☼ Truth ☾
☼ Night Sun ☾
It's almost a week since Christmas. BEAST has been really busy with the performances they need to do since the year is near with the end. They just paid visit for their family this morning before rushed to their schedules.
While the year is going to an end, BEAST want to treasure every memory as much as possible. They meet their families, they attend a music program this evening, and they arrange a new year's eve party with Dalbit at night.
The fact that the New Year is coming ironically means Dalbit's life is shortening as well. Based on the diagnosis, she is going to die before she can even celebrate her next birthday.
Her parents, along with Doojoon, Hyunseung, and Junhyung who know the secret, have been praying every night, hoping another miracle will occur.
She has passed her twenty years, fighting the disease without any special treatment. They can't ask for the disease to disappear because they know it's impossible. Hiding this cruel reality from the other members, they act as usual in front of them.
But Doojoon finds that it is unfair to hide this secret from Yoseob. Yoseob is in love with Dalbit and Dalbit is in love with Yoseob. This is the obvious beautiful yet sad fact they know.
Gikwang and Dongwoon, of course, are happy with their close relationship since they don't know about Dalbit's disease. But how long will Dalbit keep this secret from Yoseob?
For the first time in her life, Dalbit doesn't know what she should do. As much as she wants to tell Yoseob, she doesn't want to see Yoseob pity her. But she knows it's cruel for him if she keeps this secret from him.
So she decides to tell him when the clock strike 12 tonight. When the new year comes, Dalbit will tell him the truth: her incurable disease and her life span.
He deserves to know the truth.
Honestly speaking, Dalbit is feeling guilty. She doesn't want to hurt Yoseob but if she pushes him away without explanation, will it do any good to him?
She could make a distance with him. They will leave soon and maybe Yoseob will never know about her disease. If she is going to die soon, she can ask her parents to tell BEAST that she dies because of an accident or else.
But her heart doesn't want to lie.
She loves Yoseob. He is her first love.
And she loves BEAST. Just like what she wrote in the letter, BEAST is one of the main reasons why she is still fighting to live besides her parents and her gratefulness. Dalbit wants to do something for BEAST, something that can remind them of herself.
Not something that will make them sad when they remember her. But something that will make them smile when her image crosses their minds.
"Dalbit?" Yoseob calls her name. They are sitting in the main room of the house, enjoying the warmth while it is really cold outside. "Are you alright?"
Since Christmas, Dalbit never stepped outside of the house. She knows her body is getting weaker and weaker day by day. Her parents begged her to stay at home to prevent anything worse.
But all Yoseob knows is Dalbit can't stand for cold. He holds Dalbit's hand which is covered by glove, smiling sincerely, "I'm here. We're going to spend the New Year's Eve together."
Dalbit smiles sweetly, making Yoseob to smile wider. He can't help himself to fall in love deeper with Dalbit. Her pure and innocent image amaze him, captivating him with love that he never felt before.
"It will be my birthday in five days. You know that, right?" Yoseob mumbles happily, feeling excited. "Let's celebrate it together! I will come to visit you that day!"
They will return to their apartment two days before Yoseob's birthday. Yoseob feels sad because he can spend his birthday in the house but he still can visit Dalbit, so he wants to make a date with her that day.
"Don't you have any schedule that day?" Dalbit tilts her head, making her looks cute despite the fact that her face is really pale.
"I will reschedule everything. It will be our first date then," Yoseob intertwines his fingers with Dalbit. "It's a promise."
Dalbit nods slowly as her lips turns into a curve. She can't wait until his birthday. She is thinking about preparing a birthday present for Yoseob. But she is hoping that she will have time till the day.
While they are celebrating the New Year's Eve with BEAST singing for Dalbit and her parents, Dalbit notices how Doojoon or Hyunseung or Junhyung glances at her once in a while, worrying about her worsen condition.
Her parents smile when they see how Yoseob looks at their daughter. Dalbit has told them about her feeling towards Yoseob. They can't help but feel grateful that Dalbit found someone she loves but they can't imagine how Yoseob is feeling when he find about Dalbit's disease.
The clock strikes 12. It's officially a new year now. They exchange hugs with each other, greeting new year wishes. Yoseob even gives Dalbit a quick kiss on her forehead, making both of them to blush and smile shyly.
After around fifteen minutes passed midnight, Dalbit gives a sign to her parents to leave them alone. She wants to talk with BEAST about her disease; all of them have a right to know.
With hard feeling, hoping that Yoseob will be alright upon the news, they excuse themselves, leaving BEAST and Dalbit in the main room.
"I'm really happy that I can spend my first day of new year with all of you," Dalbit mutters with a sweet smile, expressing her happiness. "I hope I can celebrate it again next year."
"Of course you can!" Yoseob grins widely, patting her head gently. "We're going to celebrate my birthday, your birthday, everyday!"
Even though Dalbit responds with a smile, the atmosphere in the room has changed from warmth into gloomy. Doojoon, Hyunseung, and Junhyung don't dare to say a word.
"What's wrong with you?" Gikwang frowns, examining their expressions. "It's new year! Come on. Cheer up!"
"There is something I want to tell you," Dalbit fakes a cough to get their attention. She her dry bottom lip, glancing at Doojoon. "Please stay calm after hearing my explanation."
Yoseob raises his eyebrow. What is it? What is Dalbit trying to say?
Dalbit nods slightly to Doojoon and Doojoon understands the sign. He takes the letters from his pocket, the letters he read around almost a month ago in President's office: the letter from Dalbit's mother along with the letter Dalbit wrote herself.
Yoseob, Gikwang, and Dongwoon read it in silence. Yoseob is the one who holding on the letter. His eyes widen when he read the 'incurable' word. When they reach the end of the letter, he looks up to see Dalbit.
"It's not true, right?" Yoseob tries to keep calm. There is no way the girl in front of him is going to die. She is smiling right now. There is nothing wrong about her, he said to himself. "It's a new joke for new year, isn't it?"
Gikwang and Dongwoon exchange looks. They have a feeling that this is not a joke. From what they have seen when they're together with Dalbit, they have though that something is hidden from her. They just didn't think it will be this extreme.
Yoseob knows that there is no way Dalbit makes this ridiculous joke. But he doesn't want to believe this letter. He doesn't want to believe that Dalbit is dying.
"Yoseob Oppa," Dalbit speaks softly, feeling that her heart is aching to look at Yoseob who is denying the fact. She can't say it in person to him so she asked Doojoon to show the letters to them. "I'm sorry for hiding the fact from you."
"No!" Yoseob stands up in a flash. His voice is wavering and his tears are going to fall any second. "You can't die, Dalbit! You can't!"
There are seconds of silence while Yoseob is catching his breathe. He doesn't want to cry. He doesn't want to snap at Dalbit. But he doesn't know what to do now.
"I don't want to die too," Dalbit smiles bitterly, making them to freeze. "I want to live as well but looks like the fate doesn't let me to. I still have around a month. It's something to be celebrated."
Yoseob scoffs. Is Dalbit getting out of her mind? She is diagnosed to die in a month and she said that it's a good thing?
Doojoon is looking away from Dalbit. He can't bear himself to look at Dalbit, the girl who is trying to look strong in front of them with an assuring smile on her face.
Hyunseung looks down, staring at the floor in silence. As much as he wants to say something, the words leave nothing for him.
Junhyung never expected that he would confront this kind of situation. He wants to calm down Yoseob but he knows it's useless. How do you feel when you find that the one you love is going to die before you?
Gikwang clenches his fists. He feels useless now that he can only look at Dalbit. He should have asked Dalbit earlier, not ignoring the curiosity inside of him.
Dongwoon, being the one in the same age of Dalbit, is speechless. They are in the same age yet Dalbit needs to suffer this kind of diseases. And she manages to live the life to the fullest despite the fact that she can't live longer than him.
Yoseob doesn't know what to do.
He has never heard silence quite this loud. He wishes someone will say something to break the silence, telling him that Dalbit is exaggerating everything, that everything is going to be alright.
But no one says a word.
So Dalbit, trying her best to smile, breaks the silence, "I don't want you to send me off like this. Please smile when I leave."
Their strong image have broken down by her sincere words. They can't believe this young girl had to say that to them.
Yoseob's tears roll down. He pulls Dalbit into a hug, burying his face in her long hair. Dalbit returns his hug, telling herself that she is not going to cry.
"I love you," she whispers to his ear, making him to cry harder while the other members hide their tears. "I'm sorry."
For the first time in his life, Yoseob cries like there is no tomorrow.
__________
Note #6:
"I've never heard silence quite this loud."
- The Story of Us, Taylor Swift
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