2. Birthday, is it?

My dream was the reason why I got up from my bed... I died? Really? It's fine. Soon enough. I walked to the bathroom, stared at my reflection. My skin's just fine, but the thing is, I'm getting skinnier? I stared at my face. A lot of things changed. My hair color changed, the brown hair I used to have became blonde already. My oh so fluffy nose, became more stable. My v lips, is still the same. Even though it has a lot of cracks. Am I still the same Kim Hyoyeon in those past 7 years?

No, not anymore. I'm not the dancing queen anymore. As far as I can remember, SMTOWN supposed to be my family. My family? The only family that's left with me is my real mother, my real brother and grandmother. The group that was supposed to be my sisters, doesn't feel like it anymore.

They don't appreciate me, most of the time. It feels like I'm nothing, really, really nothing. If I were to be reborn again, I won't enter S.M. Entertainment once again. I shouldn't dance like madman in an audition before, I shouldn't just put my best on it. I don't want this anymore, I didn't knew that it was gonna be is hard.

I loved them so much, very much. I cared for them so much, very much. By the mere fact that they won't even give me a single attention. When I walk towards them, they'll act like they didn't see me. I'll try to talk with the maknae but then the giant would interfere. I can't start any conversation with them because they're busy. Always.

I checked my phone if there's any messages. One from Jinki and Kibum.

'Hyoyeonie~ Did you wake up soundly? Your heart? Is it fine? Call me if there's anything you need. I heard from Kibum that you were slapped by your manager? Eat well. I'll see you later. And noona, Happy Birthday! Love, Lee Jinki the cutest dongsaeng of yours ever.'

As I read the message, I'm smiling. He never fails to make me smile. He perfects my day. Same with Kibum. They make me happy. Happy Birthday? What date is it today? September 22? Oh. It's my birthday. Really? I'm kind of excited. We don't know, maybe my members have some kind of surprise for me. There's noting wrong with hoping, right?

I opened Kibum's message.

'Kim Hyoyeon, noona, my lovely noona, you're so pretty even when you had your bed hair. Of course, you're pretty. You're my noona. Anyway, I told hyung about what happened. He needs to know. Are you fine? Okay? I'll fetch you later, for the check up. You need that. You know, just follow your handsome dongsaeng, which is me. By the way,  Happy Birthday my lovely noona! Be happy! I'll just kiss you for your birthday present. :* I love you!'

What kind of message is this anyway? Of course, Kibum is one of my favorite dongsaengs. He's cute especially when he does his aegyo. He's much sweeter compared to Jinki but I love both of them. The time when I can't find myself and just wanted to quit the SNSD, they comforted me and gave me strength. Both of them are very very special to me.

I checked the time, 8:52 am. It's still early. I don't have any schedule for this day. Probably, the members are already out for their own schedule. And I'm not included with that. I'm out of the league. What do they expect?

I stood up and walked to the closet to grab some clothes to wear. I'll take a nice shower. But I can feel something bad on my left foot. Yeah, I remembered. I got that sprain because of Sooyoung. When I tried to congratulate her for her new tv show, she pushed me away.

I just shruged out the thought and headed straight to the bathroom. I still have an hour and a half to prepare.

I wear something presentable and prepared myself for my check-up. I went out of my room and saw Sunny, she just looked at me for a second or two and rested her eyes back on her cell phone. She stood up and headed straight to her room. I just watched her, leaving me, every single one of them are always like this. Once they saw me, they'll act like I'm nothing, invisible.

Right after I stepped on the kitchen floor, I heard someone speak on my back.

"Hyoyeonie, Happy Birthday!"

Sunny smiled at me and gave me a small box. I can't help but cry. This would probably my last time to spend my birthday with my bestfriend. I took her gift and opened it. I saw a silver bracelet. It was a simple bracelet and there's something written on top of it. Sunny and Hyoyeon in hangul.

"Thank you. Salamat sobra (Salamat means thank you, and sobra means very much. I can't put two thank you(s) in one dialogue). I thought you've already forgotten about it. You made my day." I hugged her tightly.

"You're welcome. That would be the only thing I can give you. Are you going out or something? I will also leave for my schedule, I just waited for you to wake up. I still have 30 more minutes before the start of my shooting. Can we go together?" I'm so confused about the way she talked, the way she constructed her sentences. I need to act like I didn't notice it.

"It's fine, you can go. I still have something to do. Bye." I walked her to the main door.

She took the bracelet she gave me and put it on my right wrist. She showed me hers and saw that we have the same bracelet. Couple one?

"Cute? Do we have the same? SunHyo?" I smiled to her, the real one.

"No. I'm kinda loyal to HyoKey. Bye!" I chuckled at her cuteness and told her to get out already.

I, once again, walked to the kitchen, still having the smile on my face. At least, Sunny did greeted me, remembered my birthday. With just Sunny alone, I'm happy. It gave me that little hope, thinking that I am still a member of this group.

"Miss Kim, we already got some heart donor for you. We ensure you that the heart we'll be giving you is healthy. Everything that is needed to match the heart with your body was already checked and confirmed. The thing is, I'm not sure if your body will just blankly accept the new heart just like that."

"I don't want to, I can't have my heart changed. I'm fine with this hear, the original one. You told me that medicines can still save me, right? I can still do this."

"Hyo, please. You need this. You need to have this surgery. Don't wait for your disease to get worsen day by day. Please, listen to me." Kibum then looked at me with serious eyes.

I don't want this. I love my heart. This thing, they all called diseased heart, is the reason why I can still dance, before okay, I can still breath and live. I can't just remove this from my body just because it has that pretty tiny hole within it. There's a lot of people who still need that heart, why don't they just give it to them? They probably need it more than I do. I can survive this, I'm still strong, I guess. I looked at him and shooked my head.

"Hyo, I want you to live. Please. We still need you. Do you want Taemin to get mad at you? He likes you so much. Please Hyo. Just this one, trust me." Still looking at him, I want to live. Of course, who wouldn't? I want to continue my life, my journey.

But do I deserve this? As I reasoned earlier, there are a lot of people who are experiencing this disease but don't have the money to even buy it. I'm not deserving. But Kibum wants me to live. 'We still need you'? Who? Who needs me? My mom probably wants me to live, my brother, too. But, no.

"Hyo, Jinki hyung needs you. Even I, need you, especially that Taemin. Your family needs you, Sunny noona. Please." Yes or no? What to do?

"Fine. Please, check everything that is needed for that heart to work inside my body. I still want to live. If the heart isn't meant for my body, find me another one. I'll buy that heart and donate it, thank you."

Kibum stood up and his expression was priceless, really. I wanted to laugh but I can't because he showed me his cute face. He hugged me while jumping which cause my body to go up and down like his. Yes, by this feeling, I can assure my self that I still want to live.

"Miss Kim, we'll take care of the surgery around 5-6 weeks. We still need to check the stats to see if it can fit you body, as I said earlier. And that heart is located at America. We need to be sure that it'll get here safely." That long?

"5-6 weeks? That hole on my heart? Will that get bigger or something?"

"Just drink your medicines and that won't get big, attend your check-ups regularly. And take care of yourself. I'm sure that your boyfriend won't leave you alone, he'll take care of you, right?" She laughed. She's probably talking about Kibum.

"This guy? Is my boyfriend? HAHAHAHA. No." I laughed while pointing at this guy beside me.

"Yah. You're kinda evil, you know. I'm handsome, duh."

"Ew."

"Call me noona, you brat. You only call me that when you need something from me."

"Noona, noona..." His voice is so irritating.

"Stop. Just call me Hyo, it's much better."

"But, if we already attached the new heart to your body and that didn't work or your body can't handle it, we need to preserve your heart. We'll return your former heart, the original one and you'll need to drink medicines. Again. Until we found a heart donor, once again. But I believe that you body can handle it, stay strong and pray." She told me while looking straight into my eyes. I can see nothing but pity in her eyes.

She's my doctor ever since I found out about this heart I have. I have this disease ever since I was a kid but my parents hid it from me. The first time I experienced an attack, I thought it was my asthma, but it was more than that.

I just smiled at her and at how she looks at me.

"I'm willing to wait. If ever you found a new heart and my body can't work with it, I'll still buy it. And my heart, I want to keep it. I'll take care of it, can I?"

"Of course."

She hugged me and both Kibum and I sent her our goodbyes.

"Thank you. Finally, I made you agree with me. It's been 2 month, oh God."

"Didn't you say that you want me to live? So I guess, I still have reason(s) to live."

"Thank you."

Welcome. As long as there's still someone who wants me to live, I'll continue.