Teresa Teng - The Moon Represents My Heart

"He told me that you loved me."

There was an unbearable moment of silence as Luhan ran his thumb over the lip of the teacup he was nursing in his palms. It made me want to kick myself, or smash a chair against the arched windows that stretched from ceiling to floor; anything to create a distraction.

But I waited.

My head moved in time with his as he struggled to find the words to either confirm or deny my previous statement. However, when he finally spoke, it felt like the winds from the heavens were rippling around me, clawing at my skin and numbing my nerves. It wanted me to acknowledge the rise and fall of his voice, the syllables and lulls, the quivering of his vowels and the softness of his consonants. He spoke earnestly. Sincerely.

"Well he was right, and I still do."

A sharp ringing of truth and incredulity sounded in my ears, causing me to grow deaf to everything else that tumbled past his lips. It was like a thick glass wall suddenly formed between us. His image was distorted through the opaqueness; voice as sweet as honey was muffled. He rubbed a hand along the nape of his neck every once in a while, followed by a few shakes of the head and a handful of embarrassed chuckles that bubbled from his throat. I could not believe his words. How could he still love me? After all these years? I didn't understand.

"I don't believe you."

"What's there not to believe? It's simple. I still—"

"It's been six years, Luhan. Six years can easily change a person."

His doe eyes crinkled by the edges, an attempt to mask his slowly growing discomfort for the situation. "You're right," he agreed. "You're right. Do you... Do you mind if we talk about this someplace else? I've already paid. We can go over to my apartment if you want. I haven't invited anyone over yet, so you can be the first to check it out."

I watched from beneath my lashes as he rose languidly from his seat, brushed off his vest, then stuck his own hand out in a gesture to help me up from my own chair. When I took it, I was mildly surprised to find it slick with moisture. He was nervous?

I sauntered a few steps ahead of him in order to read his expression. His brows were scrunched together, lips puckered into a frown, eyes avoiding mine—he was indeed nervous. My old self would have wondered why he would have any reason to feel this way. But the person I was now understood, for I was nervous as well. I was just better at hiding it than he was.

The drive to his apartment was silent, as well as the elevator ride up. I observed his back as he remained two steps ahead of me. This was when I realized the one thing I could not protect the never-changing, forever remaining Luhan from—time. Time had aged him. His voice had become lower and huskier, his shoulders broader. He was no longer the boy I once knew. He was a man now.

There were four consecutive beeps as he jabbed his index finger against the keypad, then a click as the door unlocked. He revealed a large space with marble flooring and a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Light reflected off the glass ornaments, sprinkling the room with gold. Against the north wall were swaying, cream drapes, partially obstructing crystalline doors swung wide open. They gave way to a balcony, overlooking the river and the setting sun, making the sky explode with vibrant colors of red and pinks. It was breathtaking sight, and I found myself gripping the railing, drinking in everything before me. Luhan trailed behind shortly after.

"Sorry about the mess. I haven't unpacked yet which explains all the boxes." We stood a foot apart as he rested his forearms against the ivory banister. "The view's lovely isn't it? My company picked out the location well."

I nodded in agreement. "It's beautiful." After a pause, I continued, "I heard your parents moved."

"Yeah, they did. How'd you know? Did your dad tell you?"

"Well, to be more correct, I actually took the bus for a visit last Saturday, but all I discovered was a for sale sign and an empty house."

I didn't mean much by it, just small talk again. But the air was filled with the unasked question of: "You rode the bus all the way across town to visit my old home?"

"My mom opened up a small fashion company here in Beijing. She makes clothes now. My parents moved out to Haidian shortly after they found out I was being promoted."

"I'm sure they were excited."

"Yeah, they were."

There was so much I wanted to say, so many questions I wanted to ask, but I felt the timing wasn't right just yet. We were still so unfamiliar with each other, so unaccustomed to being in each others' presence yet again. I twisted my head to catch a glimpse of his features, and when our eyes met, he smiled that tight smile again. I didn't understand why he had been making that face all day. It didn't suit him.

"I don't recall you ever smiling like that before. What's the matter?"

He paused for a moment to allow his eyes to rove over my visage. "What makes you say that?