Chapter 14: Taboo

I’m startled by the voice I hear on the phone. I was expecting it to be Namjoon being annoying. It takes me a moment to reorganise my thoughts.

“H-hoseok?” I stammer. I swallow and repeat myself after calming the tremor in my voice.

“Not a good time?” he asks with a patient tone. Something about his voice over the phone is calming and I have to stop myself from sighing into the phone

I shake my head before remembering I’m on the phone. “No, that wasn’t meant for you!” I hold my breath, unsure how to explain. “Is there something you need?” I ask. I cringe to myself, ‘what am I saying?’ I switch ears and just catch the end of him chuckling under his breath

“Is someone annoying you?” he asks. I hesitate to answer so he adds playfully, “Is it another man? I’ll beat them up for you.”

I choke on my spit.  I hear him laugh more openly this time. I just didn’t expect that line from him.

“I’m just joking,” he chuckles.

I grumble slightly and roll my eyes.

I hear him hesitate before he speaks. “You’re rolling your eyes are you?”

My eyes widen. “How’d you know??”

He laughs again, that contagious heart-warming laugh from his stomach.  “You do it all the time when I say a joke—” he pauses dramatically, “why is that?”

I purse my lips and do that odd laugh where you just let out a short breath of air through your nose. “I do not,” I argue.

“No you do,” he insists. I can imagine him grinning. It takes me a few minutes to realise why I feel so warm and at ease—we used to always talk like this on the phone. He used to point out my habits. We knew each other so well we could see in great detail how the other person was acting on the other end of the phone line. I could lie and he would immediately detect it. I could nod or shake my head, wave my hand, roll, squint or widen my eyes and he would know. Hoseok has always been so observant. He still is.

There’s a silence while I hold my breath. From the cut of his breath I can tell he wavers to ask if I’m alright. Instead he changes the subject.

“Are you free tonight?”

I snap out of it. I my head and hum in response. I begin pacing the room, a smile slowly growing on my face. I forget that moment of bitterness as refreshing feelings fill my chest. “Why?” I ask playfully. I purse my lips to stop myself from beaming.

He chuckles and hums teasingly. I feel my heart skip a beat at his childish laughter. “I’ve got a song I’m working on a few songs that I want you to hear,” he explains. He pauses and adds in cool tone, “Besides, you promised to visit me while I’m producing.”

I can’t stop myself from smiling. I bite my lip and skip small a few steps. I hum loudly as if I’m thinking even though I had already decided when he asked whether I was free. “Sure,” I chant.

“Okay,” he replies with muffled excitement.

I hear rushed footsteps the instant I knock on the studio door. Hoseok greets me with a bright smile to make up for the dim lighting.

I smile back at him but I feel uneasy the moment I walk in. The room hits me with Namjoon. The atmosphere seems to flashback and I feel a kick to my stomach—what I feel about Namjoon and our situation, I’m honestly not sure. Mad? Upset? Confused? Baffled—?

“Are you okay?” Hoseok asks. He’s somehow made his way to the computer without me realising, but has turned back to check up on me. I’m still standing frozen by the door. I feel a pinch in my stomach and a twitch in my expression as I nod and let the door shut behind me.

Hoseok raises a brow as I nervously look around the room. He takes a few steps towards me and his head to examine my face—too close. He hesitates to puts his hands on my shoulders and just smiles unsurely instead. “Are you sure?” he says, “You don’t look so good.” He gently touches my forehead.

I smile weakly. “I’m alright,” I assure him as he takes his hand from my forehead. His touch was so soft.  

He raises a brow but just sighs. I’m glad he lets it go but at the same time somewhat disappointed.

Hoseok then walks over to the computer seat and taps it, gesturing me to sit down. I obediently do so, thanking him under my breath. He holds onto the back and gently tucks me closer to the PC. Hoseok leans over, his chest barely grazing my arm. He smells lightly of cologne and freshly cleaned sheets. I giggle when I realise there’s a dirtier shirt popping out of his bag placed under the table.

“What are you giggling about?” he chuckles as he glances at me. He appears to be making quick edits to the recording.

I shake my head, “nothing!” I grin.

When Hoseok’s finally finished he presses the play button. A twinkling tune comes on with no vocals. He hums along, staring at the screen. I almost flinch when Hoseok starts singing. I look up at him with big eyes. He still stares ahead at the screen, I can see a smile slowly grow on his face when he begins to feel the weight on my stare. I’ve always loved it when he sings—yes, he isn’t the strongest singer but my heart still flutters at his mellow tone and the softness in his expression as he bobs his head. He glances at me but shies away, the smile on his face just glowing brighter as his ears redden. He sings of vague feelings of infatuation in a confusing situation.

Hoseok’s singing starts picking up a rhythm before jumping into a full-fledged rap. Still, his voice keeps the warm atmosphere of the song. He stops after the first chorus though the music continues.

While Hoseok bashfully explains that’s as far as he’s gotten, he leans over to pause the song. I bite my lip and clap softly.

“Nice,” I say softly, I lean over and nod in thought. “I like it,” I add shyly. It suddenly feels hotter in the room and more difficult to look at him but at the same time it’s just as difficult to look away.

Hoseok chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “It still needs a lot of work,” he says.

“Critical as always,” I grin as I lean back in the chair.

He seems taken aback, “Am I?”

I blink at his baffled expression. I try brush it off, stating it wasn’t a bad thing. I realise he has yet to show me that side of his again.

“The song has a nice melody!” I insist in attempt of shooing away some bad vibes, “It’s a bit different from the previous songs you’ve—ah!” I hold my breath and look away. ‘.’ I feel like mentioning the ‘Hoseok’ before the accident is taboo.

Hoseok stiffens. It takes him a moment to recompose himself. “Ah…” is all he can come up to say.