A/N: I'm sorry that this chapter is divided in so many parts. It seems like I can't find inspiration to write and I forced myself to write this. I'm sorry for not updating a lot.

I think I just have one secret. People say I’m a secretive boy but it’s just because I like being all by myself.

Plus I don’t think the fact that I like boys is important enough for me to tell everyone.

Bin

Hongbin was unable to sleep. For once, it wasn’t because of a book like it usually was. It was the first time something else than a book he wanted to finish was keeping him awake, and he wasn’t sure whether he liked that or not.

He turned around in his bed, groaning. All he could see when he closed his eyes was his smile, his beautiful smile. He met him once, and Hongbin was already in such a state. Maybe it’d be better if he stayed away from him. He didn’t know whether he wanted to have those feelings or not. There were so many thoughts going through his heads, things he shouldn’t even be thinking about considering he only met Chansik a couple of hours ago.

First, Hongbin didn’t even know if Chansik was gay.

Second, would Chansik really like him back? He barely looked at him earlier, probably because they couldn’t communicate.

Which lead to third, they couldn’t communicate. Although Hongbin didn’t mind that Chansik was deaf, it was still a problem. They couldn’t communicate without Junghwan unless they wrote on paper or something.

Hongbin sighed. Why was he even thinking about that?

He heard Wonsik groan in his bed.

«What the hell are you doing? Sighing so desperately and turning around? You woke me up with your sadness» said Wonsik in a sleepy voice, looking at Hongbin with half opened eyes. Hongbin laughed as Wonsik fell back onto his pillow and turned around so his back was facing Hongbin. Wonsik was so selfish, he made Hongbin sleep somewhere else all the time because he kept bringing girls home, but he wouldn’t even let Hongbin sigh.

Hongbin turned around to face the wall. He closed his eyes, but all he could see was Chansik. His cute smile, his happy eyes and his fluffy hair.

The next morning, a very tired Hongbin found himself in front of Jung Jinyoung, the president of the exchange of time organization, and also the person who took Hongbin in when Wonsik had girls over, letting him borrow his floor. 

«Hyung, do you think I could do more hours?» asked Hongbin as he sat in front of him. Jinyoung was enjoying breakfast alone; apparently he was the only one out of all his friends who still lived in the dorms, except for Hongbin, and they only ate together when they had classes at the same time.

«Why? Do you need anything?» asked Jinyoung, taking a big bite of his toast. He wasn’t the most talkative in the morning, but he was still more pleasant than Wonsik.

«I was wondering if maybe there was someone who could teach me sign language» said Hongbin, and Jinyoung raised an eyebrow.

«Why?» he asked, and Hongbin shrugged.

He wasn’t going to admit openly he wanted to learn for a boy he met once but couldn’t get out of his mind.

«Hm…just for fun, I don’t know» said Hongbin and he looked away, hoping Jinyoung wouldn’t see through his lie.

Hongbin was very aware that he was a bad liar.

«Okay. But really, you have a pretty crazy schedule already, you’re sure you want to take more hours?» asked Jinyoung, and Hongbin bit his lip.

He didn’t want to do more photography hours, even though he loved it. He had to study and he didn’t want school to get second on his priority list. He wasn’t even sure why exactly he was doing this. He knew he wanted to communicate with Chansik, but there was no point. It would probably not even work with him, and he would probably not even see him again. Hongbin kept all of his questions about Chansik to himself. He didn’t want Junghwan to know how he was feeling, and the boy wasn't stupid. As much as Hongbin wanted to bombard Junghwan with questions, it would be way too obvious.

«Well, I’m working now so I have money. I guess if I could find someone who’d like to get paid, that’d be great» said Hongbin without even thinking.

Was he ready to spend money for someone he’s met once?

He totally was. There was something in Chansik that attracted him more than anyone has ever attracted him. He’s barely met him and he can already say he’s never fallen for someone this hard.

Hongbin never fell in love before. He guessed Chansik must be special for him to feel this way.

«I know the guy for you» said Jinyoung with a smirk and Hongbin pretended he didn’t see it. His crush was the last thing he wanted to discuss with Jinyoung, especially since Hongbin was gay and was definitely not ready to come out to him.

«Thank you so much! Tell me his number, and I’ll discuss the details with him! Really, thank you!» said Hongbin. He looked at his watch and his eyes widened. «I have to go, talk to you later!» he said before getting up and making his way out.

Jinyoung sent Hongbin a message with Shin Dongwoo’s phone number. They exchanged a couple of texts, he seemed nice and he agreed on teaching Hongbin sign language and didn’t ask for too much money. He was a senior so he was a couple years older than Hongbin but that was the only info they exchanged. They both had a break at the same time, so they decided to meet for lunch.

The boy was nice. He was a little awkward, had long brown hair and glasses and he looked smart. He was as tall as Hongbin or maybe even a little taller, and he had a nice warm smile. He even showed Hongbin basic signs, like saying boy/girl, thank you, please and sorry, and Hongbin was so eager to learn, it made Shinwoo smile.

«Why do you want to learn sign language?» asked the boy, who said he liked to be called Shinwoo, before they had to part ways. He was getting up from his chair.

Hongbin shrugged.

«I feel like it» he lied, but Shinwoo seemed to be better at detecting lies than Jinyoung because his face showed how much he doubted Hongbin’s words. He frowned.

«You seem very enthusiast for someone who just randomly feels like it» remarked the boy before walking away with a smirk. Hongbin watched him walk away and greet someone.  

He once again wondered why the hell he was making so much effort for someone he’s met once. Hongbin didn’t believe in love at first sigh, so why was he so obsessed with Chansik? Hongbin had never felt so attracted to someone in his whole life. He had never felt so obsessed with someone’s smile before.

The day after, when Hongbin eagerly opened the book in which he and Chan discussed, his mouth fell open in shock. At the end of the sheet, instead of an answer, digits were written in Chan’s boyish handwriting.

His phone number.

Hongbin entered it into his phone, his hands almost trembling. He was one step closer to the mysterious boy’s identity. Hongbin assumed it was a boy because of his handwriting that was way too messy to be a girl’s handwriting, but he couldn’t really know. He pressed send, a smile illuminating his face. 

To: Chan

Hello?

This is Bin.