Thought # 2.

"Onew always has that friendly and sweet smile in front of the cameras.

And for a while I thought that he must be like that because he was famous.

We all thought we knew who was Onew, but no one knew who was Jinki.

Then later, I realized that friendly and sweet smile was always the same."

There was another important detail that I forgot every time i made those scenes where we meet: how to react.

I remained silent for the longest seconds of my life; bacause I was trying to find something to say. Everything seems so unreal again. I spent three years knowing i was going to marry, but seeing him for the first time, I had something very clear: I was born without the right to choose for myself.

"Hey... What are you doing here?" I knew it was a silly question, but i had spent time thinking about our arranged marriage so i couldn't think in a smart question."And my dad? I thought he was going to pick me up."

"He's waiting for us somewhere else, so I came for you." He smiled. And he showed his dimple in his cheek. He looked happy for doing this... and that confused me.

"Really?" I asked, knowing that sounded like a complaint. I was a little gruff with people who thought about this as if it were a gift of life. They were happy because they were not in my place. and such treatment included him.

"Why?" He also complained, as if he was imitating my childish behavior. "Is not that cute?"

"No." I took a step back toward Jinwoo.

Onew looked at him for a moment, then he looked at me.

"I think we should leave."

He stepped toward me, and i instinctively took another step back. Whatever they said about him, not matter if people thought they knew him, I didn't know who he really was, so i'd not stop thinking that I would marry a stranger.

"I can take her." Jinwoo said.

Onew scowled at him, for his expression i knew he was offended.

"It's okay." I said, looking at my best friend. Then I looked Onew: I had to be ready for this, even if I didn't felt that way. "Let's go."

"I'll call you later." Jinwoo gave affectionate squeeze to my wrist, not caring that Onew gave him a serious look, and he went back into the library.

"So..." I said awkwardly. "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere if you don't walk, angel." He giggled and then he took one step to the side. "Should we go now?"

"Yes." I said softly. But that was for me, to convince myself i could do this. "Yes. We should."

And i started walking. 

He walked next to me, but his presence was strange to me. Like a shadow that clouded my thoughts. I felt something I couldn't understand because this took me by surprise. I never thought I could be ready for this, but it felt like being inside a dream. He was everything a girl would want: polite, gentle, lovely... but what those thing meant if I didn't knew who he really was? The only good thing that happened, and I knew he was giving it to me, it was that he didn't talk for a while, leaving me alone for a moment with my thoughts. But it didn't feel real as we walked to his car, parked close to the gates of the main entrance. At this point, I realized that I never had control of my own life, that I lived always through the conditions that my family imposed for me. No matter how much I tried to think I could do what I wanted, I always followed the instruction manual. I tried to think that this was the right thing to do because Dad would never want something bad for me, but his decisions fell on my shoulders with a weight that I couldn't bear. I solved the equations in my mind, and I came to a single result, to a single conclusion: that if this didn't work as Dad thought it would, I would finally be brave and take control of my own life. 

We reached his car and he guided me to the passenger's door, and although he didn't have to, he opened the door for me.

"Thank you." I said without looking at him, but I appreciated the kind gesture he was having with me as I got into the car.

He closed the door and circled the car as I put my backpack on the floor. Onew came in, and he, unlike me, seemed relaxed as he started the car to leave the place after the friendly porter opened the doors for us. Even thinking of his name felt unreal because he was a celebritie. It felt unreal that from all the people who would be willing to marry him, life chose someone who didn't. His personality seemed to be like flowing water: soft, calm, rocking and not fighting the current. Maybe that's why I felt the opposite of him, because I was like a storm in the midst of his quiet life.

As his car did it's way between the streets, i sat there with eyes on the window, watching through the glass how stars tinkled. See them now reminded me my brothers, and how we spent time in the garden counting them. A shiver ran through me, it was like I could feel how the wind was moving the trees to the roadside, and even if I wanted to believe that was it, I knew it was happening because i didn't have the control of the situation. I sighed, but I didn't dare to ask to where we were going. I played with my hands in my lap, they were cold even if the air of this season was pleasant at night.

But then the car stopped at the side of the freeway suddenly, and that forced me to look at him. He leaned over the back seat and took a jacket. He put it on my legs and took my hands in his to warm them, and then, there was no place to looking at but him.

His brown eyes looked at me with kindness.

I was so confused.

He was confusing to me for some reason.

"Do you feel better?" He asked.

I nodded, knowing i was going to stutter in response. Before the situation became more awkward, my phone vibrated in my pocket luckily. The surprise made he let me go. As the car moved again, I took the phone and saw Dad's name on the screen. In the end, he never appeared to pick me. I always needed him, or Jinwoo, or Mr. Park, my dad's driver to take me home.

I slid the unlocking and answered.

"Now you remember you have a daughter."

"Hello, dear." He answered. I could bet he was smiling, plus he was ignoring me. "Have you met Jinki? He is very friendly, right?"

I furrowed my brow in disbelief.

"Dad, you left me."

"Of course not, my love. He wanted to do it. He also asked for a moment to talk to you before dinner."

"Dinner?"

"I sent you a text message. You have not read it?"

No, i turn off the phone in the library.

"Don't hang up."

I looked the unread messages. After turning on the phone I didn't bother to check it. The message was below that he had sent during the afternoon.

>We had talked about doing wedding in a few months, but there was a change of plans and I have to do some drawings for the new hotel in Hong Kong with Sam's father. So we agreed to have dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Lee tonight. Jinki just come from Japan and he will pick you up.<

When I finished reading, I swallowed; that was annoying because i felt my throat dry, not to mention my heart was beating so fast.

I put the phone next to my ear again.

"Dad, I..."

"I will give you two some more time, I'll see you later, my love." and he hung up.

My mouth fell open.

"When I got to college, a teacher said you were in detention, so I told your father that wanted time to talk to you, angel."

I am not an angel.

"I see." I put my hands in the jacket and i thought how i came to this moment. 

Dad had the habit of saying important things on the phone. Thank you, Father, very kind of you to say that i would marry without looking me in the face. Young people here respected their elders when announcing something like that, but what about my decisions? Dad never asked for my opinion, he just said it. I'm tired, Juliette, it's been three years since... 3 years and you have caused more problems than I ever thought you could cause. Your mother and I thought it's time for you to have a change of attitude. And that you will get it only with a marriage. But that was a big lie because he planned this since I was born.

"Are you alright there, angel?"

"Yes... I think so." I answered uncertainly, I was not sure what he was talking about.

"I mean, if all is okay in your mind. You've been quiet all the way."

"I didn't think we should talk about something."

"Well..." He chuckled. "How will we know each other if we do not talk?"

"But... after all, we are going to get married, right?"

Onew awkwardly moved his hands on the wheel. 

"You're right. But it would be better to marry someone that you knew at least his favorite food?"

I pretended to be thoughtful.

"I'll say chicken..." And i added sarcastically. "Although I think it's risky."

He laughed.

"And yours?"

"Pizza."

"So... We are no longer strangers?"

"I don't think so." I wrinkled my nose, replying sarcastically.

"Give me one reason why you love so much reading."

I looked down the road, thinking. People usually didn't know that about me, because that was very personal to me.

"How do you know i love to read?"

"You look like someone who loves to read."

That did not seem to be a credible response.

"I like reading because I believe that books let me experience lifes that I will never live. I think I can be in other worlds besides this, and even though they are not real, in my mind they are."

"You see? I knew i was not wrong." He smiled still looking the highway. "What is your favorite book?"

"Pride & Prejudice." I replied without hesitation.

And for some reason it seemed wrong to say that. Perhaps because i had been prejudiced to judge him without knowing. But that was the problem, I didn't know him at all.

"Have you had a boyfriend?"

I started playing with my hands under the jacket; that was an abrupt change of subject.

"No." I replied uncomfortably. I was not ashamed to haven't had one, because it was something I was not expecting to. Besides, it made no sense to hurt myself and him when I had to finish the relationship. "You?"

"I've never had a boyfriend." He laughed.

I laughed too, i had to admit that was funny.

"So?"

I looked at him pensive when he sighed.

"It was a long time ago, when we were kids."

Although it was child's play, I would have never dared to think that he would give me that answer. But it was clear that it was very important, because suddenly he had a wistful expression on his face. This proved that was not enough what i saw on TV to actually know him.

"And what happened?"

Onew exhaled and looked at me with a kind smile before returning to look ahead.

"She moved out. Her name was Joohee and we lived in the same neighborhood, we went everywhere together."

I didn't know how to answer it. Should I say something to comfort him? 

"Sorry."

"You don't have to, angel. It's okay."

I bit my lip. Apparently i had a new nickname. I remained in silent when he entered to the basement parking lot of a restaurant. My heart began to stir at the thought of sitting down to discuss about the wedding that couldn't be done. This wasn't healthy for me and wasn't good for him, for his career that he built with so much effort and dedication. The opinion some fans had about me was incorrect, but I couldn't do anything to correct them. I was what they thought I was and I couldn't change that.

He got out of the car to get to my door, and kindly, he opened it and waited for me to come out with an outstretched hand to help me down. I took my backpack and got out of the car on my own, and behind me, I heard him sigh.

"I am not an object, Onew." I turned. He did it too. "My father has a great friendship with yours and I respect that, but he did not asked for my opinion before doing this. Even if your are so kind, you won't get anything from me." 

I knew it wasn't cool to be like that, but i had to find a way for him to end the engagement.

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

The restaurant had lots of light and I liked that, with amber colors that shone on from the ceiling and made everything warmer. The place looked expensive, like the places dad liked to go to. I never expected to be seated with the parents of an idol, and with an idol itself, but they were really kind. However their kindness would only make the wedding run its course. I wasn't an expert on weddings, but I always thought it would take time to organize it. As the wedding of my brother, for example, that had been planned in more than six months. Although I wasn't thinking that I should plan it, I didn't see coming that my father would hired someone to do it in a month. That number was in my head over dinner.

"Juliette?" Somebody snapped his fingers in front of me. "Juliette!"

I looked up, making sticks to slide my hands a little.

"I didn't do it, daddy." I stammered foolishly.

Then I watched in shame that was dad looked at me confused, contrary to Mr. and Mrs. Lee and his son, who found that funny. I laughed awkwardly and looked at Dad again.

"You were saying?"

"What didn't you do, Julie?"

"What?"

"Don't try to confuse me, Juliette Hamilton." He looked at me with narrowed eyes, hiding a smile. "I know you too well."

"I told you that because you scared me." I smiled at him. With the same smile i had as a child, when my brothers and I had done some mischief.

He looked at me carefully, his eyes sparkled when he knew what i was doing.

"Okay, my love." He affectionately pinched my chin. "I believe you."

Of course he doesn't believe me but i smiled anyway.

"So..." Dad said. "I have to travel tomorrow to Japan, and since there is no one to look after you, we thought it would be nice if you move to Jinki's apartment."

He waited for a response. Mr. Lee seemed pleased, and Onew scratched his hair sheepishly.

"Your members agreed with this?" I asked him. Although apparently i couldn't say no, there were other people whom had not heard their opinions.

"Of course." He smiled. "They want to meet you."

"My son will take good care of you, honey." Mrs. Lee said, smiling warmly. I was pretty sure she wasn't convinced with my expression. "He will take care of you as a good husband."

"I know it's very fast, Juliette... "Added her husband. "But you will see that coexistence becomes enjoyable. We are happy that your father has given you to our son."

I wasn't convinced, but i smiled at them kindly. They didn't seem to noticed the problems I had in my home, it was as if they didn't know it, or they didn't care. And as they talked, Onew pushed my hand with his on the table, slightly, without anyone noticing, and he smiled to me. 

On camera or behind them, that sweet smile was the same.

And I smiled too. 

"But look at what time it is." My dad looked at his wristwatch, and smiled at Onew as he took my hand on the table. Again, its warmth enveloped my hand. "It's a bit late and Juliette has to get up early tomorrow. Could you take her home, son? Your parents and I will stay a while longer."

Onew nodded at him.

"Yes, of course."

After all, his good manners wouldn't allow him to refuse. I smiled at him for his kindness, and I stood up to go to the ladies' room before we left.

"If you excuse me for a moment..."

I walked away from the table with my heart pounding painfully. But it was a reminder that I was alive and that this was real.

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

Unlike the traffic and noise on the main street, Onew drove the car through a quiet neighborhood where we could barely hear a car's engine, and parked right in front of my house, which was the only one that had a driveway wood towards the front door. To the sides, the green grass shone with the streetlights, illuminating the pretty flowers that I planted since I moved. Unlike the other houses, ours was the only one that stayed in the shadows with all the lights off. Not even one so I could walk through the darkness. My body fell as I exhaled and removed my seat belt.

"Something happens?"

I was being obvious. I took my backpack from the floor of the car and looked at him.

"All the lights are off." I laughed quickly and without much humor, just so it didn't seem like much and I shook my head. "Thank you for bringing me."

I slipped the backpack strap over my shoulder and grabbed the door handle.

"Juliette..." My hand stopped there. I turned to him and waited for what he was going to say, but he seemed more interested in watching the house for a few seconds before finally looking in my direction. "Would you give me a bottle of water for the road?"

I blinked at him. His gaze seemed to want something else, something more important although he didn't say it, so I just nodded.

"Yeah, sure. Do you want to come in?"

Onew nodded and we both got out of the car. Without the pressure of being in front of our parents, I waited under the pleasant night until he circled the car and we walked down the wooden path to the door. I looked for the key in the front pocket of my backpack and chose the silver one to open the door. The complete darkness of the house disappeared before my eyes for a second and I took a few steps towards the right wall to turn on the main light of the living room that was on the right side of the place. It was not the fear of the children to the dark, it was a memory that seemed like a nightmare. I walked to the sofa and left my backpack there while he closed the door, though he didn't move from the entrance.

"You can sit." I pointed at the sofas. "Give me a second and I'll bring the water."

Onew nodded as I walked to the kitchen that was on the far left side of the house. I pushed open the door and entered a huge kitchen that had a granite table in the center of the room. I walked to the refrigerator and opened one of the doors, receiving the momentary cold while the white light inside shined to show me the groceries. But he was a singer, and taking care of his vocal cords was important for his career, so I closed the door and looked under the granite table, until I found the bottles of water that had the right temperature.

When I walked out of the place, I found him staring at the only photograph Dad had put on the coffee table.

"It was at my grandfather's house," I said, and he straightened. I chuckled because he looked so innocent, and walked to the living room where I sat on the sofa in front of him. "At his lake house in California. Two years before... each of us take a different path."

It was not my intention that my voice sounded so indifferent, but at that point in my life it only came out naturally.

"I'm sorry."

I waved my hand in the air to push those thoughts out of his mind, and reached out to give him the water. Like me, he reached for the bottle and his fingers brushed mine before I could pull away. I pushed my hair behind my ear, only to move my hand and disappear the tingling I felt in my fingers.

"I figured the cold water was not good for your throat."

My comment seemed to surprise him for a few seconds, before he smiled kindly.

"Can I ask who gave you that bracelet?"

My right hand caught my left wrist over my sweater, and I felt the cold of the silver bracelet on my skin. It was mine from my childhood, it was the most important gift I had with me, and although I didn't remember the exact moment my grandfather gave it to me, I simply felt inside me that it was the most valuable possession I could have.

"My grandfather gave it to me... when I was a child. I've had it all my life, I think. I've never taken it off."

Onew watched my hand in silence, where the bracelet was hidden.

"I'm sure it's important to you."

"It is." I responded with confidence. "It's the most important thing I have."

Onew seemed pleased, almost happy with the story I had just shared with him.

"I'd better go." He stood up and I did too. "Thank you for the water, angel."

I nodded to him as if that word were normal just like the others, and I walked with him to the door. As he walked away to his car, I realized that it was easier for me to talk to him away from the glances, but he as someone famous, would always attract the looks to him.

"I'll come for you tomorrow then," he said, stopping for a moment in the middle of the road.

I looked at him curiously, but I didn't ask him why this was easier for him.

"Good night, Onew. Drive carefully."

I waited for him to get into his car, and in seconds he drove away from the neighborhood. His car disappeared into the distance and it was the silence that stayed with me until dad would be here again. I closed the door and finally my shoulders fell for the momentary relief. I took my backpack off the couch and went up the stairs to the second floor toward my room. My boots gently tapped the wooden floor until I entered my bedroom that was to the bottom of the place. The white walls gleamed as I the light. But I had until tomorrow to pack my things and leave this place. I put my backpack on the bed and lay there beside Levi, my stuffed bulldog dog.

I moved IN here a year ago and this house didn't feel like my home, and tomorrow I had to move again.

New chapter ^-^ and I hope you like this.