Hyerin

It's been fourteen days.

Just a mere two weeks and I'm still not used to Jin's absence. Since he's been gone, I've learnt how much I rely on him and that his appearance at the hospital sets me at comfort. 

He's my pillar of support; someone who was always by my side through so many years. I guess 2 weeks of still missing him won't ever make up for the 4 years we've been together.

When I awake from my sleep, I wait to hear his light footsteps, smell his familiar fragrance but it's never there. Then I remind myself that he's gone and he might never come back. 

The nurses ask about him to me. Day by day, various nurses enter my room and question along the lines of, 'Why isn't the male coming to the hospital anymore?' It makes sense, Jin was a very appealing man, after all. Everyone falls for him like I did. It is a miracle that I caught his heart.

I can feel his soul linger in my room. The sounds of his small talks, singing and laughing come to my mind and I imagine he is here. This is a habit of mine and I wish it would stop. It's not that I don't want to remember Jin but that I need to acknowledge he is gone. I made him go and I need to know it is my fault. He isn't obliged to come back.

"Miss Kim." I hear the voice of my doctor. Dr. Nam has been treating me since the accident. I do wonder what he looks like, being my life saver.

"Dr. Nam?" I say to reassure myself.  I can now speak like before but my confidence doesn't stand as strong. Although I can recognise voices and scents, I still have to be sure.

"Yes, it's me, Hyerin." For a moment, I recall the memories with Jin. I remember years ago when we had our first awkward phone conversation. It was a revolution to our relationship.

"Hello?" I answer my phone. I am siting on the piano stool at 8pm, re-examining the piece for my concert, a complex classical song composed by Chopin. I don't usually have my phone in my pocket when I'm practising but today I forgot to put it away and to my luck, I received a phone call.

"Miss Kim." I feel my heart race and butterflies develop in my stomach. My teeth feel strange and numb, as per usual when I'm nervous. The way he calls my name is so unique so I can recognise it from a mile away. I only recently gave my new and only boyfriend my number and he told me he might call me tonight so why was my heart squeezing? I thought I was better prepared then this.

"Jin? I say to reassure myself. I just want to know if this was really happening. I can't believe that the hottest senior in school asked me out. 

"Yes, it's me Hyerin."

 The memories lingering still make me shiver with excitement. Then I realise it.

I'm still heavily in love with Kim Seokjin.

"Hyerin?" Dr. Nam's voice snaps me out of my daze. I shouldn't be recollecting my memory with Jin. In fact, it should be gone.

"Yes?" I say a little too quickly for my own liking. 

"So I've come to tell you good news and potential bad new," he tells me. I nod to show understanding and he continues to tell me the 'news.'

"So, you're finally healed. The wounds have been tended and your mind is back in place. That is, with the exception of your eyesight. They can be treated overtime. Congratulation," he places his hand on my shoulder. It isn't heavy but just a gentle tap to show that he genuinely cared. 

I feel…I can't describe it. I should be happy that the my body is now taken care of but I already know deep down that I'm not the same as before. I'm filled with disgusting scars and stitches. My face is probably the worst with a bandage wrapped around it, only revealing the bottom half of it. Like a monster. I'm probably revolting but Dr. Nam doesn't need to know that.

"But, you can't go home. Well, at least not until you have a sworn guardian." I freeze. I didn't think of the aftermath of leaving Jin. I don't have parents nor any relatives who bother taking care of me. I only have Jin and now he's gone. 

"Dr. Nam, what if I don't have a sworn guardian?" I hear him laugh. This is the first time I have heard my doctor, no, any doctor, laugh. That is, with the exception of Jin who is still in medical school. Because of me, he has missed many lessons so he has to study like heck at night.

"Kim Hyerin. Are you aware of your state?" My doctor says in between laughs. What does he mean? I shake my head to say I don't.

"Hyerin, you are blind. Without a carer, you cannot continue to live." Right. This is what life is like to be blind. I need to be cared for all my life from now on.

"Dr. Nam, what if I don't have a sworn guardian?' I repeat my sentence but this time with a different motive to my question. 

He doesn't say anything and the room is only filled with the beeping of the monitor. I probably won't be able to stay in this room forever. Other people need it.

"Well... usually a nurse or doctor would take you in if you don't have a sworn guardian but this is only the case if have at least someone who is willing to pay for the medical attention. In your case, I don't know. I'll talk about it with my collegues. Although it is unlikely, maybe someone will be willing to take care of you with no cost. If that doesn't happen, I really don't know," he explains to me. This is the pain of being alone in this world. I wish Jin is still here but all his life the only thing I did was hold him back. Now he's free without burden.

But somewhere in my heart, I'm wishing he was still here.

Yay~ Update!

What do you think about Hyerin's longing for Seokjin? What will happen to her if know one is willing to care? (This is not what happens in real life, just a note.)

Who do you imagine Dr. Nam to be? Where have you heard the famous surname Nam? >:D ?

Seeya.

Xoxo, Exoinspire