"I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy ,
because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless

and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that."

Kibum was awakened by a loud bickering downstairs. His head exploded, he sat up straight and rubs his temples. He glanced at the clock with one eye open. looks like he was going to be late for school. He wanted to skip so badly. Why, why did he drank so much last night? well.. he had a good reason actually! It was cold outside, almost freezing. He had to look out for a bar so he could warm himself up and borrow a phone or something. Yet he kept talking and drinking with the bartender... it's all that bartender's fault!

Well, Kibum was lucky that Jonghyun found him or he would have ended at the barmans home. But how did he know? It was impossible right?! He should thank him later... and buy a new phone.

"YOU JUST CAN'T-- Just listen!" 

The hell? His head hurts like a b*** what's she yelling for? he sighed deeply, what was it this time? he got out off bed to check what was wrong with her downstairs. Kibum paused infront of the door before entering the kitchen. 
He wanted to know what was going on, was she crying? He swore he heard her sobbing. Why in the morning?

"Listen, i'm getting better, okay? i-i stop drinking just give me one more month. I pay the bills! please.... don't kick us out, i s-no-no i-...listen--i...you know i can't-- just--PLEASE-- ...i can't lose this house, i can't lose kibum again.... he's all i have left" kibum sighed deeply and opened the kitchen door. Kibums mother stared at him with wide red swollen eyes. The Kitchen table was covered with unpaid bills once again. She tried to smile "i'll call you later" she hangs up and make some space on the table.

She looks bad. She had deep black circles under her eyes, clothes worn for days and she looked pale. She was trembling, her hands trembled incessantly. He felt sorry for her but they were losing their house, well she was losing her house.

And all because of her drinking addiction. Was that worth all of this? Was alcohol more important then 'taking care' of her only son? 

Was it really that bad? But why not asking his dad for money? He has more then enough. They were his family right? She was his ex wife? the mother of HIS son. Why was she so stubborn? He grabbed himself some cereal and sat down. 

What a mess..just... da wn!

"yo-you should thank your friend" she said trembling and kind of awkard, while faking a smile. This situation felt really unpleasant. Kibum only nodded. He doesn't want to talk to her. She sighed "he brought you home last night, you drank to much. I couldn't get you upstairs so he did for me" Kibums eyes widen and choked on his cereal. "he-he, did what?!" he shouted surpised. He saw his room? He was in his room?! in his OLD ugly room?

Kim Jonghyun was... he couldn't breath. He dropped his mouth.

"Taemin called a 100 times, he was worried about you! why went you out drinking without him? i was so afraid because what happened to krystal! What if jonghyun never passed by? Something could've happend to you. You can't drink that much, you are only 17! You should behave yourself kibum. " Kibum rolled his eyes annoyed.

He was playing with his spoon in his cereal.Well.. krystal wasn't dead or he was talking with a ghost. "listen.. i'm your mother and i've practiced this conversation last night! You are grounded for 2 weeks! a-and you aren't allowed to drink before you turn 20!" she looked pretty confident. Kibum scoffed arrogant "what about you? " he frowned at her, so full off himself. 

She doesn't know what to respond or how to react. "what about me? i'm just saying you can't drink anymore before you turn 20. I'm your mother and you are still 17! You have to do what i say now!" 

"I was talking about your drinking habits!  dad send me here to 'recover'  BUT you made this so much worse and made me more ed up than i already was and that's because of YOU and your DRINKING problem! Don't ever dare to say that i drink to much and that i have to behave myself" he almost broke his spoon.

"you are calling yourself a mother? since when? since dad left you because of 'your problem', since you gave me vodka instead of water when i was younger?! i was so happy when dad saved me, i hated coming back to you, but for a second, i thought you changed mom, for a tiny second! i started to actually like you but  you screwed up once again. Alcohol is apparently more important than me, what kind of mother are you?  You are losing your house woman! open your eyes! you aren't a mother.. you are worthless" he was out of breath.

The words left his lips like a waterfall, he immediately regretted all of this when he looked at her face

 She was shocked and petrified.. Her lips opened sometimes as if she wanted to say something but didn't know what. "t-t-y-you can leave, i never forced you to stay right? I-f you are so un-happy here, just go! you don't have to stay  with your 'badmother' y-ou k-now the door, right?" she holds back the tears but a few escaped her eyes.

she leaned against the kitchen counter and bites her lip.  "i-i have t-o do something, by- the time i return home, u probably left" she was crying. Tears ran down her cheeks and It broke Kibums heart. What has he done? 

"Don't say that...i'm sorry" kibum whispered, that wasn't him. "Mom?" kibum looked at her with pleading eyes. Just say something... She didn't face him. "mom, i'm sorry, i wasn' thinking, mom? please..."

 "Mom? since when? since when am i your mother? i never was a mother and never will be. I'm a failure, i-i...m worthless, i'm a nothing.. why can't i even take care of my own son? i- you are ..were.. the only one i had left.  " she was staring at the ground with empty eyes . It hurts kibum so much to see her like this.

"i, kibum, i'm losing my house.. our house. Our place..." it was the first time she used his full name. "i'm a mess" she clenches her fists. 

"and your fantastic dad doesn't even care, That man never troubled himself at to leaving you here! he had no problems to leave you here with 'this' horrible mother.  But if you miss that cold hearted man so much... i'll buy your ticket back to london, we'll see if that man will pick you up at the airport, and ..just... i need time to figure things out right now.  i don't want to see your face now...you are just like him. " she sighed her tears away and walked out the kitchen. 

"MOM! wait up! i'm sorrry!" he shouted at her. 

He heard the front door open and close. He couldn't move... His dad doesn't care? that's not true. 

He was so stupid.Why couldn't he just sh*t the up? she was already depressed like hell and he just..  made it worse. He got up and made himself ready for school. She will forgive him right? when she comes back home everything will go back to normal. 

Kibum grabbed his cold jacket and realised she took the car keys. Just great..

It was freezing and snowing outside. He was already to late for school, he should stay home, waiting untill she's back. Making a nice diner or find work to earn some money. See? he felt the motivation to help his mother to help them, because they were a family together... he only had his mom since his dad ignored him. 

 aarg.. his dad never cared about her, right? kibum wanted to go back inside.

"KEY!!" he almost got a heart attack.  

His eyes widen at that voice.  "jonghyun?" he turned around to face the most beautiful handsome guy in the world. He was wearing a loose coat as if he isn't suffering from the cold. "w-hat are you doing here?" he asked suprised.

Jonghyun smiled "how is your head, the almighty key from al the keys in the world?" kibum frowned at him. What is he talking about? Jonghyun laughed amused "you don't remember?" kibum shook his head confused. "Never mind, you were drooling about that bartender when you fell asleep in my car" he said with envy.

Was he jealous? kibum bit his lip in shame. Oh god, why couldn't he remember?  "h-how did you find me? " he wanted to change the subject.

"i'll bring you to school, i parked my car nearby" he ignored kibums question. "answer me!" kibum demaned.He already was pissed off "and what are you doing here now?" jonghyun sighed and smiled "i'm your friend right? friends help out friends, and since you don't have a car.." kibum interrupted him "but how did you know? you are driving me nuts!" he shouted.

Jonghyun's smile changed in a stern face "are you coming!" that doesn't sound like a question. "No, i'm so tired of everything of this Bullsh**t! If you don't tell me the truth right now, i go back to london!" His voice was trembling. He ddoesn't realize that his whole body was shaking. "wh-what are you talking about, key?" jonghyun asked concerned.

Key just shrugged looking at the ground, he held back some tears. Jonghyun doesn't know how to react. "let's go inside" he said without thinking. 

"what about school?" Kibum looked up at jonghyun who shrugged "it's healthy to skip now and then" he smiled at him. Who was this guy? where is jonghyun? this guy was serious about this? Kibum sighed  "i'm not-" he would've said yes. He wants and LOVE to spend time alone with him! Kibum sighed frustrated "i just want to think about everything, alone.." jonghun frowned "thinking about what?"

"about what? About my Mom, about you, what you are, about krystal and..;" he interrupted him "krystal?" he frowned. "key.." now it was key that interrupted jonghyun

"Don't-say i'm crazy, she talked to me a few days ago!" He wasn't crazy! jonghyun sighed frustrated. "key...let's talk inside because you are clearly freezing to death" he suggested. kibum looked at his red swollen hands, he didn't realize he was shivering like hell. 

"Don't expect too much, my mother doesn't have time to clean up and I'm too lazy for that" he couldn't believe that THE jonghyun would sit in his house. 

"don't mind about that, i've been here before" he smirked. "nice room btw" Kibum felt ashamed and ignored it. omg... forget about this pls!!

"here, sit down" kibum demanded Jonghyun to sit at the kichten table. "yes sir!" he said happy. Kibum felt really nervous. He was sitting at his kichten table! in his house! He was so perfect.. he felt like a troll beside the most beautiful human being in the world... not that he was human.. he sure wasn't! Jonghyun was staring at something,Kibum followed his eyes and bit his lip. The kitchen sink was filled with empty bottles. 

Dawn!... 
"what- would you like to drink? we have ... instant coffee or.. water..or..instant coffee?!" Kibum checked out their empty kitchen cabinet. well there wasn't much in house. Looks like mom forgot to do some shopping, oh well... "i'm fine thank you, kibum just sit down" jonghyun said calmly.

"You ain't telling me what to do, mister kim" Kibum scoffed but listen and sit down.

"what's wrong?" jonghyun asked worried. Kibum sighed, and looked down. "nothing, everything is.... just fine" he couldn't tell him about his mom. His father is a docter, he brings her to an institute for addicts. Kibum can fix her, she just needs some time. He had to give her a chance to change. "she wants to change" his eyes widen. He said that out loud?!

Jonghyun raised an eyebrown. "your mother?" kibum shook his head "no.. i was---" he bit his lip. "she isn't bad,s..she just needs some time" jonghyun shook his head "she needs help.;" kibum interrupted him "i can help her!" kibum treated her badly. when she comes home, he'll take care of her; "key she needs help, professional help " kibum scoffed "you have no idea what you are talking about! i'm the only one she has" 

Jonghyun sighed "she's killing herself" kibum shook his head "it's not that bad! give her some time, i.." he knew how serious her condition was but he couldn't give up on her. She needs him now. "how are you?" jonghyun asked out of nowhere.

Kibum was shocked by that question. "what do you mean?" how was he? what does he mean by that? why asking him such a stupid question? "how are u doing? how are you feeling?" jonghyun stared blankly at Kibum. "i know korean, i know what you mean but why are you asking such a stupid question?" jonghyun was staring into kibums eyes. 

"just answer my question" this guy was serious? kibum shrugged "fine.. i guess?" he thought deeply. He wasn't feeling okay, he wasn't feeling fine, he wasn't feeling anything,... He looked at his hands. He felt empty "are you sure?" jonghyun asked softly. 

Kibum nodded and smiled "i'm fine.. " his voice sounds weak. He hates being weak. "just fine? why?" jonghyun kept asking, tss that guy! why asking such questions? "because i'm feeling okay?" he couldn't answer jonghyus question, because he wasn't fine at all. "and why are you feeling okay?" kibum clenched his fists. "just stop asking stupid things! i'm fine , okay?! there's no reason for me to be sad or .. whatever i'm fine,okay? just fine..i'-m fine.."  He couldn't stop his anger. One more question and he wanted to punch that guy in the face!

SH--it!  He wasn't fine at all... he felt horrible.  it's a sign of weakness and kibum isn't weak. He never was.. and never will be.  "it's not... just sh*t up" he felt out of control. He tried to calm himself down. 

"key--" He lost it there,it all happened so fast. He gave Jonghyun a hefty punch in the face.  , that hurts! It felt like his hand was broken, he holds his hand in pain and looks up at Jonghyun. That guy was completely fine.

The hell?! no visible scratches or a red spot on his perfect white skin. It made Kibum scared.. 

What was he.. impossible! He had nothing..  "you..," kibum looked up but jonghyun was nowhere to be found. 

How.... he bits his lip in pain and confusion. He broke his f/cking hand on that guys face! 

---

"c'mon, pick up taemin" he crused out of pain. Why wasn't he picking up! "the person you try--"  He throws the house phone against a wall. What the hell was jonghyun? leaving him like that? that wasn't normal. It felt like hiting a solid wall. perhaps the legens about the kim's were true.. perhaps he was a vampire...or something. God.. the hell? his hand was swollen like a b-tch, he couldn't feel anything or moving his fingers.

It even had a funny color! What to do... what to do? his father..the hospital will inform his dad and he'll think kibum fought again. No... noway! 

The doorbell rings and kibum opened in panick. Taemin looked suprised at the sight of him. "what's wrong? you look -" kibum wanted to punch that guy in the face but hold it in. "i trie-d to ing call u 200 times!" He gritted his teeth. "wow, easy, i'm sorry, i was at school? i wanted to check on you.  what's up?" kibum showed taemin his purple red swollen hand.

"sheeeeeeeeeeeez, what happend to you?!" he shocked. He couldn' tell him the truth!  "i, fell.... what to do?!"  taemin grabbed his hand to look at it. "aaaarg! that' hurts" kibum shouted loud. That bastard of a jonghyun just left him like that. he'll be sorry. "we need to go to the hospital" kibum shook his hand.

"i'm not going!" he protested. "c'mon key, or you'll lose your hand!" taemin begged him. Losing his hand?! 

"take me there tae, pls!!!"