On a Date

A/N: I honestly don't know if this is 'otp material' because they don't exaclty... idk... *sigh* But I decided to post it anyways because ... well I already kind of wrote it sooooooo... yeah.... Dx... So yeah. hmmm... I would say 'Enjoy'... But...... 

SONG

            They lost something along the way. Something basic but essential. That spark every flame needs; that primal hunger that feeds humanity. Sometime, along the way of this life-long journey, they lost their longing for each other. That part that makes each other whole. Along the journey, somethings were lost.

            “Hello, my name is Junhong. I am your waiter tonight.” The waiter stood patiently by the table as his customer remained still in his seat, not even attempting to reach for the menu. “Wo- Are-” Unsure of what to ask, Junhong decides to give the young handsome man a few more moments to decide. “Would you like some ti-”

            “I have someone else coming.” Jongup dismissed harshly. “I’ll order when he gets here.”

            Junhong doesn’t have to be told twice. Instead, he bows respectively and quickly makes his way to his other tables, silently planning on how to strategically avoid this man’s table unless absolutely necessary.

            He’ll be here. Jongup bites the inside of mouth as reaches for his phone. 9:47 PM. Jongup swallows the bile that has risen from deep within his stomach. He’s coming. Jongup lies to himself to keep the pain from eating him whole. He’s just running late… again. Jongup slips his phone back into his pant pocket as he takes another sip from his glass.

            The young man taps his fingers along with the beat of the music that was playing from the small speakers in the ceilings on the table. He remembers a conversation they once had a long time ago. Jongup can’t remember the exact details but he can vaguely see that moment in time. He’s curled up in the side of his lover and they’re talking about something. Perhaps it was about the new CD of Chris Brown that Jongup had just bought, or maybe it was about the commercial of the new orchestra show in town that he wanted to go to.

            Whatever it was Jongup remembers learning some of his favorite musical artists, musical influences and what made him smile of cloudy days. Jongup learned that he liked having Jongup in his arms, pressed up against his chest, invading his personal bubble because the younger was the only one that even tried to understand him. Jongup learned a lot about him that day, and if given the chance, Jongup wouldn’t hesitate to go back to that exact moment.

            For a split moment, Jongup’s mind chases the white rabbit and falls into a million of other moments in his memories. It’s nice from the start. Its dates in the park, picnics and hikes almost every weekend. Its late nights at the movies, or hyper and over caffeinated study breaks in the lobby. Its blurred vision and bitter liquid burning down his throat but hot, wild, passionate love making. It feels like perfection and happiness because he was wholly and truly Jongup’s.

            But those memories are burning slowly away as other images play across his vision. The increase in ‘overtime’ at work. The numerous excuses for ‘late night dinner’s with ‘old friends’ or ‘clients’. Those mornings that he came tumbling in for a rushed shower and leaving before Jongup could even make him breakfast. Jongup tries hard not to think of all those hidden text messages, password protected pictures, and late night phone calls. Because if he acknowledges that there is someone else, then Jongup was going to lose whatever is left of his patience and sanity.

            “You didn’t order yet?” A familiar voice breaks Jongup’s endless cycle of thoughts.

            “No…” The younger sits up in his seat and sweeps his hands over his newly dry-cleaned suit in an attempt to calm his beating heart and straighten out whatever wrinkles there may have been on there.

            “I’m so-” Himchan starts but doesn’t finish it because he catches a glimpse of Jongup’s face. Himchan knows the younger is tired of hearing that phrase because he himself was tired of the small band-aid he was smoothing over the broken arm he had given the younger. “I had a… meeting.”

            Jongup knew it was a lie. Like every other time. But he offers up a smile and wipes the slate clean. “I sure you did. But let’s leave all of that behind. Tonight it’s about us again. No work or…” Jongup hesitates. “Anything else. Just us.” Jongup tries to search the elder’s face for an answer. Any answer. “Okay?”

            Himchan meets Jongup’s and the hesitant smile on the younger’s face tears his wounds wide open. “Anything for you.” He answers wholeheartedly.

            Jongup beams at the elder’s answer. He’s eating it all up because it’s the most he’s had in the longest time. Jongup orders for the both of them because he knows what Himchan likes the most. Alongside their meal, he orders a bottle of the most expensive wine because he knows Himchan doesn’t like the cheap stuff. He requests that the music plays just a bit louder because he knew Himchan liked classical music the most. He forgets the fact that Himchan was an hour and 40 minutes for their dinner. He ignores the fact that Himchan smells like someone else’s cologne. He plays the devil’s advocate and forgives Himchan for all his faults. Tonight, Himchan is here, and Jongup’s not going to half- this attempt to fix them.

            And it seems to work because after a glass of wine and half-way through their dinner, they are sharing loud laughter, carrying a rather comfortable conversation. It’s carefree, and light, like how they were at the beginning; like before… everything. They like the way their legs are entangled under the table and how their fingers are laying interlaced on the table top. Jongup especially likes the way Himchan’s tracing his knuckles lightly with his fingertips and Himchan especially likes the way the younger’s face is relaxed and grinning brightly not even bothering to hide his satisfaction in how their night is going.

            There’s a comfortable silence between them and Jongup’s mind suddenly shifts to a moment not too long ago. They were sitting tensely in a brightly lit room with their marriage counselor. It was their 4^th… No… Their 5^th meeting and the middle-aged woman had suggested they do something they haven’t done in a while in attempt to rekindle what they have both lost; whatever it was. And Jongup couldn’t believe that it really did help, even if it was in the slightest bit.

            Jongup’s missed the warmth that came from Himchan; missed the electric spikes in this veins when they touched. He’s missed the rush of emotions that surges through his body when he sees the elder’s bunny smile and the elder’s habit of tracing the prominent veins on the younger’s hands. Jongup’s just missed Himchan… his Himchan a lot.

            “Where are you going?” Himchan whines after Jongup pulls away to stand up.

            “The restroom.” Jongup’s smile brings comfort to Himchan.

            After a moment of Jongup’s absence, Himchan decides on what he needs to do. He pulls out his phone and quickly pulls up his messaging app. He searches for that certain number, and it isn’t hard because it’s the first number on his list. There’s a pinch of guilt in his heart because he knew that spot should’ve belonged to Jongup, but he quickly composes a new text.

            I’m done. It’s over.

            He waits for the reply. His fingers tapping impatiently on the table top. It’s not a minute later that he gets an answer.

            If that’s what you want then whatever.

            Himchan quickly texts back. It is what I want. He deserves better than what I’m giving him. But I want to try my best for him. I want to be better for him. I’m sorry. Himchan’s lips curl into a smile as he taps the send button.

            “Tonight was meant for us.” Jongup’s trembling voice jolts Himchan’s attention away from his phone. “But you’re still all over him. Am I not worth any of your attention anymore?” Jongup’s eyes are rimmed in red and watery. He’s face is stiff but saddened.

            “What-

            “Hyung…” Jongup’s voice sounded so broken. “Hyu-ung…” Tears escaped Jongup as the younger continued. “All I wanted to do was try to fix this marriage… But you didn’t even care to show up on time. And now your texting him when all I asked for was a little attention to fix us.” The younger’s fists are clenched tight by his sides. “Well you know what! I’m sorry for trying! I’m sorry for wasting your precious time with him! I’ll sign those friggen’ papers tonight. I’ll give you all the time you want!” Jongup slowly steps away as Himchan stands up from his seat, still unable to answer. “Goodbye, hyung.”

            And Himchan wished he never let Jongup turn away and leave. He would give anything to turn back time so he could grab Jongup’s arm and just pull the younger into his arms and hold him forever; to tell him that he was the one that was sorry and that he wants to try to fix this as well. He would give his life to have Jongup’s life back, but time is something that is only lost and never gained.

            And as Himchan cried himself to sleep on the hospital bench that night, he prayed to what higher power there was that Jongup be granted more time in this world. He prayed that the stupid drunk driver that was sobering up in the local police station would somehow lend a few years of his to the lifeless body of Jongup. He prayed that when he woke up, he’ll realize that his was just all a horrible nightmare and that Jongup will be there to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But his prayers went unanswered because he woke up with an empty feeling that drove him almost insane. He woke up to Jongup’s mother’s hysteric crying and an empty hospital bed. He woke up longing to be held by the younger’s warmth. And for the first time in a long time, he felt utterly alone, helpless, and powerless. He woke up without Jongup in his life. 

I'm sorry. For everything. For being a day late on this update. For whatever happened. For... everything. 3