in her lungs disappear into nothingness as she looked up and found SHINee’s Minho’s huge, round eyes focused on her.

“Ms. Song Eun Mi,” he repeated in his gentle and deep voice as he offered her his hand. “Are you alright? Allow me to you out, please.”

She nodded, taking his offered arm. Tae Jun and Onew watched her closely, walking behind them.

“There’s a bad taste in my mouth,” Tae Jun scowled. 

“There’s a bad taste in everyone’s mouth,” Onew answered.

“Eun Mi-ah!”

“Eun Mi!”

Chorong and SISTAR’s Hyorin and Soyou flocked around her in the waiting room. Ienna had taken Naeun to get some drinks for them.

“Hmm?”

“What do you mean ‘Hmm’?!” Chorong shook her. “Oh no, are you in shock? Should we call the doctor?”

“Unnie,” Eun Mi broke into a smile. “He talked to me!”

“What’s wrong with her?” Soyou exchanged looked with Hyorin.

“Shock?”

Eun Mi broke into a wide smile, hiding her face behind her hands. Her cheeks burned. Heart pounding, she started giggling.

Spanish flowed out of her without warning. “¡Ay, Dios mío! Y ahora ¿qué hago? What am I going to do? How can I go back in there?”

She laughed, hugging herself.

“She’s broken,” Hyorin said with the most solemn look on her face.

“No,” Ienna said from the doorway. She had a small smile on her face, but the nervousness in her eyes could not be hidden. She handed her unnies a sweet drink. “She’s not broken.”

“What’s wrong with her then?”

Ienna smiled, feeling relieved and conflicted about her leader’s current state. “She’s fangirling.”

Eun Mi replayed the memory of SHINee’s Minho acknowledging her over and over, dwelling on his kindness and his large eyes. Every time she thought of how he’d escorted her to the waiting room, she felt like squealing.

Even SHINee’s leader Onew had spoken to her.

“Have strength,” he’d said.

Eun Mi’s stomach burned with happiness. It would have been even better if Key had been present. The thought made Eun Mi choke on air, her face nearly breaking from excitement.

She tried to pull herself together, scolding herself for being so immature.

Still, she couldn’t help it. Her favorite group was in the same building. They would perform on the same stage, and two of its five members had interacted with her. Eun Mi didn’t even remember the awful event with the reporter. Her world was suddenly very… SHINee.

Laughing at her silliness, Eun Mi hugged Ienna, hiding her face. Relishing in her memories.

She found him in one of the emergency staircases, pacing angrily by the exit door. He clenched and unclenched his fists. Eun Mi started to say something, swallowing her words when he released a frightening roar. Zico whirled around, hitting the wall over and over with his fist.

“Z—Zico!”

Dashing down the last set of steps, Eun Mi rushed to stop him. She wrapped her arms around his, pulling it back. Already his knuckles looked very red.

“Please, calm down,” she begged in a whisper.

“You.”

Zico jerked his arm away from her. He glared at her with such force his hatred pierced her. He was breathing so hard his nostrils flared. He raised his hand, pointing a finger straight at her face.

“You.” He took a step towards her. “You stay away from me.”

“I—”

“Stay the away from me!”

They looked at each other. Zico’s eyes burned with rage. Eun Mi’s trembled, wide, almost frightened.

She took a step back, clasped her hands before her, and bowed. “Thank you for your help.”

With that, she took her leave. Zico watched her climb the stairs calmly, her hand on the railing, her heels clicking against the tiles. Her dark hair swayed against her erect back.

If he had been able to see her face, he would have noticed the tears spilling from her eyes. They poured, leaving traces on her cheeks.

When Eun Mi reached her floor, she leaned against the door. Her breath came to her in short, quick gasps. She could feel the panic swirling around, threatening her.

Her legs felt weak. She slumped down, holding herself steady. She couldn’t cry now. She couldn’t fall apart. This was not the place. This was not the time.

She’d promised. She’d promised Taewoon.

And just like that, just like every other time when life had hit her too hard, Eun Mi swallowed her tears. She pushed her feelings to the pits of her heart, forgetting about them, sealing them with songs. When she returned to the waiting room, her bright smile dazzled her colleagues and her voice encouraged them with its beautiful song.