The first song was done, and the crowd responded with cheers and applauses. The four people on the stage showed their genuine smiles while sweat trickled down their foreheads. Yonghwa greeted us in English, which sent the people to shriek even louder. While the others jumped and screamed their lungs out, I stood still, unable to comprehend with my feelings brewing deep inside me.

From where I stood, Yonghwa sparkled. He became even more radiant than before and his aura filled the whole concert hall. Several songs later, the four of them started to move from their positions. They quickly dragged their own stools—aside from Minhyuk—at the center of the stage. Both Yonghwa and Jonghyun were carrying acoustic guitars while Jungshin had an acoustic bass with him. Minhyuk, on the other hand, sat on the Cajon he carried.

“This song,” Yonghwa began in English. “Is something I’ve composed back in middle school.”

The crowd cheered.

“To be honest,” he said again, his eyes sparkling beneath the stage lights. “When I was at that age, I was thinking about someone—”

The people started to object in a teasing manner, which caused the four boys on the stage to look away from a moment with a sheepish smile on their faces.

“The thing is,” Yonghwa carried on, when everyone quieted down. “I couldn’t really tell who that person is. Even so, I could feel that she is someone who’s warm and someone who I can get along with quite well. The closest I can get to her, for now, is through my dreams. Everyone, this is our last song: Sweet Holiday.”

Yonghwa nodded at Minhyuk, and the younger one smiled. He tapped the cajon four times and Yonghwa opened his mouth to sing with the occasional strumming of the guitars.

“I am happy because I met you
I dream because I met you…”

My eyes widened. I could see him closing his eyes for a moment and opening them again, making eye contact with the people in front of them. Some of the audience already started to sway with his voice.

“I laugh whenever I see you
Perhaps this is love…”

There was a break and soon, Minhyuk’s beats became faster and so did the strumming. Jungshin joined in, as well. This time, it was Jonghyun who sang, with Yonghwa accompanying him in the background.

“From the first time I saw you, (Stop my heart)
Wondering if this is a dream, (Fall in love)
My beating heart, (Oh my girl)
This is love…”

Another slight pause and Yonghwa took over the stage, once again. His eyes kept on probing the whole concert hall, as if he was searching for someone. I looked back as well, trying to find that person albeit not being sure who it actually was. Nonetheless, I had the strongest hunch that he was looking for Mina.

“I wonder how to confess
if you've found out about my feeling
if you think the same as me
Everyday I’m thinking of you
our very own Sweet Holiday…”

Minhyuk tapped his Cajon for several times, and the four did the lead, which caused the listeners to bob their heads with the groove. After that, Yonghwa turned to the audience again, with a smile on his face. His eyes, however, were still restless.

“I'll get closer you, Step by step
I'll confess to you, Oh pretty girl
if we are together, Oh I’m okay
this is love…”

Yonghwa then shifted his gaze in our direction, his eyes downcast. There was a glimmer in the way he looked, and my eyes widened when I realized that he was staring at me.

“When I see you in my dream every night,
When my heart beats fast looking at you,
When we fell asleep with our hands held tight
You and I belong together
Our very own Sweet Holiday…”

Those summer days we spent together flashed before my eyes.

You’ll know it, because I’ll be thinking of you while composing that song.

I expected him to look around the concert hall again, but he didn’t. His eyes were glued to where I was, and I nodded at him, signaling him to look away, but he let out a slight, rebellious smirk in return. Tears were beginning to blur my eyesight, and Donghyun took hold of me. He must have felt, at that time, how weak I already was. Everything became a hazy image and the next thing I knew, the song was finished.

“I think,” Yonghwa began, right after the song was over. “I think I finally know who I wrote that song for.”

The crowd listened in anticipation.

“It’s that girl over there,” he said. “The girl with autumn eyes.”

Everyone grew quiet, and I saw Mina’s pale head pop up from the curtains on the stage. Yonghwa’s members looked at him, alarmed.

“Yonghwa,” I muttered. “Please, stop.”

“I think,” he replied in Korean, his voice filled with solemnity. “I really think it is you, Hannah-ssi. My eyes kept on searching for you earlier and it only stopped when I finally spotted you.”

I bit my lower lip. Jinki and Donghyun were eyeing me with a worried stare. I took a step back, and then another. I shook my head in sheer disbelief, and ran all the way outside. I didn’t have a difficult time, since the people made way for me. The staff tried to stop me—probably to ask what was wrong with me—but I broke free just the same.

The crisp, autumn air pierced my lungs like needles the moment I inhaled. There was not a single star in the dark canvas above me that night. Just an airplane flying overhead, and that was it. I heard the lapping of the water nearby. Without taking a second thought, I headed there and stood on the ledge, staring at the waves with a blank look on my face. My tears were beginning to dry up, then, causing my face to become sticky.

In a blink of an eye, I saw something glimmer from down below. I narrowed my eyes even more to focus—I even leaned in closer, trying to figure out what it was. A glass pane? A piece of plastic? The thing bobbed up a little more, and my eyes widened when I saw a flash of white coming from the inside of it.

“A paper in a bottle,” I muttered. I tried to gauge the shallowness of the water from here, and the strength of the current. The bottle was stuck in a corner, no doubt about it. If I jumped in now, then I could get it. That wasn’t just an ordinary bottle, you see. That was our bottle Yonghwa and I floated years ago. The chances of encountering that bottle again were as good as none. However, it was there.

I was already at the very edge of the ledge, poising myself, when I felt someone creep up behind me. It was Yonghwa.

“Why did you run away earlier?” he demanded.

“Why did you have to say a foolish thing?” I shot back in reply.

“What are you trying to do?”

“What does it matter to you?”

“Please don’t be like this,” he bargained, a pleading look was reflected in his eyes.

“I’m not doing anything wrong, Yonghwa,” I pointed out. My throat started to hurt. “Why do you have to make things so difficult?”

There was a brief pause, and he said, “Please step down.”

I smiled a little and shook my head no. “I have to get something from there.”

“What is it? It’s not important. You might get hurt if you jump.”

“I won’t,” I reassured him. “And I swear it’s really important,” I sighed, and swallowed.

“But I was telling the truth earlier,” he pushed. “I strongly feel that I wrote that song for you.”

“For what reason?” I asked. “It’ll make more sense if you wrote that for Mina.”

“Why are you being so difficult now? Do I need a reason? Whenever I sing that song, an image of you appears. It wasn’t clear before, but ever since I met you, you’re all I see, as if you’ve always been a part of me!”

I stopped short, then, and clenched and unclenched my fists. I stared at him for a while longer before focusing on the bottle below me again. The wind got a little stronger. The sooner I jump, the better it’ll be, I thought. I braced myself, then, ready to plunge into the freezing and dank water beneath me.

“Please don’t do this,” Yonghwa pleaded. “Shin Hye.”

My eyes widened upon hearing my name. However, it was too late. The next thing that greeted me was the iciness of the sea.

“Shin Hye!” I heard Yonghwa cry from above. I struggled for a little more before hearing a resounding splash! I choked and gagged. The water was deeper than I thought. With a final effort, I reached for the bottle. The next thing I knew, everything became black. Things quieted down. The noises the airplanes made and the music from the arena vanished together with the roaring of the vehicles in the motorway. All that was left was this steady beat that lulled me to sleep.

Yonghwa’s heartbeat.

Oh, that’s right. Yonghwa…he finally called me by my real name.

<:>

I woke up in a warm room, on a soft bed. The walls were white and there was a curtain in front of me. From the starchy rustling of my covers, I knew in an instant that I was in a hospital. I turned to my side and saw Donghyun, looking at me. I stood up in a heartbeat, and groaned, when my surroundings began to spin.

“The thing you risked your life for is here,” he said, nodding at the bottle on the drawer beside me. “Yonghwa’s still asleep next door.”

“Oh…” I choked out.

“Oh?” Donghyun mimicked. “Do you know the panic you caused us? When your parents heard about it, they were in hysterics!”

“But I’m alive, so it’s fine.”

“The both of you suffered from hypothermia, though,” he pointed out. “Seriously, Shin Hye, how could you be so reckless?”

A weak smile graced my lips in return, and I inclined myself again. “Yonghwa said my name,” I blurted out. “Before I jumped off.”

 Donghyun grew quiet. His eyes showed a tinge of melancholy, but his gentle smile rubbed it off. “Good for you, Shin Hye-yah.”

“Thank you,” I replied.

“You know,” he said. “I won’t regret doing these things. I tried my best, so I won’t be thinking about those pesky ‘what if’s?’ for the rest of my life.”

Someone entered the ward, then. We both looked up, and Donghyun stood up upon seeing that it was Yonghwa.

“I’ll tell the nurse in charge that you’re awake,” he said. “Wait here.”

“Sure,” I replied.

Yonghwa smiled at Donghyun, and he smiled in return. After that, Yonghwa headed to where Donghyun was sitting earlier. All in all, we were perfectly fine. We just had a fever due to the coldness. There was a long pause. He broke the silence by sighing, and said, “I was right, wasn’t I? You’re Shin Hye.”

“I am,” I replied.

“I talked to my Mom, even to Mina,” he said. “Everything’s a little clear to me now.”

“But you still can’t remember,” I pointed out.

He looked at me, and smiled a little. “That might be true,” he said. “But slowly, things will fall into place,” he turned to the bottle, and continued, “I remember that. That’s where we wrote our promises, right?”

“Right,” I replied.

He took it and with care, unsealed the bottle. Yonghwa found a pair of tweezers in the drawer and he used that to pull the ancient paper out. It was already yellow due to age and a little brittle, as well. He unrolled it, and he scooted nearer to me. All I could at that time was to smile, as my eyes followed the traces of the words we wrote.

“You think we kept the promises?” Yonghwa asked, after a long, pondering silence.

“I think we did,” I replied.

“That’s good,” he said, looking at me with those sparkling eyes of his. “I can’t remember certain things, and that caused pains and misunderstandings.”

I didn’t reply, sensing that Yonghwa needed this space to talk.

“Do you know what Mina said?” he asked. I shook my head no. He breathed in deeply, and began, “She said she liked me for the longest time, but she’s going to move on because what she’s doing is a losing battle,” he smiled a little. “Shin Hye-yah, why don’t we begin again?”

“How?” I asked.

“Tell me the things we did together.”

“Right now?”

He nodded. “I need to hear what I need to hear. Tomorrow, we’ll be heading back to Seoul.”

I swallowed. “That fast?”

Yonghwa scoffed at my question. “Your husband has to earn money, you know,” he teased, which caused me to shove him away—the very same thing I did years ago whenever he would be too playful towards me. “Hey!” he cried, eyes wide with surprise. “What was that for? I’m the victim here, I am!”

“Yonghwa, you really never changed!” I shot back crossing my arms. “And to think that you’re older than me.”

“You can scold me later on,” he said, changing the subject. “Tell me the things we did.”

And so I did. I told him how we passed on notes during classes, and how we were caught for several times. I told him that one time when he gave me his soccer jersey as a souvenir of their first win. I told him how we argued and never talked with each other for the whole day aside from English and Arts, since we needed each other then. I told him how we floated paper boats by the river season after season, aside from winter, since the river would be frozen solid. I told him about the festivals we’ve been to, and the games we played; how we slept at each other’s house, and how I tortured him by making him read books. I told him how he became angry at me when he knew that I was leaving Korea. I told him about my last letter, and how I called him back then only to be disappointed upon knowing that he didn’t recognize me. I told him how much I missed him.

The next thing I knew, the sky was already dark, and the nurse requested us to rest.

Yonghwa was gone the very next day.

<:>

To Shin Hye

Writing haikus are
overrated but I’ll use
them anyway. Ha!

I won’t be around
once you open this letter.
I’m sorry, Shin Hye.

But the things you said
will stay in my heart. Promise,
I will remember.

The things we did are
still a little vague to me.
But still—I’m happy.

I will remember
everything one of these days.
I promise, Shin Hye.

We’re separated
again but soon we’ll meet up.
It won’t be long now.

And when that time comes,
I won’t see you as Hannah,
but as my Shin Hye.

My Shin Hye, who loves
to collect pebbles by the
river near her house.

My Shin Hye, who cries
when someone else is wounded.
(Don’t become a nurse.)

My Shin Hye, who hid
the pain she felt behind her
pretty, autumn eyes.

And soon, I won’t just
be Busan’s Jung Yonghwa—I’ll
be your Busan boy.

All we need is time,
Shin Hye. Everything will be
all right in the end.

So please wait for me,
I will return to your side.
Please don’t forget me.

We will count the stars
every summer night while your
head rests on my chest.

Our days will be filled
with laughter as we grow old
together, Shin Hye.

We’ll float paper boats
when the right time comes. All we
have to do is wait.

I will see you soon,
so laugh at the days to come.
Don’t worry…and smile.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."
- Proverbs 31:25