I need you girl, why do I keep needing you when I know I’ll get hurt?

He did this often recently. He used to spend barely any time analysing himself, but now it's all he does.

He turned off the tap, and looked himself in the eyes. He rubbed his face a little, tugging a little on his lip. All he could think of was what others must think of him. How embarrassing it must be to have him around them. People didn't care about him, at least he didn't think so.

he opened the cupboard behind him, and looked at what was there. Various hair and skin products and the occasional medicine. There was just a numbing pain hovering over his body, and he wanted it to go away. He looked through all the medicines, but none of them would take away the pain.

Except one.

There was one medicine there that was strong enough to take away most the pain. It was from the last time he got very sick. It was so long ago that he forgot he had it, but it was here. He opened the lid and took two pills out. He put them in his mouth and swallowed them quickly. He put the container in his pocket and smiled.

These drugs numbed his body slightly and made him feel happy. He got dressed and headed out for the day.

He continued to take these pills throughout the days that went by. As the days increased, so did his dosage.

One morning he woke up, the same as any other. He felt horrible, he felt sick in the stomach and a pounding in his head. He slowly staggered to his bathroom, and the tap. He looked up and saw his reflection in the mirror. He reached out to open the cupboard door, but he stopped himself. He took a moment to analyse himself once more. His cheeks were thin, he had dark bags and his eyes were slightly bloodshot. He looked so much worse than before all of this started, but he couldn't do anything about it.

He was happier, even if it was just for a while.

But he didn't want to keep distorting himself like this. He hated himself before but now he'd taken a moment to look at himself properly, without being on the medicine, and he hated himself more. He was scared, he was so scared that he would continue to be an addict like this. To abuse this medicine so much that he's started to look different because of that.

He didn't want these thoughts anymore. He pulled out his new container of pills and poured them into his hand. He was hasty and spilled most of the pills into the sink, but he didn't care. It was important to him that he felt happy.

After he swallowed, he took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and waited as the pills took their effect. He started to lift the corners of his mouth with the new happiness running through him. But then he heard his phone. He walked over to his bed and opened up his phone.

From: Seokjin

Hey Hobi!  It's been a while. A few months actually.

I'm in the area, want to catch up?

He smiled at receiving the text, but he soon realised he was in a mess. He didn't know how his best friend would react to seeing him like this.

To: Seokjin

Hey, I'm glad you're in the area.

Maybe we could catch up tomorrow?

From: Seokjin

Why? Can't we catch up now?

You never turn down a chance to meet with me.

Is everything all right?

To: Seokjin

Yeah, I'm just not feeling great today

That's all.

Meet tomorrow at the cafe?

He didn't wait to see the reply, instead he walked back into the bathroom. He looked at the mess he had made. The mess his life had become. He walked over to the sink and knelt down, so that his face was resting on the edge of the sink. There was water in the bowl and some pills half dissolved. He put his fingers in the water and played with the pills. Even though he should've felt happy on the medicine, he felt blank. It wasn't just his body that was numbing anymore, it was his brain too. He didn't feel happy, he just felt numbed. He had mistaken the lack of feelings for the feeling of happiness.

He was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't hear me walk in. At first I was angry that he had abused the pills, but I saw how blank he was, so there was no use doing anything. I saw him start to clean up the mess, so I helped him. He was pretty upset, so we just hugged together for a while.

He really was suffering. We all were.

It was just a matter of time before we could all be together. I helped him pack a little bag and took him back to my hotel. Jimin was still there, and they both enjoyed seeing each other after such a long time. We talked there for a while before they fell asleep, and I laid there with my thoughts for a while.

I was trying to be the best friend that I could be, because honestly, I'm suffering too. A lot of things have gone wrong. For all of us.

But maybe being back together, all of us, maybe that would do us all some good.

Don't be afraid to comment, I love reading them! I want to hear what you guys think of this so far!