Yong Hwa managed to convince Seo Hyun to go into his car instead of sitting down on a cold stair. They both sat on the back seat. His hands were around her shoulder, patting her to stop crying while she covered her face with the doll that has been drenched with her tears.

Seo Hyun hated herself for not being able to control her feeling for the first time ever. It’s hard to stop, she didn’t know why either. One thing she learned that night that separation was bad, really bad and hurt a lot and she didn’t want to exprience it for the second time.

15 minutes later, she calmed herself down and said, “Oppa, I’m really really sorry for behaving like this.”

Upon hearing that, he hugged her once more and said, “I really don’t know what else to do now.”

Seo Hyun broke the hug and looked into his messy face and hair, “Oppa, where have you been after the filming ended?” She actually could guess it, he came so fast after the call, he probably didn’t leave the parking lot after the filming was ended.

He held her hand but couldn’t look at her face, there’re too much worries there, he’s a mess, “I actually didn’t leave after the filming, I told manager hyung I would go for a coffee for a while.”

“But you didn’t go for coffee right?” she tried to look at his eyes but failed. He didn’t have to answer that either.

They then just stayed like that without no one tried to start the conversation about this current situation. They actually did a lot of skinships that night, even more than in one year filming. He hugged her twice and tightly, like they’re afraid they would be separated by something. It’s the first time he saw her cry like that and it’s the first time she saw him that messy, that depressed. Man can’t cry, maybe he thought that.

Yong Hwa finally said something, “Hyun, what are we going to do now?”

Seo Hyun shook her head, “I don’t know Oppa,”

“Then what are we actually?” he asked and finally looked at her eyes only to find it started watery again.

“Oh no Hyun, please don’t cry again, it hurts just to see that,” he wiped her tears.

“Mianhaeyo Oppa, I don’t know why these tears keep coming,” she said.

He held her hands once more try to get some strength but her hands were just as cold as his, “What are we Hyun?”

Seo Hyun who is famous for being the smart idol, the maknae with a lot of knowledge had one answer in her mind but hesitated to speak that out.

“Actually Oppa, I’m sure we know what are we, where are we, we are just too afraid too speak it out, because we know the consequences if we said what we really feel towards each other. Some part of me just want to do what I really want to do, but the other part keeps telling me to be carefull, to be more responsible. But really, it hurts to just leave what we had for  one year like earlier Oppa. I don’t want to experience it anymore, ever,” her voice was a little shaky, her eyes didn’t leave his, because she tried to read him, whether he knew the answer to his own question or not, whether he felt the same way as she or not. Thankfully she found what she was looking for. Their eyes never tell lies since the first day they met.

Yong Hwa absorbed every words she said, he knew she’s not being called a smart idol for no reason. In this situation she’s still able to say those words calmly. He realized more that he fell for the right person.

“We don’t really have to say something about what we feel Oppa, because our action speaks louder than words,” she stopped for a while before asked him, “So Oppa what are we going to do now?”

Yong Hwa had a lot of thoughts in his mind. He proceed her question slowly. He just started his carreer in this industry, he still had a long way to go, although CNBLUE was really famous that time but that didn’t give him assurance that CEO Han would approve this. He would be very busy with the drama and so did Seo Hyun. But his heart couldn’t lie, he loved this girl a lot. He never felt this way with his ex-girlfriends. He knew if he stepped out from this chance, he might never get the second chance. His eyes started watery. Seo Hyun who saw that feel more painful than him. She entered this industry before him. She knew exactly what’s on his mind. Between carreer and love. She knew that time neither both of them could have both. They had to have let this one go.

Seo Hyun reached for Yong Hwa’s hands and said, “Oppa, we knew this time isn’t the right time to think about our personal feelings, we do have our own responsibilities towards our management, our members and most importantly our fans,” her voice got a little stronger, she didn’t know either where did she get the courage to say that.

“Hyun, you know me, you know my heart, right?” he looked at her eyes, looking for an answer.

“I know Oppa, this is hard for me too you know,” the strength from his voice has gone completely, she sobbed.

For a moment, they didn’t say anything. They both knew their carreer were the most important thing for now. Both of them were very ambitious. It’s actually not the secret anymore in the industry that idols also dated. But it’s Seo Joo Hyun and Jung Yong Hwa, the two person who really devoted to their job. Seo Joo Hyun, the straight maknae and not flexible at all. Jung Yong Hwa, the rookie idol in the industry.

Yong Hwa wiped her tears and brought her to his arms, hugged her tightly while patting her back, “It’s not that our feelings aren’t worth it enough, Hyun. It’s just us, who choose what’s the best for us now. We still could meet, text each other, call each other, care for each other.... as friends.”

“Ne Oppa, I know,” she just answered shortly while sobbing.

Yong Hwa finally shed a tears too, his heart hurt to see his love one cry, “It’s really not fair you know, why can’t idols date? It’s not like it would be a distraction in our works. Why can’t idols just stay as human being who also need love.”

In his arms Seo Hyun just said, “This is the consequences Oppa, if beauty is pain, then being famous has its own poison too.”

“You will still nag at me, right?” he asked and she just nodded in his arms.

“You will still call and text me, right?” he asked again and she just nodded.

“We can still meet, right?” he asked and she nodded again.

They finally broke the hug. Yong Hwa once again wiped her tears on her cheeks. That pretty face was damp with tears because of him. Because of the situation. Seo Hyun looked at him and took the courage to tidy up his messy hair. Yong Hwa caught her hands there.

“Hyun, it’s nearly dawn, it’s better for you to go home now and get some sleep, we still have that BRI filming tomorrow afternoon. Besides Tiffany is really scary you know, more than Taeyeon.” he ended it with jokes.

She smiled a little, “Ne, Oppa, I’ll go now. Please drive carefully, Oppa,” she held all of her belongings ready to go home.

“I’ll walk with you until the elevator,” he said and went out.

They both walked in silence while their hands intertwining. No one said anything. Perhaps the silence was what they need. They both didn’t want to apart actually, they both knew, once she entered the elevator, it ended. Seo Hyun was really near to cry, but she held it in. She swallowed all the pain she felt that night. Separation was really hard, more over it’s not because both of them wanted it be. Maybe, perhaps, probably, in the mean time they could be together. In other hand Yong Hwa felt so lost. His hands held Seo Hyun’s hand tightly. He knew that after this, holding her hands would not be as easy as now. He felt like he wants to be as drunk as possible, forgetting all the feeling of losing your loved one. He wanted to see her again in their house in Sangdo Dong. Both of them hurt badly, but they realized they shouldn’t show it to each other right now. It would only make them hurt even more. They both pretended that they were strong outside.

In no time they both stood in front of the elevator, Seo Hyun said, “Oppa, we still friends you know that right? You could ask me for help if you ever need one,” her voice was no longer shaky but more tired.

“You have to always nag at me, Hyun. You promised to that,” he smiled bitterly.

“I will, Oppa.”

They both just looked into each other eyes, when Yong Hwa suddenly hugged her again and said, “Good night, sarang bit, you are and will always be my love light, Hyun.” he ended his sentence with a kiss on Seo Hyun’s forehead. Surprisingly the kiss didn’t surprise her at all, despite it’s the second time he kissed her there, on her forehead.

Seo Hyun was really close to cry but once again she held it in, she thought it was better for her to go to her dorm as fast as possible, she didn’t want him to see her so vulnerable like that and so she said, “I’ll remember that, Oppa. Good night,” she broke the hug, give him one last sweet smile and went in to the elevator.

to be continued

p.s. Don’t worry readers, the story doesn’t end here. I have to argue with myself while writing this chapter, should I make this a happy one or a sad one. But once again don’t worry, this is just a beginning of their story. Is there any of you guys like John Mayer too? I took this chapter's tittle from one of his song, which is my favorite one, hehe. Please wait for the next chapter ^^