If there was one skill that I would need in the mess I was in right now, it would be the ability to pretend. That was the most prominent trait that I really had to have but unfortunately didn’t. I should be able to pretend that none of the words Jaebum and Jinyoung affected me. In fact, nothing related to the whole situation should affect me. But a tiny action done by either of the said men caused me to break down.

I knew I should get over Jaebum. I knew that I should not be falling for Jinyoung. I was smart enough to think that way. However, I wasn’t smart enough to think that all these was idealistic. I wasn’t smart enough to think that my goals were unrealistic. Goals? What goals?

“Hyerin-ah.”

Oh, great! I was so deep in my thoughts that I was hearing his voice. Was I missing his company that much?

“Hyerin-ah.”

Yes, my question was answered: I did miss him that much.

“Hyerin-ah!”

Jaebum’s shout broke me out of my daydream. It interrupted my thoughts that I finally realised that the first call was not even part of my thoughts. It was reality. It took me a few moments to make me realise that I was having an early dinner at a nearby ddukbokki stall with Jaebum. Other than the sizzling sound made by the hot ddukbokki, only his voice can be heard. I looked around, noticing that we were the only customers at that point of time.

“You okay?”

I nodded.

“You sure? You looked like you were intensely thinking about something depressing,” Jaebum commented.

I nodded again.

“You know, Hyerin, you can always talk to me about anything that’s bothering you. I’ll listen.”

I looked down on my small bowl of ddukbokki. My hands were playing with the hem of my skirt. The bowl of food in front of me looked untouched. Clearly, it was already cold. I had not even touch a tiny bit of the rice cakes since the food came. Maybe that made Jaebum worried.

I took a deep breath and looked up. My pair of eyes met Jaebum’s pair. His forehead was frowning as if asking me what was going on. I could not tell him about the mess in my head. Telling him would be the same as confessing my love for him and that would make everything even more messed up than it already was. That would be a complete disaster.

“Jaebum-ah,” my voice came out as a whisper. A barely audible one but he caught it.

He hummed to show me that he was listening.

“Have your thoughts be this messed up before?”

“Huh, what?” Jaebum brought his head nearer to my face, thinking that he misheard what I said.

“Never mind, you wouldn’t understand.”

Jaebum looked at me, clearly confused. This Jaebum in front of me was well-respected. His thoughts were probably neat and composed. It would not be as messed up as mine. He did not need to think about others’ businesses. It was probably unnecessary for him to. While I, on the other hand, chose to.

Jaebum was probably judging me by then while I was playing with my spicy rice cakes in front of me. I couldn’t help it. All this thinking had got me exhausted, got me lost my appetite. A grab on my hand caused me to look up again.

“Hyerin, is there really nothing bothering you?” Jaebum asked me again. This time, he was more concerned than before. “Tell me, Hyerin. It’s about time you trust me.”

Unknowingly, tears started to trickle down my cheeks. My nose was blocked. I began to sob uncontrollably, causing Jaebum to move his stool next to me. He began rubbing my back and whispered comforting words to my ears. My chest began hurting so much, it seemed like I was actually hyperventilating. I finally broke down but this time it was in Jaebum’s arms. It was in my crush’s warm embrace.

It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you, Jaebum. It was because I couldn’t articulate my thought to you. I couldn’t even form sentences in my messed up mind.

It seemed like a few hours just passed. The beautiful night sky replaced the stunning sunset. An oversized blazer was draped on my shoulder. The space beside me was taken by a familiar person. Jaebum was busy with his phone since we arrived at the park nearby our neighbourhood. Faint whispers of “unable” and “practice” was heard. I took a glance at him and turned back to stare into nothingness in front of me. I shook my legs to prevent thoughts from overwhelming me. It served as a distraction for my mind so that it would not go astray.

I heard a sigh coming out of Jaebum’s mouth when he put his phone into the front pocket of his pants.

“It’s okay to break down sometimes, you know, Hyerin. It’s natural.”

I just shrugged and straightened my legs.

“Everybody has their own limits; limits for everything. Patience, fury, you name it. You just need someone there to talk to.” He paused to look at me.

“You have me, Hyerin. You have me to talk to.”

This was the Jaebum I fell for. The reliable Jaebum that everyone knows.

“I can’t tell you now,” I mumbled.

“You have all the time in the world. I’ll wait.”

_________________________

hey guys! Sorry for the long wait! Here's a new chapter~ Been having writer's block lately. I've been writing a few paragraphs since forever but I decided to delete them in the end. I finally sat long enough to ponder and write a brand new chapter for y'all.

And and, I'm accepted to a university finally!! :D