Lu Han didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t take the pressure and the sickness any much longer. He tried to hold on for the longest time, but this is the end of the rope he was trying to hold on to.

Lu Han slipped into Minseok’s room that night after the Beijing concert. Face puffed from swelling, slightly pulling at his bad leg (that was starting to hurt now that the pain reliever has lost its effect) he slides into bed with his best friend. Minseok looked at him, his face a mix of sadness, of guilt and worst of all, of worry. Lu Han hated worrying his best friend.

Lu Han noticed the television was showing a rerun of Manchester United’s game the other night. The both of them have followed the game in Lu Han’s bed room with popcorn and iced Americano, but since their hotel rooms are joined (much to the relief of the younger members because the two oldest have weird taste for hobbies – they rally in their rooms whenever a football match was on, with coffee in place of beer, or Minseok would talk in Korean while Lu Han answers in Mandarin; thing is, they have always shared a hotel room all to themselves, sometimes with twin beds, sometimes with one king size, and on good days, 2-bedroom units) they could do whatever they wanted without earning smart- remarks from their younger members about how weird they are, or how their age are showing with their choices in life. And that includes watching a rerun of the game played by their favourite team.

Lu Han, if anything, loves sleeping in with Minseok. Especially after a long night with their fans, he almost always end up in Minseok’s bed, talking about the exceptional fans he saw from the stage, or a run about backstage when he can’t find his stylist to fix his hair, or a panicked coordinator who has mistakenly given his pair of shoes to Jongin, or a signage that screams XiuHan in yellow LEDs.

Lu Han, however, has decided that tonight will be spent in silence. It will probably be the last night they could share a bed. He had no plans of sleeping, despite the heavy eyelids that were threatening to close his eyes, but he wanted to bask in the presence of his best friend. He wanted to feel Minseok near him, as if this would be the last (maybe it really is). He wanted to hear his breathing as if he would never hear it again.

But slowly his eyelids felt heavy, and the soft pillow under his cheek was very inviting.

And just like the inevitable fact of him and Minseok parting ways, the pillow has enveloped him in a deep slumber.

*

Minseok doesn’t share his bed with just anybody. He’s a bit obsessive-compulsive but Lu Han has long passed the point where the older man would just let him roll around his immaculate bed sheets even after concerts; even if he himself tries so hard not to collapse on his bed without so much as changing out of his clothes. Tonight, he silently thanked the heavens that Lu Han has changed into a white shirt and a pair of white pyjama pants before hiding away under his duvet covers.

Minseok knew of what would happen the next day. He will be flying out with the other 9 members back to Seoul, where they would continue on with their daily lives. A couple of awards shows are looming around the corner and they would have to conceptualize and rehearse the special stages. These were seemingly normal, Minseok thought, except that this man beside him would no longer be around the practice rooms, begging for attention one hour, and caffeine the next.

Minseok didn’t like the fact that Lu Han will be staying behind in Beijing but he hated more that Lu Han could not get any better despite receiving treatments. If anything, his best friend has gotten worse. And he already put his life on the line performing at the concerts for two consecutive nights. He couldn’t demand anything more. He’s passed that and he really just wants Lu Han to be better.

Minseok would rather have his best friend away with the hope that they would see each other again, better, healthier, than see him every day with the worry that he’s wilting ever so slowly, and dying bit by bit every day.

Minseok turned off the television as soon as Lu Han’s eyes began to close. He adjusted the pillow behind him and aligned it to the one Lu Han was using. He lied down on his side and looked at Lu Han’s face, every detail of it, memorizing the shape of his eyes, the tilt of his nose, and the bow that defined Lu Han’s lips.

Minseok remembered how Lu Han’s hand will always find his in the airports, in an attempt to tug him against the sea of staff and fans. And Minseok would return the squeeze to let Lu Han know that it’s alright – before riding the plane – and that it will be, after they have disembarked. Minseok remembered how Lu Han will always wrap his arms around Minseok’s shoulders when he’s tired, and in return Minseok will whisper reassuringly that it will only be a few more hours before he can rest, and that he can be that pillar that the younger can rest on, whenever, wherever. Minseok remembered how Lu Han will hug him just because, and he would lean in, just because.

Minseok planted a light kiss on Lu Han’s forehead.

*

It doesn’t take long for Lu Han’s eyes to open. He smiled at his best friend and searched for the older member’s hand under the covers. He intertwined it with his and squeezed tight.

Their eyes were conversing, Minseok didn’t want to let go, and Lu Han didn’t want to leave his best friend. But he had to. Lu Han had to survive first. And Minseok had to let his best friend heal.

Minseok swore he wouldn’t cry. He will not cry in front of Lu Han. He doesn’t want Lu Han to change his mind. He was the one who forced Lu Han to let go, anyway. But when tears formed in Lu Han’s eyes, Minseok knew he could no longer hide his.

They sobbed together, the way they did when they first came to the decision. But their hands didn’t let go. For a while Lu Han buried his face in Minseok’s chest, breathing heavily, shaking uncontrollably. Minseok kissed his head, then, reassuring, comforting. When Lu Han has relaxed, he lifted his face and looked at Minseok, longing, wishing for that moment to stop. Yearning for morning to never come by.

And they stayed like that until a ray of light crept through the heavy curtains.

Maybe in the years to come, they could meet again. They have to. Maybe in different situations. Maybe in a coffee shop in Seoul, discreetly. Or maybe in a concert in Beijing, for all their fans to see.

But for now, they need to deal with the morning and the life that comes with it. And be stronger because of it; be stronger for it.

Thank you so much everyone for subscribing! This will be a short fic, about four chapters including the epilogue. I'll be posting in a day or two intervals, but I would like you guys to know that this story is finished (good news!).

I originally planned for this to be a one shot, but then i word-vomitted and ~7,300 words later, this came out. Though this story is already finished (I'm just tweaking the timelines) but I would really greatly appreciate if you can also leave comments.

This is also cross-posted here for those interested in reading it other than AFF.