Junghwan was out of breath when he arrived at the table were Hongbin was sitting in the cafeteria, reading, his phone placed right next to him so he wouldn’t miss a message from Chan. It had been 3 days since he asked him if they could meet, and he still hadn’t received an answer. He was about to go crazy. Firstly, he was feeling so confused about his possible feelings for Chan. Secondly, he missed him like crazy.

«Hey, can I borrow your phone?» asked Junghwan as he dropped down on the chair next to him. «I forgot mine at home and I need to send Chansik a text» he continued, pointing to Hongbin’s phone. The dimply boy nodded, pushing the phone towards Junghwan, his eyes never leaving his book.

Junghwan took the phone from the table, he started typing the number and froze, looking at Hongbin.

«Hongbin?» he said in an unsure voice, trying to get the handsome boy’s attention. Hongbin put his book down with a sigh, turning towards Junghwan.

«Why is Chansik’s number saved in your phone? I never saw you talk to him…» said Junghwan, and Hongbin frowned.

«I don’t have his number in my phone» said Hongbin, shaking his head in disbelief. What was Junghwan saying? Hongbin never even talked to him for longer than a sentence.

«Yes, here» said Junghwan as he turned the phone towards Hongbin. On the phone was displayed the contact called Chan.

Hongbin froze.

Nothing made sense anymore. If Chan was Chansik, that meant he’d been communicating with him for a while already without even knowing. It meant he knew him way more than he thought he did. It meant all the worries he had about Chansik not being like he looked like, or being too different from him weren’t valid anymore because he and Chan where very alike. It meant they both loved to read, they both loved to tease each other and had so much fun with each other, they both loved being by themselves and were very alike in their ways of thinking.

It also meant he had fallen in love twice with the same boy.

«Oh my god» said Hongbin as the realization slowly hit him. Chan didn’t want to meet him because he was deaf and was afraid of Hongbin treating him differently if they ever met.

He remembered Sanghyuk telling him Chansik had a crush on him, and remembered how Chan told him he had fallen in love at first sight. Did it mean Chansik was in love with him too?

Hongbin repeated Oh my god for a while, his fingers running through his hair as he thought about it. He kept shifting on his chair, a little panicked.

«What’s wrong, Hongbin?» asked Junghwan, a confused look on his face.

«I’ve been talking to him for weeks without knowing!» said Hongbin, taking breaths to calm himself.

He wanted to go find Chansik and confess, but then again he wanted it to be perfect and think about it and prepare the perfect confession. He was so nervous.

He turned towards Junghwan, a smile on his face.

«I’m in love with your best friend and I’m going to confess. Oh, I’ve also been learning sign language for a couple of weeks now» said Hongbin, leaving Junghwan speechless.

«What?» asked Junghwan, frowning.

«The first time I saw him I fell in love. I couldn’t sleep he was the only thing I could think about. I’ve never felt this attracted to anyone before, and I was planning on waiting a little before asking him out on a date. But I’ve also been talking to this guy I don’t know, Chan. We both are so alike and I thought I might have feelings for him. Turns out they’re the same person and all my worries are gone now. I know I’ll do anything so it works out» said Hongbin. His eyes were shining, he was so happy. His heart was beating faster than usual, his lips were curled in a smile.

A smile had now made its way onto Junghwan’s lips.

«Thank you» was the only thing he could say as tears dwelled up in his eyes. He grabbed Hongbin’s hand from the table. «I’ve known him for my whole life. When he was 12, he got into a car accident and hit his head. He almost died and his hearing was damaged ever since. He lost a lot of friends because he became deaf and it became hard to communicate with him. Him and I learned sign language together, and I always felt bad because he couldn’t get close to people easily. He has amazing friends and an amazing family as well and he is really lucky, but I always felt like he was missing out. Thank you, Hongbin. Thank you for not judging him, thank you for caring about him and thank you for existing. I truly hope this works out because you both deserve to be happy. You’re an amazing person» said Junghwan, and it reminded Hongbin of Sanghyuk. Chansik really seemed to have people around him who cared about him a lot and loved him. Hongbin couldn’t wait until he became one of those people, if Chansik liked him back.

«I’m going to think about how exactly I want to do this. Confess and everything, I’ve never done that before» said Hongbin, sighing as a new fear or messing up hit him. Hongbin was used to being confessed to by girls, most of them looking like they were about to throw up, so nervous their hands were shaking. He was willingly ready to put himself in that position for Chansik. And the look on their face when he rejected them was so heartbreaking, he always felt so bad. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t swing that way. Hopefully he would never have that look on his face.

«How do you confess to someone?» asked Hongbin later that night as he tried writing down ways of confessing. Wonsik looked up from his laptop to frown at Hongbin who was sitting crossed legs on his bed.

«You don’t. You let the girl confess» said Wonsik, and Hongbin sighed. Wonsik had a lot of experience in dating, but he still didn’t have much experience in love. His flirting technique consisted in staring at a girl with a smirk and eyes that supposedly said I want you, or so he explained to Hongbin one night as he dragged him into a club. Hongbin could still remember that night because it was his first night out a few days after entering college and it was also the night he had his first kiss with a guy, with a random stranger hidden in a corner, quite tipsy.

«Why? You like a girl?» said Wonsik, and Hongbin chewed on his bottom lip, wondering if he should tell the truth. He had been Wonsik’s friend for so long, he couldn’t believe he would end their friendship for something as stupid as his ual orientation. He remembered the conversation he had with Chan; if Wonsik was his real friend, he’d accept him like he was. If he didn’t accept him, he wasn’t his real friend and Hongbin deserved better.

«A guy. I like a guy» whispered Hongbin, looking down at his hands in his lap, and Wonsik stood up from his bed and plopped down on Hongbin’s bed.

«Is he good looking?» asked Wonsik, as if he wasn’t surprised at all.

«You knew?» asked Hongbin, his eyes widening as he looked up to see Wonsik sitting in front of him on his bed.

«I was waiting for you to tell me. Dude you stare at guys the way I stare at girls; not very subtly. I kept talking about girls hoping you’d tell me it’s guys you like» said Wonsik, and Hongbin felt so relieved, he felt like so much stress and worries were gone now that he had told Wonsik.

«I thought you’d judge me» said Hongbin and Wonsik laughed softly.

«I’ve known you forever. You really think something like this matters? You’re the same Hongbin, except that you can’t steal my girlfriend now» said Wonsik, and he took Hongbin into his arms. «As long as you don’t fall in love with me» joked Wonsik with a laugh.

Hongbin put his chin on Wonsik’s shoulder, enjoying the hug.

«Ew. I’d rather date a dog» said Hongbin, and Wonsik playfully hit his shoulder as he pulled away, breaking the hug.

«How can you even resist my charm?» said Wonsik with a wink, and it was his turn to be hit.

Hongbin felt a lot lighter now that he had told Wonsik. He felt a big weight lifted off his shoulders, being replaced by the confession he still had no idea how to do.