Day 32

“Youngjae-ah, did you know that your father and I thought you were a girl when we first met you? You were so beautiful, like our very own angel sent from heaven with your cherry red lips and porcelain skin. When you opened your eyes, I could’ve sworn that the pair of us held our breaths. You had the roundest eyes, so admirable and tender like your skin. Well, that was until you started crying,” she laughed, combing my hair back with her fingers.

I nestled into her chest and smiled, imagining the look on their faces.

“You were so beautiful, Youngjae-ah. You still are. If I could hold you in my embrace and protect you from the outside world I would…but eventually there’ll be a day where I’ll leave and you’d have to face the world all on your own.”

“Don’t say that…” I grumbled, objecting the overall thought of being without my parents.

“Listen,” she continued, her voice softening to almost a whisper, “If you ever leave without telling me, I wouldn’t know what to do or who to go to. You mean the world to me, you know that?”

“I’ll never leave you umma, I promise.”

She laughed once more, nuzzling her nose deep into my hair and closing her eyes. “That’s what they all say when they’re this age. Once they become teenagers they’d do anything to get out of the house.”

I swiftly sat up and stared at my mother, face to face. “I’ll keep my promise. I’ll never leave you or appa, ever.”

She smiled and blessed me with a kiss upon my forehead.

“I love you, Youngjae-ah. I wish you’ll just keep that promise.”

I wish I did too. 

~*~

“Youngjae?”

“Youngjae?”

With a jerk I woke up, panting heavily from the dream. Daehyun’s saccharine voice sounded nearby calling my name, so I quickly scrambled to my feet from the dirt to see what he wanted. I somehow managed to fall asleep within the bamboos near the cove. 

“Youngjae!” he shouted, beginning to panic. 

Daehyun emerged from the river and found me trekking over to him, his face covered in sweat. 

“What’s wrong?” I breathe, making my way over towards him. Daehyun sinks a little, his expression unreadable. He looked lost and somewhat defeated. If only I knew what ran through his mind…

“You weren’t in your shelter so…I got worried.” He blankly states, lowering his gaze to the sand beneath his feet.

“You don’t need to be worried about me,” I chuckle, shaking my head at his concern. Daehyun gives a little nod and encloses me into a soft embrace, his hair smelling of sea salt and his skin damp from sweat.

It was these little features about Daehyun that had grown on me, making me like him more as each slow day went by. He was so perfectly unique in his own way. So radiant.

Wrapping my arms around Daehyun’s neck I pull him closer, tightening the hug as he tugged at my waist. If only I knew of a way to make things better for him but there weren’t many resources on this island for me to do so. 

Pulling away from the embrace, I smile at Daehyun and remove a small piece of hair that had been intruding his lashes. God, he is so perfect to just stare at. 

Daehyun held eye contact and inched closer, his nose brushing against mine and I flinched back from the proximity. His hands remained around my waist, giving me gentle squeezes whereas my own hung lifelessly by my sides as I tried to apprehend his strange actions.

Leaning in closer, Daehyun continued to stare as though he were trying to read something inside of my pupils. What is he doing...?

I ended up losing my balance and thankfully I slipped out of his hold when I realised what he was trying to do. 

He was about to kiss me. 

“S-sorry” he stuttered, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. The tension in the air remained heavy as I tried to understand the situation. Daehyun would've kissed me if I hadn't clumisily lost my balance. Inwardly kicking myself in the shin I rub his arm and smile. 

"Don't be. I'll go get us some fruit..." I say, unconsciously  my lips and backing away. 

~*~

The evening rolled around, drenching the island in darkness as me and Daehyun sat alone in our own shelters, drowning in our thoughts. I trailed back to the dream I had this morning of my mother and a thick feeling of nostalgia began to inflate my memory. 

It's been over a month yet no search parties had found me yet. 

My mother is definitely worried sick, pacing back and forth at home, paying frequent trips to the police station for my disappearance, going through the trouble of printing 'MISSING' posters and sticking them across the whole of Korea.

My father must be trying his hardest to tame her, to help her grab some sleep at night whilst she tosses and turns from side to side. 

Even Mr and Mrs Lee. 

It's unfair that they have to sleep at night without the knowledge of their son's death. It's unfair that I'm alive and well, spending my days pleasantly with a stranger I've only just met. A stranger I know very little of. 

They don't deserve this silence, they deserve to know what happened to their boy. 

This was all my fault and the guilt was gnawing away at my flesh, creating a big hole in my heart. 

I found myself pacing over to Daehyun's shelter, my heart wrenching between my chest. The island boy stirs on his hammock, his face mirroring mine with tears.

“Youngjae,” he croaks, when he finds me kneeling beside him. 

I watched as my tears drip and dent the sand, turning it to that ugly felt colour like the rain once had. Another image of my home and my family whisked by and I could no longer hold it in. The longing to be with my parents was weighing me down, and from then on I knew I wanted nothing more but to feel their embrace once again and the warmth of my home. 

This was wrong. 

Even though that meant leaving Daehyun alone on this island, it had to be done. Looking up to meet his swollen eyes, his parted pink lips, glowing tanned skin, I took a deep breath and spoke with a quivering voice.

“I want to go home, Daehyun.” 

~*~