I’m afraid

Walking around to the back where the boys were playing, I grabbed one of the spare blankets. Passing by, I could see that Taehyung had a winning hand he was waiting to use. Jimin looked u briefly and caught me walking past, and lifted his hand in acknowledgement, me briefly returning the gesture.

Getting round to the open door where Hoseok's head was resting between his knees, I draped the blanket over his shoulders, gently rubbing circles into them with my thumb to comfort him. "Hey... Hoseok, what's wrong?"

He only continued to shake, and I noticed how shallow his breathing was. Carefully, I knelt down in front of him and held him the best I could despite the difficult position. Trying to hug the shakes out of him, I noticed how badly he was shaking. He made a move to face me, both of us moving to see each other better. "Hyung..."

"What's up Hoseok? You can tell me." He hesitated, his eyes flitting downwards in embarrassment. He smiled in exasperation, sighing pitifully before looking up at me again. "Do you miss me?"

"Hm?"

"Hyung, do you miss me?"

"I did, a lot. Then I found you and now we're here together. I don't need to miss you anymore."

"I miss you hyung. You've changed since the last time I saw you. Something's different with you hyung, with everyone, but especially you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're distant... It's strange, you didn't seem any different at first, but there's a distant aura about you now. Silly, right?" He smiled before he seemed to have a spasm and have an intense shivering fit. "Hobi, what's happening, are you ok?"

All he could do was shake his head as he began to rock himself back and forth in the seat. He fumbled around in his jacket for something, very shakily holding out a bottle of pills and trying to open it. I watched as he eventually opened it and tried to shake some out, seemingly afraid of spilling out too many. "Hyung..." He held out to bottle for me to take, shakily holding up a hand with three fingers. I tried to read the label, but he tried to hurry me and get his pills. I poured out three and held open his hand as I put the three in his palm. As soon as I let go of his hand he threw them into his mouth, swallowing them dry. His shakes seemed to immediately calm, leaving him only shivering slightly.

Gawking in disbelief, I could only stare as he took back his pills and screwed the lid on before putting it back in his jacket pocket. He looked up to me apologetically, and I could finally see how empty his eyes actually were. My gaze must've been harder than I intended it to be as he sat and fidgeted uncomfortably trying to avoid me. "Hoseok..."

"I know." An uncomfortable silence took over us as he heard Yoongi shift in the back seat, grunting softly in his sleep. "Jin hyung... You remember, you remember when you came to visit me?"

He looked up hopefully at me, and I definitely could remember when I came t visit him. He had pills everywhere and his eyes were puffed and bloodshot, and I did nothing but help him gather the pills and hold him tightly. I didn't fully understand at the time, so angry at him, my head not able to connect the dots properly at the time. But there was never any indication that he was still taking the pills, or even any reaction as bad as this at all since we had all gathered together. I had thought I imagined it, that it was only a bad dream, but it was indeed real.

"I hate these pills, I hate them so much, I really do. But I can't get rid of them, I crave them so badly... But when you came I was so numbed from them all, they were only just wearing off before you came. I was so scared hyung... I didn't like the guy looking back at me, I had ruined him... And when you came and held me, I wanted to get rid of the pills forever. I wanted to be able to smile and laugh and cry and feel again, so I've been trying hard... But it's too much, my body is so dependent on these stupid pills, I can't throw them away for good..."

I couldn't believe anything he said, but I had to. I really missed him, and I did not want something as small as those pills to come between him and his happiness. He lowered his head in shame, slowly resting it between his knees again. I ran my fingers through his hair, zoning out as tears lined my eyes. I hated seeing him like this, it was horrible. I wanted everyone to leave their troubles behind for good, to just be happy and care-free like we used to be. But it simple wasn't that easy, and I could only try my best to make it easy for him, for everyone.

"Hey, Jinnie, you two ok?" It took a second to snap out of my gaze, but as soon as I blinked away the tears and once again focused on everything around me, I could see Namjoon looking at me with concern. "Namjoon, you're awake!"

"Hmm, but what's wrong?" I looked down and played with Hoseok's hair, the other seeming to have drifted off while I was lost in thought. "Ah, well... He wasn't feeling well, he got a bit overwhelmed when I asked about it."

"Does he need anything? Will he be ok?"

"I hope so... I think we should get back on the road and let him sleep."

"Ok, go tell the kids out the back to get ready."

I nodded before propping Hoseok up more comfortably in his chair and heading round to the back where the boys were still playing cards. I stood and watched them for a moment, watching quietly as they all eyed each other off trying to maintain some bad polker faces. Silently, Jungkook laid down his cards, the other two gasping in shock as they tried their best to keep quiet. A chuckle escaped my lips, and nudging Jungkook's head I told them to pack up and get ready to go for a drive again.

They said they'd all stay out in the back for the drive to let Yoongi sleep some more. Opening up the back door, I carefully lifted Yoongi's head onto my lap as I slid into the back seat so as not to disturb him too much.

Driving off into the night, seeing Namjoon quietly tap a tune on the steering wheel, hearing the boys in the back quietly joke around, feeling Yoongi melt into my lap as he slept, this was the sort of thing I wanted. Everyone happy and just relaxed, a getaway to relax and enjoy each other's company...

No more pain,

No more suffering,

No more hurt,

Just happiness....

Hope you guys are still enjoying this, it's starting to come to the climatic arch, I'm getting excited!!