Don't Cry My Lover

Am I finally alright now? This is what they ask me,

I look so pained, my tears seep through my two hands.

When the tears that blind my eyes fall, I can see you clearly,

My love, don’t cry. I don’t know if I should take you away with me.

You still hold on to so many memories.

I close my eyes for a moment, I still love you so. I should give up, but I can’t let you go.

You taught me how to love. Now, how can I forget you?

Again, I’m drunk today. I call you but you don’t pick up. Again, I cry.

What did we say? Still those tedious words. I can’t even say the words ‘I’m sorry’.

What I have become, I cannot grasp the dream that is now distant.

The love that you have been waiting for, I cannot have.

The promise that we made, to shed our tears together…I can see them now

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His eyes were red, swollen from the amount of tears he cried. It was unlike him to be so quiet, and it broke Jaejoong's heart to see him like this.

Jaejoong’s chest tightened and he bit his lip, in desperate hope to swallow his own tears. He didn't know how to comfort the younger, a lump in his throat preventing him from voicing out any words. The others had tried to cheer him up to no avail. Donghae resolved to merely hugging the leader whenever they see each other, and it burned Jaejoong to see the two so close, but who is he to do the same? He is close to Yunho, no doubt, but not as close as Donghae. 

Jaejoong sits down on the carpet, trying to focus on the video game before him, trying his best to act ignorant to the Fishie and his leader cuddling on the couch behind him. 

Hankyung nudges his elbow and he looks over to his Chinese best friend. The other's eyes were sparkling of worry as he signaled him, 'You okay? If it hurts you that much, go comfort him!'

Jaejoong shook his head. 

I don't know what to say! What should I say! He just lost his grandfather! And, god, I could barely hold in my own tears! 

Yoochun saw the exchange and understandingly hugged his shoulder. Jaejoong smiles at his new bandmate. Although it had only been slightly over a year and a half since he met the boy that came from America, he already felt deeply connected to the other. 

Hankyung sighs and suddenly a squeaky voice shouted next to the Chinese dancer, "I'm in first place! Ha, Jaejoong-hyung, the bet is still on, and I'm going to earn my free lunch!"

The silent trio got snapped out of their exchange and Jaejoong laughs half-forcefully. "No you're not, Junsu! I'm going to get that free lunch from you!" 

Yoochun shakes his head and grins defeatedly. "Junsu... Our duckie..."

Hankyung smiles when he heard Yunho's chuckle from behind. 

Jaejoong swallowed thickly and decided that he really loves the sound of the younger's laughter. He had loved the leader since the first time they met at the street fight, and since then it has already been 4 years. 4 whole years! 

They came from strangers, to fellow trainees, group member, and now, an official bandmate. Everyday of the past only thickened the love he had for his friend. He knows it is wrong, that he should have given up a long time ago, but the leader was the one who showed him, and taught him how to love and how strong a person could love another. 

Care radiated from the younger male every moment, even now, from the corner of his eye, he sees Yunho wiping the milk mark from Donghae's chin. 

Jaejoong's insides stir, heat growing in his gut in jealousy and lust. 

Nonono! What am I thinking! But god... Those hands! Nonono!! I need to focus on what I should say to him first! Yes, that's right! 

Suddenly, his chin was held tightly, his jaw squeezed and his lips pushed out. Doe eyes shifted to the owner of the hand. 

"Jaejoong-hyung, stop moving your head! First shaking and then nodding like a mad do