[6 DAYS UNTIL D-DAY]

[Location: Chemistry Lab Room]

"So how was your night with Daehyun?" Himchan asked, smirking knowingly. Youngjae was really confused, as the whole entire morning, Yongguk and Himchan had been both sending him knowing looks the entire morning.

"What night? We watched a horror movie and went to bed?" Youngjae mumbled, unwilling to share how he very nearly pissed his pants and cried into Daehyun's shirt, scared snotless.

Himchan winked. "No, the other part of the night. The part where you enjoyed yourselves to the fullest." He grinned when he emphasized the word ‘full’.

"What. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Youngjae," Himchan winked. "You were so naughty!"

Youngjae thinks that unless touching a black and seriously considering killing someone with it is considered 'naughty', he has no idea what's up.

"Are you okay? Are you crazy or drunk?" Youngjae shot back, very confused.

Himchan blinked. "Yongguk and I... We thought that you two were-"

Jongup pat Youngjae on the shoulder before sliding into the classroom. "Hey hyung, class is going to start."

"Never mind," Himchan said. "We'll talk later," and he shoved Youngjae into the classroom. Youngjae shrugged and slid into his usual seat, feeling refreshed from a surprisingly good sleep.

(The night, for once, was not filled with Himchan binge eating on Youngjae's chocolate chip cookies and screaming about how hair loss is a common lead to early deaths in college students.)

"Hyung! How is the BangHim project going?" Jongup smiled, sliding into the seat next to Youngjae. Students slowly trickled into the Chemistry lecture hall, yawning and blinking blearily from lack of sleep on a Saturday morning.

Youngjae smiled.

Jongup choked.

"You okay?" Youngjae frowned. "You look like you've just seen the birth of Jesus."

"Hyung," Jongup coughed. "You just smiled. You smiled!"

"Huh?" Youngjae was confused. "I smile. Also, I slept really well last night, why?"

"Ah," Jongup grinned, giving Youngjae a thumbs up. "So the project is moving along quite nicely! So is Jung Daehyun not that bad after all?"

"What?" Youngjae yelped, suddenly very warm. "He ! I hate him! I don't love him at all!"

Jongup tilted his head. "I didn't say anything about loving him? I mean he slept with-"

"I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HIM-"

"Hyung!" Jongup was extremely confused. "I didn't say you slept with him?"

Youngjae gripped Jongup's shoulders. "I hate him," Youngjae pleaded. "I hate his stupid bed head, I hate his toys, I hate his smile, I hate how he smells so good, I hate how-"

Ding!

Youngjae broke off mid-rant, wondering who texted him at this time of day. Honestly, he had no friends besides Himchan and Jongup, and Himchan was in an art history lecture right now, so who could it be?

"The er that dared to text me during class is going to pay," he mumbled as he unlocked his phone.

From: Unknown number:

hey babe are you a spicy chicken because you're really hot ;)

The text message was accompanied by a picture of someone's crotch.

Youngjae sighed, motioning to Jongup to hold on for a moment.

To: Unknown Number:

Uh, hate to break it to you, but you have the wrong number.

Youngjae set the phone down again and opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted immediately receive a text message back.

From: Unknown Number:

I'm 5' 9" but my throat 7' 4"

Youngjae snorted, not noticing Jongup's curious peeking over his shoulder.

To: Unknown Number:

off, Daehyun. And how the hell did you get my number?!

From: Unknown Number:

Where would you like ? I can give good s. Especially to your lush , oh yes I will ;)

Youngjae snorted.

To: Unknown Number:

I'm still feeling a little ashamed that you think my is lush, and I'm going to ignore the part of the ing, I am not interested thanks

The professor walked in, signifying the start of class. Jongup looked at Youngjae knowingly, as the blonde giggled at his phone.

From: Asshat Extraordinaire:

Damn. How many times to I have to try before I can get into your sinfully tight pants, mommy?

To: Asshat Extraordinaire:

You better stop trying because this lush is staying lush and until I get married, daddy

From: Asshat Extraordinaire:

Haha. Come over, mommy

Youngjae glanced up at the teacher speaking in the front of the room.

To: Asshat Extraordinaire:

Are you crazy? Classes have started! Plus, my car only has three wheels and it's snowing outside!

There was a pause.

From: Asshat Extraordinaire:

What do u have a tricycle

To: Asshat Extraordinaire:

God, will you t correctly? You're supposed to say 'but my parents aren't home and I'm feeling naughty today'

From: Asshat Extraordinaire:

I was distracted by your tricycle

Youngjae snorted, earning a few looks from Jongup, some students, and the teacher.

"Is everything alright, Youngjae-sshi?" the professor asked, raising an eyebrow at her star student.

"No- I mean, yes," Youngjae said quickly, before looking back at his phone again.

To: Asshat Extraordinaire:

ok start again

A few seconds passed before Daehyun answered.

From: Asshat Extraordinaire:

ok come over

To: Asshat Extraordinaire:

I can't my car only has three wheels

From: Asshat Extraordinaire:

What color is ur tricycle

Youngjae giggled.

To: Asshat Extraordinaire:

I’m going to kick your teeth in when I see you

From: Asshat Extraordinaire:

Ooh to me some more. Yongguk just looked over my shoulder and told the teacher that I'm sending uncomfortable texts and the teacher thinks I'm bullying someone

But seriously, come over to the music building. Meet me outside the bathroom on the first floor in 10 minutes I have a plan

Youngjae sighed and nudged Jongup.

"Can you get me out of this class?"

Jongup grinned. "Are you meeting Daehyun secretly?"

Youngjae nodded. Jongup grinned.

"Himchan isn't the only one getting some romance, huh?"

Youngjae looked startled, his cheeks pink. "What."

Jongup laughed before raising his hand.

"Yes Jongup?" The teacher said warmly at her second best student.

"Youngjae's feeling really unwell," Jongup shot his 'I'm so innocent and cute so you should trust me' puppy smile. "Could he leave early today?"

Charmed, the professor immediately smiled back and nodded. "Feel better then, Youngjae-sshi!"

Youngjae smiled, feeling guilty.

I mean, who wouldn't?

It was also the first time Youngjae has ever skipped class (he even went to class when he had a fever of 38 degrees Celsius).

"Thanks professor," and he grabbed his stuff and hurried out, shuffling down the hallway and into the snow covered ground. About five minutes of falling on his sorry and sweating profusely, he arrived at the music building. Immediately bursting into the heat and locating the bathroom on the first floor, he almost barreled into the figure that was standing at the entrance of the boy's bathroom.

"Whoa, hey," Daehyun laughed, straightening Youngjae out as the blonde swore so loud, his voice echoed through the hallways.

Youngjae huffed, shaking his wry bangs out of his eyes and brushing the snow off his shoulders.

“Jongup had to lie to the Chemistry teacher because of me,” Youngjae accused.

“Yongguk told the teacher that I was ‘unwell in my pants due to the texts I have been receiving’ and had to be excused.”

Youngjae tried really hard not to laugh, but he really couldn’t help himself, so he smothered his giggles with his fist, trying to look angry.

"This better be good, , because I think I'm going to hell for lying to a teacher," he hissed, pushing Daehyun into the bathroom and into one of the stalls, glancing warily around. "Abusing my good student status doesn't seem right to me."

"Aw mommy," Daehyun snorted, clearly amused. "You talk as if you've never skipped before!"

Youngjae shot him a look before slamming the stall door closed, locking it in place.

Daehyun gaped in disbelief. "You haven't, have you?"

"So what? What do you want," Youngjae hissed, avoiding Daehyun's incredulous gaze.

"You haven't lived," Daehyun said, shaking his head.

"What. Do. You. Want?" Youngjae seethed, feeling suddenly anxious because of the close proximity between the two of them.

Daehyun laughed, shaking his head. "For Yongguk and Himchan. I overheard from one of my friends that a good place to bond is the beach."

"Shag friend," Youngjae corrected him, to which Daehyun groaned 'it's buddy, Jae,'. "And Daehyun, honey, frankly the beach sounds nice, but if you haven't noticed," Youngjae violently pointed outside. "IT'S ING WINTER TIME. IT IS SNOWING. IT IS LIKE NEGATIVE ELEVEN DEGREES CELSIUS. WE WILL LOSE OUR LIMBS TO JACK FROST."

Daehyun grinned. "Freezing your asses off in the middle of winter is also a good bonding experience! You can share body heat!"

Youngjae squinted. "How the hell are you supposed to share body heat in the middle of winter on a beach?!"

Daehyun smirked. "You go like this," he said, his voice suddenly low and he stepped forward, so his chest was almost pressed against Youngjae's. Youngjae immediately sensed something off and squeaked, pressing his body against the door to the stall.

"D-don't you step another inch towards me, Jung Daehyun, or I swear I'll-"

“You’ll what?" Daehyun chuckled, stepping closer and planting his hands on either side of Youngjae's head, all the while sliding a leg between Youngjae's suddenly weak ones. "You've never really cared before?"

Youngjae tried to speak, but instead he squeaked out a small noise before resorting to mustering up the evilest stink eye he could manage.

Stupid, stupid, stupid y ing go to hell stupid Daehyun stupid stupid-

"Hmm?" Daehyun purred, his nose brushing against Youngjae's flushed cheek. "What was that?"

"I-I'll go to the goddamn b-beach!" Youngjae whimpered, his eyes big. "G-get away from me!"

Daehyun laughed softly. "No can do, twitchy. Plus, aren't we married already? Mommy, have you forgotten how we spent last night tangled in my sheets-"

"Hell," Youngjae tried to feebly push Daehyun away, his hands bumping helplessly against the other boy's chest. He whined softly when Daehyun rubbed their noses together, his eyes fixated on Youngjae's own eyes. "M-m-"

"Hmm?" Daehyun hummed.

"M-merry oris!" Youngjae realized his mistake as his hand found the bathroom stall lock. "M-merry Christmas, I mean! Bye!"

And then he booked it out of the bathroom, accidentally pushing a nearby student into the urinal.

"," the student said as he stared at the mess he made on the wall. "Aw man, I missed again!"

"Jaehwan, are you serious?" another student said. "Again?"

Jaehwan scowled as Youngjae apologized before booking it out of the bathroom. "Shut up Wonshik! It's the skittles I put in my salad this morning! It's not my fault!"

--------

Youngjae huffed and sat in the passenger seat of the front of the Jeep and wrestled the seat belt over his bulky yellow snow jacket and scarf. Daehyun laughed as he slid into the driver's seat, looking infuriatingly well dressed and good-looking for someone geared up in leather gloves, a black scarf, and a black button up jacket.

"Why do you look like you're getting ready to climb the Alps?"

Youngjae pointedly turned the other way, giving Daehyun the finger as Himchan and Yongguk clambered in the backseat, talking animatedly.

Daehyun laughed before he pulled the car into reverse, gripping the side of Youngjae's seat to turn around and see through the back window. Youngjae couldn't help but hate himself as his eyes naturally travelled up Daehyun's arm to the other boy's handsome face, which was filled with concentration at the moment.

And then Youngjae realized that if Daehyun was a really studious person, he'd be freaking y because lord is this boy's concentrated face hot. The way his brows furrowed in concentration, those eyes filled with a rare seriousness, and the way the other boy's thick lips were pursed together- nononononononononononononononononONONONO-

"-Youngjae?"

"Bwuh?" Youngjae snapped out of his inner screaming to find that the car was already on the highway. Himchan and Yongguk were passed out in the backseat. Yongguk's head was rolling around comically, and Himchan's mouth was wide open, a bit of drool leaking out of his mouth and on to his cheek as the car bumped up and down. Youngjae giggled and pulled out his phone, taking a picture and cackling, saving the piece of treasure for future blackmail opportunities.

Daehyun sighed. "So you're going to ignore me now?"

Youngjae glared at the stupid boy in front of him before shifting so his body was facing the car door.

"I recorded your 'merry oris' comment, so you better talk to me or I'll make it a Christmas card and play it on repeat throughout the entire school."

"You er," Youngjae scowled.

There was a silence.

(With Youngjae sneaking glances at Daehyun driving, because damn, a concentrated Daehyun is getting him hot for no reason.)

(Calm down pls , u r confused.)

(Noooooo! said . Hooootttt!)

"I didn't know you could drive," Youngjae mumbled. Daehyun glanced over at the disgruntled blonde.

"I learned early because it's always been a fantasy of mine to as the car is moving."

Youngjae scrunched up his nose in distaste. "And who on earth did that?"

Daehyun shrugged. "No one. Everyone is too scared to try."

"I wonder why," Youngjae said scathingly.

There was a silence.

"Hey, I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for."

"I'm sorry for trying to get in your pants. You were taunting me."

Youngjae huffed. "I locked us in a bathroom stall. How is that taunting you?!"

"You locked us in a compromising small area when you already know I want to get in your pants, Mommy."

"What," Youngjae choked, his cheeks hot. "You actually want to get in my pants?"

Daehyun shot him a strange look, like the blonde had grown two heads. "What. Did you think I was joking?"

"I thought I wasn't your type!" Youngjae’s voice was high pitched and cracking, and he wanted to die.

"Yeah, well that's what I thought too, but all of a sudden you turn on your seduction nerd skills and-"

"Are you serious right now."

"Yeah, I-"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW."

"Youngjae-"

"ARE YOU ING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW. ARE YOU TING ME."

“I’m serious!”

"Stop the car."

"Wait, what?"

"Unlock the door."

"Youngjae, don't overreact-"

"I'll do it. I'm protecting my and my purity for the sake of Jesus and the Bible."

Daehyun scoffed. "See if I care!" He pressed the unlock button on the side of the door. "Go ahead!"

"Fine! I will!"

"Shut up and jump out of the ing car!"

Youngjae unlocked the car and leapt the hell out while the car was going forty miles per hour on the highway.

Tuck and roll baby. That's the way, attaboy, said Youngjae's brain. Good life choices!

After a few cars stopped down the road to check on/stare at a very disgruntled Youngjae on the grass by the highway, Daehyun pulled over and ran over, crouching next to the blonde.

"You idiot! Why did you jump out of the car?!"

Youngjae gave him the stink eye. "Because you're a ing ."

Daehyun looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Youngjae, I don't even know what to do you with you," he said exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in the air. Youngjae huffed as he stood up and brushed off his jacket.

"Good. Cause next time you are an , my fist will be up your ."

--------

"IT'S ING COLD," Youngjae roared. "MY HAIR IS GOING TO FREEZE OFF."

Daehyun clutched his stomach, pointing at Himchan and Yongguk in the far distance, huddling each other like penguins, pointing at the sand and whispering. "Look, they look like idiots."

"HOW ARE YOU NOT COLD," Youngjae screeched, absolutely pissed off. "I CAN'T EVEN FEEL MY ASSCHEEKS."

Daehyun grinned. "I have more than enough body heat to go around. Wanna share? Let's share...preferably ."

"Let's sharing nothing, I like my clothes, thanks," Youngjae spat, his face hot, and he stomped in the opposite direction.

"C'mon, Youngjae! Hold up!"

Youngjae spun around and poked Daehyun in the chest. "I am going to think of a plan for them," he pointed at the two fluffy spots in the distance that were Yongguk and Himchan. "And then, I am going to collect rocks for my rock collection! LEAVE ME ARONE."

Daehyun looked incredulous. "You have a rock collection?"

Youngjae sniffed. "It's for extra credit for my archeology course."

"Don't you already have a hundred in that class?"

"Yes. Duh."

"Then why are you...?!?"

"You can never be over-prepared! The worst can happen! What if I got a 95 percent? Huh? WHAT'LL I DO THEN?!"

"...go pick your ing rocks."

"I WILL!" Youngjae huffed, and he jammed his gloved hands into his jacket pockets and shuffled away, mixing the sand and snow together on the ground.

Stupid Daehyun.

Stupid grades.

Stupid teacher.

Stupid rocks.

Stupid Himchan and Yongguk.

Stupid hair.

Stupid beach.

Stupid  stupid stupid stupid stupid-

"Hey babe."

Startled, Youngjae looked up.

There was this really hot guy with silverish hair and a really great smile and damn, Youngjae really appreciates really good teeth because at the end of the day, teeth is what will keep you alive.

Not your .

Although Daehyun does have nice teeth.

(But that's besides the point.)

"Uh, me?" Youngjae said dubiously, because this is the first time someone hot has ever called him babe (besides Daehyun of course, but he doesn't count.)

"Yeah," the guy grinned. "I don't see any other babes around, so..." He shrugged. "What's your name? Mine's Jaebum."

Youngjae smiled, feeling flattered. "My name's Youngjae. What are you doing here on such a cold day?"

Jaebum grinned. "My friend called me and told me he was drunk off his rocker here, so I came to pick him up. What's a pretty thing like you doing here?"

Hmm? Thing?

Youngjae is not a thing.

"Supposed bonding experience between my friend and his crush. We're setting them up, but I didn't sign up to freeze my off."

Jaebum laughed and turned when someone called out to him. "Hey, Jinyoung, look I found a cutie!"

Jinyoung came running over, leaning against Jaebum's shoulder. "Aw, you still like the nerd types, huh? You're weird man."

Youngjae twitched. "Nerd types?"

Jaebum grinned. "Hey, why don't you hang out with us for a bit? I'm sure your friend won't miss you since he's busy talking up his crush." He pulled on Youngjae's hand.

"Uh, actually," Youngjae said, his mind spinning in panic. "Haha, the funny thing is, I forgot to mention I have a boyfriend, so-"

"C'mon," Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "That's like the oldest trick in the book. Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Uh, ing thanks, I'm flattered but-" Youngjae wrenched his hand out of Jinyoung's grip, fumbling with his phone in his pocket and pressing the first contact that came up on his contacts list. The playback song was that super ed up Girl's Day song that goes "I don't know, it must something".

C'mon, c'mon, pick up-

"'Sup?" Daehyun said, his voice deep and y over the phone. It was like having him talk into Youngjae's ear, making Youngjae shiver.

"Hey honey," Youngjae said, hurrying away. Behind him he could hear Jinyoung and Jaebum's shuffling in the sand after him, calling his name.

Youngjae usually is fearless, but this is really something that he isn't used to, and it's really scary, and if those motherers don't leave him alone, Youngjae's gonna pee himself.

And he likes these pants.

(They’re a really nice blue.)

"Youngjae?" Daehyun's voice was laced with disbelief. "Uh, wrong number?"

"Daehyun," Youngjae hissed, his voice shaking. Damn he hates being weak. "Daehyun please, please, please, please help, help-"

"Youngjae?" Daehyun was concerned now. "Calm down and tell me what's wrong-"

Suddenly Youngjae's phone was knocked from his hand and into the sand as he tripped over his own foot and fell, face first. Jaebum and Jinyoung caught up to Youngjae, laughing as they hauled him up by his arms, brushing him off. Youngjae struggled, hissing and glaring.

"Don't touch me, you bastards," he screeched. "I am going to cut your balls off and sacrifice them to the devil to get my hair to grow back, goddamn it, let me go-"

"Youngjae?"

Youngjae spun around to see Daehyun behind the three of them, holding his phone to his ear, his eyes wide.

"What's going on?"

Jaebum grinned. "Nice try Youngjae, but calling your friend here isn't going to work. He can come with us-"

"No," Youngjae hissed, wrenching his hand out of Jinyoung's grip. "He's my boyfriend."

Youngjae stormed over, his face absolutely livid. Daehyun visibly flinched.

Youngjae was mentally preparing himself to fake every single pretend date thing they did, but he quickly found out that he didn't have to, because Daehyun's hot and funny and Youngjae really should have gone with the friend scenario.

"Hey," Daehyun grinned, sliding his hand around Youngjae's waist and pressing a soft kiss against his temple. "I was wondering where you were."

Surprised, Youngjae squeaked and blushed, his knees going weak as he clutched the front of Daehyun's jacket. Daehyun leaned forward, whispering in Youngjae's ear.

"If you're going to pull this off, I am the most interesting person on the planet right now. In fact, there's no one else more interesting than me."

Youngjae blushed as he narrowed his eyes, whispering back. "That’s ridiculous. You are so uninteresting, Jung Daehyun."

Daehyun chuckled. "Also, don't hold anything I do that offends you against me, got it?"

Youngjae looked up startled. "What?"

Jaebum narrowed his eyes. "Very funny guys. You're not fooling us."

Youngjae whipped his head around until Daehyun whispered "I am the most interesting," and then Youngjae made up his mind that Daehyun really was the most interesting person out there today, because Daehyun promptly leaned in and nuzzled his way into Youngjae's hot cheek, inhaling softly like he did last night.

"Daehyun," Youngjae squeaked. Daehyun grinned, pushing his forehead against the blonde's.

"What, is mommy feeling shy?"

Youngjae scoffed and pressed a hesitant kiss on Daehyun's cheek, internally screaming because hell, he's a (never even had his first kiss! The one in third grade didn’t count, she was paid to kiss him), and he's never done anything like this before. It already feels incredibly dirty already. Daehyun suddenly stiffened and he tightened his arm around Youngjae's waist, pressing the blonde closer, and he rubbed his nose against Youngjae’s cheek. In a few seconds, Youngjae was a wide-eyed, shaking mess, clutching the front of Daehyun's jacket like it was his lifeline as Daehyun stared into his eyes, his own brown ones unreadable.

"Youngjae?"

"Hnnngmmgh."

"Youngjae?"

"Hnmngh?"

Daehyun laughed, biting the blonde's nose. "Youngjae, they're gone."

"Hmnnnn," Youngjae said dreamily, before snapping up and smacking his head against Daehyun's chin. "HONNH?!"

Daehyun let out a low whine, clutching his chin. "Hell, I haven't hurt this much since I pissed Jongin off and he bit me in the middle of a !"

Youngjae sniffles, his head hurting. "WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH A GODDAMN SHARP CHIN?!"

Daehyun grinned, clutching his chin. "I helped you out, and this is how you repay me? Rude."

Youngjae scoffed. "You didn't have to tell them that we were dating! That's like, telling someone that I'm dating a dog that's constantly in heat!"

"Hey!" Daehyun said indignantly. "I haven't slept with someone for the past two days!"

"Wow," Youngjae said in a monotone voice. "You're so wild."

"So you guys are dating?" Yongguk and Himchan stood behind the two squabbling boys, soaked, their noses red from the cold winter wind, smiling like inter stupid- idiots they were. Yongguk was cupping a hermit crab in his hands.

"What? No!" Youngjae huffed. "I hate him! He ! He and and ! Stupid!"

Daehyun huffed, offended. "I'm awfully good at , Twitchy, no need to insult what I'm actually good at."

Youngjae shot him an incredulous look. "That's what you got out of that?"

Yongguk frowned, looking awfully sad. "So...you hate each other?"

Himchan looked like he had been kicked in the stomach. "You guys...hate each other?"

Youngjae froze.

OH .

"What are you talking about," Daehyun grinned, sliding an arm around Youngjae's shoulders. "We love to insult each other. But secretly, we're really good friends!"

Youngjae nodded vigorously, not trusting his mouth.

Himchan and Yongguk looked a little happier.

"So...you guys are dating?"

"What? Of course not-" Daehyun froze when Himchan and Yongguk looked like kicked puppies. "Uh, of course we're dating, hyung, haha, what are you talking about..."

Youngjae was about to explode.

Himchan and Yongguk looked like they had seen Jesus and heaven and a nice solid set of golden brass balls.

(Youngjae thinks Himchan looks like that time he had gotten into the same class as Yongguk for music freshman year. His smile makes him look like a brainless idiot.)

"Wow," Yongguk said. "Good for you!"

Himchan giggled, his eyes happy. "We knew it!"

"Excuse me?!" Youngjae choked. "Knew what?!"

"You guys were kind of giving 'the vibe'" Yongguk said slowly, his hands slowly moving up and motioning the quote un-quote symbols. "We kinda knew it was going to happen."

Youngjae felt like his hair was falling out. "BUT WE'RE NOT EVEN REALLY IN LO-"

"Haha," Daehyun said, smacking Youngjae on the back and making him fall flat on his face. "We are so in love. I loove fluffy bunny-poops here. Lookit his lil cheeks."

Yongguk grinned in an awkward fatherly way. "You're finally settling down. Good for you, Daehyun." He took Himchan by the arm and lead him away, smiling brightly.

Youngjae slowly stood up once their friends were out of earshot, covered in sand and ice-cold seawater, his lips blue.

"I'm going to piss on you and freeze it there."

Daehyun gulped. "Youngjae-"

"I am going to then shave your balls off with a dull plastic knife."

"Hold on-"

"And then, I'm going to put duct tape on your hairy armpits, and I am going to peel the tape off, little by little, as you scream in pain and beg for mercy."

"Please, Youngjae, I didn't mean to tell them-"

Youngjae reached into the ocean and pulled out a tuna fish.

". I'm going to slap you with a fish. Tuna. Slap."

"No, Youngjae! Please-"

Youngjae roared.

Daehyun screamed.

Never had Youngjae ever expected to be questioned by the police as to why he was chasing his supposed boyfriend around the beach with a fresh caught and still alive tuna fish in his hand.

--------

[Location: BangDae Dorm]

[Weapon Confiscated: A Live Tuna Fish, safely in a fish tank]

[BangHim Project: In Progress]

[DaeJae Status: AWOL]

[Tuna Fish Status: Has not stopped ting itself out of fear that it would be slapped against someone else’s face once again]

Youngjae felt that today was the day he was going to get Himchan and Yongguk together. Today was the day that everything was going to end, whatever he had going on with bad-stupid Daehyun was going to end, everything was going to work out.

And everything was going to be normal again.

Youngjae flung the door to Yongguk and Daehyun’s room and let himself in, walking briskly to Daehyun’s door, the abhorred Barbie-shat-on-it girly mag in his hand. He grabbed the brass knob and opened the door with a bang, startling the two people inside it.

“Hey Daehyun, I have an idea for our next phase of the- WHOA WHAT ARE YOU DOING.”

Daehyun looked apologetic.

He was also pressed up against the wall.

He was also being pinned to a particularly big ed girl wearing a terrible short skirt, who had her tongue shoved down Daehyun’s throat.

And both of them were top .

Youngjae felt like his chest just caved in.

(But he was also kind of like yeeessss.)

(It’s a weird feeling, really, when your mind is like nooooooo but your is like yeeessssssss.)

(Because that’s what a topless Daehyun does to you.)

Youngjae literally had to tear his eyes away from Daehyun’s toned stomach, his strong arms, his mussed hair, and his slightly undone belt that was revealing-nononononononononononNONONonONOnNOnONOooooooooooooOOOOooo.

The girl squeaked.

Youngjae smiled. “Uh, hello.”

Daehyun gently pushed the girl off him, looking guilty.

“Your smile looks forced.”

“It is,” Youngjae deadpanned, and he huffed, walking past the two others in the room and plopped himself on Daehyun’s bed, feeling particularly stubborn.

“Uh,” the girl tried to cover her . “Should I...leave?”

“Uh,” Daehyun said intelligently.

“Nope,” Youngjae said gaily. “I’ll just make myself comfortable and read my gay-as- bright pink girly magazine.”

“But Youngjae,” Daehyun said stupidly, his eyebrows disappearing in his hairline. “We’re going to have .”

Youngjae blew out of his mouth. “No no, please continue. Pretend I am not here. Look!” Youngjae scooted and leaned against the wall. “I have become one with the wall.”

The hot girl and Daehyun both gaped. “But you’re a nerd!” they both said.

Youngjae, at this point, painfully hurting chest or not, was greatly unamused. “I prefer the term ‘greatly intelligent over you simple beings’,” he deadpanned, trying to ignore how good the two of them looked together, and how much it hurt. He shrugged. “It’ll be like watching live ! And it’s not like I haven’t watched before, so-”

Daehyun’s eyes widened. “You...you’ve jacked off to before?”

Youngjae frowned, a little concerned. “And you haven’t?”

Daehyun scrunched his eyebrows together adorably. “No, I...I’m just trying to picture you-”

“No no,” Youngjae said, holding his hands up. “Please don’t picture me in front of a computer screen with my hands in my pants, thanks.”

“Too late,” Daehyun said, his eyes dark.

“Ohmygod,” the hot girl said, looking down. “Are you getting hot down there picture this nerd to instead of getting hot with me?”

“What,” Youngjae said, his wide eyes zeroing in on Daehyun’s . “What.”

Wow! Daehyun’s seemed to say. All this attention! I am flattered.

Daehyun cleared his throat, his voice scratchy and Youngjae had to resist the urge to cover his ears and moan out load. “It’s a hot image.”

The girl scoffed. “ you, Jung Daehyun. First you tell us to stop smoking around you, and then this?! I’m outta here!”

She stormed out.

Top .

“Uh,” Youngjae called after her, gingerly picking up what he presumes to be a bra, except where the s were supposed to be, there were holes. “You forgot your goggles.”

Daehyun didn’t look too upset that he just lost his partner.

In fact, he was choking on air, laughing his fat off.

“Lord, Youngjae,” he laughed, his smile nearly blinding. “That’s a bra, not goggles!”

Youngjae held the offending piece of lingerie out in front of him, inspecting it as if he were in the chemistry lab, observing a tube of chemicals. “What’s the ing point of the whole outfit then?!”

“It’s for ,” the girl stormed back in, livid, and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

There was a silence. Youngjae looked at Daehyun.

“Youngjae, I-”

“If she’s spunky, cover your monkey!”

“What-”

“ is cleaner with a packaged weiner!”

“Young-”

“You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong!”

“I-”

“Don’t be silly! Wrap your willy!”

"..."

"Cover your stump before you hump!"

Daehyun groaned and pulled his shirt over his head, putting away his glorious six-pack.

Youngjae was sad to see it go.

(Not that he would ever admit that.)

(Maybe if he rubbed his forehead against it, his hair will grow back.)

(Hmmm.)

“So no more smoking huh?” Youngjae said.

“You didn’t like it,” Daehyun mumbled. “I figured, since you always comment on it, and it’s bad for Junhong when he comes over, and you’re going to be around more often, and-”

Youngjae held up a hand, feeling fat, slow, and bright red, like a beet.

And Youngjae hates beets.

“Gee, thanks,” Youngjae said. Daehyun hummed.

There was an awkward pause.

(In which Youngjae could feel his heart pump really fast. Like whoa, cardiac arrest alert!)

Daehyun cleared his throat. “What did you come here for, mommy?”

Youngjae twitched.

Daehyun grinned. “Ah, so it was something important then?”

Youngjae twitched and huffed.

Daehyun tilted his head, carefully crouching in front of Youngjae. “So it’s the BangHim Project?”

Youngjae glared and looked the other way.

“I know you don’t like that name, but do you really have any other options?” Daehyun chuckled. “What was so important that you’d come barging into my room?”

Youngjae rolled his eyes, one eye twitching.

“Actually, it was important,” Daehyun said defensively. “I haven’t had any in like three whole days.”

Youngjae twitched and ed the sparkly magazine out.

“I feel like I’ve offended you,” Daehyun grinned.

“Fatass,” Youngjae huffed. “While you were ‘gettin’ some’” Youngjae imitated Daehyun’s Busan accent. “I convinced Yongguk to write a rap for Himchan and perform it for him in the park on the Main Campus in ten minutes.”

“Don’t do that,” Daehyun suddenly said.

“Don’t do what?” Youngjae blinked, confused. “Plan ahead? I mean, sorry bros, but that’s what I do because-”

“Imitate my accent.”

“What?” Youngjae scrunched his nose, his feet softly kicking Daehyun’s hard stomach. “Am I really that bad? Darn, I-”

“Because it’s unbearably cute,” Daehyun said.

Youngjae scoffed, kicking Daehyun’s stomach again, his yellow-socked feet. “Is this cute, ‘cause it ain’t cute at all,” he teased, copying the Busan accent again.

“See? It’s so ing adorable, I can’t handle you right now. I mean, stop it with the squishy cheeks and the fluffy little blue beanie and the cute yellow socks.”

Startled, Youngjae was about to protest when he looked up and made the mistake of looking at Daehyun’s face, because Daehyun’s eyes were dark, filled with something Youngjae couldn’t quite place.

“Thanks, I guess?” Youngjae mumbled, his feet frozen on Daehyun’s warm stomach, his cheeks burning. He downcast his eyes slightly in embarrassment, suddenly finding the carpeted gray flooring very interesting. “I, uh, don’t understand what my choice of hat has to do with this-”

“Everything,” Daehyun groaned. “It has everything to do with this.”

“Oh,” Youngjae said, not understanding at all the situation or why his heart was trying to rip itself out of his chest.

Whoa, his heart said. Testosterone! Whoa! Whoa!

Look at me pump!

Nooo, said Youngjae’s rib cage. Noooooo.

Daehyun ran a finger down Youngjae’s shin absentmindedly, causing the blonde to shiver. “So, we should probably go see Yongguk now?”

Youngjae felt like someone tied a choker around his neck.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

----------

[Location: Main Campus South Wing Park]

[BangHim Project Status: HELLA HELLA HEY!]

[DaeJae Status: wtf yongguk]

[Himchan Status: arriving in 2.59 minutes]

[Yongguk Status: hoe hoe hoe merry oris]

“What in the-?!?” Youngjae was speechless.

Youngjae and Daehyun, all bundled up with scarves, hats, gloves, and winter jackets for the cold Christmas weather, walked to the main campus garden.

Right where Yongguk promised to meet Youngjae and Daehyun was a pile of stuffed Tiggers.

Daehyun snorted. “I can’t believe he still does that.”

Youngjae turned incredulously. “I can’t believe he does that, period! He’s a grown- man! It’s time to grow a pair!”

Daehyun nudged Youngjae, grinning. “Now you see why I was stressed when I met you?”

Youngjae glared back, swatting at Daehyun’s shoulder playfully. “I remember you also saying you weren’t having enough because Yongguk made your wilt.”

Daehyun clutched his shoulder, pretending to be mortally wounded. “Seeing your best friend’s fully erect willy while you’re doing the do isn’t really the ideal come material, mommy. I thought you knew, since you watch all the time.”

Youngjae twitched, his ears burning. “What the- Daehyun! I don’t- I don’t do it that often anymore!”

Daehyun raised his eyebrows, grinning like an idiot. “That often?”

“It’s perfectly healthy!” Youngjae sniffed. “I have desires too- oh God, stop that Daehyun! Don’t give me that look! You !”

Daehyun wiggled his eyebrows. “What look?”

“The I’m-thinking-about-how-you-put-your-hands-in-your-pants look! Stop imagining it It’s gross!”

Daehyun, that er, actually then had the audacity to lean in and whisper hotly in Youngjae’s ear with the lowest, huskiest voice he could muster. “But it’s hot? Imagine me thinking about you as you guiltily slide your fingers down your hard , I mean how hot are you for me?”

Youngjae whipped his head around, his cheeks bright red and very pissed off.

“I am so whipping your when we get home, daddy,” he hissed.

“Mmmm,” Daehyun moaned into Youngjae’s ear, smirking. “How hot are you for me, mommy?”

Youngjae glowered before leaning in, barely brushing his lips against Daehyun’s ear before practically into the other boy’s ear. “As hot as the blood that will be flowing from your mouth once I kick your ing teeth in, honey.”

Daehyun shuddered. “, I think all my blood just went down somewhere else.”

“You get hard and I will shove a gigantic ice cold snowball into your crotch.”

Youngjae threw a condescending glance at Daehyun before stalking off to the pile of tiggers.

“Yongguk?”

A pair of eyes popped out from the Tigger mass.

“Hey Youngjae,” Yongguk said, his voice muffled. “How’s the date with Daehyun going?”

“WE’RE NOT DATI-MMPH.” Daehyun slapped his hand over Youngjae’s mouth before pulling the blonde, head first, into a back hug.

Youngjae immediately turned into a tomato.

“Guk,” Daehyun said, trying to fight a smile when he caught a very furious and blushing Youngjae glaring at him. “Please tell me you’re wearing normal clothing and not a tigger thong with a bowtie underneath this pile of Tiggers.”

“,” Yongguk said. “How’d you know? Well that ruins my element of surprise!”

And so that’s how, by the time Himchan arrived at the garden, there was a patch of frozen ground covered in tiggers, and Daehyun and Youngjae clinging on to each other, freezing their asses off, as Yongguk wore their jackets.

“You two have gotten awfully close,” Himchan commented, and the immediately blushed. “Yongguk-hyung, why aren’t you wearing any pants.”

Yongguk cupped his privates. “I don’t know, I thought it would be surprising, so Daehyun just gave me his hat to stuff in my underpants so my wouldn’t freeze off. He’s so nice.”

Youngjae snorted into Daehyun’s shivering firm but warm chest. Daehyun faked a sob.

“Never again,” Daehyun whispered to Youngjae. “Never again will I wear that hat.”

Youngjae tried to smother his giggles as his teeth chattered.

“Oh,” Himchan blushed. “So what was it you needed to show me?”

“Not my willy,” Yongguk said proudly and slowly, his deep voice somehow making the whole situation seem normal. “I wanted to show you something I wrote for someone very special.”

“Oh?” Himchan blinked. “Let’s hear it!”

Yongguk took a deep breath and reached down, picking up one of the tiggers from the ground and held it like a microphone. He pulled at Youngjae and Daehyun’s jackets, the sleeves too small for him, and then slowly and casually adjusted his .

Back and forth. Back and forth.

Youngjae watched with disgust and Himchan watched with great interest.

Yongguk took a deep breath and began to rap.

Every breath you take

Every move you make

Every bond you break

Every step you take

I'll be watching you.

Every single day

Every word you say

Every game you play

Every night you stay

I'll be watching you.

Oh can't you see

You belong to me?

How my poor heart aches with every step you take.

Every move you make

Every vow you break

Every smile you fake

Every claim you stake

I'll be watching you.

There was a silence, to which Yongguk shifted his in his underwear again.

“Wow,” Himchan said.

Daehyun and Youngjae looked at each other with wide eyes, teeth chattering and shivering violently from the cold winter air, but have they finally done it?!

Have they finally completed the BangHim project?!

“Wow,” Himchan repeated again. “That’s so creepy!”

What.

“Like, lovers totally dig the possessive stuff, right?” Himchan clapped his hands together. “That’s so cool! The girl you’re in love with will...” Himchan looked like he was having a hard time smiling. “Will really like it.”

He then ran away, his eyes tearing up.

“He hates it,” Yongguk whimpered. “He hates my swag. He hates my vibe!”

He started bawling and collecting his tiggers off the ground, before turning and bolting in the opposite direction.

“Leave it to Himchan to screw a confession up,” Youngjae wailed. “Kick me in the balls.”

And Daehyun did.

“Wow, you’re quite small,” Daehyun pointed out while Youngjae keeled to the frozen ground with just a t-shirt on.

“And your mouth is quite large,” Youngjae seethed, cupping his privates. “There seems to be leaking out of it.”

“My ,” Daehyun said. “My is also large.”

“Sorry,” Youngjae hissed, feeling like he had just been electrocuted from the way his balls were tingling from Daehyun’s well-aimed kick. “I’m not interested in small things.”

Daehyun scowled and kicked Youngjae again.

(But this time a lot more hesitantly and lightly.)

(But Youngjae didn’t notice.)

(What Youngjae doesn’t notice won’t kill him, right?)

(Right?)

-------

GUYS! I am a author!! ;;

I meant to finish this by Christmas, but ...but... I was so busy I couldn't do it. I'm sorry ;;

I will try to finish this as fast as I can, but I feel terrible because this chapter is so not funny and it's so freaking long and boring and this was supposed to be my Christmas present to you guys...

I'm sorry...

I've been reading your comments. You guys are the best. If I could hug you all I would ;; you are all such babies and stay awesome

anyways!

Happy new year!! 2015!! I can't believe it's already the next year... most of you are probably older than me but I still feel too young ;;

I hope you guys have a wonderful new years (or what's left of it) and thank you so much for reading.

I said I wouldn't comment on issues but a lot of you guys have been asking me 1.)why haven't I been addressing any of the K-Pop issues (aka, EXO absolutely caving in on itself, SONEs being torn between Jessica and SNSD, and namely, BAP's issue and 2.) well, what my take is on the BAP fiasco.

1.) Growl Album by EXO? Awesome stuff. Mr. Mr. by SNSD? Awesome stuff. So will I continue to listen to EXO and SNSD? Yes. Music is supposed to bring us past barriers. That's why music is such a big industry, it's because sometimes you don't have to understand what the song is, and you don't have to love the artist. You just have to like it, and that's why most of us are here. We listened and we really liked it. As for why I don't comment, it's because this is a fanfic page, and I want to keept hings happy. I love seeing you guys freak out in comments, it's adorable and I'm honestly really happy that I was able to do that for you guys.

2.) I'll support BAP of course. The contracts are abysmal. I'm a little worried for SECRET, UNTOUCHABLE, and SONAMOO though. Especially SONAMOO. TS is basically doing what SM did to Red Velvet, and I am a huge fan of New Sun (aka Zelo's counterpart in SONAMOO) so I'm just sitting back for now.