Youngjae

There it is again.

'Mark, Mark!' 'Jackson! y man!' 'Bambam, you sparkle!' 'JB, JB! 'Junior, you're so hot!' 'Kiss me Yugeom!'

I hear their names being screamed as I trudge along behind. No one seems to ever notice me. Even with the fake tattoos plastered around my body like 'a rebel,' they never seem to care. It has been 2 year since we debuted and no matter how much I try, they never see me. I prayed every night, I trained every day and nothing worked. If there was one thing that would capture their attention, I would gladly take it.

Then I saw it. Those boys with thick eyeliner, hundreds of piercings and art painted around their body. They caught my eyes. Maybe if I did that too they would see me like those how I saw those boys.

But here I am, dressed in black with several piercing on each ear and extreme eyeliner. Why does it not work? They never call my name, they never bother to attempt touching my body like a god, nor are there haters that despise me until the world’s end. I'm nothing. Call me conceited or a narcissist but if you were trained for 3 years to be a bright star and fail to do so you would understand.

As we enter the building, the blinds go down and the door is locked, hiding our privacy. The fans scream their hardest for the last time before their voices were shut. I sigh as I pace towards the couch. The other boys were laughing to themselves and examining their presents from the crowd.

"Choi Youngjae." I freeze on my spot when I hear my name. Here is my moment to continue my play.

"What, Jinyoung Park?"  I reply in the rudest tone I have. I feel guilty speaking like this to elders but this may be my only chance to gain fame.

I see his eyebrow raise. He's amused. It is the same face he gave me on the day I auditioned with my awkward composition. I wrote it specifically to be a star and it seemed to please him, the reason why I could stand here under the name Got7.

Someone hits my shoulder. I turn to see JB hyung. Rather than playful, it is harsh and adds the pressure for me not to cry and whine. I'm not a cute, crybaby Youngjae anymore. I'm reborn into a strong Youngjae.

"Sir, I apologise for Youngjae's behaviour. Please excuse it, he just doesn't seem like him today." I scoff. Today? I've been trying for more than half a year!

"Yah! How dare you hit me?" I yell at my group leader.

"Choi Youngjae, come to my office," Mr. Park commands me. 

"Why should I?" I imitate his tone. I wonder if this was a good idea. I really don't know. 

"You want to be fired? Come now," he demands. Shoot. He's threatening me with the only thing I don't want to lose. He marches to his grand office and I move along, stomping to show an act against authority. I need him to know.

Once we are in the office, he closes the door and takes a seat on one of his personal leather chairs. He gestures me to sit in the other one and I do, in the most unmannerly fashion I could. My legs were hanging off one side of the couch while my hands were behind my head as I lean on the other.  I could see his eyebrows raise again from the corner of my eyes.

"Is it true?" He asks me. I would guess he's talking about my new style.

"What is true?" I spit back. He seems taken aback as he wipes away my saliva on his face with his bare hands.

"Don't think I'm not aware of your changing state, Choi Youngjae. Maybe others haven't noticed but I certainly have." Others haven't noticed? So 7 months have passed and not even a single report or article about me has be written? My heart pulls. I feel so disheartened that no one cares about me.

"So what?" I spit again, but my tone is sadder than before. The news is still striking me so my facade is being blown.

"Choi Youngjae!" He yells, pulling a napkin out of his pocket and dabbing his face gently. He's finally angry. My healthy status will disappear. This is what I wanted.

"Yes?" I batter my eyelash as if mocking him. My insides are burning from acting this way. 

"You continue this act and I will certainly remove you from my company." I stop my rude remarks. This is the second time he has threatened me with my position. If I were someone like Jackson or Junior, I would gladly leave with many other opportunities open but in this case, I am not. I’m just Choi Youngjae, a commoner who stands on stage with no recognition. The other companies don’t want me.

“Finally, you shut up trap,” he sighs, putting a hand over his face to show how sick he is of my attitude. I smirk. At least someone can appreciate my work.

“You better redeem yourself, Choi Youngjae. I don’t want this new stranger working for me. I want the old, special one who had the most hideous grin that cracked me up.” Is that how Mr. Park use to see me? But that’s the problem. Only he saw me that way. The people I wanted to impress the most never would see me this way until I change. I’m not turning back after moving forward so far.

“I know how stubborn you are so I’m going to force it into you.” And how exactly is he going to do that?

He throws a golden A4 envelope at me. What is this? Curious, I rip the seal and pull out a thick document, stapled with many pages. It’s an apartment in Gangnam.

“Until you prove that you are worthy of working in JYP Entertainment, I want you to live there. Don’t come back, don’t bother begging me because nothing will work unless you show me some results.”

My eyes widen. He wants me to quit Got7 activities and live in a shabby apartment? Isn’t that the same thing as telling me not to be part of the group anymore?

But his orders are absolute. I know no matter how much I argue, he will stick to his words because he is a stubborn man. I know this because he is like me.

I jump up from my seat and stomp out of the office, making sure to slam the door on the way. How could he do this to me? He’s striping my dream of me. I feel tears well in my eyes. It’s so overwhelming.

“Yo, Youngjae. What’s happening?” I hear Jackson’s familiar accent holler through the halls. He snickers and I turn my head to face him. I hate him. I wish I could be like him. Famous, popular, everything.

I guess he sees my glassy eyes, a sight I rarely had, as his face becomes stern. I rub my eyes and continue to move out of the building.

I’m sick of this. I just want to be seen.

 Lol, the starting line is the most chesiest thing I have written. Great way to begin a story, Exoinspire, well done. Enjoy! 

Xoxo, Exoinpire