6. Shelter

 

Like the wind avoids the rain, I am watching you from my shelter
Even though my love for you overflows
Can I love you? Can I hold you?
Im about to drown in my worries. I cant forgive myself for hesitating.
I want to know why, I want to know why

When we met my girl, I knew it would be like this
Do you feel me? The only one Ive been looking for
I cant breathe my word. My words turn into tears
Do you feel me? The sound of the rain that hits my heart
I always want to keep you smiling. Im sorry that I made you sad
But please keep waiting
Dont give up your love, stay by my side
I need your love, I need your love

If I reach out my hand, my girl, Ill believe that youll be able to understand
Do you feel me? Even if there are wounds left
The place you are is my world. If you open the doors again
Do you feel me? I want to feel your sound

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   My heart is pounding so hard, so loud, and I feel it drop, drop; one more push and it would easily shatter.    I hold my hands tightly together, praying for divine protection, for him. I feel my body tremble uncontrollably in fear as I fold my body and put my forehead against my entwined fingers. It's so quiet here, it's suffocating. So bright yet so scary.   Yunho-yah....   2 hours ago   I slapped Changmin harshly on his arm, "Yah!" He laughed joyfully without care as he continued to eat the onigiri a fan made for me.    Junsu patted my shoulder while he shook his head and snickered. "You should've ate it before Changmin saw it!"    I pinched his perky in revenge playfully, and laughed when I hear him squeak. I actually don't mind that Changmin stole my onigiri, it's predictable and he's definitely always more in need of food in compared to me.    "Yunho-hyung?!" I hear Yoochun's panicked filled voice and snapped my head in his direction, heart suddenly heavy in fear.    I was running to him in reflex as soon as I registered the red substance seeping out between the fingers he held against his mouth. My heart stopped and my world seemed to slow; Yunho shut his eyes painfully and bent over before collapsing.    My eyes burned, my arms numb as I dropped to the floor and pulled his body to mine. My mind ran blank.    What happened?    Why are Yunho's almond eyes closed?   I see Yoochun shaking Yunho's body before running out of the studio set. Junsu was crying, panicking next to us. Changmin's hands were on Yunho's body but his head faced our manager, eyes wide and yelling something about calling the ambulance.    The world around us was a mess, but inside me was so calm, so empty, like everything within me drained away with the unconscious man in my arms.    I don't know how long passed before the ambulance came. I was pulled away from Yunho by Changmin and Junsu, and the next thing I know, I was pushed into a car and heading towards the hospital.    The scenes flashed beside me, the streets were just getting brighter as neon lights lit on; nothing stayed in my eyes. They were what they were to me: flashing lights, light that won't linger in my life.    Yoochun was grasping my hand tightly, so tight I should be screaming but my throat was sore and dry, wet drops rolled down my cheeks.    Am I crying?    "He's going to be fine." Changmin was comforting Junsu, and I want to laugh as the youngest held his hyung and comfortingly patted his back. Weird, how our magnae is so strong. However, I know, at the back of my mind that he was scared less too, but I couldn't care less.    I should have faith too. I know him best, how strong he is, how caring he is, how responsible he is. He won't just leave us.    But the blood... My heart wrenches painfully in recall of the vivid scene. Fear punches me every second that passes, each strike stronger than the previous. I'm a turmoil of emotions, chaos that is ripping me from the inside, just for that devastating hint of "maybe..."    As if sensing my insecurity, Yoochun wraps his arms around me and with a shivering voice, repeated what Changmin said again and again, "He's going to be fine. Yunho-hyung is strong, much stronger than any of us. He is our leader..."   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   The white door slowly opened and I stood up immediately, stunned as stone as the younger three greeted and bombarded the doctor with concerns.    "He's alright, could have been fatal but he didn't consume too much and had emergency procedures done in time." The doctor spoke in a quiet and calm voice, but it echoed in the hall and brought a relieving sigh to the occupants.    It took a few beats until I felt my heart to drop back in place, and I could feel regained warmth flowing through my body bit by bit. Seeing the doctor pass by, I bowed to the doctor as and waited with wide eyes for him, for Yunho.    A hand lightly touched my back, "Jaejoong-hyung, let's have some food first. We haven't ate since the afternoon."    I looked to Yoochun and blinked blankly. The younger sighed, "You would need the energy for the night. With how you're looking.... you won't want Yunho-hyung to worry for you once he wakes up right?"    After a few more breathless moments, I nodded my head subtly. Yoochun smiled back at me, and I finally registered the tired looking faces and red rimmed eyes of the members.    I must have worried them too....    A tinge of guilt pinched my stomach for letting the younger three worry for the older two. Lowering my head, I let myself be ushered out of the hospital.   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

The clock clicked silently, and a soft beep sounded, signifying the arrival of another hour. The room was uncomfortably quiet, with soft snores fr