Finally it's here! *bows*

Sorry, please forgive me Q^Q

But, on the brightside, the summer holidays have started! Which means lots of updates!!! >O<

I hope you enjoy, and thank you for your patience, and also thank you (new peoples :3) for subscribing, even though I haven't updated in ages.

P.S The beginning, once again in itallics, is a bit smexy *wriggles in seat* XD

"Sehun-ah~"
    I could hear his breathing along my neck and up to my ear, and it felt strange.
    I felt slightly sick and realised I still had a can of alcohol in one hand. 
    Why had I agreed to drinking? It was stupid, I didn't want to ever do it again.
    I forced my eyes open to see Jongin looking down on me.
    His lips were parted slightly and his eyes looked dazed, although I thought he could hold his drink quite well, it seemed he had finally had one too many.
    He perched himself so that he was on top of me and dug his nose into my neck.
    "Get off hyung," I grumbled, I was too tired and too sick, it must've been at least one in the morning. After getting rid of that son of a Yifan, Jongin stole some of Junmyeon's drinks and said they deserved a drink, but then Junmyeon found out and forced the four of them to stay down in the basement. 
    I wished I had stayed asleep. I felt so sick.
    Jongin didn't get off me so I started to push him.
    Annoying hyung...
    "Jongin, I said get o-"
    My breath left me as I felt a hand grab my thigh and the other pushed me down by my shoulder, harder against the sofa.
    Jongin breathed heavily in my ear and I couldn't quite comprehend what happened.
    When the confusion swept over me, I started to panic and quickly thrashed my legs and pushed with my all my might against Jongin's chest, being roughly the same height it worked and he rolled off of me and off the sofa, and all I could hear was the slap of him falling against the floor beneath.
    I sat up and stared at him.
    I stared holes into him but he did nothing but groan and rub his head.
    He was drunk, but when it did finally get to his head what he had done, he looked up, as I was already starting to leave.

I winced at the memories of what happened that morning as I stood outside of Yixing's door.
    Having breakfast Jongin had tried to comfort hyung, but I couldn't believe that someone who was almost just as bad as Yifan had tried to be so opening, kind, and even lied to Yixing, just to cover himself up. I didn't have any of it and when Yixing left I raced after him.
    But now he had isolated himself in his room.
    Although Yixing had it worse off than I did, I suddenly understood what he had gone through, and it wasn't nice.
    "Yixing...please, open the door, you can talk to me," I repeated the words I had said plenty of times once more, but never raised my voice, as I didn't want to create a big commotion, startle Yixing, and I certainly didn't want to lure Jongin back.
    I was surprised to finally have a response as the door opened ever so slightly, and I crying, tear-stained-face, yet happy and smiling faced Yixing appeared in the small crack of the door.
    "Thanks Sehun, but I'm fine, I promise, I just need some alone time, okay?"
    His voice was surprisingly stable and I felt myself being fooled by it as I nodded hesitantly and the door was shut once more.
    I could hear him crying behind the door.
    I wished I could see through doors.

I pressed my ear firmly to the door, trying my best to try and hear more, get more out of the two bickering inside Chanyeol's room.
    "I wish I could Chanyeol, but I can't, if you haven't noticed, it's just as difficult for me as it is for you, but...if you can't forget it, then can we not talk about it?...Ever?"
    Chanyeol and Baekhyun had done something the other night, something to provoke each over and...now feel uncomfortable? I had noticed slightly that the two, normally very close, passed the occasional sharp look before drifting over to the opposite direction, not even speaking each over. Strange enough they had both talked to Jongdae normally, so whatever had happened, it didn't seem to involve Jongdae.
    "I-" Chanyeol is interrupted by Baekhyun suddenly, "For Jongdae...please..."
    Suddenly everything just fell down a black hole inside of me, in a big clump of chaos it made a mess inside of my head.
    What did Jongdae have to do with it?
    "Okay, but Baekhyun," pause, "I will never forget what happened that night."
    I heard the door click and quickly scrambled in silence over to the ripped and worn out sofa, ruffling my hair and sprawling my limbs along the comfort zone as to look like I had been sleeping the whole time while Chanyeol stepped out of his room, myself with my eyes closed, I was unable to know whether or not he turned his head to glance at me, but I guessed not.
    He sounded so serious and stern saying that last sentance, and I had to force myelf not to open my eyes and check out his facial expression.
    I didn't hear the sound of Baekhyun leaving after him until at least a few minutes later, where he dragged his feet out and stumbled up the stairs to the main house, repeating Chanyeol's actions.
    Although he was gone and I knew I was alone, I kept my eyes closed and let myself be dragged into the world of deep thought inside my head.
    I hated not knowing things, not knowing things was like being laughed at, and being laughed at, not with, hurt most of the time. I wanted to have my own little secret for once, but there was no point of having one if I didn't know the contents of it completely.
    So I started thinking and thinking...
    Baekhyun and Chanyeol had done something the other night, that made them fall out, and they wanted to be friends again so that Jongdae wouldn't feel awkward?
    It wasn't just an argument though, one of them did something to make the other mad and it must've been pretty serious if it meant they didn't talk to each over for a while.
    Finally I reopened my eyes, the slightly broken light burning my eyes because they had been closed for so long, and pulled myself off the sofa, staring at the door which led to Chanyeol's room.
    My own little secret, right behind those doors.
    I got myself onto my bare feet and stepped towards the door, pushing it lightly by my fingertips, the gentle push making it slowly open with a creak. With another nudge, this time by my feet, the door was fully open, and I overlooked my hyung's bedroom.
    Like in all the basement rooms the painting on the walls were starting to peel off, there were posters of old bands and vintage objects on the old wooden tables and drawers they had collected from the funfair after it closed down, along with object like stuffed toys and souvenirs from when it was open. I shut the door behind me slightly, only revealing a small crack open in case I needed to leave, and then proceeded on my inspection.  
    There was one or two cans from the other night on the floor, some clothes here and there, boxers sticking out from under the bed...
    Wait...
    There was something beside the boxers, a slightly shimmering plastic looking thing, it was square and was torn at the end, but I couldn't quite recognise it, so I bent down and pulled it out from the shadows underneath the bed.
    It was...

I have my own little secret.
    Actually I have two.
    One is that Jongin touched me and tried to sleep with me while we were drunk the night before last night.
    The other was that on the same night, Baekhyun and Chanyeol slept with each over.
    I feel like for once that I'm older than I am, I have the power over Jongin and I have power over Baekhyun and Chanyeol, although I have nothing against those two, I do have something against Jongin.
    I defiantly don't have something against Junmyeon, however after finding out the secret about Baekhyun and Chanyeol, I returned to the main house to see Junmyeon making coffee. He looked like he didn't get an ounce of sleep last night, and when I talked to him he seemed as jumpy as ever.
    Another secret I could soon discover, but that wasn't important at the moment.
    What was important, however, was Jongin, and I was going to have a talk with him.
    I start looking around the main house, passing Minseok in a hurry and being able to dodge any questioning looks he throws towards me. I pass the small spare bedroom in which I hate from memories, and make my way to the large ladder that leads up to the attic. I climb my way up to the massive room, seeing Jongdae and Baekhyun playing cards and the faint voice of Junmyeon in his room with Yixing I guess. The attic only has two rooms (for Junmyeon and Yixing), both quite small on the left side when you come up, while on the right, in the corner, four large curtains have formed two rooms. Jongdae looked away from his game of cards to peer at my own head that had suddenly appeared.
    "Hey Sehun-ah! Wanna play?" He asks, sitting in a pile of cushions and pillows and unaware of Baekhyun leaning forward and taking a peek of his cars as he lowers his hands slightly.
    "I'm fine hyung, but do you know where Jongin-hyung is?"
    Jongdae shrugged then shook his head. I sigh, "Okay, thanks anyway," and I reverse my way back down the ladder.
    When I'm back onto the main floor, I race over to the basement door on the floor right next to the ladder, opening it up and making my way down the steps.
    "Jongin-hyung!" I call halfway down the stairs, however there is no reply, and I can't be bothered to go check and return back up the stairs and shut the door.
    That leads the only place left for him to be is outside, and so I head over to the front door, stepping over the many shoes crowded around the doormat, slipping my feet into my own, and head outside.
     I'm wearing a jumper and it's a fairly nice day outside so I'm fairly okay on going outside without a coat. 
    I feel like I needed to take a walk outside anyway, because it's such a nice day, however I start to maybe regret trying to find Jongin. What would I do with the information? Maybe I should just talk to him, make sure he never does anything like that again...
    Everything's so confusing, all these secrets and feelings starting to surface, and I worry how long everyone can keep it from each over, especially Minseok, until it all just takes over us.
    We're supposed to be a family, we're no supposed to have secrets.
    And yet here I am, with plenty of my own. Yet I don't feel bad, maybe because for once I want to be like my hyungs.
    I keep an eye out for Jongin, his messy brown hair and long legs, it's not like I'd spot anyone else.
    Sitting by the abandoned (like everything else) bumper cars, is said person I'm looking for.
    He seems out of this world, staring off into space, eye lids droopy and lying on the platform of the ride, although it looks like he's half asleep, I can see the center of his eyes darting around and inspecting the clear blue sky.
    "Jongin-hyung," my voice calls out for him, weaker than I wanted it to and that makes me embarrassed. 
    Without much effort showing he lolls his head to me and his eyes open ever so slightly more. I expected more and I don't know why, so I take a step forward, and then another, but he hardly blinks, let alone moves.
    "Leave me alone," he says it quietly, as if he thinks I'm not going to hear.
    But I do, I hear it clearly.
    "I told you to get off of me and you didn't do that." Finally his eyes widen and he sits up, looking like he's taking me seriously, and I can remember the face he had when he touched me and breathed on my neck, and I can see him reliving and re-watching the same moment as I am.
    "Sehun..."
    "I wasn't drunk, I had a hangover, but I wasn't drunk, so I remember everything, and I'm thinking you weren't the drunk either, not as much as you acted to be," I explain, but he doesn't want to listen, unlike myself he wants to brush it away, where nobody can ever remind him or accuse him. Because he wanted to do it, he wasn't forced and he wasn't completely drunk like Yifan, he did it and he remembers it, and he knows I remember it too, and that I have mixed feelings about it, mainly disappointment though.
    His head hung low, and I hope, I beg in my mind, that he had given in to the truth.
    "I should've listen to you when you told me to get off..." he knelt his head down so and ran bronze fingers through his hair, "I'm sorry."
    "But why did you do it?! You're confusing me Jongin, do you really need to have something underneath you so bad? Are you like Yifan? I thought you weren't, I thought you hated him and what he did-"
    "I DO!" He yells, hands shaking as he grips at his head and brings it down so that his forehead rests between his knees. He looks so frustrated, but I can't feel sorry for him, and so I remind myself as each second passes what he did and how he did it and how bad he is most of the time, at everything. But it's getting to me really bad, the way he's acting, and the pity feels like it's going to start pouring out uncontrollably and he's going to see it. "I do," he repeats more softly.
    I need to say something, how he can't say he hates what Yifan is and what he did when he did it himself, or how he gets all the girls attention when he goes out, so why pick me? Or...
    "I love you," he whispers, "That's why I did it."

    I hate being the youngest.

    And I hate not knowing things.

    But for once, I just wish...

    I had left a secret, a secret. 

Was it satisfying after waiting so long? I promise the next chapters will be much quicker T^T Anyway, hope you enjoyed, don't be afraid to comment ^o^!