[11 DAYS UNTIL D-DAY]

[Location: Campus Library]

[Subject: Kim Himchan]

[Relationship: Best Friend]

[Status: Drooling/In Love]

Himchan sighed, his eyes widening into a moony expression, a blissful smile gracing his perfect lips.

Youngjae twitched.

Himchan sighed again, his eyes staring into space, smiling like an idiot.

Youngjae snapped his pencil in half.

Himchan moaned softly. “Isn’t he perfect?”

Youngjae squeezed his eyes shut. There was a pounding in his brain that felt like either a migraine or a brain aneurism.

He picks the latter.

“Hyung, please don’t have an next to me in the library, that would be awkward.”

Himchan ignored him and opened his mouth, drool dribbling down his chin.

Youngjae groaned and stood up, smartly smacked Himchan across the face. “God, you lovesick hyungwhore! Let me memorize my periodic table, holy ing hell.”

Himchan held on to his slapped cheek, startled. “Youngjae, I’m not in love, I’m just admiring.”

Youngjae scrunched his fist tightly, gritting his teeth as his bright green period table crinkled sadly in his clenched fist, as if to say ‘what the hell did I ever do to you’.

“Hyung, that’s what you’ve been saying for the past two years! Please use the balls you have on your lower half and BE A MAN FOR ONCE!”

Himchan blushed, stunned. “Youngjae, but I’m not-”

“I AM NOT WRONG,” Youngjae roared, forgetting he was in the library and was supposed to be studying for his Chemistry final test. He pointed a shaking finger at his best friend, glowering and twitching his eyes. “DO YOU KNOW? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HAIR I HAVE LOST OVER THIS ISSUE? LOOK AT ME! NO, HIMCHAN, LOOK. AT. ME.” Youngjae pulled his bleached blonde bangs back to reveal his slowly growing forehead. “LOOK AT MY ING FOREHEAD. LOOK AT HOW MUCH I AM BALDING. DO YOU SEE?!”

Himchan shrank back, his eyes wide as he leaned further back into his chair as his blonde (and apparently balding) friend yelled, absolutely ticked off, with spit flying everywhere. The whole library watched the two near the window, their eyes as round as golfballs.

Himchan put his hands up weakly. “Look, Youngjae, it’s not that big of a deal-”

Youngjae twitched violently. “Not that big of a deal?”

Himchan swallowed, realizing he had said the wrong thing.

“No, Youngjae-”

“Not that big of a deal?”

“Hold on-”
“NOT THAT BIG OF DEAL?!”

“JaeJae, please-”

“nOT thAT biG OF a DeAL?!?!”

Himchan winced when Youngjae jabbed his finger into his black haired best friend’s chest, his eyes twitching, the dark circles underneath his eyes pronounced, making Youngjae look slightly deranged.

“I LOOK LIKE SISTAR’S HYORIN BECAUSE OF YOU. MY COMPLEXION! MY BEAUTY SLEEP! MY GRADES! MY HAIR!” Youngjae wailed, throwing himself back on to the table. Himchan hesitantly pat his back, mumbling a soft and meek “I’m sorry” like usual, and Youngjae angrily knew that he couldn’t stay angry at his hyung for long.

Again.

Fuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

-------

[Location: Sophomore Campus Chemistry Lab]

Jongup hesitantly slid a bright pink sparkly magazine in front of Youngjae when the blonde slipped into the Chemistry Lab, his hair a mess and the bags underneath his eyes evident from yet another episode of “Himchan why the hell won’t you just talk to the ing man walking around with a tigger plushie”.

Youngjae looked up, giving Jongup the stink eye.

“What the hell is this booklet of pink.”

Jongup bit his lip and peered worriedly at his blonde friend. “I thought it might help you with Himchan-hyung.”

Youngjae squinted at the cover of the magazine.

Girly Mag’s Christmas Special: How to Set Your Friend Up With Her Dream Guy!

Huh.

Youngjae looked up at Jongup skeptically. “It looks like a Barbie doll shat all over it.”

Jongup suppressed a small smile before sliding it in front of Youngjae again. “If Himchan-hyung has no balls to confess to Yongguk-hyung, maybe you can set them two up?” He tilted his head, his warm brown eyes questioning, gently egging Youngjae on. Youngjae sighed, putting his head down on the desk and reaching his hands out, making grabbing motions with them.

“Gimme.”

“Heh, okay,” Jongup smiled knowingly before turning around to face the front of the classroom as the professor walked into the room, telling the students that if they finished their calculations on Equilibrium constants, they were allowed to have an independent study.

Youngjae blearily rubbed his eyes, grudgingly opening the sparkly magazine to find a list.

Girly Mag’s Special List for Friends Wishing for Their Bestie’s Love Love! (Guaranteed to Make Anyone’s Heart Go Doki! Doki! 200%!♥)

Youngjae thinks he wants to vomit, but for the sake of his sanity, he keeps on reading.

Suggestion #1: Lock her in a closet with her ideal man!

Youngjae had a sudden image of himself dying a horrible death, so no.

Suggestion #2: Lace both their drinks with aphrodisiac and lock them in a closet!

Youngjae frowned. That seems tempting...

But if Himchan convinced himself he was pregnant, Youngjae would lose more hair than he had offer.

Hormonal Kim Himchan = Hell on Earth and Heaven for Yoo Youngjae.

Suggestion #3: Handcuff them to each other!

Youngjae felt if he locked Yongguk in handcuffs, he’d be mugged and be forced to listen to rap music until he got super mean, so no.

Rap music makes you mean.

Suggestion #4: Wait it out! True love will prevail!♥

Youngjae hissed.

No. Obviously not, because HE’S LOSING HAIR OVER THE ING MORON THAT DROOLS ALL THE TIME ING INGIFN FCKIGNF FING GUFNGOSNGSG-

Breathe, Youngjae.

Phew.

Final Suggestion! (Note: This one works the best!♥) Conspire with the crush’s best friend, and use both of your combined powers to bring true love love!

Huh.

Youngjae thought this one actually made a lot of sense.

Yeah.

I’ll do that.

Oh, hold on, wait...

“Hyung?” Jongup looked back, surprised to see that instead of a happy look that he pictured Youngjae would have, the blonde had a dead blank look on his face filled with dread. “What’s up now?”

“Jongup.” Youngjae said slowly, his eyes filled with dread. “I found only one that might work perfectly.”

Jongup grinned. “That’s great hyung! So what’s wrong?”

Youngjae pointed violently at the sparkly pink magazine. Jongup read the final suggestion and smiled, completely lost.

“Hyung, what’s wrong again?”

Youngjae groaned and threw the magazine down, running his hands through his hair.

“Yongguk’s best friend is Jung Daehyun.”

Jongup’s eyes immediately widened.

“Oh.”

-----

[Location: “Empty Classroom”]

[Subject: Jung Daehyun]

[Relationship: Stranger, Yongguk’s Best Friend]

[Target Goal: Get my hair back]

Standing outside the notoriously known on the school campus as the "empty classroom", (a.k.a. the frat house, as Youngjae called it,) Youngjae had to force himself to take a deep breath and remind himself that he was doing this for the sake of his friend's love life and his hair.

Mostly for his hair.

The blonde squared his jaw and stood up straight before sliding the door open with a bang, startling all those inside the classroom into silence.

About twenty pairs of eyes zeroed in on the blonde in the doorway. Suddenly Youngjae felt out of place among the faint smell of smoke in his brand new sweater and straight tie.

Youngjae had never felt so intimidated in his life.

“Is, uh,” Youngjae gripped the doorway, nervous as all the most well-liked kids stared at him. He felt like they were analyzing him as he was typically seen- nerd. “Is Jung Daehyun here?”

There was a silence, until one kid (what was his name? Boohyun? Woohyun?) chucked an unlit cigarette at a figure on the couch in the corner of the room.

“Yo, Daehyun, some cutie’s here to see you.”

Youngjae twitched.

Jung Daehyun let out a very ungraceful snort and immediately sat up, going “where? where?” before he rolled off the couch and landed in a very undignified lump on the ground with a loud yelp. The room was very quickly filled with snorts and smothered giggles as Jung Daehyun straightened himself out, his wrinkled uniform and unkempt brown hair looking as if he had purposely made it that way.

And he still looked y.

And Youngjae wakes up in the morning like someone had run him and his grandmother over with a manure truck.

And now Youngjae is ticked off because Jung Daehyun looks perfect, and he doesn’t even after try.

Jung Daehyun ( extraordinaire) caught sight of Youngjae standing and looking very pissed off in the doorway, his face breaking out into a smile, immediately going from hot to cute in .0001 seconds.

Youngjae’s irritation level: One.

“Hi there cutie, what can I do for you?”

Youngjae’s irritation level: Two.

“It’s about your friend, Bang Yongguk. And,” Youngjae pointed threateningly at Daehyun. “I am not cute. I am manly.”

Daehyun shrugged. “Whatever floats your boat honey.”

Youngjae’s irritation level: Five.

“I am not honey. I am the salt that I will grind into your wounds and make you cry.”

Daehyun grinned, ruffling his hair in the cutest way possible. “Whatever floats your boat? What’s up with Yongguk?” Daehyun suddenly froze, wincing. “Wait, shoot, did he see you littering and lecture you on saving the world-”

“No,” Youngjae deadpanned.

“Then did he lecture you on how his type is pale men and African American women, because-”

“What, no,” Youngjae deadpanned again. The rest of the room watched in awe as the nerd they had no idea existed who got straight A’s verbally abused the school’s hottest guy like a voodoo doll.

“Oh god, did you catch him to Kim Himchan in the daisy bush, because dude, I’m so sorry-”

“WHAT.”

Daehyun blinked. “What?”

“Holy . me.”

“What? Okay, will do?”

“What. I mean, no, I mean, wait what?”

“Huh? What about?”

“Huh, wait, what?”

“Hi?”

“Hold the up,” Youngjae said, glowering as he made an ‘x’ with his arms across his body. “I’m not getting laid until I get married.”

Daehyun choked on his spit.

“You lay one finger on me, and I swear on all the you’ve had that I’ll destroy your when I get the chance!”

“....”

“...”

Youngjae’s irritation level: Fifty-nine.

Daehyun smirked. “Oh come on, you set yourself up for that one.”

“I’m going to blast your the moment you step out of this frat house of a classroom.”

Daehyun grinned, amused. “You go right ahead and do that.”

“...!!!”

Youngjae’s irritation level: one hundred.

“Need me to countdown babe?”

Youngjae twitched. “ you!”

“Hmm. Sounds nice.”

“ARGH!” Youngjae threw his hands up in frustration.

This is counterintuitive. I came here to make sure Himchan gets laid and I get my hair back, not the opposite!

Daehyun on the other hand, was looking amused as hell and y as sin with his hands in his pockets, surrounded by gorgeous people of the inner circle of the college.

Youngjae glared and flipped Daehyun off.

They can go to hell for all he cares.

The stupid girl magazine lied to him.

Stupid girly magazines.

Stupid Youngjae for listening to the girly magazines.

Stupid Jongup for being so trustworthy.

Stupid Jung Daehyun for being a stick up Youngjae’s .

STUPID.

“Hey, where’re you going?”

Youngjae spun around, glowering, his cheeks flushed and his fists clenched.

Youngjae’s irritation level: to infinity, and beyond!

Wow!

It’s through the roof!

It’s sky high!

I can’t believe it!

Youngjae’s going to pop a blood vessel!

Whoa!

“I was going to ask if you wanted to help me play cupid between my stupid friend Himchan and your stupid friend Yongguk, but since you’re such a stupid, stupid, stupid, cute with nothing in your head but stupid ual innuendos, stupid sleep, and stupid, stupid girls, there’s no point in asking because it would be like asking a ing stump in the stupid, godforsaken woods!”

With a huff, Youngjae stomped off furiously, leaving stupid, stupid, stupid Jung Daehyun and his stupid, stupid, stupid y face in the stupid frat house, looking satisfyingly stupid with that stupid surprised look on his face.

-----

haha wat

merry xmas i guess

i love you all babies (and BABYs)

get it

bap fanclub name but also you're my babies

no?

ok

bye

daehyun is ugly ugly ugly and youngjae is stupid stupid stupid but i still love love love stupid bap stupid-

you get the point