A whole night had been spent with me tossing and turning within my hammock. Despite spending the evening with Youngjae comfortably beside a fire, I felt extremely unsettled. The island seemed to be sending me strange vibes and they weren’t going easily unnoticed. That night the wind blew harshly, its howls wallowing the air like a weeping siren and stirring whispers within the trees and vines.

          I wanted to invade Youngjae’s shelter and crawl into his hammock, spooning him into a tight warm hold however I couldn’t bring myself to do so. I didn’t want to selfishly ruin his sleep or creep him out for unexpectedly wanting to sleep beside him for no legit reason.  He would most likely find it weird and try distancing himself from me…and I wasn’t quite keen on having that outcome.

          Turning so that I was on my back, I opened my eyes and stared up at the dark ceiling of banana leaves. A sudden urge to scoop my girl up into my arms and hold her for a while began to occupy my racing thoughts. I looked around my hammock and frowned at her absence. Normally, Sandy would lay sound asleep curled up into a tight ball beside me or somewhere close by, often outside of my shelter. I wanted her presence since I was finding it difficult to sleep so I decided to get up and go look for her. It was quite early in the morning, I was assuming around 3 or 4 AM.

          My search for Sandy went on for a very short amount of time until I decided to head back since it was too dark and windy outside. Not thinking so much about it, I closed my eyes and tried going back to sleep again, only to flutter them back open an hour or so later. A slight trace of light had dispersed within the silky dark coat of the luminant night sky. The clouds were transitioning from a mystifying navy to a sunlit orange, embroidering the oceans horizon in a spherical outline.

          The tropical birds of the island began to sing and harmonize the empty salt air, but I couldn’t bare it. The slight noise became triumphant to my ears as I twisted impatiently against the tough material. Something wasn’t right and I’d lost an entire night’s worth of sleep because of it. Springing myself out of the shelter, I frantically started to look for her. Sandy. I spent yesterdays evening with Youngjae and completely lost track of what my girl had been up to. I’d been so enchanted from the sparkles of light dancing in Youngjae’s hazel orbs to notice that I hadn’t spotted the female anywhere close by at the time.

          Things started to feel really wrong at that very moment. Sandy hadn’t approached us ever since we lit a fire near the cove. The last time I’d seen her was after I’d prepared Youngjae and I some fruits for supper.  Pacing towards the beach, I called her name and began to run from one end of the beach to the other. I didn’t forget to check inside of Youngjae’s rescue boat however as expected, the Labrador wasn’t in there, or in fact anywhere on the beach. My panicking worsened when the sun had risen high into the blue sky.

          The heat crawling at my skin caused heavy beads of sweat to trickle into the fabric of my vest and shorts. Her name constantly slipped off my tongue as I hustled the entire Island’s south. The female would never spend a night across the bridge without my assistance; it was too dangerous because of the wild insects and thick forests.

          Despite denying the possibilities of her being up north, I figured it would be convenient to just check. Much to my apprehension…I couldn’t find her. My shoulders dropped from helplessness as I dragged my weight over the bridge back towards my shelter. She could’ve come back while I was obliviously out here looking for her?

          My heart sank when I came back to an empty shelter, no dog in sight. Refusing to give up hope in finding her, I began my search again only to come across a perky Youngjae. In his arms he held some bananas and he slightly jumped when he saw me. I refused his offer of a freshly picked banana and went back to looking for my girl through some coral vines. I knew she liked to hide in these.

“Daehyun…you’re sunburnt.” Says Youngjae, breaking the silence.

“It doesn’t hurt,” I mutter, storming off into another direction when there was no sign of the female.

         Youngjae followed after me and experimentally placed a hand on my shoulder, receiving the exact reaction he was hoping for. I flinch from his touch and hiss between my teeth at the sting of sunburn. “Doesn’t hurt, did you say?” he retorts, taking his hand back. Unable to obscure my anger, I ruffle my hair and let out further noises of frustration, missing the concerned raise of his eyebrows.

“Daehyun…what’s going on?”

I shudder and bend over, placing my hands over my knees in complete and utter exhaustion.

“It’s Sandy…I can’t find my girl.” I exclaim, before hopping towards the fall. “Have you seen her?” I ask, looking at the brunette helplessly.

          “No…I just woke up.” He says, a look of anxiousness becoming evident across his soft features. I wanted to give up and fall to my knees but I continued to press on, praying to something or someone that I’d find her safely sleeping somewhere.

          “How long have you been searching for her, Dae?” he questions, trying to keep up with me. My patience hit rock bottom and I suddenly erupted, catching Youngjae off guard. I didn’t mean to explode but I just…couldn’t help myself. I’d been looking for my girl ever since daybreak and the lack of progress began to eat away at me mentally and physically

“Can you do something other than ask me questions Youngjae? I’ve been searching all morning for her but she hasn’t shown up once!”

          “Okay, okay calm down, I’ll look.” He swiftly defends, moving away from me. Youngjae hopped off the rocks and started for the bridge a while later, and I followed shortly, my legs desperately wanting to give away. I was so tired.

“We have to find her Youngjae,” I wheeze, losing my own voice. “I can’t risk her being in danger.”

          “We’ll find her Daehyun…” he tries to assure, staggering closer and closer towards the volcano. I almost collapse from exhaustion but I adamantly press on, my patience wearing dangerously thin.

          Moments later I manage to erupt into a stream of tears as there were absolutely no signs of the hyperactive dog pouncing around anywhere in sight, and all the brunette could do was watch helplessly and look on. “Let’s split up,” he suggests, “I go east, and you go west okay?”

         I haven’t been up here because I didn’t want to believe she would come this far out. It wasn’t possible. I nod uncertainly and head off, my legs wobbling from fatigue and anxiety. I push through trees and earth, sobbing until my eyes began to sting. This hurt so much.  Memories of her as just a tiny pup began to seize my thoughts, the way I admired her paws and her cute mewls for attention. She was the only one I brought with me when I escaped from Busan, and since then she’d never left my side.

         She was my only friend for 5 years being on this island and I simply couldn’t bare the thought of something bad happening to her. Wiping my runny nose with the back of my hand, I sobbed harder and began to turn back towards Youngjae. She wasn’t anywhere to be found and I had a high impression Youngjae would be just as luckless. Staggering effortlessly through the palms I headed towards the east side of the volcano, where Youngjae was supposed to be. As I walked, a strong stench started to displace the usual fresh atmosphere of sea salt and balsam.

         Realization hit me straight in the face when I recognized the smell to be of something rotting. My tired, uneven steps turned into sprints as I maneuvered closer and closer towards the smell. Not too far ahead stood Youngjae, covering a palm over his nose and mouth. My gaze tripped over the horrifying sight and I swore I almost buckled into the earth from dread. 

          The closer I got, the slower I became until I eventually came to a complete stop. Youngjae turned around, his eyes clouded with remorse. “Daehyun…” he whispered, nearing towards me. I witnessed small insects and spiders crawl their ways in and out of the gaping jaw of my girl. I felt paralyzed. “S-Sandy…” I manage to choke, staring in utter shock. Unexpectedly, Jae scrambles his way towards me before throwing his arms around my shoulders, causing us to stagger back from the deathly sight.

“I’m so sorry!” he says, pressing me further away. “I’m so sorry Daehyun…she’s gone.”

          Looking away, the tears pour from my ducts uncontrollably and I resolve in burying my face against Youngjae, muffling the bleak sobs and cries escaping my throat. The gentle of Youngjae’s hands against my back brought a sense of warmth and comfort, although deep down, I felt as if nothing would be able to stitch the wounds of my loss. 

~*~