[A/N]

IMPORTANT

TW: depression, anxiety, self harm, suicide. I'm sorry.

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The situation was awkward, and none of them appreciated it. It was quiet, no one talked to anyone, since Minseok wouldn't talk to Luhan and vice versa (even if they both knew they wanted to), and Zitao probably felt like if he talked to one of them he's shut the other out.

Of course, Minseok could just leave. Nothing was stopping him, if he felt uncomfortable he could just go home right then, but he didn't want to. He really had no intention of leaving Luhan's house on bad terms, so he stayed.

Eventually, Luhan spoke, not to Minseok, but to Zitao. They were all sitting in the sofa, not knowing what to do. Minseok expected Luhan to say something completely dull, just making small talk, mentioning the weather, or whatever, but he didn't. He had a serious topic on mind.

"How's he doing?"

The question wasn't specific, but it was obvious who he meant, just by the sad tone in his voice. Minseok understood just as well as Zitao did, and he could almost feel the ache Luhan was clearly feeling about this.

"Sehun's okay." the answer came from the youngest man. Minseok didn't think that he meant that Sehun was okay at all. Everything about that word sounded false, and Luhan heard it too, because he bit his lip and stared down on his knees.

"Worse?" he choked out in a tiny whisper, and it started getting really really painful for Minseok to watch this. He was more than ready to swallow his pride and comfort Luhan, but something else stopped him, a feeling that Luhan didn't want his comfort.

"Today was really bad." Zitao started, pain in his eyes, nails burying deep in his own arms. "I probably shouldn't have left him at home, I probably shouldn't have come here. He needed me, but I felt like... I feel like if he won't keep in contact with you, I have to, because you guys need to be the friends you always were, and I can't let that become impossible. Now I hate myself though, because he's alone back home, when he needs support and comfort. I hate myself because the look on his face when I left broke my heart, but I still didn't stay. I thought I was doing this for his own best, but I'm afraid now. Afraid that I'm actually breaking him down, that I'm making his depression and anxiety worse. All I want is for him to get better, but today..."

He took a pause, silent tears streaming down his face. Luhan was getting teary eyed himself, while listening to this terrible story.

"He yelled at me, he threw things at me, telling me that I'd rather hang out with you than him, telling me that I'm a cheater, that I don't love him anymore, and that's where he broke down, he switched to complete sadness and panic, he fell down to the floor, holding his knees swaying back and forth, crying loudly, and I tried comforting him but he didn't listen, he didn't hear me. I wasn't even there, to him he was just alone in an empty world and that's never happened before. I couldn't do anything at all to help."

It got quiet for a while. Slowly, Minseok started to hear bells of warning ring in his brain. He did not like what he was hearing, at all. It wasn't just sad and worrying, it sounded dangerous and critical. So he spoke up, swallowing down his shared emotions, deciding that he should be the calm and responsible person in this situation.

"Zitao, I'm not saying you're stupid, or anything. But you really really shouldn't have left him alone today. You should go home immediately, because to me it sounds like Sehun could get some very dangerous thoughts, and he is not to be left alone with them. You have to go now, you have to make sure he's physically fine."

It was almost an order, because this was very important, and Zitao nodded, not caring that this advice came from a complete stranger.

"You're right, you're right, I'm going, I'm running, I... it'll still take a while, I... Luhan, this would be a very good day to have a damn license!"

Luhan sat in the couch, shaking slightly, not answering.

"Do you have a license?" Minseok asked, and the taller man got confused.

"Yes, but my car isn't here..."

"If you run down the road, take left and keep going until you see an apartment with only blue flowers on the balcony, that's where I live. It's not far, it'll take you two minutes if you run, and I have a car there. It's blue and small. Here" he said, handing Zitao his keys that were in his jacket's pocket. The man dried his tears and looked at Minseok with the most thankful but wordless look ever seen. Then he went out the door.

Minseok breathed out, turning around, meeting Luhan's gaze. He didn't say anything, just walked up to the poor man, threw each and every ounce of 'manly pride' he had ever felt out the window, and wrapped his arms tight around the other.

No words were spoken, no pity was expressed, only affection and care. Not so much oh my god, I'm hugging Luhan but rather oh my god, is he okay. It could have been an awkward hug, since Luhan was sitting down on the couch and Minseok was standing, bent down weirdly. But it wasn't awkward, in this situation it was just nice, a kind of lopsided yet perfect connection of their bodies. The crying man wasn't actively grabbing onto his friend, but the way he leaned into his chest, letting the tears flow silently but violently, showed that he was very thankful of this hug. He needed it, he needed Minseok.

After a while, feeling like eternity but was probably not more than ten minutes, Luhan calmed down, slowly moving out of the hug, drying his eyebags with his pointer fingers. The shorter man sat down next to him, a concerned look on his face.

"You okay?"

Luhan nodded, a small smile on his lips, seeming realer this time, before clearing his throat from all the crying to be able to answer. "Yeah, thank you."

"It's nothing" came the automatic answer, waving the thankfulness away.

"No, really. Thank you. I know you were mad at me and you're still here when I need it, that's not nothing."

"About that, I'm sorry..." Minseok mumbled, referring to their earlier little dispute. Luhan shook his head.

"You're sorry? You are sorry about me ignoring your wish, showing the gift to Zitao even if it made you that embarrassed? Wow, logical, reeeeal logical."

The tone was sarcastic, and he rolled his eyes, but Minseok knew that he didn't mean it rudely.

"I should be the sorry one, and I am. I was selfish and I didn't consider how you would feel. If I could I'd make it undone. But on the contrary, Zitao is a good guy, even if he's a tiny bit arrogant now and then. Him knowing about this is nothing to worry about, and I'm saying that to reassure you, not to make you feel like an overreacting , as you so beautifully expressed it."

Luhan chuckled on that last remark, and Minseok blushed slightly, not even knowing why, and laughed a little as well.

"Also, I didn't get to express thouroughly how thankful I am for that gift." he continued. "Because believe me, I've never been this excited over a gift."

Minseok smiled, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "It's just a couple of cards.."

"Okay, let me correct myself. I'm not that excited over the gift itself, not as much as I am over what it means. I'm excited for that date" he said, voice low and happy. Minseok felt something inside him jump at the words, he didn't know if it was his stomach or his heart, or both. He looked at Luhan, feeling as if said boy had just said yes to a proposal.

"Let's plan it." the older man smiled hugely, focusing entirely on the gorgeous person sitting in front of him, who nodded willingly.

"The card says soccer, and coffee. But I'm not gonna be drinking coffee, of course."

"You'll have their milk tea" Minseok nodded, not even realizing he was whispering. Luhan widened his eyes in surprise.

"You have one hell of a memory." he muttered, causing his friend to shrug.

"It's you." came the reply, making Luhan's cheeks redden. Then he bit his lip, looking down for a moment.

"I can't remember what you'll have..." he admitted, and the shorter one smiled a little.

"There was no reason for you to remember."

"But if you do I should..."

"Luhan, I don't have a 'usual' or anything. I like trying everything coffee-like"

"Right...I knew that!"

"Of course you did." Minseok said, and they both laughed. They felt so good, because they haven't been this close in forever. Actually, regarding the date planning and the blushes, they were never that close, of course. Minseok loved it, but he was still confused. They were going kind of fast all of a sudden; what were they even? It felt like they skipped friends and went directly to being...almost together. But they're not together, he was pretty sure. He didn't know what Luhan was to him anymore. Friend, crush, there is no title that fits good enough.

Suddenly Luhan's pocket started to vibrate, indicating there was an incoming call from the phone that lay in it. So he fished it up.

"Zitao." he read the caller ID out loud before swiping to take the call.

"Hello?" he said, muscles tensed. He was probably trying to prepare himself for the news, and Minseok started to do the same until he saw the relief literally take control of Luhans body making it slump down into the couch. "Okay, good. Stay with him. Text me updates. And Zitao... tell him I miss him. Take care of him. Bye."

Minseok smiled widely, Luhan mirrored it.

"He's okay?"

"Yeah, he is. It's a miracle but he calmed down by himself earlier, and he stayed home since then. Zitao didn't see any... fresh cuts, either."

The last part was a whisper and the smile disappeared for a moment. Minseok's heart stung, his face falling. Fresh. The keyword meant that there are old ones, previous ones, meaning that Sehun has already hurt himself before.

"He can't do that." he whispered, and Luhan shook his head in agreement. It was quiet for a while.

"It's good that he's okay now though." the younger one uttered, getting a smile back.

Minseok grabbed the other's hand. He did it quickly, impulsively, to not have any awkward regrets midway, and when their hands were connected, it felt so right. There were no regrets, especially since Luhan grabbed back, willingly holding onto the hand.

"Happy birthday"

Luhan laughed, because this was the first time today he has heard it from the older man, but also because he didn't really feel like it was his birthday anymore.

"I completely forgot. Now we're the same age!" Luhan teased, dropping the formalities of the sentence, making Minseok smack his head.

"Yah! I'm still older than you, you dip."

"Yeah I know. You don't look it though."

The short man glared and snatched his hand back, folding his arms over his chest, subconciously straightening his back a little to seem bigger. "Just like you don't look manly? Or act, for that matter"

"I am so manly!" came the automatic protest. They just sat the for a while giving eachother evil glances, until suddenly Luhan started smiling.

"What's the matter?" Minseok asked, confused. He felt his heart melt at that genuine grin, because there was nothing that was more beautiful.

"Do you remember, back then, when we always used to have these little dumb arguments?" the younger one asked with a soft chuckle. The memories hit Minseok and he nodded, his own face loosening into a smile.

"I remember." he whispered.

The room fell quiet for a while, eyes locking until it became too awkward.

"It's late, maybe I should leave..." Minseok started, getting up from the couch.

He felt a tug at his arm, strong enough to make him sit back down. Not back in the same spot though.

He was in Luhan's lap.

He held his breath, facing the other, eyes wide.

"Maybe you should stay." the boy beneath him puffed out, lips barely moving, the hot breath hitting the small dimple between the shorter's chin and lower lip.

He stared at the beautiful Luhan, this beautiful man who seemed very eager about keeping the company. Only a few inches away, the gorgeous face sported a serious expression, looking calm at first glance, but with the eyes that widely opened and the lips slightly parted, short tensed breaths leaving the mouth, it was obvious how afraid he actually was. Minseok saw it, and he felt it, just as strong as he could feel his own heart freaking out. He knew that he had to act on this soon, make his reaction clear. He had no time to think, and who knows if he even had the ability to think in that state. Who knows if his only choice was to follow his heart, but regardless, he did.

His heart guided his shaking hands up, placing them in the crooks between the other's neck and shoulders. It guided his eyes to the lips of the other, before shutting his eyes completely. It guided his head down, tilting it slightly, slowly bringing it closer, until it met it's destination.

A soft clash of plum flesh, simple lonely parts fitting together perfectly, moving together like it's all they've ever known. Minseok could feel his cherry chapstick mixing with the taste of pure Luhan, and at that moment even his heart let go, and by now nothing was controlling him as he hungrily continued, pushing in his tongue exploring all corners of the younger's mouth until he had to pull away to catch his breath.

When he did, he regained control, and begun feeling way too concious of the whole situation. If Luhan didn't speak or act soon, he'd freak out completely. But it didn't take long, only long enough for them both to breath properly, until the bottom boy dived in again, taking the initiative himself this time, beginning a second passionate kiss. He pushed Minseok down gently, making him dimp softly down on his back into the couch, and then leaned his body over him, still with his lips connected to the older one's.

They started getting more into it, no longer being able to register where kisses ended or begun. Minseok's hands slipped in under Luhan's shirt, the soft warm skin, looking for every little flaw, every little special feelable spot that marked Luhan's body and made it unique. He was detemrined to remember it, to always be able to paint a picture of it inside his brain.

When he begun lifting the shirt, exposing the younger's upper body, the latter tensed, pausing momentarily between kisses and touches. Minseok looked up on him, confused and slightly worried. Luhan bit his own lip before uttering anything.

"Can we, maybe... not... not tonight..." he mumbled, blushing fiercely, and it took the other man a while to figure out what he meant, but then he nodded.

"Okay. We'll wait." he agreed with a chuckle. "But can I sleep over?"

The eager nod on Luhan's still red face made Minseok smile wide and place a longing kiss on the other's lips.

The two kept on kissing for a little while until they decided they were tired, so they went to bed in t-shirts and underwear, trying to completely ignore eachother's legs to not make things awkward. They snuggled up together in Luhan's bed, and Minseok's mind was in total bliss the seconds before he fell asleep, Luhans face against his neck, the soft honey hair tickling his cheek.

[Jongdae's point of view]

Earlier(around 20.50).

Jongdae walked from the party, smile on his lips. He was on his way to Yixing's place to spend the night. He didn't know yet if it was going to be a cuddle night or a hot one, but to be honest he's be fine with both. Whatever Yixing wanted.

He didn't know if he was in love yet, but it was definitely possible. That Chinese man was not exactly hard to like, but there was something bothering Jongdae. He just felt like something was being kept hidden from him, something huge. There were times where Yixing seemed so off, so upset. Sometimes he didn't want to answer the phone, and if he did he was grumpy and didn't want to meet up. Jongdae kept asking if he had done something wrong but never got yes for an answer, however there was no further explanations. It worried him, he wanted to be there and help Yixing out of this, out of his brokenness.

Knocking on the door of his friend, slash lover, slash what freaking ever, he corrected his hair and clothes, getting giddy in anticipation. And the door opened.

Jongdae could tell from the start that this was not a good time. Even if Yixing opened the door, even if he looked welcoming, even if he tried his best to seem like he was nothing but happy right now, he was completely transparent. His eyes were red and his body looked drained.

"You're here." the man said, voice as broken as his appearance.

"Yeah... should I leave again? You look like you maybe... need some time right now.." the shorter man proposed, but Yixing shook his head no and dragged him in.

"It's fine, now that you're here."

"But you really..."

"I said it's fine, damnit!!" Yixing sneered, shutting the other up, because now he was afraid of making things worse.

So he joined Yixing for a movie, deciding a snuggle night was better now than , and they positioned themselves in the sofa. It didn't take long until Jongdae realized that Yixing was barely watching the movie, he was rather looking through the tv with clenched fists, knuckles white. The younger boy considered ignoring it, leaving his friend alone, but he couldn't take it much longer.

"Yixing." he spoke softly, not knowing if his voice was being listened to. "Are you sure you're okay?"

The other turned his head slowly, locking gaze, showing eyes full of pain. Jongdae knew that whatever answer he would get, this man was not okay.

"Do you remember the night in the bar?" Yixing started, finally seeming like he had an explanation coming, a revelation.

"Of course."

"I was drunk. I never get drunk, but I thought that night that it would help. Earlier that day I... I lost someone."

Tears were starting to form in the already shiny eyes. Jongdae was listening quietly.

"He was a wreck, people keep saying it's not my fault, that he had other problems but that's bull, ing bull. He didn't stay for me, because he didn't want to deal with me anymore. I was just another ty part of this world that he hated."

The older boy was sounding almost angry, but for the most part agonized. His cheeks were getting wet now, silent tears making him choke a little before he could continue. It hurt to watch.

"Anyhow, he jumped from a rooftop. I was there but with no power to save him, he had already made up his mind. Maybe if I had.. gotten there earlier, maybe I could've... prevented it, but no, I was always too late. I guess this is my punishment, I guess I deserve the shame, guilt and pain I'm feeling."

Jongdae was shaking his head but not speaking up, letting the other vent.

"I've had nightmares where he's telling me all about it. All about how I didn't save him, how I was never worth having him around, how he jumped to get away from me, he told me everything. I want to hate him for leaving me like that, and for telling me that it's all on me but I can't... I can't ever hate him... Better to hate myself for it."

There was a moment of silence, and by now Jongdae had teared up as well.

"But then you showed up, on that exact night, and though I don't remember it much, I've been treating you like destiny, like fate. I've been trying to fill the emptiness with you, but it's not working. Now I... now I still want you to stay though. I... I grabbed onto you to use you, but now I'm holding on because I like you, and I feel better when you're here, I really do. I just have a lot of times I spend hating myself and missing Junmyeon... But please don't hate me for it, I... I can't help it, and I'm sorry."

The speech seemed to be over by now. Yixing was breathing heavily, and his whole body shaked with the inhales. Soon he was wrapped up in short but welcoming arms. The elder held him tightly to his own chest, extremely touched by this story. He didn't pity, because that meant looking down on, but it physically and mentally hurt him to see the other like this. He felt like if it would wipe Yixing's troubles away, he could cross oceans, move mountains and even kill. Then and there, with the broken boy pressed against him, he decided to always protect him. He knew that he couldn't ever leave Yixing by himself for too long, and he could never put himself first. It was sort of a mission, a mission he was not allowed to fail under any circumstances.

"It's going to be okay." he whispered while the younger's back soothingly. Then he spoke again, a bit louder. "I promise. And I promise you I don't hate you. And, I also promise you that it was not your fault."

After declaring that, he let go of his friend, smiling weakly.

"How can you promise all of that?" Yixing asked, voice cracking.

"It's all true." came the confident answer, and Jongdae made sure he sounded believable as he said it. "You got some paper and a pen?"

The younger man dried his tears and made a confused face. "Uh, sure..." he said and stood up, went to the other side of the room to get the supplies out of a drawer before he returned.

"Thank you" the other said and took the pen and the paper. He started to write with big letters, pressing hard into the thin material leaving physical imprints where the ink formed permanent marks.

The Three Truths

Truth #1: It was not your fault.

Truth #2: No one hates you for being broken.

Truth #3: It's going to be okay.

He lifted the paper up and looked at it proudly. "Thumbtacks, or anything like that?" he requested, and when Yixing came back with some blutack, he navigated himself to his friend's bedroom, putting the paper up on the inside of the wooden door. "You may not believe it now, but if you keep seeing the words, maybe you can trust them soon." he said, letting the other look at his creation.

"Thank you." the boy whispered, looking in awe as he turned to face the older. "You have no idea how much that means."

Before anyone got the chance to say anything more, the two men were a mess of touches and kisses. The bodies were completely free from clothes before they even got to the bed, and the night was welcomed with loud moans and sounds of impact between skins.

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[A/N]

So that took a long time... Having a major writer's block right now >.< It because I'm on a two week break basically but I still can't get more job done on here ._. Because of this block, I'm also pretty sure this chapter ... buuuut you'll have to deal with it. I'm sorry about all the angst in this! Don't kill me for the whole suho thing... DD:

You wanna answer two things? ;3 Firstly: regarding xiuhan , who tops? And also, have you all got tumblrs? Tell me your url's and I'll follow you! :DD You can find my tumblr here!

Have a great one, and thanks for reading~ ♥