☼ thank you for becoming my sun ☾
☼ Night Sun ☾
The crowd is gathering around the coffin, giving their deep condolences for the beautiful girl who looks like she is only sleeping in peace.
She wears a white dress with her fingers are intertwined together, placed on her stomach. The sun is shining outside of the church while the crowd is wearing all back from head to toe; some of them are crying.
Doojoon is standing next to Dalbit's mother, making a straight face since he knows he can't cry again; he has cried when he received the news when they're at the hospital.
One by one of the people hugs Dalbit's parents as their sign of condolences. Before that, they walk to the sleeping girl, praying for her sincerely. Some of them even talk with her as if she can reply them.
Hyunseung, Junhyung, and Dongwoon are standing across from Doojoon. Their eyes are locked at the coffin, hoping that this is only a nightmare. They will wake up and find the girl is smiling at them.
But they know everything is real.
All of them were gathering in the main room in their apartment as usual. It was around 11 PM when Doojoon's phone rang. He was shocked to know that it was Dalbit's father who called him. He did give Dalbit's parents his number in case they needed something.
With hoarse voice, he told Doojoon that Yoseob refused to return now even though it's almost midnight. Knowing that something was definitely wrong because Yoseob didn't pick his phone, Doojoon with doubt asked about Dalbit's condition.
They were at hospital, he said to Doojoon. Yoseob brought her in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably with the unconscious Dalbit. As her mother started to cry, they drove to the hospital.
Doojoon wanted to ask about her condition but he knew, even if he didn't want to admit it, that her father won't be crying if it's not the worst.
Dalbit has gone.
Yoseob is standing close to the coffin, staring at the body without the soul. He looks like a walking dead with his pale face, not as pale as Dalbit though. He refused to eat anything since last night.
He can't believe that he didn't realize that her condition was at the worst last night. He keeps blaming himself, that he shouldn't have asked her to go out with her with her current state. She could live longer.
"Yoseob, come on," Gikwang taps his shoulder lightly as the crowd has left the church. He doesn't how to cheer him up; Yoseob just lost the one he loves. Not the one he can ever take back again.
Yoseob doesn't move. He looks as the staff from cemetery closes her coffin, covering Yoseob from looking at her face. He wants to scream, stopping them from separating them farther, but he knows that it's useless.
"Yoseob," Aunt Hori approaches the young boy, wiping away her tears. Yoseob looks at her with sad eyes. "I'm sure Dalbit doesn't want to see you like this. She wants you to be happy, remember?"
Gikwang exchanges looks with Doojoon but they don't say a word. Yoseob sighs heavily, feeling that he is the one to blame for everything. He even needed the others to force him to change his clothes into a black suit for the funeral since he didn't want to believe that Dalbit has left them, that she has left Yoseob.
"Come on, you still haven't open the present she gave to you," Junhyung clears his throat awkwardly, remembering that he found a scrapbook with ribbon on it. "You need to open it."
Yoseob blinks twice because of Junhyung's words. While the coffin is brought out from the church and Dalbit's parents excuse themselves to watch over the burial, Yoseob opens the scrapbook that he put on top of his clothes, the one he left on the chair in the front row seats in church.
His groupmates only stand there, looking at him. They don't sure about what they can do but Yoseob gives a sign for them to come closer so they can take a look at the scrapbook together.
As much as he is grieving over Dalbit, he still cares about his own groupmates since they are his family. They even begged their manager to cancel all their schedules for today so Yoseob can calm down. He knows that they really care about him.
Yoseob opens the scrapbook slowly, revealing page by page with a picture that Dalbit took on each page. She wrote a little note next to the picture; Yoseob recognizes her handwriting.
The first page is the picture of a full moon. It's the first picture she took with her polaroid camera around last year.
"The moon is beautiful. I wish I can take a picture of the sun."
Yoseob flips the page one by one, smiling with each picture he sees: picture of crowd, picture of herself, picture of her parents, picture of fireworks, picture of dog, picture of the sea.
He stops at a page where there is a picture of her own house. It's taken on the night where BEAST just arrived at the house.
"BEAST is in my house! My mother loves me so much that she invited them here. I hope I can be friends with them!"
Then there is a picture of them playing at the sea; they don't remember she took this candid picture. But they looked really happy in the picture.
"BEAST is really adorable. I'm proud to be their fan. I hope they will keep smiling happily like in this picture."
He find a page with their picture together, the one they took on Junhyung's birthday. Dalbit put it in the scrapbook, knowing that she can't keep it forever.
"Junhyung Oppa's birthday. I wish I can celebrate each of their birthdays. I really treasure this picture. Thank you, BEAST."
The next page is a picture of Yoseob, playing with his phone. This one is a candid as well.
"I fall in love with Yoseob Oppa. But I can't wish for him to love me back. I'm not going to live longer than him."
Yoseob flips over the page to find the picture of the Christmas tree in the town square. It's taken during the Christmas day.
"Yoseob Oppa told me that I'm beautiful yesterday. God, why are You being so good to me? To make me feel a sincere love from him. I should be so lucky, right?"
The next page is the picture of BEAST together with her on the New Year's Eve. It's taken before Dalbit told them about her disease.
"The last new year I can celebrate. I hope BEAST will shine brighter, as bright as the sun. And I hope Yoseob Oppa will be good without me."
Yoseob prevents his tears to fall down. He flips and he reaches the last page with a picture of the scrapbook. It's a picture of the sunrise painting she hasn't done yet when BEAST visited her.
"My time is running out. Even writing this page is difficult. I hope I can see the sunrise for real.
Today is Yoseob Oppa's birthday. I wish him all the best in his life. Bless him, God."
On the next page, they can read her handwriting. Her last message for BEAST and Yoseob of course.
"The last time I cried is when I was ten years old, when I discovered the fact about my disease. I decided that I shouldn't cry anymore because crying couldn't change anything.
Instead I tell myself to smile. Not a fake smile but a sincere smile.
Because if I cry, then who will smile for me?
If I smile, my parents will smile, the others will smile. And I love to see them smile. I want them to smile when I leave the world as well.
God, thanks for letting me met BEAST. It's a short meeting but they are irreplaceable. I pray from my heart that they will always remember that I will always be their fan, no matter what happen.
As for Yoseob Oppa, I'm sorry I can't finish the lyrics I said I wanted to write for you. But I managed to think some words for you. You will find it behind this page.
Yoseob Oppa, thank you for becoming my sun.
I love you.
I love BEAST.
Always a B2UTY till the end.
Dae Dalbit"
Yoseob wipes his tears away so they won't fall on the pages. Doojoon is looking at the ceiling, stopping his tears to roll down on his cheeks. The others are wiping their tears in silence.
Dalbit was a really strong girl. She fought her disease yet kept thanking God that she could live even for short times. While she said that BEAST had been her biggest treasure, BEAST know for sure that she leaves forever memories in their hearts.
And there they are, the words Dalbit wrote for Yoseob.
"Despite knowing someday I won't be able to see you
I fell in love with you
The melody I'll never be able to sing again
That day I couldn't even say "goodbye" and I parted from you
Instead of saying 'I'm sorry', let me say 'thank you'."
At the corner of the page, there is a quote.
"A goodbye is never sad unless there is no more hello."
- Dae Dalbit (original name Dae Ilkwang)
Yoseob closes the scrapbook as he starts to cry again. He allows himself to be sad right now since he can't say hello anymore to her.
The girl who had been through her worst but managed to live on her short life with gratefulness.
After they stop crying, they walk out from the church to her tomb; the coffin has been buried. Yoseob stares at the name which is engraved on the tomb and he looks at the sun.
"Now the sun is shining on us," Yoseob murmurs. A smile forms on his lips; not a fake or forced smile, even thought it's a sad smile, it's a sincere one. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"
I will smile, Yoseob says to himself.
"We promise," Yoseob states, gaining the attention from the others, "we will be the brightest sun."
They smile as they repeat the promise in their mind, keeping it forever.
Yoseob looks at the sky.
"Thank you for becoming my sun, Dalbit."
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Note #7:
The words Dalbit wrote for Yoseob in the last page of the scrapbook is inspired by "Izayoi no Tsuki", a song by .w-inds.
__________
Note #7:
The words Dalbit wrote for Yoseob in the last page of the scrapbook is inspired by "Izayoi no Tsuki", a song by .w-inds.
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