11. Tiffany's POV

Year 2011

“Fany,” Taeyeon said as she invited herself into my room.

I just looked at her with my narrowing eyes. I don’t really have the energy left to say anything. I just wanted to rest.

“Don’t say anything to Hyoyeon, and if possible, just don’t call her Hyo,” she said with a rushed tone and left my room.

I just stared at the lingering presence she left in my room-- more specifically, I stared at the door and bounced back, leaving a loud, drop noise. Curiosity overfills me. As far as I could remember, there is nothing else in this world that Hyoyeon ever wanted but for us girls, to call her Hyo and I think, Taeyeon’s being unfair.

I stood up and got ready to follow Taeyeon, but when I got into the hallway, she was nowhere. I really have no time to look for her because though I wanted to rest, a Girls’ Generation member is always booked. Fixing my things inside my small bag, I wasn’t able to look at my front and bumped into someone.

I looked up and saw Hyoyeon, “Hyo, I’m going outside!” and hugged her.

For some reason, this hug feels sentimental.

After I let Hyoyeon go, she immediately went to her room and in the corner of my peripheral vision, I was able to see Taeyeon. Staring down at me, with her mean eyes.

I approached her, but she snapped her head at me, “What is the problem?” I asked, demanding some sort of answer from her.

But instead of receiving an answer, all she could ever give me was her body turning away from me and walking straight towards her and Jessica’s room.

There are a lot of things I couldn’t understand, and I know that I should’ve done something, but instead, I watched her-- almost fading with her audible voice saying, “Just follow my orders. I am the leader of this group.”

I still have my thoughts messed up due to what happened, but I still went to my schedule for this day.

When I got back to our dorm, it was already nighttime. My voice is in its worst condition and my body was already demanding rest hours ago. The dorm wasn't busy, it looks like no one was inside it, as if it has been abandoned and was just used as a bed to sleep.

I looked for them and remembered, "Hyoyeon!" I shouted because I knew that Hyoyeon is here, always here. But when I got inside her room, she was nowhere.

I searched everywhere but no one was there.

Was she in the bar? I fished out my phone and called her. It only took a few rings before I heard a faint sound in the background and a welcoming voice.

"Hey there," Hyoyeon's calm voice rang my ears and I immediately perked up at her.

"Where are you?" I questioned her in an attempt to sound intimidating and she only replied with a chuckle, "I'm with Min."

Disappointment rushed to my face. One thing is the fact that I am not that close with Min and another thing is that she wasn't in the bar to party.

I already opened my mouth to speak, but I heard Taeyeon screamed my name pushing me to end the call in that instant and kept it inside my pocket. that she was supposed to be here.

Inside her room remains nothing but her bed and her organized things, which I love the most about her. Knowing that the time already strikes at seven o’clock in the evening, she was supposed to be here. I reached out to my phone and called her, enjoying myself to the sound of the birds chirping as her ringtone.

“Hyo!” I perked up at her the moment she took the call, “Are you at the club?”

In contrast to her being in a club, it feels like she was residing in someplace that was calm and soothing. I couldn’t hear any blasting sounds, only silence and her voice filling it up. Hyoyeon chuckled at me, I know it was directed to me.

“I’m with Min, looking for handsome trainees,” she said with a rushed tone.

I didn’t know that Taeyeon was home neither did I hear her coming inside our front door. But somehow, her voice rang inside the room and I immediately ended the call with Hyoyeon without giving her enough explanation.

Sitting in the living room with her are Jessica and Yuri. I can sense the heavy atmosphere and the deafening silence that wanted to tear up each of our throats and force us to speak.

It was too heavy that it felt burdened.

Taeyeon’s eyes were slick. Those exact eyes were forming more coherent words than her lips could. Her eyes were also full of hurt, loss of passion and hatred. It felt so new-- it was like she wasn’t the Taeyeon that we all used to know.

When she asked all of us to ignore Hyoyeon, only Yuri and I were against it. Jessica used her trump card, “I’m the favorite of Mr. Kim, you wouldn’t dare me to ask him to do anything to you and your career, Hwang Miyoung.”

They keep on brainwashing Yuri to finally step out of her shell and get what she deserves as if it was something the two of them could decide.

They wanted Hyoyeon to become a shadow of the Girls’ Generation because everyone here knows that she is the light.

I bit the tip of my tongue and swallowed all the tears that stings my eyes. I am beyond in the imagination of my anger, and all I want to do right now is to slap their faces to wake them up.

This is not right.

“What the are you two talking about?” I started to feel my chest burn.

They snapped both of their heads in my direction while the scolded younger member had her head hang low. It’s okay Yuri, I understand you, don’t be sorry. I understand you--

“Are you really going to do that to your favorite member? Favorite unnie?” I dared her to answer both of my questions, each pertaining to their very different own meanings.

“If I won’t get what I want in the years of being a member of this group, then why would I favor her?”

My eyes widened enough to push Yuri to look away and walk out of the room. Meanwhile the two oldest of the group chuckled lowly and clasped their hands together. My teeth began to chatter and I can already hear the sound it makes.

Rubbing the pads of my fingers, I hurriedly looked for their eyes-- to search for something; for meaning, but all that they’ve had are those cold, dark eyes. Jessica opened and threatened me, “Miyoung, choose: Follow us or I’ll break your brother’s heart?” and that's when my world began to fall.

They seem light hearted and fine when they stand up and walk to their bedroom, but I am here, wailing silently with my knees brushing the ground. The moments that I genuinely cherish with Hyoyeon were replaying, as if my mind is on a movie.

But my brother,

Can Hyoyeon take it for me and my selfish being?

I grabbed my phone and typed a message for Hyoyeon. This might be the last.

I love you, Hyoyeon.

It wasn’t really that surprising that almost each one of us followed our leader’s orders like they were absolute. There was something we could do for sure but we all chose not to do that because Taeyeon always has something to say to threaten us.

Yes that is the word.

But what makes everyone almost is the presence of Sunny.

Sunny still has her usual smile, but nowadays, they seem off. I knew she just wanted to get out of this and take care of Hyoyeon-- we all somehow knew all of that. She eats Hyoyeon’s cooking every morning and she’s there by Hyoyeon’s side, and I really thank her for that.

There are times that they blame Hyoyeon for a lot of things during our practices, but Hyoyeon wouldn’t get mad. She’d have her head hung low and her fragile smile to reply to the angry remarks of the older.

What makes me mad is not just the mere existence of hate in this group. What makes me mad is that I, a member of Girls’ Generation, cannot do anything in this kind of situation. I feel hopeless, I feel hurt-- I feel everything there is to feel and gosh, I have the nerve to make this all about myself when Hyoyeon was silently crying deep inside.

For ’s sake, she was hurting!

My eyes drifted to Jessica who is now scolding Seohyun for standing up for Hyoyeon. I am really envious of her. What a brave maknae you truly are, Seohyun-ah.

Year 2012

We are currently practicing for the dance of our song ‘Paparazzi’ and as usual, there is a huge discussion over the line distribution and dance break parts. Yuri wanted to have those, but the choreographer wouldn’t let her. That was why Hyoyeon smiled her way to the choreographer and asked him to give the parts to Yuri.

I felt my heart clench at what’s happening in front of my eyes right now. I wanted to run to her and hold her hands, tuck her blonde hair behind her ears and hugged her to tell her that it’s okay, that I’m here but I’m just a mere hypocrite, aren’t I?

“Stop acting Hyoyeon,” Taeyeon said.

The once heavy atmosphere we’ve had became heavier and though there are a lot of things I wanted to do for her, I chose to linger my eyes to anywhere else but them.

“Say what you want Taeyeon or else, dance.”

Taeyeon was obviously shocked at Hyoyeon’s words but I was clearly amazed. I held my thumb up for Hyoyeon to see and exactly, the choreographer chose Hyoyeon to have it. I’m proud of our main dancer.

*

Today we are selecting our outfits for our upcoming concert and when I looked over at everyone, Hyoyeon was just sitting on the side, not bothering to swarm up with us and would probably choose to have the last and least. I knew what was going to happen, and it didn’t even need a genius to do so because the moment that Jessica reached out to the rack, what’s left for our main dancer is the unwanted-- the most unattractive one.

A stylist came up to us and narrowed her eyes to look for someone, “Who’s going to have the dance break?” and asked us as if pertaining to Hyoyeon.

Hyoyeon didn’t respond but stood up and dragged her legs towards the stylist. The stylist just gave Hyoyeon a grin and whispered, “You have something different.” and tugger her arm.

I heard all of that and couldn’t help but break a smile inwardly. I watched Hyoyeon pick out her outfit, something pretty and something that suits her style. Envy filled up my chest but my thoughts about how Hyoyeon shone than most of us remained still and made me happy. She’s shining.

My eyes travelled to the figure of our other dancer. Her eyes were filled with the same emotion I felt, but somehow, this feels a little bit more darker. She rolled her eyes at Hyoyeon and walked over to our oldest.

*

Today is Hyoyeon’s birthday and I willingly shared to Suuny about Hyoyeon, but unfortunately, Sunny would be out of town when I surprise Hyoyeon so I asked for Hyoyeon’s dear friends to help me. I rushed to my closet and picked out my clothes changes and ran out of my room, only to be pulled at by Jessica.

“What’s your problem?” I scoffed off at Jessica’s face.

Jessica and I never really talked to each other that much. Our relationship felt more like a chore, a business deal, rather than a relationship that is filled with friendship. Sure enough that we spent our childhood together, but spending so much time with each other doesn’t guarantee life and soul.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Jessica started while her face grimaced with anger, “I know what you’re planning,” she said her last few words before turning away from me and slowly walked away.

My face burned up with anger and my thoughts were filled with words that people wouldn’t expect me to say-- but this? It was too much. All of these were too much. I hate it.

“Whatever you say to me, I’d still do what I want to do. You cannot stop me, Jessica,” I whispered under my ragged breath and tried to calm myself down.

I may not do what I plan to do, but this day would be special. Only for Hyoyeon;

Year 2013

Our producer began distributing our parts for our song IGAB, and all of our staff already approved that Hyoyeon should get all of the rap parts for this song. While all of the members are present, one of the producers raised his head up and spoke, “She can’t do that. Split it with Yoona.”

My initial reaction to the statement was to look upon the expression of Hyoyeon, but it hurt me to see the way she tries so hard to look unbothered but I know that when other people doubt her capabilities, it breaks her inside. I searched for her eyes that floated away from this situation at hand, and on her side was Sunny that remained there with her pursed lips and held her hand underneath.

We all know that Sunny didn’t even try to listen to Taeyeon and Jessica order us around. She always managed to escape their eyes. She used everything to her will just to protect Hyoyeon, and I admire Sunny for that. She uses her influence to the good and stands beside her best friend.

While all of them are discussing the center part, my eyes drifted to Yuri. Evident to her face is the dismay when Yoona was called out to be in the leading center.

Year 2014

Lately, I have been noticing that Hyoyeon lost a lot of weight and she tries so hard to lessen her party side as she always stays inside her room. More than that, it kind of bothers me to see Sunny follow Hyoyeon everywhere, as if Sunny was helping her for things that she couldn't help herself with.

Hyoyeon also seems to go out every once in a while, but she looks so sad. What is happening with her? I saw a anticoagulant medicine in our bathroom counter, I saw an oxygen tank underneath Hyoyeon’s bed, and there are cries-- and I am sure that they’re of Hyoyeon’s.

What is happening?

*

We all went to our schedules leaving Sunny and Hyoyeon inside our dorms. Not that I am worrying about Hyoyeon because I am sure that Sunny would be there to protect her. I am with Taeyeon for our recording, though this may take a while, I made sure to skip my lunch to buy a gift for Hyoyeon because today is her birthday.

I realized that greetings through text messages wouldn’t show that much appreciation for Hyoyeon so I decided to slip through Taeyeon’s eyes and bought her something beautiful.

When we got back to our dorm, the first thing I did was to look for Hyoyeon, but when I finally saw her, she was with Taeyeon, arguing over something I didn’t want to know anymore. Grudging inside my anger, I dragged my feet to my room and kept the gift. I’ll probably just give it later.

*

I woke up to the sound of Sooyoung’s snoring and noticed that I am still wearing the same clothes I wore last night when Taeyeon forced us to wear something fancy and go to a party. I can’t remember exactly what happened, but it must be such a long hard night for all of us.

I went outside to grab a glass of water but abruptly stopped when I heard the ringing voice of Taeyeon once again, “Stop being a , I am so tired of it,” she exclaimed and walked out.

I looked at their faces-- Sunny was really worried about Hyoyeon, I knew and I noticed with the way she supported Hyoyeon’s body to her room. I searched for Hyoyeon’s face, but it remained poker, cold, and hidden to the rest of us. She must be hurting.

And then I turned to the kitchen to see Yoona and Seohyun crying.

Again, what the hell is going on?

I ran towards the locked door of Hyoyeon’s room and desperately tried to listen to their conversation. I know, the eyes of the youngests are staring down at me, but I can’t help it.

There was a sound of bumping and numerous tapping of something hollow. It was resounding. But what worries me the most are the sobs.

Please, Hyoyeon needs me. Hyoyeon needs us.

Sunny came out of the room and looked at me with her knowing eyes. Clutched by her left arm is the oxygen tank-- wait, what? Oxygen tank?

*

It's another day with Taeyeon and Jessica’s manipulation. My instagram’s password was already changed by Jessica and now, they wanted the three of us to look like we have nothing else to do and to be but be friends and act like we are actual friends.

I am so tired of them.

We are now inside a cafe with only a few people around. But since I didn’t want to be with them right now, my attention span for them lasted a second and I got interested even by the little things that happens inside this place.

Until the door opened and revealed Hyoyeon together with her 2ne1 friends. She looks so happy. Her eyes wandered and for a while, they lingered to me and the other two members that were with me. She smiled, but her eyes didn’t.

It must hurt so much.

I am so sorry Hyoyeon.

“Give me your phone,” Taeyeon poked me and raised her hand in front of my face, waving it to capture my attention.

I held on to my phone, tightly, because I knew what they were planning to do. Please, no--

“You know exactly what I can do, Miyoung,” Jessica said with a smile as if she did not just threaten me.

*

We are in the studio, filming for Strong Heart, and I am talking to Seohyung when Jiyong and Hyoyeon walk side by side in front of us. Jiyong’s arms are wrapped around Hyoyeon’s shoulders and they look like they’re close.

Yuri pulled Hyoyeon’s arms to hers, and Hyoyeon looked like she was hurt by Yuri’s nails, but Jiyong was faster, “Yuri, right?” Jiyong asked with a smile.

Jiyong’s eyes were hooded, and dark, as if he was actually trying to protect Hyoyeon from everything. His protective stance stood out and the way he used his arms as a defense to any threats made me realize that Hyoyeon may no longer need us--

“Would you mind letting my girlfriend go? It’s been a while since we’ve had this kind of moment, you see,” he remarked, which made my eyes go wide and my hands hold on to Seohyun.

Girlfriend?!

*

The shooting ended with Hyoyeon banging her chest. She looked like she’s about to cry and about to pass out. Her eyes longed for Jiyong and Jiyong immediately rushed to her side and stood her up.

Is she anemic? Is she having an episode of asthma? But she was banging on her chest, and kid me not, I saw that for a lot of times.

Oxygen tank.

Sunny.

Anticoagulant medications.

Oh-- she has a heart problem, no?

*

When the shooting ended, I didn’t think twice and ran to her side, panicking to ask her about what happened. She told me that she has a low blood pressure, but this seems like this is not just the blood pressure. There is something there-- I swear.

I watched her walk to Sunny and I saw Sunny pointed at her chest.

This confirms it all.

Oh God, I am so ing sorry Hyoyeon.

I am going to fix this.

.