Short and brief hellos and goodnights were made between the two. As Jongdae, was oblivious to why Jongin was especially more moody, he strived to create a smile on his face. He had snapped back to Jongdae's empty attempts of cheering him up. Each time he had sharply turned away, he didn't realize that Jongdae stared back at his miserable friend, with sadness in his eyes. 

Despite all the bitter words and attitude,his mind raced with everything about Jongdae. His soft to the touch hands, ivory skin, and ear to ear smile. The camaraderie between Jongin and him was genuine and true, but Allyson had swept Jongdae off his feet before he could utter his dying confession.

8 missed calls.

Jongin adored the fact that, despite all other fairy tale sayings, "so abstract, my love for him, no words to describe" he wasn't elusive, he was simple. Innocuous and credulous, he had innocence scribbled on his face. His likable charisma pacified Jongin's personality. When he talked about the things he liked such as; lengthy sunny days where the sun decided that he enjoyed the cloudless blue skies and stayed longer into the 6's and 7's of the evening and stunning smiles where all their teeth shone, his voice was ardent and bold. Jongin felt his heart skip a beat just thinking about it.

12 sent text messages 

His mind tumbled as he thought back to the stolen kisses between them, how they pressed an angry stamp onto his already fragile heart.

6 voicemails 

As Jongin pressed the button, his fingernails dug deep into his skin as he caught onto Jongdae's distressed voice. 

"Hey, hi Jongin. Hey, please call me back. I don't know where you are, and it's like 2, 2:17 right now. Please call me back." 

and the line went out in a distinct click. 

Releasing a gaping breath, he caught the glimpse of his palms and their furious red craters. Laying down on the park bench, he began to pick at the peeling yellow paint. The vivacious color used to be vibrant and as illuminating as the sun, the same sun Jongdae loved. But now it was dull and lacking, more of Jongin's color palette. He wondered what he might be doing right now. He knew Jongdae was worried, anxious. Feeling guilty, Jongin also felt tiny inches of morbid delight. Someone cared. 

Jongdae might be biting his fingernails, chipping the white moons that rested on his dainty hands. Tugging at his Pink Panther shirt nervously. Jongin dwelled in the memory of when he first saw Jongdae wearing it. A purple toothbrush hung off his airy lips as he brushed his caramel hair. Jongin had given him a crooked smile in the mirror.

"Nice shirt," Jongin had jabbed his aides making Jongdae giggle. 

"I like it, it's cute," Jongdae retaliated with a smile. 

"Isn't it some cartoon? With that stupid cop who can never catch the Panther?" Plopping himself on the toilet seat cover, he gazed up at Jongdae who was attempting to comb his tangly locks and scrub his teeth simultaneously.  

"It's not just some cartoon," Jongdae huffed at him. "I like to think of it, without the cop, the Panther would be bored, uninterested in life. Without the Panther though, the cop would have no reason. Catching him would mean there's no more challenge. They need each other."

"But the cop looks like an idiot trying to chase after a pink cat," Jongin grumbled at his lengthy description. 

"I'm sure down somewhere in his pixelated, sketched out heart, he secretly loves it," Jongin answered. He swiftly placed the comb back in the drawer and dropped the toothbrush in the jar and left, leaving Jongin puzzled as he remained. 

"Do I look like an idiot chasing after you?" Jongin breathed out with a sigh. 

-
Chittering songbirds flew above the panoply of towering willow trees creating a lovely morning tune. The sun strutted out, projecting a light glow. Jongin awoke to tiny butterfly that flew past his ear, twitching it slightly, generating him to sit up quickly. 

"Where am I?" Jongin moaned as he aimed to brush the sleep out his eyes. His eyes fluttered awake as he saw the park setting around him. It was mostly deserted, besides a homeless man dozing on the bench besides his. He continued to rub his eyes until he heard a faint hum come from his jacket pocket.

Picking up his phone, he answered groggily,"Hello?"

"Jongin," a sharp exclaim shouted on the other line making him wince. "Where the are you?" 

"Calm down Jongdae," Jongin whined. Inspecting around, he plainly spotted a large sign that hollered "Hollidally Park" from a grinning tulip flower. 

"Hollidally Park," Jongdae heard a slight wheeze. 

"How the hell did you get there? That's like 8 miles away. Don't move an inch, I'm coming to get you," Jongdae lectured but it had a twitch of relief. 

20 minutes and a lamenting beg from the homeless man, which Jongin managed to locate $1.23 in his jeans later, Jongdae came sprinting in Jongin's beat down silver 1999 Honda Civic. Jongin strolled languidly to the car, Jongdae's stare made him turn his head down in shame. 

"Why didn't you come home yesterday?" Jongdae gently demanded as he handed Jongin a McDonalds bag containing his favorite breakfast foods, an Eggwhite McMuffin, two hash browns and a steaming cup of coffee.

"I just wanted some time to myself," Jongin answered gingerly, ignoring Jongdae's pleading gaze.

"Your room has a door, and a lock?" he responded sarcastically. Jongin felt bad for not telling Jongdae, and he knew for a fact he deserved that biting remark. But he knew Allyson was there with him as he frantically left messages, his arm tenderly saying "I'm sure he's fine." And Jongin wondered why she wasn't in the car with him. 

"Where's Allyson?" he asked. 

"Dropped her off this morning, we stayed up all night worrying, you ," Jongdae snapped back. His eyes were centralized on the road ahead. 

"Thank you for the breakfast," Jongin endeavored as he stared at the dark circles under the caramel haired boy's eyes. 
_______

Knowing Jongdae, he was quick to forgive and it only took a can of beer and a few hours before he returned to his lively spirit again. The day's continued and the days passed as the guilt and stigma persisted to accumulate in Jongin. The scene of her, passionately kissing the other man made him recoil with sadness and disgust every time she passed by him. Allyson began to ignore Jongin, as he simply wasn't there. 

Not knowing whether to confess to what he saw to Jongdae, he had even longer nights of tossing and turning within the prison of the white sheets. His head rocked away with the overwhelming contemplations and ideations. He didn't want to seem as he was spitting out malarkey and rubbish into Jongdae's ivory face, but he didn't know another way. It was the inflamed type of wondering. Not the kind where you drift off and envision various moments of hopeless scenarios of romance and possibility. Piercing and flamboyant, it hurt to wonder. 

His conscious steered Jongin to walk over to Jongdae's alabaster door. Thick harmonies of low-pitched bass and r&b flew out the door. Jongin could distinct Jongdae's hum against the loud music, high and lovely. He could imagine his tall cheekbones shining in tune as he sang. Knocking with hesitation, he heard his charming voice waltz.

"Come in." 

Opening the door, he peeked to discover the caramel haired boy criss crossed on his poorly made bed. The radiant designs of hydrangeas and lilies entangled the comforter that was mussed under Jongdae's legs. His nose was buried in a thick book that had many dog ears and neon striped bookmarks. 

"What are you reading?" Jongin sat on the comforter, sensing the warmth from Jongdae's body heat against his. He smirked and held the book up to display the cover.
"Within the human mind: Psychology 101" 

Surprised and a little enthusiastic, Jongin inquired his sudden interest. "What's this all about?" 

"You told me that I should be majoring in Psychology, and honestly it's kinda interesting. The human mind and all," he replied with a smile. Jongin had almost forgot the reason he had been pulled into the room, almost.

"Hey, actually I need to talk to you," Jongin mumbled and Jongdae placed his book on his hanging nightstand. 

"Yeah, what's up?" he answered as he sipped his mug of coffee. The over sweetened scent of sugary nutmeg and saccharine aromas enclouded his nose. Lambent flames from his various ambrosial candles also shifted into Jongin's nose creating a dulcet horizon to where he couldn't spit out the harsh divulgence. 

"It's-it's about Allyson," he stammered with notions of doubt. Jongdae's easeful stare turned into a look of confusion. 

"What happened?" he questioned. Jongin could see the notes of perplexity that twirled in his pupils. 

"I saw her," he covered his face with his palms to avoid the backlash from Jongdae and stood up briskly. "With another guy, and they were kissing."

Jongin winced, still hiding behind his hands. He expected to hear a sob, a wail or even a slap in the face. But all he heard was Jongdae seeping down back into his pillow. Taken aback by his calm reaction, he asked. 

"Did you hear what I said?" 

Jongdae nodded composedly and returned. "I thought she got hurt or something." 

"Wait-wait what the ? You're not gonna freak out or anything? The love of your life, the one filled with possibility just cheats on you, and you're fine?" Jongin screeched at Jongdae's emotionless character. 

"Don't be ridiculous Jongin," he murmured softly. There was a muted silence in the room for the next few minutes. Jongin glowered with agitation at Jongdae as he looked back with nothing. Bare and empty, his vibrant soul was absorbed into muffled and quiet. The resounding and dynamic melodies, faded into drowning swings of frayed bore. He offered Jongin a grim smile.

"You knew?" Jongin whimpered. Jongdae's soulless self, nodded in shame and reply. 

"I saw her the first time. We were at a party, and I still remember the song when I distinguished her sunflower dress holding a friend of mine, Kyle's hand into the bathroom. I know she did because she dropped her bag open that night, and I saw the napkin with his phone number," Jongdae gave out a demented laugh that hinted sorrow and cracks on dry cement. "And you won't believe, thank you for the great , see you this weekend?" 

Jongin sat down on the comforter and traced the lavender hydrangea and it traveled to Jongdae's knees. The lilies desperately attempted to draw a smiling scene, but their efforts were sunk by Jongdae's deadly demeanor. 
Jongdae continued to laugh a sickly laugh. Tiny streams of salt water tears began to trickle off his high cheekbones and down onto his ivory skinned hands. 

"And she tells me she has plans for that Saturday, our one month anniversary. It hurts Jongin it hurts," he cried faintly and rested his caramel haired head into Jongin's lap. He began to his lush hair with delicacy; he didn't want the fragile boy to break. 

And that was when Jongdae began to sing the song. It was hinged with tears and busted grins that shouldn't have been. Jongin could hear the ache, even over Jongdae's lovely voice. He frantically tried to voice over the glaring pain, but it was too loud. So loud that Jongin could overhear the eyerolls and complaints of their oblivious neighbors, the mewls of agitated kittens and the clash of rejecting doors. They didn't want to listen to sorrow, unaware of the mask they taped to keep the unwanted feelings away. 

"Every night, I fall asleep to you
A beautiful tune gets played in my dreams, you and me
I close my eyes and follow the shadow in the darkness
Who knows?

Find me just once
You know how much I want you
More than your faint image
More than the thick night
I’m afraid of being alone."

Cantillating out the last lyrics, the last two words, he wailed silently. Voice saturated and smeared messily with empathy and dismay. 

"It hurts. "
_______

As snowflakes and coldness fell over the college campus, so did Jongdae's smile. 

His once brighter than the sun smile was now just a flickering lightbulb that was going to burst at any moment. The plug was almost out of the socket, and Jongin was afraid that it was soon about to slip out. The twirl of infinite grins and giggles erupted and frayed almost to an emotionless matter. 

Jongin who before could barely discover even the curls of the ends of his lips now found the someone who could construct a full grin on his face, but that someone now was in the deep end of the pool, not even struggling or gasping for air. Jongdae didn't even try to float, to keep on top. Letting the surrounding enemies of misery and anguish haul his already lifeless corpse to the chlorine fogged bottom. And the worst part was, he was fine with drowning,

He attempted to bring Jongdae out, to cheer up his mood. But the once jovial boy just simply answered with not even a notice of annoyance.

"I'm tired."

Jongdae hadn't broke up with Allyson yet, or even brought the subject of the cinnamon scented girl up. Jongin didn't know how many times he had caught her, and he certainly wasn't going to pry. He insisted that he was grateful Jongin had given him the tip, but Jongin felt as if he almost wished he hadn't told him. Almost. 

Allyson seemed to recognized the change in behavior. His once vibrant attitude that attracted so many, was now dull and deep in the ashes. His ivory plaster was still ivory but not quite the same. Frayed at the slim edges and flushed somber. Clinging on more than ever, she would stay on his bed as he asked her tiredly to leave after being with her for hours on end. Tugging at the smiling hydrangeas, she would encircle and wrap her arms around his waist.

"Why baby? Do you not love me?" she would pout with the same adored familiarity with her question but it sounded more like a plea. 

________

Torn away, ticks of digital alarm clocks, and the never ending beat of depressed, Jongdae was beaten. Gloomy clouds of gray and purple marked under this sagging eyes. Skeleton structured of limber bones and acute angles hung of the racks of his body. Green tips of trees shaded a new identity of hushed amber and soiled to the cold concrete and so has the bits and pieces of Kim Jongdae. Jongin wanted it all the end, all of it.

And one day, if finally had. The Monday was a sun-filled morning of illuminated rises and the quick exchange of delight with their cut off shorts and thin tank tops colored in with canary and mint. But the polished euphoria was not allowed to step inside the modest two bedroom apartment. Instead, Jongdae's walls were colored a exuberant teal but thrown hastily over was a coat of gloom.

"What the is your problem?" 

"My problem?"

"Yeah you? How dare you accuse me of such a thing?" 

Screeches of halting breaks in conversation erupted from the teal bedroom anticipated by a sound of broken glass and thrown temper. Jongin rushed to find the door ajar as the cinnamon scented, but vodka tasting now girl growled at Jongdae who sat on his hydrangeas with a wistful gaze set on his long lashes as he stared at her.

"Look at this," she points a finger at Jongdae's phone. A text message from Kyle reads 'sorry about everything. she caught me in a bad moment and i know i won't ever regain your trust again or the confidence to tell you that I'm sorry I cheated with Allyson.'

"He must be talking about someone else," she snapped as Jongdae rolled his eyes with raged annoyance. 

"Get out, I'm tired," he rubbed his weary pupils with delicacy. Jongin cowered back so they wouldn't spot him during their argument.

"No, we are talking about this. Who told you about Fernando? That creepy roommate of yours?" her voice coiled like a snake as it hissed out the venomous words.

"Don't you dare talk about Jongin like that," he heard Jongdae snarl back with the same intensity of defense. "Get out." 

"Fine, you. Go yourself," before stomping out, she tossed Jongdae's phone against the smear of happy teal and the ear-splitting crack of undeniable glass and antagonism exploded. Roughly pushing Jongin aside, she pounded out the door. Sniffles edged out into the open, and Jongin peeked in to discover Jongdae laying on his side. Shivering in the 80 degree weather, he held the hydrangeas to his weeping eyes. 

"Jongdae," he started off slowly as he approached the crying caramel haired boy. Jongin could sense dismal and frustration, but the most abhorrence to himself. It was a tiny room that was blocked off with paint stokes of sparkled but gossamer poignancy and heaved gravity. All that was heard was short breaths that took too long to let go of and the heartache pounding in both their unsatisfied veins. 

"Happy endings, are overrated," Jongdae whispered from his side. As he was Jongdae's back, he turned surprised to see his bloodshot eyes staring at him. His pupils were dilated with slits of ignominious slathered sheets and overrun melancholy. This outcry, sounded like a question, or a statement? Maybe they were both.

Jongin managed a bleak smile and returned a heavyhearted reply. "I guess they are."