the finale of
kang dain

　"Dani, when I said you can stay here for as long as you want, I didn't mean it literally."

　Dani looked at the petite girl, admiring her prominent, yet feminine features. The way her hair fell naturally against her body, her blue eyes that were a sea of wonder— she admired her friend, the person she's been depending on for the past few months, for all the right reasons. Poppy. Poppy Feilding was her name, and she was Dani's diamond in the rough. Poppy was someone she loved and plans to love for the rest of her life. Of course, Poppy says the same thing about Dani, but Dani can't seem to find reasons to love herself. Letting out a chuckle, Dani replied back, "And when you said you were going to kick me out a month ago, I thought you meant it literally. But here I am making your couch mi casa."

　Poppy rolled her eyes at her friend, but let out a sigh soon after. Poppy was beginning to feel frustrated over Dani. Sure, she was her best friend since college and they promised each other that they'd do anything, anything, to make the other person happy. But when Dani called her a few months ago saying she was in England with no place to stay, Poppy couldn't help but feel sorry over the girl. Didn't she leave to pursue a career? What happened to that dream?

　Grabbing her bag from the kitchen counter, Poppy went to pat Dani's head, "Okay, young grasshopper, you got me there. But, seriously, you need to get out of my apartment once in awhile. It's 2023 and all you've been doing here is wag off watching reruns of old shows from 2018 and reading the same poetry book. I'm not saying go out and party all night tonight, but I do want you to get out of the apartment every once in awhile. From a pal to a pal, can you do that?"

　Dani looked up at Poppy whose eyes sparkled from the natural sunlight peeking through the curtains. She didn't want to admit it, but Poppy was right. Ever since Dani came to England back in December, all she's been doing is being a nuisance to her friend. From bothering Poppy when she was working to playing music at full blast at the wee hours of five in the morning when making breakfast, Dani couldn't help but think that Poppy deserved better. That she deserved someone that wasn't her.

　Dani had nothing special, anyway. She didn't have anything going for her. She wasn't the dream daughter her parents wanted her to be and she didn't bring much to the table when she was still a performer. Did anyone even genuinely and truly care for her? She can't tell anymore. Dani didn't even care about herself.

　Standing up, Dani looked down at her shorter friend, "Okay."

　Poppy raised a brow, "Okay? What do you mean 'okay'?"

　"Aren't we going out? Isn't that why you grabbed your bag?"

　"I—," Poppy wasn't planning on going out with Dani, let alone going out for the whole day. But the fact Dani actually wanted to get out of the house without brute force was, to Poppy, a step towards a better and healthier life. Poppy let out a soft smile, "Yes. Yeah! Get dressed because we're going out, Dan!"

　Dani let out a chuckle, ruffling her friend's hair, before rushing to her luggage and grabbing a fresh set of clothes.

× × ×

　"Okay, what the do you think you're putting me through right now," Dani emitted a low groan at where they were. Dani looked at all the different, and very much interesting, people at the coffee shop. Of course, Dani always loved going to this very coffee shop whenever Poppy would drag her out of the house for the sake that they had a large variety of books to read, but today wasn't the best day to be here. "A Single's event? What are you implying here?"

　Poppy gave off a cheeky smile, but Dani could read right through her smile. Yep. Poppy was definitely plotting something against her, "I'm just saying that you need to get out of the house and mingle a little!"

　"Didn't I tell you that I plan on being single for the rest of my life? I thought I made that clear the moment you forced me to make a Tinder account and I got a whole lot of 'send me nudes' messages the moment I started swiping."

　"Dani, that's all in the past!"

　"Poppy, it was literally last week this all happened! No, I'm not staying here," Dani caught the attention of a number of customers and workers there, but Dani didn't mind them. She did, however, mind the idea that her best friend brought her to an event that she didn't have any business being in. "No amount of words and no amount of people can possibly make me sta—"

　"Excuse me, but you're blocking my way."

　Dani started to fume at the voice and tap on the shoulder. Turning around, her face filled with anger, her voice grew louder, "Now, who the fu—"

　Her eyes widened at who it was, and all Poppy could do was smile at the timing being so perfect. Dani's expression quickly changed from anger to complete shock, "Val?"

　Rie's eyes curved into the typical crescents that she was known for back when they were still a group and, of course, with the still evident popularity Rie held because of her link with BTS, she had to hide herself with a mask for extra precaution, especially considering how crowded it was at the moment. The two looked at each other, eye-to-eye, for a few seconds before Rie broke it with a small wave, "Hey, Danosaur. Long time no see, eh?"

× × ×

　Dani and Rie decided to go to a less crowded place that Poppy suggested, that being a small bookstore that Dani used to frequently visit back when she was still going to school in England. Although Dani thought it would be too quiet of a place for the two to converse comfortably, Rie enjoyed the idea that she was going to see a place that little college girl Dani used to hang out. Besides, when Rie saw Dani's eyes light up when Poppy mentioned the bookstore's name, how could Rie say no?

　After greeting the owner, the two found a secluded table at their little seating area in the back before sitting down in comfortable but awkward silence. Dani couldn't help but look at Rie, who was busy switching off her phone's volume to mute. Just as she did to Poppy, Dani started to admire Rie's little features. Her hair was now dyed back to her natural color and she grew out bangs from the last time they saw each other. Not only that, but Rie looked like she was gaining a bit of weight in, not only her face, but her stomach as well. It wasn't a bad thing that Rie was gaining weight, though. In fact, Dani was glad Rie steered away from the unhealthy diets she's been rumored to go through back in their group.

　"Hello? Earth to Dani," Rie waved her hand in front of Dani's face, trying to get her attention.

　Dani shook her head, "What? Sorry, I kind of spaced out."

　Rie sat back in her seat with a small breath of air, "It's okay. You did that a lot back then and it can't be helped, so it's understandable."

　That's what Dani loved about Rie. No matter how much someone messes up and does something stupid, she was always understanding and soft-spoken. That's something Dani missed about Rie. Of course, she missed the rest of the girls as well, but Rie was someone who Dani was able to be comfortable around. No matter how chaotic Dani was, Rie was there to deal with all the mess. Yet, looking at Rie now, Dani can't help but recall how much she messed up back in Korea. She started to hate herself again.

　Rie quickly spoke up, noticing that it was getting (comfortably) awkward again, "How've you been? The last thing I heard from you was when you posted a picture on Instagram in December of you with Poppy saying you were back in England."

　Dani let out a sigh. She remembers posting that picture, and she remembers how much she cried that night to Poppy about how much she ruined her friends in Korea, about how much she just wanted to leave the place she called home for good. She dreaded that day, but she wanted to post something so no one would worry about her if she was gone. But she knew that people wouldn't worry. Besides, all the comments on her Instagram post were of how pretty she was and how they were happy that she was enjoying a 'vacation' with her friend. Yet no one cared to comment about how they were worried or missed seeing her. No one did, and that's the idea she implemented into her own brain. The idea that people didn't care about her was a recurring theme in her life.

　But what could she possibly do? She can't change people to please herself. She can't force people to say things only she wants to hear. She held the idea that she was going to be just another piece of history that people see, but don't care to comprehend and learn. Instead of being somebody, she was just going to be some body.

　Dani faked a smile before nodding her head, "I've been alright. I've just been occupied with other things."

　Rie raised a brow, a smile playinig on her lips, "Things? Like what?"

　"Just... things."

　"Dani," Rie folded her hands, which made the back of Dani's hair stand on end. "Tell me the truth. I know there's something more to this."

　Dani's mouth hung a bit before she fumbled with her words, "I... I don't know what you mean. I've been doing fine, really!"

　Rie sighed, "I talked to Poppy last week. She DM'ed me on Instagram asking about you."

　ing Poppy.

　"She said you haven't been doing well and were just lazying around," Rie continued. "And for the past years I've known you, that doesn't sound like you at all. I'm genuinely worried about you, so please tell me what's going o—"

　"You're not worried about me," Dani suddenly blurted aloud. Rie could only widen her eyes at her sudden outburst, which even Dani wasn't thinking would happen.

　Rie tilted her head, "I-I'm sorry?"

　Dani let out a low groan, trying to surpress the tears that were going to flow out of her any moment, "No one cared about me to begin with. I'm a ing loser that no one gives two s about, so please don't lie and say you're worried over me. I know you're not and you know that."

　"Why would I lie about something like this? Dani, I actually do care about you. I always have," Rie reached out to grab Dani's hand, but Dani quickly pulled her hands to her lap. Rie emitted a low sigh, a frown starting to form on her lips. "Look, Dani. You've been someone close and dear to my heart since we were still training at J.Tune, and that hasn't changed. I don't know what you've gone through, and I know it isn't my place to poke at your personal life, but I seriously do care. You might not think I do, but I really do! Hell, Dani, I even took time out of my busy work schedule in Busan just to bring my pregnant to England just to visit you!"

　Dani's eyes widened at Rie's sudden outburst. She's never head her yell, especially to her, but what most shocked her was what she slipped into the conversation, "Rie... You're pregnant?"

　Rie pinched the bridge of her nose while exhaling a long and deep breath, putting a hand to her stomach in the process, "Yes. Yes I am. I'm three four months into my pregnancy, but that's not the issue here."

　"Rie, I didn't know you were pr—"

　"Dani, I ing swear to God, stop changing the subject!" Dani immediately shut her lips as the owner came around the corner to tell them to be quiet. Rie quickly apologized, still fuming with anger at Dani, before letting out another long and deep breath. Rie looked at Dani once she was calmed down a bit, "I'm sorry for losing my temper, but I'm just frustrated."

　All Dani could do at that very moment was sit quiet, but her brain was loud and screaming. She wanted to apologize to Rie, tell her that it's all her fault, but she couldn't bring herself to say a word in fear that she'll say something stupid. It happened a lot the past few years and Dani was just scared she'd create another mess. Besides, Dani always felt like she was not only making the mess, but was the mess. She always was a mess. That was on her long list of things she hated about herself.

　"Dani, please say something. You've been so quiet."

　Dani blinked a few times, her hands finding their way to each other to fiddle with her fingers, "I... I don't know what to... to say."

　Rie sighed, for probably the millionth time in just that one sitting. She pressed the home button on her phone to check the current time. She looked back at Dani, "It's only three in the afternoon and this store closes at, what? Six? I can sit here for three hours with you until you talk, Dani."

　Dani hated being put on the spot like that. Back then, she wasn't like this. She was always someone who spoke her mind and talked about everything and anything that came into her little head. But after the disbandment and officially 'moving' into her best friend's apartment, Dani had a change of heart. The once bright and charming girl was no longer so bright and charming. That was another thing on the long list of things she hated about herself. She hated who she became. She hated how she would dream about the dark details of her life. She hated it so much. She hated herself. She hated her life. She hated everything.

　So.

　ing.

　Much.

× × ×

　Rie found her way to her phone, sending a text to Jungkook about how she was doing. A good ten minutes had already passed, and all that was heard in those ten minutes were coughs from book enthusiasts and the soft music playing throughout the store. Dani, on the other hand, just sat there while staring at how her fingers played with each other on her lap. She couldn't muster up the courage to speak up to Rie, but she knew that if she didn't, she would hate herself even more than she already did.

　Rie emitted a small sigh before breaking the (comfortable) silence, "Dani, I can't force you to say anything, but I really do mean it when I say that I think you should speak up about what's going on. I know you, and I know this isn't the same you that I've grown to be fond of. Please, say something or else I'll go cra—"

　"I'm sorry," Dani mustered up the courage to apologize to Rie. Though, at that current moment, there was really nothing she had to apologize for. Rie's eyebrows furrowed, a confused expression playing on her face. Dani quickly glanced up to look at Rie, but soon found herself looking back down at her hands. She stuttered, "I-I'm sorry about everything. I don't know what got into me to even choose to leave Korea for good, I just... I felt like I didn't belong there. I have no purpose in life. My parents still hate me for the fact that I don't want to be an heir. Gain (sister) and I haven't talked since we disbanded because we're just polar opposites and can't ing sit down to talk about anything but being wealthy and . Poppy probably hates me and thinks I'm a nuisance ever since I made her home my home. YTT disbanded because of the I put you guys through with all those rumors and scandals of me the past seven years. Hell, I don't even deserve to be alive. I'd rather be dead than be a problem to people. That's why I haven't stepped outside, because I know, I ing know, that I'll probably ruin someone's day just by them seeing my face. I just... I want it to be over. I want this to be done."

　The silence soon fell on them again, and all Rie could do was keep looking at Dani who was already crying, letting the tears fall into her now folded hands. Rie quickly stood up and walked to Dani's side, kneeling down to put her hand on Dani's and looking at her already reddened eyes, "I'm sorry you feel this way. I really am. Although I can't help you out of this, I want you to know that this isn't the end. Although ending your life is an option, it isn't a solution to all your worries. You might think otherwise, but it's not something that could be passed easily with the other people in your life. You might see it negatively, but I want to assure you that you're loved. We all love you. Your family might not seem like they do, but they do care about you. They just want what's best for you, but they aren't taking into consideration your own happiness. But, from what I heard the past seven years we've been together, it seems as if your parents started to accept the fact that your happiness is just as important as anything else, and they've seemed proud to call you their daughter. They've told me before, too. I... met your mother recently at Oasis Mall. She... wanted me to give this to you."

　Rie slipped a small envelope into Dani's lap, to which Dani looked at with a soft yet pained expression. She hasn't heard from her parents in the past few years, only talking briefly back when YTT had their worldwide tour back in 2020. So, the fact that Rie was giving something like this to Dani from her mother was odd to her. Rie patted Dani's shoulder, "Also, I know you don't want to talk about it, but Jongsuk says he's okay. I don't know if you keep up with Korean news, but there's an article going around that Jongsuk sent you a video message on a TV program. I think you should look it up when you get home."

× × ×

　After Dani dropped off Rie at the hotel she was staying at, she took a cab back to Poppy's apartment. It was already six when Rie and Dani had finished their long and heartfelt conversation. For the past three hours since they were there, Rie just continued to comfort Dani with both words and skinship, wrapping her arms around her slender figer while telling her that everything was going to work out soon. And, for the first time in almost a year, Dani believed it. She believed that things were going to be okay and her life started to look brighter.

　Dani took notice at how bad the traffic was, which wasn't something new on a Saturday night, but she began to grow impatient. So, she ripped open the letter and began to read the handwritten words of her mother.

Dear Dain Dani,

　I know you probably don't want to hear from me, and I'm probably the last person you'd expect to write you a letter (I know, how old-fashioned of me), but I didn't know if you were possibly going to answer my calls or texts since you've been so busy these days. Plus, you probably dislike me and your father. I've noticed. I've noticed since a young age, but my mind wanted to always believe that your attitude was just puberty and being a teenager. That's what I wanted to believe, but I grew to learn that it wasn't. I started to see that you hated wanted to be an heir and how much you wanted to be a performer instead. But, me being me, I wanted you to be something you despised the most. I took notice of that too late, and I'm sorry for all the things I've put you through for the duration of your life.

　If you were wondering, I'm doing fine. I hope you're doing fine, too. I actually have no idea when you'll get this or if you'll ever get this, but I just want you to know that I care and love you deeply. Your father and I miss seeing you at home, even if it was only for one day each month for brunch. Your sister also misses you. I don't know if you two have been talking lately, but she does hope you're doing alright. She also says that she hopes you aren't giving other people gray hairs like you gave your father and I (though, in my case, it was from Gain, but we'll keep that to ourselves, yeah?). We all hope you're alright. I hope you keep your friends and sisters (your members) close, because they've all been such a gem. I was watching interviews of yours and you look so... happy. I wish I could've given you that sort of happiness, but I'm glad that you're enjoying your time with people who could actually give you the love you deserve.

　I don't know what else to say... I love you with all my heart, Dani-ah. You're my one and only daughter, and I'm proud to call you my own. No matter where you are or what you're doing, please remember to be happy and live your life to the fullest. Please don't hesitate to contact me, your father or your sister any time. We miss hearing your voice just as much as we miss you.

Sincerely,

Mama

× × ×

　Dani read the short and bittersweet letter from her mother for the duration of the long traffic-filled cab ride home. The more she read over the lines, she started to miss her family and the people she left behind. She started to take notice that maybe people did care about her, that people did enjoy being around her more than she thought. She was just too lost in her own thoughts to appreciate and realize that.

　When Dani got into her apartment and threw her shoes with the others, she saw a post-it note from Poppy stuck on the television when she went to sit down on the couch (read: her bed). Groaning, she got up and put her mother's letter on the coffee table before walking towards the television, peeling off the post-it.

hey!!

i went out to get groceries (we ran out of milk, heh). i hope your talk with rie was beneficial! it was hard to get incontact with her because i didn't have her number or anything. i actually dmed her back in january when i saw the book genres you've been buying and got worried since they were all pretty much on self-help and depression/anxiety. :( but anyway, i don't know if i'll get back before or after you come, but just in case i'm not home on time, just know i love you and i actually cleared my schedule for tomorrow so we'll have a girl's day/night out!! so get ready and dress appropriately ;)

xx, ya girl poppy

　"For 's sake," Dani emitted a laugh through her tears that had no intentions of stopping anytime soon. That was the second time she felt as if people actually cared. She started to feel in the wrong about everything she felt since she got to England. People actually cared and loved her, but all she saw were the negative effects that were brought into her life. She wasn't living in the present, but rather reminisced about the past she dreaded the most. She was selfish to think negatively on life when there was so many flowers in her life.

　Soon after, placing the sticky note with her mother's letter, she pulled out her laptop and began to search on Naver about Jongsuk, about the article regarding her. In almost an instant of searching her and Jongsuk's name in the search bar, she saw the title 'Actor Lee Jongsuk talks about Ex-YTT member Dani' linked to a set of videos from Radio Star, one of which appeared to be the video message Rie had mentioned back at the bookstore.

　Dani quickly clicked on the link and watched all the videos provided by the article;

[video starts]

Gura: I always wondered something, Jongsuk-ssi.
Jongsuk: Eo?
Gura: You must have a lot of girls in your phone from all the dramas you're on.
Jongsuk: [laughs] I might.
Taehyun: Where... Where is this going?
Gura: This is a serious question!
Gookjin: Then ask! This is the most random transition ever.
All: [laughs]
Gura: Okay, okay. I was wondering if there's someone out there that you want to work with again. Like is there an actress you're like 'Ah, she was great'.
All: [silent]
Taehyun: You made that sound worse than I think it should've been.
All: [laughs]
Gura: Great as in 'she was great to work with'! I swear, I'm surrounded by immature guys.
All: [yelling and arguing]
Gura: Aish, Jongsuk-ssi! Please! Back me up on this!
Jongsuk: [chuckles] Well, I wouldn't say there's an actress I want to work with again. There's someone that I want to work with that I haven't yet, though.
Gookjin: Oh? Who?
Gura: Yeah, who is it?
Jongsuk: She's an ex-member of a girl group that disbanded not too long ago. Kang Dain?
All: Ah!
Taehyun: Dani-ssi? YTT, right?
Gura: [sings 'I Got A Boy' by YTT (originally by SNSD)]
Jongsuk: [laughs] Eo, yeah. We were close back then and I always talked to her about wanting to work together on a drama or something, but YTT sadly disbanded.
Gura: Why do you want to work with Dani-ssi?
Jongsuk: Mm, I guess you can say that I always enjoyed being around her and, like I said, we talked about working together before.
Taehyun: Backtrack, but did you say you enjoyed being around her? What does that mean?
Jongsuk: Um...
Gura: Oho! We struck the gold!
Jongsuk: [laughs awkwardly] I don't mean it in a dating sense! I just like her company!
Jongshin: Sorry, what? Did I hear correctly, or did you not say you like her?
All: [laughs and ooh's]
Jongsuk: [facepalms and laughs] Okay, now you're all just twisting my words!
Gura: Jongsuk-ssi, how about sending a video message to Dani-ssi? She might be watching!
All: [applauds and hollers]
Jongsuk: [sighs] Fine. [looks at one camera and waves] Hey, Dani-ah. Um... They're forcing me to do this, but I just want to say that I miss you and all that. I haven't heard from you in awhile, but I hope you're doing alright. I'm doing okay myself, though, of course, I've been busy with schedules and whatnot. Anyway, text me back, idiot! I love you, [in whisper] buddy.

[video ends]