I tapped the tip of my pen against my notebook, staring at the tiny, black dots it left with a blank expression on my face. I didn’t work on my essay. Instead, I made lists which seemed to constantly revolve around a guy named Yonghwa.

Pouting, I reached for my phone and pressed the home button with my index finger. It lit up. The time was 11:11 P.M. I sighed and rolled over to stare at the plain ceiling. I slowly outstretched my right hand, reaching out to nothing in particular and in an instant, I heard a sound coming from outside. I sat up straight, and waited.

In the quiet, an acoustic guitar began to play, accompanied by shakers and backup vocals. The familiar sound spurred my curiosity, causing me to draw my bedroom curtains apart. The moment I saw the people below me, my eyes widened and a gasp escaped from my mouth. The song was not familiar, it seemed. It was way too special to be labeled as such. It was the same song I hummed while we floated paper boats; it was the same one Yonghwa sang and recorded for me because he knew I couldn’t really sleep well at night. It was our song.

I couldn’t really tell if I was dreaming or not at that time. Why was CN BLUE standing in front of my apartment, not even showing the slightest care if they get charged with public disturbance or not? Why was he singing Sunset Glow all of a sudden? How did he find me? I couldn’t do anything but stare at Yonghwa’s smiling, singing face and watch the puffs of mist coming out from his mouth as he weaved the lyrics into life.

“Looking at the red sunset, it reminds me of your sad face,
I drop my head, I couldn’t say anything because of my tears…”

I smiled, not really managing to hold back the tears in my eyes. The chorus was about to come, and I did what I had to do: I sang with him.

“But I still love you, you are the only one in this world,
I shout out loud but only that unanswerable sunset is burning bright…”

I couldn’t really care less if my voice cracked or if it was unsteady. The important thing was our voices met each other again. Not just in any song, though, because this was ours. Just then, my phone beeped. I opened it upon seeing Donghyun’s name being displayed.

They called me back earlier, asked where you live. Go out and play with them, Shin Hye. I’m putting my trust in them. Go out…and play with your best friend. The concert’s tomorrow night, after all.

“Donghyun-ah…” I muttered. I glanced at them again. They were still singing, with a smile on their faces. I smiled back before replying to his message.

Thank you, Donghyun. I mean it.

In a rush, I closed my window and grabbed my coat in the closet before heading outside. They stopped playing and started laughing.

“Our fan service,” Yonghwa said, grinning. “Do you like it?”

I nodded and looked at them. “But why are you here?”

“The concert’s tomorrow,” Yonghwa answered, as he looked up at the starless sky. He nodded, as if considering something, and said, “This might be the last time we’ll be able to play around.”

Something in my chest seemed to clench up the moment I heard those words. However, I covered that pain with a casual smile. “Then where should we go?”

“A cold place where a huge chunk of ice is present,” Minhyuk said, sounding the shakers he held.

“A wide place, where we can play,” Jonghyun chimed in.

“Something Yonghwa hyung can afford,” Jungshin added with a playful smile gracing his lips.

“Aish,” Yonghwa muttered, as he returned his acoustic guitar back in its case. He then faced me again, and said, “Since it’s almost December, Hannah-ssi, why don’t we go ice skating?”

<:>

We rode a van they rented and Yonghwa was the one who drove while I took the front seat. The GPS was propped on the dashboard, then, and I couldn’t hold my laughter in when Jungshin started to impersonate the robotic voice of the gadget.

The ride lasted for about twenty minutes and the five of us alighted in a place called Dundonald. Yonghwa locked the car, and like the charismatic leader that he was, he led us into the building with such confidence.

“Back in Korea,” Minhyuk began, as he walked with me. “The four of us already planned to hold a special event for a fan. And that fan is—” he pointed at me with such enthusiasm. “You, noona!”

“But why did you choose me?” I asked.

Minhyuk shrugged in a cute manner. “We just want to.”

The five of us entered a hall to our left, then, and my eyes widened when I saw the skating rink, already shaved and polished to perfection. With excitement getting the better of me, I ran towards the entrance and sat down in front of the ice.

“Are we really going to play here?” I asked in pure excitement I ended up stumbling the words out, making my question almost incomprehensible.

“Yes,” Yonghwa confirmed. He offered me his hand. “But first, we have to change our shoes.”

We all sat down on one of the long benches as we changed our footwear. Yonghwa gave my laces a final tug before letting me stand up.

“Can you manage?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I answered. “I used to ice skate in London.”

Out of the five of us, Jungshin was the most unstable. He needed some assistance from Minhyuk and Jonghyun, and so they were the ones who entered the rink last. I loved the feeling of gliding my blades against the smooth ice and making random patterns here and there. The way the cool wind gushed against my face felt so refreshing. I loved how the rink looked so spacious, as well, considering that we were the only ones around. All sorts of CN BLUE songs were playing in the background but our laughter died it down every once in a while. At that time, I realized that Minhyuk, Yonghwa and Jonghyun were all athletic. Jungshin, on the other hand, kept on landing on his , causing some playful teasing to escape from the mouths of his hyungs. All I could do was to look at them with a slight smile on my face. Yonghwa, for me, was like water. No matter what kind of container you put him into, he’d always fit in. He belonged just about anywhere and like water, he was someone important.

I decided to rest after a while and Minhyuk joined me several minutes later.

“Are you tired, as well?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he answered, smiling. “Noona, it’s really fun, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “Thank you for giving me this pleasant memory.”

He stretched his arms upwards, and heaved a satisfied sigh. “Yonghwa hyung, even Jonghyun hyung and Jungshin,” he said. “They were really stressed before coming here in Belfast. But now, look at them. They’re like elementary boys all over again.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “Some things never change, huh?”

Minhyuk looked at me with a curious stare. “What do you mean, Hannah noona?”

I swallowed, and grinned. “Boys will always be boys,” I said. “That’s what I meant.”

He nodded in agreement. “But then, noona, Yonghwa hyung’s really comfortable around you.”

“Why do you say that?”

He pulled his lips to a side, thinking. In a flash, he snapped his fingers, and began, “It’s like this. Usually, Yonghwa doesn’t lend his clothes to girls. But he did it without hesitating towards you.”

“I was wet at that time,” I justified.

“He can always ask us, though,” he returned. “That’s what he does towards Mina noona.”

Mina.

I kept quiet, then, and Minhyuk looked at the three again. “I thought the closest relationship I could ever encounter between a man and a woman is found in Yonghwa hyung and Mina, but then,” he turned to me, a sincere smile playing on his lips. “When I saw the two of you together, it felt different. You and hyung…you hold this kind of understanding towards each other.”

“Understanding?” I repeated, confusion etched on my face.

“As if the two of you already know each other from a long time ago,” he pointed out.

I smiled a little, and shifted my gaze to the three again. The older ones were too busy teasing their maknae and from here, I could hear their laughter. I let this pondering silence engulf us before saying, “Who knows, Minhyuk? Who knows?”

<:>

We were back to skating again and Yonghwa slowed down to keep up with me.

“Is it fun?” he asked between breaths.

“It is,” I answered, smiling. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” he replied.

I looked at him, and he looked back at me. “But then,” I began. “Why isn’t Mina with you?”

He halted, and seeing that we were already a safe distance from the other three, he nodded at the benches. “Let’s have a can of soda or something and talk, Hannah-ssi. Is that okay with you?”

“Y-Yeah,” I stammered.

The both of us exited the rink, then, and Yonghwa inserted some loose change into the vending machine’s slot. Moments later, he sat down beside me and offered me a bottle of energy drink.

“Thanks,” I said, taking the bottle from his hand.

“To answer your first question,” he said, before taking a generous swig from his own bottle. “Mina’s in her own hotel. She’s too tired because of the travel she made, and so I let her rest.”

I bit my lower lip, and replied, “I see.”

Yonghwa looked at me. “Hannah-ssi, what’s your Korean name?”

His question caught me off guard. “Why do you want to know?” I asked back in reply.

“Just because,” he said.

I was so tempted to tell it to him, but I ended up saying, “In time, you’ll know.”

“You have weird ways when it comes to winding people up,” he remarked.

“And I’ll take that as a compliment,” I returned.

Yonghwa smirked, and he took another swig from his bottle. “Back in Seoul, when I was little,” he began. “I used to play soccer.”

I shot him a look, and I had to bite my tongue to prevent my tears from flowing.

“There was this day, I remember. We were supposed to go to a tournament but our van met an accident. That was what my Mom told me, and I believed every word she said. Do you know why, Hannah-ssi?”

I slowly shook my head no.

“One of us died in there.”

My eyes widened.

“He was a classmate of mine,” he carried on. The more he spoke, the more distant and weak his voice became. He drummed his fingers against his bottle—a sign that he was about to break down. “I couldn’t really remember everything, but I’m sure that this happened for real.”

“Y-Yonghwa…” I muttered.

He sniffed. “Before everything out, that friend of mine held me by the hand. He was…” he swallowed. “He was bloody all over and his eyes showed this pleading expression. He said something to me, which doesn’t really make any sense…even now,” he breathed in deeply, and looked at me again, straight in the eye. “’Don’t hate Shin Hye’, that’s what he said.”

“Shin…Hye?” I repeated. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Tears began to emerge from my eyes.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “I know she’s real, too. Years ago, someone with the same name called me over the phone, claiming that she’s Shin—H-Hannah-ssi, why are you crying?” he asked in an anxious voice all of a sudden. “Are you hurting somewhere?”

“N-No,” I stammered, wiping my tears away. “Please continue.”

“Can I?”

I nodded.

“You’re the first person I’ve ever disclosed this issue to,” he confessed. “It just feels so right. Is it okay if I burden you?”

I nodded again, not really knowing what to say. A classmate of ours? A soccer player? A good friend of his? A wave of epiphany hit me, and my sudden awareness felt like cold water being splashed against my face.

No, I thought. It can’t be…please, no…not Sunggyu, no…

“I wanted to ask him who’s Shin Hye, but when I woke up after the operation, he’s gone,” Yonghwa wiped his eyes with his left thumb. “He…he’s probably a star now, too.”

My breath fell short all of a sudden, and a pang of loss resonated inside my whole body. “Yonghwa…” I began in a shaky voice. “Your friend…what’s his name?”

There was a long pause, and he said, “Sunggyu. His name…is Kim Sunggyu.”

I covered my mouth with my hands, and stood up. “I-I’m sorry,” I stuttered. “But can I go to the toilet, first?”

He slowly nodded and after giving a polite bow, I ran to the nearest cubicle, not really caring if I would trip over my blades or not. I locked the door shut behind me, and slid my back against the wooden support. That was when I cried for a friend, who fought a good fight until the end.

I waited for my eyes to return to normal before heading outside again. Taking the space beside Yonghwa, I opened my mouth to start my alibi but he cut me off, and said, “It’s okay to cry in front of me, Hannah-ssi.”

I was taken aback by his remark, but I regained my center just the same. “I’ll remember that,” I replied.

<:>

We all ended up going to the bowling alley and the billiards area a while later. Jonghyun and Minhyuk drove to the nearest McDonald’s store while Jungshin, Yonghwa and I stayed in the recreation center. Yonghwa and I were playing billiards while Jungshin stayed in the bowling alley.

“What about you, Hannah-ssi?” he asked, positioning the mother ball in an advantageous angle.

“What about me what?” I asked back in reply.

“What can you tell about yourself?”

“What do you want to know?” I returned.

“Your Korean name,” he said.

“Aside from that.”

He poised himself and hit the glass-like ball with his stick, sending the object to smoothly glide across the green felt and bump against the fifth ball. Unfortunately, the strength he used was a little weak. “Well,” he began. “I want to know about Donghyun-ssi.”

“He’s my friend,” I pointed out.

“Unrequited love?” he added with a knowing smile.

I shot him a look, and he grinned back at me. I scoffed. “Playful as ever,” I remarked under my breath. “You never changed, Jung Yonghwa,” I tried to find a good angle by walking around the table and finally seeing a leeway, I bent over and poked the mother ball. The fifth ball went through the hole.

“You’re good,” Yonghwa remarked.

“I just got fortunate,” I said. “Unrequited love? Why do say that?”

“Guys can read other guys,” he replied as-a-matter-of-factly. “From what I observed, he likes you. Really likes you.”

I kept quiet for a while, and sighed. “You’re right, Yonghwa. It is unrequited love.”

He paused, and said, “Will it be rude of me if I ask why?”

“No,” I replied, smiling. “I’m comfortable around you, after all.”

He attempted to take the sixth ball—and prevailed.

“I’m waiting for someone, you see,” I said.

“For how long?” he asked again.

“As long as it takes,” I answered. “I can wait and not get tired.”

Yonghwa looked up at me, not saying anything. I looked away.

“Does he know?” he asked again. “Donghyun, I mean.”

“Yes.”

“You won’t stop waiting?”

“No.”

There was a brief pause, and he said, “Donghyun likes you, you like somebody else.”

“Don’t rub it in,” I murmured. “It gets harder every time. Okay, my turn. I’ll ask you something.”

“Call,” he said.

“Why did you choose the song Sunset Glow earlier?”

“Ah, that’s simple!” he cried. “When I thought about you, that song instantly popped up in my mind.”

“I see,” I replied, as I rubbed the end of my cue with a chalk.

“Then what about the person you’re waiting for, Hannah-ssi?” he fired.

I looked at him, and smiled. “He doesn’t even know I’m waiting for him.”

“Is it okay if I ask you another question?”

“You’re already asking one now, Yonghwa.”

He placed his stick beside him before sighing. “Where is that guy now?”

“Who knows?” I returned, looking up at the dim lights. “He could be right in front of me now and not have the slightest idea.”

“I’ll ask you another question, Hannah-ssi.”

“Shoot.”

Things became quiet between us, and I could’ve sworn Yonghwa’s eyes softened up. “Why aren’t you my best friend?”

To my surprise, I was relieved that Minhyuk and Jonghyun finally arrived with our food.

<:>

It was already three in the morning when they dropped me home.

“Will you be able to rest?” I asked, when I was finally out of the van.

“We’ve had worse nights, noona,” Minhyuk said with a bright, unfading smile.

“We've more than enough time to rest, as well,” Jonghyun added. “So don’t worry.”

Jungshin couldn’t say anything since he was already knocked out.

“I’ll see you at the concert, then,” Yonghwa said, as he gave me a playful tousling. “Rest well, hm?”

I nodded, and stepped back.

“And our pact,” Yonghwa reminded me. “Don’t forget it.”

“I won’t,” I replied, grinning. We gave each other a final wave and they waited for me to enter my apartment before zooming off.

Yonghwa and I grew up. We both led separate paths. However, how we communicated was still the same. Our age and circumstances changed, but how we treated each other didn’t. It gave me hope, to be honest. I wasn’t forgotten; just buried.

<:>

The Pact

Date: 25^th November
Location: Dundonald International Ice Bowl
Time: 02:02 AM

To Hannah Park,

(Why am I writing your name the western way?)

I, Jung Yonghwa, swear to keep the information entrusted to me by Hannah Park in this very place at this very hour. If I ever breach this contract, then I will dance to SNSD’s Genie (with full costume) and post it on YouTube for everyone to see.

Signed,
Jung Yonghwa (CN BLUE Emotional Leader)

Date: 25^th November
Location: Dundonald International Ice Bowl
Time: 02:17 AM

To Jung Yonghwa

I, Hannah Park, swear to not disclose the information given to me by Jung Yonghwa in this very place at this very hour. If I breach this agreement, then I will willingly dress up like a boy (with guyliners and all that) while singing to a CN BLUE song and post it on YouTube for the world to see.

Signed,
Hannah Park (The Girl with Autumn Eyes)

<:>

To A Friend Who Became a Star,

Sunggyu, I’m sorry. I never knew. When I first heard about it, I was shocked. I was hurt. I ended up crying even though I knew I shouldn’t be like that. You know our situation, don’t you? You know I couldn’t be with Yonghwa at the moment, right? Gyu-yah, why would you tell Yonghwa that? Why would you ask him to not hate me? It hurts to see that his last memory of you would be something as painful as that.

Whenever I think about you being gone, I get sad. I was away and I didn’t even know that something already happened to a good friend of mine. Gyu-yah, I’m sorry. I truly am. Gyu-yah, why do you have to leave us all of a sudden? Why do you have to die?

Gyu-yah…you’re a star now, right?

Sincerely,
Shin Hye

<:>

To A Boy with Vanishing Eyes,

Today, I finally took you out of my closet. Sunggyu-yah, you remember the last thing you told me? About not hating on that girl? I never told that to anyone—not to Mina, not to my members, not to my parents. Hannah (that’s her name) was the first person who knew about it…and the last. Hey, Gyu-yah, it’s weird. I can only tell little things to Mina but when it comes to Hannah, everything just flows out smoothly I can’t even stop myself from talking.

I know it’s wrong, but I just can’t help it. It feels like Hannah could understand me the most despite the fact that I only met her a few days ago. Why am I feeling like this, Gyu-yah? If only you were here, then you would know the answer.

However, that’s impossible. Why I’m writing to a corpse I don’t even know but at least corpses don’t tell on you, right?

Gyu-yah, you’re a star now, right?

Love,
Yonghwa

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
- 2 Timothy 4:7

Whoa more than half of you gave a positive response ^^ After this fic (I'm gauging there are 2-3 chapters left), God willing, I will move on with Yonghwa's point of view ^^

I'm sorry I can't reply to you individually again, as well >_< but your comments truly encourage me. You lot are such a blessing to me and I pray and hope that you and your family will always be safe and sound ^^ Please be a blessing to others, too, and lift their spirits by encouraging them like the way you encourage me! God bless you all ♥