[Luhan's perspective]

"I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Sehun yelled, tears spilling over, running down his cheeks. Luhan's chin fell open, and he couldn't say a word. He just stared, thinking the past through. Sehun was in love with him? For how long had Sehun felt that way? There were so many more questions in his head, but he couldn't voice a full sentence.

"You were in l-...but... but Zitao?" he whispered, glance flickering between the two men.

"I liked him, so I got together with him. I liked you more at the time, but... we've worked through that. I'm over you, when it comes to those feelings. But you hurt me a lot, you know? Playing me like that."

Sehun was sobbing the words out, but they weren't incoherent.

"Is this about more than the night I was drunk?" Luhan wondered, still speechless.

"Do you remember your attitude towards homouality before that?" the crying man asked, lifting his eyebrows questioningly. Luhan bit his lip, he preferred not to remember about that. But of course he did. Of course he remembered all the times he had expressed disgust and dislike over being gay. It was sort of a defense mechanism of his, because he was scared of society at the time, since society was expressing the same disgust and dislike. That was why it took him so long to realize his own uality.

"I didn't know I was hurting y-"

"You knew very well about my relationship with Tao! There you were telling everyone how much you hated guys who like guys."

"I'm sorry." Luhan mumbled, but the apology was ignored.

"And then all of a sudden, you came onto me. You told me to have with you. What the hell was that? What the flying cake was that all about?! And now Tao tells me you're dating some guy. That's pretty ironic."

"I'm sorry." Another apology. "I know I was a complete jerk. I had suppressed those memories, because I'm so ashamed of them. I also had no idea you had feelings for me, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I understand now why my actions left such an imprint."

"Are you asking me to forgive you?" Sehun asked. "Are you hoping for us to become as good friends as we used to be? Are you that naive?"

Luhan swallowed.

"I'm hoping for you to understand that I regret every wrong I ever did to you. I also want you to get better. You're still the best friend I ever had, and it hurts me to see you like this. I miss you, the real you, the happy you."

Sehun didn't respond to that for a while. He stood there, frowning to himself, and the room was becoming awfully quiet. Luhan tried to think of anything else to say, but eventually Sehun started talking again.

"Okay. Thank you. Please leave now."

"Am I just leaving? Are you-"

"I'll call you when I feel better, I promise, just get out, please."

Luhan nodded and walked to the hallway.

"Also!" Zitao's voice was heard shouting. "Don't just come here all of a sudden like you did today. It triggered an attack of panic."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stay out of your way, just know that I'm sorry for everything, okay, Sehun? I miss you."

And so he left.

-

 [jongin's perspective]

"I'm sorry." Kyungsoo whispered, pulling them apart.

Jongin was confused, they had just been kissing, but now the elder was apologizing for no apparent reason at all. They had just gotten inside Kyungsoo's apartment after taking a walk in the area.

"For what?"

"I don't want to kiss right now."

"Okay?" Jongin replied, not really understanding what was wrong with that. Breaking apart, stopping a kiss, it's completely normal. Every kiss has to end, and even if he might not be the smartest of the two, Jongin understood that sometimes people just aren't in that mood.

"I'm sorry..."

"For what?!"

"You're amazing" the shorter boy croaked, voice barely stable. The other still looked confused and Kyungsoo bit his lip and continued. "This day is amazing and everything is okay with us and you're treating me so good but all I want to do is cry and yell and it's not fair to you" he ranted.

"Stop feeling guilty, it's not your fault. Why don't you do it? Get it out of you. You can yell at me. It'll feel better afterwards."

"Why are you so nice to me?" the shorter man asked weakly, forehead scrumped up and eyes as wide as always.

"Why wouldn't I be? I care about you."

"Why do you care?"

"You mean a lot to me."

"Why?" Kyungsoo pushed, and though Jongin thought at first that his new boyfriend wanted cheesy compliments, but then he realized that it probably wasn't just attentionseeking cheeky behavior. Kyungsoo actually didn't seem to get why he'd mean a lot to him.

"You're a great person, 'Soo. I really wish you could believe those words because they're so true. I like you alot and to that there's realy no clear reason why, I think it's just you."

The other grew teary-eyed and shook his head. "I want to believe you, but it's impossible. Does a great person hurt people?"

"Actually, yes. We all make mistakes."

"Jongin."

"Yeah??"

"A mother does not leave a great son."

"What?" the younger said, because this was completely new to him. "Your mom died when you were two and you said you don't remember her at all."

The story had been known ever since they all started to hang out with Kyungsoo. He was a newcomer, he seemed a little down most of the time, very quiet, but everyone eventually just assumed that was his normal personality. However lately, he's been acting very broken-like, for no apparent reason.

"Yeah, well I'm a great liar."

"What? You lied to me for like what, five years?"

"Yeah, I guess it's been that long... You're the first one I tell the truth actually." he confessed, voice shaking slightly. Jongin had to remind himself to not get mad, but it was difficult.

"So what exactly is the truth?" he asked, jaw tense. They both simultaneously took a deep breath.

"Well, it's not a long story really. I was fifteen and didn't know any of you guys. My parents were fighting alot and one night it was so bad. I woke up the next morning to a house without any signs of my mom. Her room was empty, all family pictures with her had been taken down. When I asked my dad where she was, he just replied with 'You don't have a mother anymore. It's just us now." and acted like that's the greatest news ever. I didn't really think so. I hated my dad from that day on and I moved to my own apartment when I was eighteen, in this very area, and I met you guys and I haven't spoken to my dad ever since. I don't plan to either."

His cheeks were rosed and he was looking down, both signs for embarrassment that he probably felt from confessing a truth after five years of hiding it. He fell quiet and waited for a reaction. Jongin didn't react much to the story itself though;

"Okay. Your parents' relationship didn't work out for the best. I don't see why you would ever think that you're the reason your mom left though?"

Kyungsoo looked up and stared at the taller man. "Well, I clearly wasn't reason enough for her to stay." he declared lowly and moved his gaze to the window on the other side of the room. Outside the sun was shining, which is why they had gone for a walk earlier today. He had been very happy out there, but there was just something with this apartment that made him automatically fall back into a gloomy state.

"Maybe she figured it was for the best. For you too. An unhealthy relationship isn't better than breaking up. She probably felt that she had to leave, so that all of you could live happier lives. Don't you think?" Jongin reasoned, sounding way too smart. Kyungsoo didn't answer, not for a long while. He kept staring out the window, seeming to curse the sun and the beauty of nature in his mind. Jongin could only look at him until he, several minutes later, opened his mouth slightly and made some kind of a choking sound, while he clenched his eyes tight, a few tears slipping through.

"But I was so much happier before." he whimpered. Jongin immediately reached for him, wanting to give a comforting hug but the shorter refused, pushing away the body and speaking again, louder.

"She should've thought of that! But she didn't! She probably didn't even consider me. I never mattered to her!" he yelled, looking back at his boyfriend's face.

"Yes you d-"

"If I'm not even important to my own mother, there's no way I can be important to anyone! Don't you get it? You don't say it, but I know that if you would've never met me, you would have a muvh better life, because you would probably be having a much less awful boyfriend, one who wouldn't yell at you like this! One who would be so much more easier to love and to be happy with. You're so fcking stupid, Kim Jongin! Go date someone better! I'm not the one you want, I don't understand how you can trick yourself into thinking you like me! You're such a liar, and you're such an idiot!! Why do you insist on telling me all these lies? Don't you understand it's actually going to hurt me even more when you realize your mistake? When you leave? Don't you understand it would be better for me if you didn't like me to begin with?!"

Now, Jongin was hearing the words with his heart. Every little sentence stuck to his mind as if glued, and every little exclamation point pierced through him painfully. To be completely honest, it goddamn hurt. It hurt so much to hear this being told to him. He had to swallow down tears and clench his teeth for a moment. He doesn't mean it that way, he's just very upset, he's been holding this grudge against his parents for years, this outbreak is towards them and himself, not me. He needs the care and comfort right now, not an enormous reaction. These were all thoughts going through Jongin's head. Eventually he sighed and once again tried wrapping his arms around the other, who was now sobbing quite hysterically. This time the hug was accepted, the tantrum was over. Kyungsoo created a big wet spot on Jongin's t-shirt, and, weirdly, fell asleep on his chest when he had finally calmed down. The younger laughed to himself, muttering something about the sleeping man being a bigger baby than himself. He carried him to the bed, considering the couch was not the ideal sleeping place. He didn't want to go to sleep himself - it was still afternoon - so he proceeded back to the living room.

It was now that the tears started spilling. He quietly let them all out, sitting on the only kitchen chair Kyungsoo owned. It was so difficult to deal with the man's sudden outbursts, even if Jongin wanted nothing more than to ignore the hurtful words he couldn't, and it because that was the exact thing the oldest was actually saying: how he was an awful person for hurting people. Jongin wanted to tell him that he doesn't hurt people, at all, but that would be an actual lie and not fair to him. Now, he knew Kyungsoo didn't actually want to hurt anyone, of course, but he didn't know how to help him gain new control over himself. He just had to stick with him and be there as a friend, as a boyfriend, as anything Kyungsoo wanted him to be. Jongin was like that, putting others in front of himself, especially that little doe eyed man he had developed strong feelings for. No matter what, no matter when, no matter where, no one was more important to Jongin than Kyungsoo.

He stopped crying long before he got his company back.

-

He didn't hear the steps, and when he felt the hands on his shoulders he almost jumped on his chair. It had been aout an hour, and he hadn't been doing much, just crying, thinking and eating some chicken that conveniently existed in the otherwise pretty empty fridge. Owner of said fridge was now standing right behind him, sliding hands over his shoulders, down the chest, grabbing eachother. A chin was resting right where his shoulder connects to his neck.

"I'm sorry." the person whispered softly, luckily much much more calm now than earlier. Jongin grabbed the hands in his.

"You shouldn't be." he mumbled back.

"You always say that."

"Because it's true."

No one said anything for a while and they enjoyed just being close together. Eventually though, the older straightened his body and let go, blaming the 'extremely uncomfortable way' he was keeping his body in. He walked around the chair and hopped up onto the table, now facing his boyfriend, who reattached their hands right away.

"You know what you are?" Jongin asked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm a human being, what about you?"

"No, seriously."

"Yes, I swear, I am human!"

"Soo..."

Kyungsoo laughed a little, and there was no words to describe what that sound did to Jongin's heart. It was everything he wanted, Kyungsoo laughing, being somewhat happy.

"Fiiiiine, what am I?" the man on the table asked, tilting his head slightly.

"A rose." the younger said in a serious but light voice.

"What?"

"You know roses... they have thorns. And these thorns often scare people away. And if anyone's brave enough to get close, they may get hurt. But the thorns aren't there to hurt people. Roses are not evil. It's just a kind of self defense mechanism, you know? They're so very friendly but so very careful. And if you know how to handle the rose you can help it lose some of the thorns. And I really really want to be better at handling roses."

Kyungsoo blushed and gaped at the explanation. If he was about to cry or call out in joy Jongin couldn't figure out. None of them really happened after all. The shorter jumped off of the table, stood in between his boyfriend's legs and started kissing him wholeheartedly.

"I don't care how cheesy that was", he uttered in spaces of breaths and pauses, "No one has ever understood me that well."

---

[Jongdae's perspective]

"Do you wanna listen to some music?" Yixing asked.

They were just hanging out at the older's place, because none of them wanted Jongdae to leave after the night. Having woken up at 2pm, the day went by fast and three hours had consisted of kisses, stories and laughs in a three seat sofa.

"Ooooooh, yes I wanna!" Jongdae replied excitedly. "But make sure it's good music." he then joked and recieved a chuckle for it.

"What music do you like?"

"I don't know, pretty much everything. Whatever you feel like listening to"

"You're so boring" Yixing complained, but then put on a song. It was a bit funky, yet calm and very feel-good. It was instrumental with a lot of piano elements in it. Jongdae nodded and smiled.

"I approve!" he said, applauding his hands excessively. Yixing seemed kind of wary all of a sudden, biting his lip and smiling secretly to himself.

"What's up with you?" the shorter wondered, not really getting an answer at first. "Whaaaaaaat is iiiit?" he kept whining.

"Do you like this song?" Yixing asked.

"I do, I do! Why?"

"Well...I composed it" came the confession. Jongdae widened his eyes.

"Wait, really??"

"Yeah"

"That's so so cool, oh my goodness!! Replay, replay!!!" he almost yelled when the song came to it's end.

"It's not that good." Yixing laughed, blushing to his ears. "You just want to replay because I told you it's mine."

"Well yeah because I didn't get the cahnce to listen to it knowing you created it! I want to hear it while imagining you composing it."

"You're so weird" the older laughed, but gave in and put the song back on. Jongdae smiled a content smile and closed his eyes.

"Am not! What's it called by the way?"

"Free"

"Just Free?"

"Yeah. It's not the best title, but-"

"No, it's a good title, short and clear, and I think it suits the feeling of the music, really."

"Thank you." Yixing mumbled awkwardly, scratching his neck.

"Do you have other compositions?" Jongdae wondered as the song ended once again, opening his eyes. "This is so cool!!" he added once again.

"Way too many, actually. You don't wanna waste time listening to it all. It's also mostly crap anyways, I don't do anything proffesional, just whatever random stuff comes onto mind, I don't know.."

"You talk too much. Just show me something else of yours, something you're really proud of. Besides, I think a good musician works that way, it's very creative. How it just comes to you? I think that's something you're born with, like a talent. Seriously."

Yixing didn't answer with words, all he did was smile and look for another piece of his work. He played a new song, this time it had lyrics. "This one's called Always, and it's in chinese."

"Oh cool, oooooh wait is that you singing? Oh my god your voice. I had no idea you could sing this well, what the heck? Zhang Yixing, why is this not your profession??"

"You're exaggerating so much right now."

"Noooo! Okay, I may be a tiny bit biased but this is actually very good, I'm serious! I'd sign you for my company. That's if I had one. Why don't you share this amazingness with the world?"

"I guess I'm just not happy enough with my work. Back when...umm.." His words died out and Jongdae nodded supportively, implying he understood, without any names having to be mentioned. "Yeah, I was more confident because he told me these things you're saying and he helped me feeling good about my work and I actually posted a few online, although they're deleted now, and then I've just been so... I've just not liked anything I created anymore. It felt so empty and worthless. Your words remind me so much of the older days though." The last part was a mere whisper.

"Sorry." Jongdae said simply, not knowing with what else to respond. It was difficult to come up with something completely safe and cheery to say with such a touchy subject.

"No, no, it's okay. Thank you, actually, I guess I really needed to hear someone likes my songs. Someone...else."

The shorter man smiled brightly. "How could anyone not like them? You're a great musician, and I'm really looking forward to telling you that more often in the future. Not as much as I'm looking forward to hearing the rest of the tracks though. Can't we listen to another one???"

"Let's just do something else for a while, okay?" the other responded, slightly carefully. Though Jongdae pouted at that, he accepted it, because he did not want to do anything against Yixing's will, simply because of the wish he had to always put the other first. He wanted to keep Yixing happy, content and healthy, he wanted it more than anything he had ever wanted.

"Like what?" he asked, his head to one side.

"I don't know, I'm kind of tired. Can we just like continue talking?" the older asked cutely, laying his head down onto his friend's boyfriend's beloved's knees. Said beloved could feel himself melting at the pure adorableness, instantly starting to run his hands through the other's hair.

"Okay. Can I confess something?"

"Of course."

"I sing, too."

"Really?" the chinese asked, looking up right into Jongdae's eyes. The latter was completely enjoying this moment.

"Uh huh. Not a lot, but yeah... I don't write music or anything though, I'm not as cool as you, obviously, but there are a few songs I love to do covers of. Actually... I used to perform at some bars and stuff before."

"You're way cooler than me, for one. Also, how come you stopped?"

"I got replaced." he laughed shortly. "Some funky a ss DJ gained more popularity so the owners of the bars all preferred letting him entertain the people. I get that, though, but still."

"Waah, that's so unfair. You're obviously much purer than some damn DJ." Yixing said, frowning and by doing so once again melting Jongdae's heart with the cuteness. "Sing for me?" he then added, now back to smiling. The younger blushed.

"That's just awkward..."

"Hey! I showed you my voice and works and all, didn't I?"

"It's not the same thing, that was prerecorded, mixed, and everything, it's much worse doing it live."

"No, your argument is invalid. Sing for me, Kim Jongdae." he demanded, voice soft but clear, eyes incredibly beautiful. By speaking that name, he had won the discussion, because something in Jongdae just stirred when he heard his own name from that particular mouth. He sighed, biting his lip, before he started to let tunes out. It was one of his favourite songs, one that sounded sad but was actually loving, perfect for intimate vocals. He wasn't planning on singing the whole thing, but then he got lost somewhere in between the chorus and the second verse, and he just kept on going until there was nothing more left of the lyrics. When he was finally done, the magic from it still hung around as the men looked into eachother's eyes for a while.

"Thank you. I'll never hear anything more beautiful in my life. I'm not as good as you when it comes to compliments, and I really don't want to talk a lot because I want you to sing more, but that was extraordinarily amazing, just saying." Yixing spoke lowly and intensely. "Sing for me again."

"No, that's enough for today, I think." Jongdae protested, sliding himself down so that he, too, was laying down in the sofa. He adjusted both of their bodies so that they were now Kim Big Spoon and Zhang Little Spoon, which was a bit weird since he was the shorter one himself, and started placing small pecks and kisses all over the other's neck.

"Please don't breathe on me", the shoulders were pulled up in shivers.

"What?"

"My neck, if you blow air on it, I can't handle that. I'm sorry, just please avoid it."

"You mean like this?" An evil grin spread across the troll's face as he started to puff out air, making the other cringe.

"Stop it!! Jongdae-ah...!"

Jongdae didn't stop. He kept on teasing the older, completely loving it. Until suddenly, Yixing fell off of the couch and onto the floor from the awful cringing, and the evil grin was replaced by a worried and regretful frown.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"No! You're so mean!" the floored man whined back, but he was obviously not upset for real, which was very relieving.

"I know, I know. But it's okay cause you like me, riiiiight?"

Yixing rolled his eyes but smiled, getting up on his knees and proceeding to stand up. "Whatever makes you sleep at night."

"Yah!"

He got back up in the couch, now positioning himself so that he was hovering over the other. "Yeah, I like you. You know what I especially like about you?"

Jongdae shook his head, expecting his lover to be back to serious again. That was not the case though.

"I happen to very much enjoy the fact that you are extremely ticklish."

And so the attack on Jongdae begun. The tables were turned and he was now being poked and tickled effectively, making him squeal and whine and forcedly laugh.

"PLEASE!" he yelled desperately, "I'm sorry I blew at your neck just stop this torture already!!"

Yixing slowly stopped his rough poking, and started moving his hands differently, now them up and down the other's waist and chest instead, completely stopping in the same movement in which he dipped his head down giving his beloved a passionate kiss that created ten thousand butterflies in said beloved's little tummy. Jongdae went from being out of breath because of the tickling to being out of breathe because of the kissing, and suddenly they were full on making out and rediscovering eachother's bodies in a heated moment of pure attraction and maybe a sprinkled layer of feelings, piercing it's way through the whole situation.

"I like you too, by the way." Jongdae smiled happily when they, a long while later, were back to simple spooning, except they were now Kim Little Spoon and Zhang Big Spoon since that was obviously better, considering neck sensitivity and height. There came no reply to that statement, just because no one needed one. Those words were pretty great 'last words of the moment' words, and left a trace of affection through their bodies and minds. Jongdae was not a quiet person, but when he was with Yixing, no silence was boring. He was learning that words and sound didn't have to be used to express, not even movements had to be used, just simple or complicated moments, moments soaked in feelings or just light with joy, moments shared between the two. These moments were cherishable on such complelety new levels, and he didn't need more than that. Yixing had his troubles, and the younger wasn't sure how to deal with this and how to help, but in these shared moments, all of that didn't really matter. All that mattered were both of them, their bodies in synchronization and their minds in total piece. Jongdae loved it with his whole being. He loved liked Yixing with his whole being, and nothing else really made sense anymore. This is what people would call being in too deep, he supposed.

The same thought came to mind later that night, when they were both once again fully and fully joined under the thin white sheets of Yixing's bed, and it almost made him laugh in the middle of everything. With several meanings to it, he once again supposed that he was in really deep.

______________
[A/N]

FINALLY, chapter 8 finished!!!! I'm sorry it took a long time, I had a case of writer's block D: I've been writing all night though and it's finally doneeee

lmao sorry about the joke at the end of this it wasn't even funny tbh but it's 5am and I just

Also yeah the kaisoo part had sudden drama, this is the problem with improvising stories instead of having a clear plan. Some ideas just come out in the middle of the story and I'm sorry about that. When I edit stuff, I will get rid of or rewrite earlier parts of the story that pointed towards this kind of drama/trouble being unlikely etc

On a different note: A lovely person has decided to translate my story into Spanish for anyone interested! First chapter is up already and can be found here.

I hope you enjoyed reading and please kindly comment or message me if you have any thoughts and/or opinions, I love interacting with you all! Have a great week, and since the next chapter probably won't be up until after christmas and all, HAVE YOURSELVES A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS~(if you celebrate(if you celebrate something else have an amazing whatever it is)♥♥