It couldn't have started from anything else. And even if it could, Sungyeol wouldn't have had it any other way. All relationships should begin with friendship, he believed. Nothing could beat having Myungsoo by his side. Sungyeol was happy. Very happy. He was perfectly fine with the way things were.

He and Myungsoo weren't immediately friends the second they met. Myungsoo was hesitant. Hesitant and reluctant. It looked as if he wasn’t here to make friends. As if he was perfectly content on his own. As if he preferred being alone.

But those were lies. Myungsoo hated being by himself, Sungyeol knew. In the earlier days, the younger had been too quiet. Like how he was with everyone else. But when Sungyeol just wouldn't give up, Myungsoo stopped pushing him away. He began feeling comfortable around Sungyeol and, eventually, they became each other's best friends.

Sungyeol wasn't even surprised. They’d spent so much time with each other that it ought to happen in a matter of time. He wasn't sure when or how, but months later he realised how hard he’d fell for Myungsoo. And not a single soul knew, he made sure of it.

The older had kept his feelings to himself even when the youngest of them came butting in. Sungyeol could tell Sungjong had always liked Myungsoo better. At the time it didn’t bother him so much, as long as he had his best friend by his side.

And that was the problem. Myungsoo was not by his side anymore. Myungsoo began spending more and more time with Sungjong. He always looked happier with Sungjong, Sungyeol could see it.

Of course, he was upset. But he couldn’t blame the pair, because he knew he must’ve been the one at fault. He must've done something wrong along the way. Or perhaps Sungyeol had been too stupid to see it coming. Or maybe he just wasn't good enough for Myungsoo. Full stop.

What became of friendship.

His chest ached every time he saw the pair together. His heart would contract in the most indecent ways when he saw them hold hands. His breaths… they’d get caught in his throat when he saw them laugh. His entire face would turn numb when he realised the pair had locked the bedroom's door with only them inside again. Sungyeol wanted to know what they were doing. Badly, he wanted to know just to get it over with. Just to have all his dreads confirmed.

But on the other hand, Sungyeol didn’t want to know and he did not want to care. It was laughable, really. After all the pain the pair had caused him, all he felt was dry. Dry, brittle and clear were his laughter. Because as much as he hated all of this, he did not love Myungsoo any less.

One day, while they were all having lunch, Sungyeol was in the kitchen washing his hands. None of the members had been bothered by the fact that it was taking Sungyeol almost an hour. Sungyeol was pretty sure no one had even noticed the absent space that was Lee Sungyeol.

He could hear Dongwoo's reckless laughter over Woohyun’s stammers as he walked towards the table. Sungyeol hadn’t been sleeping properly for a while now and the bags under his eyes were more evident than ever. Just as he was about to take his seat beside Sunggyu, someone dropped their chopsticks. Sungyeol, being the person he was, bent down to pick them up.

As Sungyeol was searching under the table, something caught his attention. The calloused hand he immediately recognised was holding another hand, a dainty one. Sungyeol's chest hurt all of a sudden, and in his already heavy eyes, exhausted tears threatened to force their way out. He hurriedly grabbed the chopsticks and stood up. Carelessly, he tossed them onto the table and strode away silently, lunch forgotten. No one even noticed his arrival and departure. Or so he thought.

Sunggyu watched as Sungyeol walked into his bedroom, closing the door quietly after himself. The oldest had been secretly worrying over Sungyeol for quite some time now. He didn’t know what was going on. Sunggyu also wasn’t sure when would've been a good time to talk to him. It had been going on for too long and he had initially hoped Sungyeol would get better from whatever that was bothering him. But the younger did not, so Sunggyu was waiting for the right time. Perhaps, now was the right time.

What became of laughter.

Sungyeol was sitting on his bed, leaning against the headboard, staring down at a photo in his hands. He did hear the door open and close, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Not until a body took a seat next to him on the bed. After a moment of silence, Sungyeol turned to the person next to him and smiled.

It was Sunggyu. The oldest didn't say anything, only watched as the younger started chuckling out loud. There was no humour. Sunggyu stayed silent as Sungyeol laughed harder. He lifted the photo in his slightly trembling hand, to show it to the older. With a dry smile, Sungyeol questioned his own stupidity out loud. Because he was 'so stupid', Sungyeol insulted himself.

Sunggyu looked at the photo of the youngest three: Sungyeol, Myungsoo and Sungjong. As the older looked closer, he could see Sungjong's secretive glance towards Myungsoo, who had his arm around the maknae. In the picture, Sungyeol did seem out of place. But that was only if you look close enough.

Sunggyu listened as Sungyeol rambled on about how pathetic he must've been to not have realised this from the start. However, Sungyeol couldn't actually admit out loud that the pair was really in love with each other. He didn't want to admit it, he didn't even want to notice this in the first place.

Without having to ask, Sungyeol told Sunggyu everything. All the pain and secrets Sungyeol had kept to himself for so long were now spilling out. Finally, he was able to let them out. He knew that it was extremely selfish, but at that moment, all he wanted was the world to know how dead he already was.

Sunggyu had hugged Sungyeol that day and assured the boy that everything was going to be alright. He’d told Sungyeol that he would always be around, if the other ever wanted to talk. And as the older hugged him, Sungyeol's translucent smiles and ringing laughter morphed into tears. Sunggyu told him to let everything go, so Sungyeol cried his heart out that day. Things would get better, Sunggyu had promised.