It's not fine.

I'm still in love with you. Taeyeon thinks as she listens to her song: Fine. This thought (or should I say Jessica) never left her mind. Denying the truth over and over again for the past years just made the feeling grow stronger and consumed her totally. The thought of not falling in love again with anybody is impossible, however, she thinks no one can replace Jessica in her life. She even compares everybody with Jessica and no one ever comes close. Growing old alone? She doesn't mind, but on a side thought, it is scary. It is something that she'd cry out every night.

Taeyeon receives an all-kill for her new album: My Voice. As expected of her. She's recieving a lot of love from her family, her members, friends, and fans that her inbox is about to explode. She plunges into her bed and exhales sharply already drowning herself for the upcoming tight schedule. Her phone dings non-stop; it isn't annoying but it kinda overwhelms her. She turns to her stomach as she checks it out. "Ahh." She groans. All of it reads: 'Congrats', 'Thank you', and 'I love you'. She smiles as she goes through all of it. She drops the phone and gets her personal phone to check. Her personal phone is much like only for her family and closest friends. She scrolls down to see congratulatory messages as well as thank-yous, and i-love-yous. She's already at the last thread but she feels weird not seeing a certain name. Sigh.

***

"What's up with the face?" She looks up to see Tiffany who has laptop in her hands.

"I just woke up from a nap, Fany-yah." She rubs her eyes to clear the blur.

Tiffany grabs a chair and sits across the dining table. She opens the laptop and checks the status of Taeyeon's album. Seeing it top almost all the Korean charts in just hours after the release wowed Tiffany. The power of Kim Taeyeon. "Taetae, I'm just so proud of you! This calls for a celebration!" Tiffany's eyes shines proud of her best friend, but as she looks at Taeyeon; the girl is just blankly staring at the glass of milk in front of her. Tiffany fakes a cough, "What's wrong?"

No response. She knocks the table, "Taeyeon to earth? Hello?"

"W-What?"

"Are you not feeling well..?" She reaches the blonde girl to feel her forehead for fever. Taeyeon smiles. "I'm alright, Fany-yah."

"You look far from fine to me." She closes the lid of the laptop and focuses on her bestfriend instead. It worries her whenever Taeyeon is like that: quiet, zoning-out, or just in deep thoughts. They are best buddies but Tiffany really couldn't read Taeyeon. Nobody can. "Say what. I'll call all the girls to have dinner tonight, what d'you think?"

All the girls? Taeyeon asks herself and a light comes to her face for a second then it turns dim again after she realizes the sad truth. She just nods to approve Tiffany's suggestion just not to disappoint the girl.

***

All the girls may have tight schedules but they will all make it to dinner at the dorm. Taeyeon considers herself lucky that their schedules meet for this small celebration. This celebration isn't just for her but for all of them. She doesn't want to be the center of it all since all of them is working hard as well. That's our Taeyeon.

"I feel like a