From: Chan

Hey Binnie. I thought it would be easier like this.

To continue our conversation, I’m gay too.

Hongbin stared at his phone, his eyes wide. So Chan was gay too?

And for some reason, Chan calling him Binnie made a smile appear on his face.

To: Chan

It feels good to tell someone, even though I don’t know you.

He was sitting in front of Junghwan at the library, but it wasn’t for a study session. They both just happened to be at the library at the same time and sat together. Junghwan was on his computer, probably working on an essay while Hongbin was studying his finance book. He was positive that out of all of his books, that one was the one he wanted to burn the most.

«Sorry for not telling you about Chansik, the other day. That he’s deaf. I…I saw you were surprised and you were staring at him» said Junghwan, leaning a little over the table so he didn’t have to talk too loud. The librarian hated him too, making Hongbin positive Chan was the only one able to win her heart.

«Oh, it’s fine. I was just a little shocked. I…I didn’t realize I was staring. Did I make him uncomfortable?» asked Hongbin, starting to get flustered. He was hoping Chansik wouldn’t realize he was staring at him.

«No, he wasn’t uncomfortable, people stare at him all the time» said Junghwan, going back to his computer. Hongbin’s cheeks were heating up.

«It’s different, I swear I…» said Hongbin, and he realized he talked too much. Junghwan looked up, frowning.

«What’s different? You were curious because he’s deaf, and that’s normal» said Junghwan, and he kept observing Hongbin with a frown.

«I…» said Hongbin, and the words got stuck in his throat. He was stuck.

He took a long breath and relaxed. What bad could happen if he came out to Junghwan? The boy was a sweetheart.

«I don’t care that he’s deaf. I just think he’s good looking» admitted Hongbin, looking away. He heard a laugh and looked back at Junghwan only to find him with a big smile on his face.

«You like boys? You? I would’ve never expected it» said the boy, laughing, and he shook his head. «Look at you, all flustered» he added. His smile wouldn’t leave his face.

Hongbin sighed in relief. That was even better than what he imagined. Junghwan wasn’t judging him, he even looked happy about it.

Hongbin’s phone vibrated in his pocket, so he took it out.

From: Chan

Why didn’t you want to tell your friends?

Hongbin smiled. Texting Chan made him feel a lot closer to him.

To: Chan

I always felt like they would judge me.

I told one of my friends just now and their reaction was good. Maybe I should come out to everyone else.

«Why are you smiling like an idiot?» asked Junghwan, and Hongbin looked up. He was smiling without even realizing. He shrugged. He didn’t know why talking to Chan made him that happy.

«I’m…getting close to someone» said Hongbin, and he giggled.

Startled by the sound that came out of his mouth, he put his hand against his lips, his eyes wide. He just sounded like a 13 years old school girl. «Don’t tell anyone that I like boys. Please. I haven’t come out to anyone else» demanded Hongbin, and Junghwan nodded.

«No problem» answered Junghwan with a genuine smile.

From: Chan

Maybe it’s because you don’t feel close to your friends? It’s sounds sad to me, that you can’t even be yourself with them. I lost a lot of friends in the past, so I trust the ones that stood by me 100%. Nobody has judged me. I think if your friends are true friends they’ll understand.

«Seriously, Hongbin, you’re starting to look weird. Is someone sending you nudes?» asked Junghwan, getting up from his chair. He put his laptop and his books in his backpack.

«No!» said Hongbin with a frown, and Junghwan chuckled.

«I have a class, I need to go» he said, leaving Hongbin by himself.

To: Chan

I don’t have many close friends. I don’t know, I trust them and we’re close but we’re so different. My best friend loves partying and girls, he loves going and making new friends while I’d rather stay home and read. I don’t like going out, or people in general.

Hongbin turned his head. Sitting at the table next to his, a couple was making out. He recognized Hakyeon, who was Chansik’s half brother even though he met him only once. A face as handsome as his is hard to forget, and he was kissing another boy.

Hongbin could admit to himself that he was jealous. He wished he had a boyfriend too. His fear of coming out of the closet was one thing that kept him from having a boyfriend. The fact that he’d rather stay inside and read than meet new people was another reason.

His first kiss was with a girl, and he broke up with her two weeks after starting to date her. He was 14 back then, and ever since nothing happened in his love life. He was way too inexperienced, and he hated it, but there was nothing he could do.

He looked away with a sigh.

He jumped as he realized someone was sitting in front of him. He put a hand on his heart, finally recognizing him. The boy forcefully grabbed his hand and held it, closing his eyes behind his thick and round glasses.

«I see there’s a lot of confusion in your mind» said Jaehwan, Hongbin’s cousin.

«Jaehwan what-» Hongbin was cut by Jaehwan’s index fingers being pushed against his lips. Jaehwan shushed him loudly. His brown hair was swept back by a yellow bandana, and he was wearing flowery pants that looked like they came out straight from his mom’s closet with a stripped pink and baby blue shirt. He looked like a mix between an Asian Harry Potter, an ajumma and a runaway kindergarten kid.

«I am not Jaehwan. I am Ken, and I want to help you» said Jaehwan, and Hongbin cursed. Jaehwan had always been weird and embarrassing, but they didn’t live in the same dorms and didn’t have any classes together, so Hongbin rarely met him on campus.

«I see you have some new love interests» said Jaehwan, or ‘Ken’, squeezing Hongbin’s hand between his, his eyes closed tightly.

Hongbin tried pulling on his hand, but Jaehwan was holding it tightly.

«You fell in love at first sight, I see» said Jaehwan.

«Why are you wearing your mom’s pants?» asked Hongbin, and Jaehwan’s eyes snapped open.

«I wear the clothes that call out to me. Now shut up, I can’t concentrate because of you» said Jaehwan, raising his eyebrows and glaring at Hongbin. He pulled on Hongbin’s hand to bring it closer to him, making Hongbin lift from his chair. His hip bumped against the table and his chest toppled over and hit the table, his forehead hitting it hard enough to leave a mark.

«Oh my, there are a lot of clouds hiding your sun» said Jaehwan, and Hongbin tried getting up. What the hell was his cousin saying?

«You need to step out of your comfort zone. Love will come to you. A very good-looking boy will soon be yours» said Jaehwan. He dropped Hongbin’s hand and got up. He skipped away, looking like a living rainbow.

Hongbin sat back in his chair, rubbing his forehead that had hit the table pretty hard.

So he was a sidekick now. That was better than a fairy or an elf. After being at dork during high school, Jaehwan entered college and suddenly found all of his hidden weirdness. Hongbin seriously worried about his sanity.

Did he really share blood with that boy? Hongbin preferred to pretend he didn’t.

But seriously, Hongbin wondered if Jaehwan maybe had slight super powers, or maybe he was very good at guessing, because he seemed to guess right about Hongbin. How did he even know he was gay? Hongbin has never told anyone other than Chan and Junghwan.

He frowned. He knew he shouldn’t overthink things when it came to Jaehwan; that boy never made sense, but he couldn’t help but think about what his cousin had said.

From: Chan

I’m pretty sure you’re my spirit animal.