taehyung just wants them to be okay, jungkook dosen't think they still can
tags: angst
word count: 7231
warning: many plot twists and (hopefully) a lot of angst
✄ ✄ ✄
Jungkook runs his fingers through his hair in mild frustration. He feels reluctant to step into the apartment.
Jungkook sighs and slips the key in, turning it like he had been doing for years and pushes the door open.
He's never liked being back at home. It reeks of memories and the guilt is eating him up inside. Jungkook has been spending nights at his office or at Namjoon's place but Taehyung had asked for him to come home just for today.
"I'm home." Jungkook calls out, on impulse. He's surprised it managed to come out of him but his tone is dreary.
Taehyung's mop of lilac hair pops out from the kitchen door, mustering a smile at Jungkook.
"How was your day?" Taehyung asks, just like he used to.
Taehyung dosen't want to keep watching for Jungkook's reaction, because he dosen't want to see the hostility.
Jungkook manages a small smile.
"Fine." The silence is suffocating and Taehyung smiles softly again.
"Dinner's almost ready you can eat first while i take a bath."
Jungkook never used to just say 'Fine'. He'd burst into a conversation about how this person was a and how this other person was totally banging the boss. But now it was nothing of the sort.
Just... 'Fine'.
Taehyung's heart clenches.
Jungkook has just finished removing his shoes and he looks up to see the mop of lilac hair disappearing behind the door frame and sighs.
Jungkook hangs up his coat and walks to their bedroom. Placing his suitcase on the desk, he slightly winces at the polaroids still hanging on the walls.
They're happy memories he wants to forget.
When Jungkook reaches the dining area, the table is set for two. There's the lavender scented candle he'd bought years ago.
Jungkook had always loved lavender. It was the reason why he had been so entranced with Taehyung at first.
They had met in their first year at university.
Jungkook majored in Medicine while Taehyung majored in Art.
Although they majored in completely different things, it didn't take too long for them to be acquainted, because Taehyung tended to be straightforward.
'Hi. I want to be your friend. Do you want to be mine?'
He'd said. Jungkook remembers smiling a little before nodding.
Taehyung had been a storm and Jungkook was just a drizzle.
It took one year for them to fall madly, blindly and stupidly in love.
It took one more year to move into an apartment together and to get engaged.
It took another year, after Jungkook managed to get a spot as head doctor in the hospital he was working at that Jungkook bought them their house.
And then 2 years until it came to this.
"You don't like what i cooked?" Taehyung asks, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Jungkook realises he had been staring at his plate for a while now. Looking at the spread on the table, he realises Taehyung had cooked all of his favourites.
"No. I was just thinking. Thanks." Jungkook says and begins eating.
Taehyung bites his lip at the lack of response.
Taehyung dosen't want to admit it. He dosen't want to admit that he knows that they aren't working out.
Taehyung turns and grabs whatever he first places his hands on and goes to take a shower.
Taehyung takes 30 minutes. Because he knows Jungkook wouldn't want them to eat together. Because he knows there'll be a confrontation soon.
Because he dosen't want to go through with it.
Jungkook keeps looking at the hallway while he eats. He can't help but notice that nothing about Taehyung's cooking has changed.
Taehyung used to be a disaster in the kitchen. Jungkook would push him out of the kitchen and cook on his own. But when Jungkook began complaining about missing home-cooked food, Taehyung spent one week at home and managed to master cooking altogether.
Their first meal had the exact same dishes.
Jungkook winces and bites his lip.
Jungkook dosen't know how to break it to Taehyung.
He knows Taehyung isn't stupid.
He knows Taehyung enough to know that he wouldn't accept it, either.
Jungkook keeps running scenarios of how to say it in his mind.
We aren't working out.
We should break up.
This isn't healthy for either of us.
Or just,
I'm sorry.
Jungkook feels the guilt eating at him more and more.
He knows he has to say it as soon as he can. He dosen't want Taehyung to suffer like this.
He tries to reason with himself sometimes. So that the guilt wouldn't eat him up alive.
We drifted apart.
Maybe.
I don't love you anymore.
Lies. Jungkook still loves Taehyung but not like he used to.
Jungkook decides he knows the easiest way out. He decides he dosen't know the reason behind the whole ordeal.
By the time Taehyung is out of the shower, the dining table is void of people, dishes covered by clingwrap.
Taehyung walks over, fingers tracing the table lightly.
There's a post-it on the table, empty dishes stacked on one side.
I'm sorry.
Is all it says, and Taehyung knows it's over.
Jungkook is running. He dosen't know where he's headed. He dosen't know when he'll stop.
Jungkook bitterly realises he dosen't know many things.
And then he finds himself at Namjoon's place.
I'm sorry.
It keeps flashing in his mind.
He's a coward.
He dosen't deserve Taehyung's love.
"Taehyung? Taehyung-ah. What's wrong?"
"I— Everything." Taehyung whispers into the line and cuts the line. Burying his face in his hands and biting his inner cheek.
He shouldn't have called Jimin. He hasn't talked to him in ages.
He didn't know what force compelled him to do it. His fingers were moving on their own when he did it.
"I'm okay. I'm okay." Taehyung whispers to himself as the wave of emotion builds up even more and he chokes on it before letting it all spill out.
He knows he isn't okay. He knows he can't handle it now. So Taehyung settles for,
"I'll be okay. I'll be okay."
Jungkook twists the ring on his necklace.
Jungkook had wanted to buy the flashy ring with their soundwaves of them saying 'I do' but Taehyung had insisted that they get the one with the heart engraved on the underside.
"So that even when i'm not with you physically, you know my heart is."
Some part of Jungkook hopes it isn't still true.
And another tries to tell him something he wouldn't listen to.
The next time Jungkook goes back home, its to get all his stuff.
Jungkook can't bring himself to see Taehyung.
Jungkook's been a mess.
He dosen't know why he's feeling so crushed.
He wanted this, right? This closure.
So why did it feel even worse than when they were on the bricks?
Jungkook dosen't say anything as he slips the key in and realises the door isn't locked.
Furrowing his eyebrows, Jungkook pushes the door open and steps in.
He didn't know what he'd expected when he realised the door was unlocked.
But when he notices the asleep Taehyung on the couch, he heaves a sigh of relief.
Jungkook notices the empty bottles of beer strewn over the floor.
Jungkook frowns.
Taehyung hates beer. He only drinks wine.
Jungkook puts his suitcase on the cleaned dining table and steps over to Taehyung's knocked out self.
Jungkook finds himself staring at the calm expression on Taehyung's face.
He watches as Taehyung's expression shifts. From a smile, to a frown, to a grimace.
Jungkook feels compelled to push away the lilac strands of hair blocking Taehyung's face and finds his fingers moving on their own.
His heart is racing. Terrified that Taehyung would wake up.
He hooks the strands behind Taehyung's ear carefully, watching the tear slip down his cheek and then his expression turning calm again.
Jungkook guesses it was his fault.
"I'm sorry. We aren't working out, you know that. I don't know... How to make us work. So i'm taking the easy way out." Jungkook whispers, feeling his breath hitch getting up, going to the room and throwing in whatever is his and leaves.
He's about to leave but his eyes land on Taehyung again as he writes another post-it. Placing on the dining table, he leaves and dosen't forget to lock the door behind him.
I came over to get my stuff. Take care
of yourself.
"You're stupid."
"Excuse me?"
"You're excused" Taehyung grins cheekily, hopping around Jungkook for a while.
Jungkook laughs light-heartedly at the childish act.
"Why am i classified as stupid, Mr. I-Don't-Know-Anything?"
"Because you couldn't tell."
"Couldn't tell what?"
"That i loved you since i laid my eyes on you."
Jungkook's cheeks flush. "How was i supposed to know?"
"I told you i loved you every single day after we got close." Taehyung deadpans staring straight at Jungkook.
"I thought you meant as friends!" Jungkook protests, crossing his arms.
"What type of friend says that?!"
"Really, really close friends?" Jungkook tries and watches as Taehyung pouts.
"I'm breaking up with you." Taehyung sulks and turns to walk away but Jungkook knows Taehyung wouldn't be able to be mad for long.
Jungkook reaches out and tugs on Taehyung's wrist, causing the other to turn back around.
"But we wouldn't be able to celebrate our 22nd day together. And then you wouldn't get to see my surprise for you. Do you really want to break up?" Jungkook teases and Taehyung perks up.
"You have a surprise for me? Really?" His eyes sparkle and Jungkook laughs.
"Yes i do. Now would you please stop using the same thing against me?" Jungkook whines and Taehyung just smiles evily.
"No."
Taehyung dosen't remember what he was dreaming about. He vaguely remembers the feeling of a soft feathery touch lingering on his face before it's gone.
He knows it was probably just his imagination but he can't but hope it was real. His head aches and he barely registers the feeling as a hangover.
He looks down onto the floor, confused.
Where there should be bottles strewn across the floor is empty. Void of any sign that he drank.
Taehyung stops and thinks for a while before coming to a conclusion that he did, in fact drink the terrible tasting beer but someone had cleaned it up.
Jungkook.
The name comes out like a whisper. Even in his head.
Taehyung doesn't know what to make of it, in all honesty.
Jungkook had come over last night.
I was crashed on the couch dead drunk.
Taehyung wants to crawl into a hole and die.
He's seen me at my weakest time and time again but he was always the one next to me helping me up.
Now i'm in pieces and he just walks by.
"I can't believe you did that!" Jungkook hisses and pulls Taehyung out of the university by the arm.
He's still in his lab coat and Taehyung is wearing a plain white shirt stained with paint.
Perfect.
Wait, no. Be angry.
"Why? Jungkookie..." Taehyung whines, pouting and crossing his arms.
Jungkook refuses to budge.
"You walked into my lesson, told the teacher that i had a family emergency and actually convinced her."
"Did you forget what day today is?" Taehyung sulks even more and looks to the ground.
Of course Jungkook didn't.
"It's our 22nd day." Taehyung says before Jungkook can answer.
"And that's a reason? We could go out after lessons!" Jungkook frowns again, exclaiming.
"But where's the fun in that?" He whines and Jungkook surprisingly dosen't give in.
"Kookieeeeee. I'm sorryyyyy. Forgive me? Please?" Taehyung whines for the umpteenth time that day and steps forward to wrap his arms around Jungkook's waist, burying his face in Jungkook's coat.
.
Jungkook hears some laughter from behind them and the words, 'He's so cute, just forgive him already.' clearly.
Jungkook's cheeks flush.
"Fine." Jungkook grumbles and Taehyung's face bursts into a glorious smile.
"So what did you plan?" He cheekily interlaces their fingers and steers them away.
"But wait! My bag!" Jungkook turns to get it but Taehyung tugs his hand lightly.
"All settled." And then there's that cheeky grin again as he points to the bench outside the school building.
"What— How?"
Jungkook's bag is perched there.
"I asked Hoseok to put toss it out." Taehyung smiles his rectangle smile and Jungkook dosen't know whether to smile at the expression on Taehyung's face or to yell at him for plotting to toss his bag out the window.
He chooses the former.
Jungkook smiles back and they grab it and Taehyung leads the way as they run.
Jungkook looks down at their interlaced fingers and the glorious smile and decides.
He'll go anywhere if it's with this boy.
Jungkook didn't know what had come over him when he steps into the club that day.
16 days.
16 days since it happened.
He wanted to forget. All the memories were coming back to him and he just wanted to forget.
Jungkook trudges over to the bar counter and sits down staring at the countertop for a whole 5 minutes.
He's wondering why he came to this bar, of all places.
"Jungkookie. Have you ever been to a bar?"
"Of course i have."
Taehyung pouts. "But i haven't. Which did you go to?"
Taehyung's eyes light up in pure curiousty and even though Jungkook dosen't want to say it, he does.
"Its a small one downtown, called Paradise." Jungkook says and Taehyung thinks for a while.
"Can we go next time?"
"No!" Jungkook all but yells as Taehyung falls over laughing.
"You should've seen your face! Oh my gosh!"
Jungkook knocks his head on the countertop repeatedly, hoping it would somehow throw the thoughts of Taehyung away.
"What can i get you?" The bartender asks, wiping the counter as he flashes Jungkook a small smile.
"Anything to make me forget." Jungkook whispers and the bartender gives an understanding hum.
Jungkook nods and his drink is served.
"Your drinks are on me tonight. You look like you need it" The bartneder says and Jungkook knocks it back, feeling the burn down his throat and Jungkook feels relieved.
Jungkook finds himself knocking drinks back and blabbering some incoherent nonsense to the bartender.
"I'm Taehyung— Wait no. I'm Jungkook. ." He drawls and the bartender smiles.
"I know. But i'm getting confused. So are you Taehyung or Jungkook?"
"I," Jungkook says, pointing to himself.
"Am Jungkook. Jungkook," He gestures to himself again, leaning forward.
"Is Taehyung's." Jungkook whispers, sounding broken and the bartender takes his glass off the counter.
"And you're drunk. Do you have a ride home?" The bartender asks, wiping his hands, eyebrows furrowed in worry.
"No. Taehyung would kill me for coming drinking." He drawls again and the bartender sighs.
"I'm bringing you back. Where do you live?"
Jungkook dosen't know how but somehow, he's back in Namjoon's apartment. Crashed on the couch.
"He was getting dead drunk. I brought him back here before he could do anything stupid."
"Seokjin, right?" Namjoon asks, running a hand through his own messy blonde hair.
"Yeah. By the way... Who's Jungkook?" Seokjin asks and Namjoon stiffens before sighing.
"Jungkook and Taehyung... They were engaged. Were. Even i don't know why but Jungkook left him and now, he is in pieces." Namjoon explains and finds himself staring at Seokjin's profile.
"Why did he leave him? He seems to still love him a lot." Seokjin mutters, looking over to Jungkook's crashed self on the couch.
"I don't think he knows it but he still loves the boy to bits."
Taehyung gasps and runs toward the huge department store, eyes shining.
Jungkook has his hands shoved in his pockets and is literally freezing.
He has no idea how Taehyung manages to still leap around in such energy despite the temperature.
"Ar— Aren't you— C—Cold?" He yells and Taehyung spins around.
"Nope. Why?"
Jungkook walks next to Taehyung, rubbing his hands when Taehyung grabs his hand and wraps his fingers around it, putting their hands in his coat pocket.
"Yah. Why are you so warm?" Jungkook hisses, staring at the ice covered ground.
"Why? Are you really cold?" Taehyung grins and Jungkook warms up. Just a little bit.
"Yes."
"Then let's head back to the hotel." Taehyung whirls around and pulls Jungkook along.
"What? Didn't you want to play in the snow?"
"I did, but i found something much better to do at the hotel!" Taehyung exclaims and Jungkook's cheeks flush, weird thoughts running through his head.
"What is it?" He mumbles and Taehyung beams.
"Cuddling, of course."
Taehyung is one hundred percent sure he's sobered up when he calls Jimin.
Or at least he hopes he is.
Ever since Taehyung's broken call to Jimin, the small-eyed boy had been all over his case.
'Taehyung, talk to me. What happened?'
'Tae... Are you alright?'
'Taehyung, open the door.'
'Please.'
Taehyung hears two rings before a frantic voice from the other line answering.
"Tae! What's going on with you? Why isn't Jungkook there with you?"
Taehyung replies with silence.
"... It's Jungkook, isn't it? What did he do? It can't be too bad, Taehyung-ah. He loves you too much."
"That's the problem." Taehyung whispers.
"He dosen't anymore." Taehyung can't believe the words are leaving his lips.
Jimin dosen't say anything for a while.
"I'm coming over. Don't leave. Open the door, okay Tae?" Jimin tries soothingly and Taehyung nods even though Jimin can't see it.
He dosen't anymore.
He dosen't love me anymore.
By the time Taehyung has that drilled into his head, the doorbell rings and he gets up to answer it.
Jimin's panting as he grips onto the door frame.
"Jesus. Tae, you look like a mess." He heaves and Taehyung nods blankly.
"I am."
Jimin steps in and holds Taehyung by the shoulders.
"Tell me honestly. Are. You. Okay?"
Taehyung takes some time to think about that.
I am. He wants to say.
"No." He croaks out instead and is surprised at how his voice sounds.
Jimin pulls Taehyung into a hug and everything he's been bottling up for the past few days let go.
Taehyung's tears flow freely and he feels so suffocated he can't breathe.
"Jimin. W—What do i do?" He sobs and Jimin's heart aches at the broken boy in his arms.
"H—He dosen't— dosen't love me anymore."
Jimin dosen't say anything and Taehyung can't be any more grateful for the silence.
Taehyung can't hear anything but the steady breathing of Jimin and the choked sobs escaping his own lips.
He can't hear his heart pounding anymore. He won't be able to feel his heart speed up whenever he sees Jungkook.
And in that moment, Taehyung wishes his heart didn't have to beat while Jungkook isn't his.
"Taehyung-ah. I did it." Jungkook announces from behind and Taehyung furrows his brows.
"Did what?"
"I bought us a house." Jungkook says excitedly and Taehyung's expression is blank as he turns to Jungkook.
"Say that again, i don't think i heard you right." Taehyung asks, completely confused.
"I. Bought. Us. A. House." Jungkook says word by word and his beam is glorious as Taehyung begins to sink it in.
"You. Did. What?!" Taehyung yells, arms flailing like a fish out of water.
"I. Bought. Us. A. House!" Jungkook yells excitedly and Taehyung shakes his head quickly.
"I. Know. But. Why?!"
"Because. I. Want. To. Why. Are. We. Talking. Like. This?" Jungkook yells and he's attacked by a happy Taehyung.
Taehyung leaps at him and they hug on the floor for a while.
"I love you." Taehyung says with so much passion in his eyes, Jungkook's heart swells.
"I know. And i love you too." Jungkook says and his eyes find Taehyung's.
Taehyung's eyes are small and his mouth is fixed into that beautiful rectangle smile, just like he does whenever he's happy.
Perfect.
"I hope that never changes." Taehyung deadpans as Jungkook rolls his eyes.
"It won't."
Jungkook spends the week working and working and working. Taking 12-hour shifts, sleeping in the hospital, at Namjoon's place.
It's the only way he can get his mind straight, but every now and then thoughts of Taehyung still seep through his head.
He was just finished with his 6th 12-hour of the week and was lying on his makeshift bed at the hospital when his phone rings.
Jungkook dosen't want to bother but something in him tells him to go get it. So he does.
Taehyungie <3
Jungkook realises he never got around to changing it and his fingers answer the call on their own.
"Hello?" He starts softly.
"Jungkookie..." Jungkook hears the all-too familiar voice slurring.
"Ta— Have you been drinking?"
"No. Maybe. Probably. I don't know." Theres a hiccup after that and Jungkook is sure Taehyung is drunk.
"Where are you?"
"Home? I think. It looks like it. Jungkookiee, i miss you." Taehyung slurs again and Jungkook feels his heart clench.
Jungkook dosen't reply but Taehyung rambles on anyway.
"I miss you. I miss you so damn much it hurts. It hurts so bad right now Jungkook-ah." Jungkook bites his bottom lip to prevent himself from blurting out anything.
"I thought you loved me." Taehyung whispers and Jungkook sits up, unable to speak.
"I still love you. I don't know why. I don't want to but i just do. Why is it so hard to stop?" Taehyung barely holds in a sob.
"It hurts so bad now, Jungkook-ah. B— But i'm going to stop. I'm going to stop hurting. I'm going to stop loving you. I'll do it. I'll try. The least you could do... Would be to forget me too. Goodbye, Jungkook." Taehyung says and Jungkook is about to speak but the line is cut and he only hears the long monotonous tone.
"I'm sorry." He chokes out, realising he was crying.
Jungkook also realises he dosen't want Taehyung to get over him.
And that he won't be able to forget Taehyung.
Jungkook thinks he still loves Taehyung. It was just deep somewhere and he was too stupid to find it again.
Jungkook picks up the phone and dials Taehyung's number over and over again but can't get through.
And that was when he realised he was too late.
Much too late.
"Tae. Are you sure about this?" Jimin asks for the thousandth time in the week.
"Yeah." Taehyung says, biting his lower lip as he pulls the luggage along.
"But... America? Really? Why not somewhere nearer?" Jimin asks and Taehyung smiles softly.
"The further away i am, the better." He says quietly and Jimin dosen't say a thing.
"I'll miss you." Jimin whispers and Taehyung pouts.
"It's only a year. Don't make this any harder for me!" Taehyung chides as he stands by the entrance to the departure station.
"Okay, okay. Keep in touch, you hear me?" Jimin bites his bottom lip, feeling his eyes well up.
"I will." Taehyung seems hesitant but he drops his luggage and turns to hug Jimin tightly.
"I'll miss you too." And Taehyung picks up his luggage to leave.
Taehyung passes the immigration and turns to wave one last goodbye to Jimin and he turns.
Taehyung dosen't turn back a second time to see a heaving Jungkook by the gantry, yelling and begging the guards to let him through.
He dosen't turn to see the desperate tears slipping down Jungkook's sunken cheeks.
He dosen't turn to see Jimin throwing a punch to Jungkook's jaw.
He dosen't see enough for his own good.
One year drags to two. And then two drags to three.
Taehyung won't say it but he isn't over Jungkook at all.
"Taehyung-ah. I'm serious. You need to come back." Jimin chides at Taehyung and he suppresses an eye roll.
"Okay, okay. I will." Taehyung replies, looking up on his blank canvas.
"That's what you said the last 26 times i've called. Kim Taehyung."
Taehyung sighs and thumps his head against the canvas.
"I... I can't go back, Jimin-ah. What if i see him again?" Taehyung mutters and Jimin sighs.
"You haven't gotten over him yet?" Jimin asks worriedly and Taehyung can imagine him sitting up in concern.
"And you haven't gone to sleep yet. It's 2am in Korea."
"Avoiding the question..."
"Fine. I'll come home. I promise this time." Taehyung finds himself saying and Jimin heaves a sigh of relief.
"You'd better."
Taehyung is dragging his luggage bag through the arrival hall when he hears the loud high-pitched scream.
"Tae—ing—hyung!" Jimin screeches, enticing disapproving stares from others but Jimin couldn't care less.
Taehyung was back after 3 years.
The .
Jimin hurls himself onto Taehyung and hooks his legs around Taehyung's waist.
"You you said one year! It's been three!" He screeches and Taehyung laughs.
"Careful there. I might get jealous." An unfamiliar voice says and Jimin looks up from Taehyung's chest, brows furrowed.
"And who might you be?" He challenges.
"Jung Hoseok, Taehyung's boyfriend."
Jimin chokes and slips off the boy and onto the ground.
Jimin looks at Taehyung accusingly.
"Liar. Taehyung would've told me." He argues and crosses his arms, making Hoseok laugh.
"Uh... Introductions first! Jimin, this is Hoseok, also known as J-Hope. And he's my... Boyfriend." The word comes out weird off Taehyung's tongue.
"Well... Hello." Jimin still dosen't look convinced.
"Hello to you too." Hoseok sounds extremely amused at Jimin's stubborness before he leans close to Taehyung's ear to whisper something.
Taehyung immediately recoils away when Hoseok gets close.
Taehyung knows he's caught when Jimin raises a brow at them but pretends he dosen't.
Taehyung awkwardly puts his arm around Hoseok. "Let's go."
Jimin dosen't miss the way Taehyung's arm drops off immediately once he thinks Jimin isn't looking.
Taehyung freezes when he's on the pavement in front of their— Jungkook's house.
'Go get the rest of your stuff.'
'You have to face it sooner of later. You can't keep running.'
Jimin is an absolute .
Taehyung reaches into his pocket on instinct when he reaches the door.
He remembers throwing his key into the Hangang river before leaving.
He remembers vowing never to go back while crying.
Taehyung wants to run.
The door is flung open and Taehyung sees a mess of black hair.
Taehyung almost squeaks.
The black-haired boy's eyes look... Dead. His frame is stick-thin and he dosen't look the slightest bit healthy.
Taehyung almost dosen't recognise him.
"T—Tae?" The boy asks, his voice cracking and his eyes going wide.
Jungkook.
"It's Taehyung. May i come in, Jungkook-ssi? I left some stuff back here and i'm here to take them back." Taehyung says stiffly and Jungkook's eyes turn dead again as he visibly deflates.
"T... Take them back?"
"Yes."
Taehyung can't do this. He just can't.
"S— Sure. Come in... The place is... In quite a bad shape." Jungkook croaks out again and Taehyung has to clench his fists until his knuckles turn white.
Jungkook wasn't kidding.
Bottles of beer strewn here and there, dirty dishes in the sink. Jungkook's doctor's coat on the ground.
It looked like a tornado swooped in.
Taehyung walks towards the room and pushes open the door to their— Jungkook's room.
He almost breaks down.
The pictures are still hanging by the walls. And the bedside table is their engagement ring.
He kept it.
Taehyung bites his bottom lip and opens the wardrobe. All his clothes were right where he left them.
Taehyung stays frozen for a while before he recovers.
This isn't my place anymore, get a hold of yourself.
Jungkook can't stand it.
He can't stand Taehyung being so close yet so far.
Taehyung left for what felt like eternity and now he was back.
Jungkook didn't know what possesed him when he saw Taehyung biting his bottom lip when he opened the wardrobe.
Maybe i still have a chance.
His body moved on its own, quite a feat considering how dead drunk he had been.
His arms wrapped themselves around Taehyung's waist and the first thing he thinks is,
He's lost weight.
Taehyung freezes against Jungkook and the younger only grips tighter.
"I—" Jungkook begins but he feels Taehyung's hands pulling his arms away.
Jungkook's heart aches with every inch.
"Jungkook-ssi. I'm just here to get my stuff and i will be out of your place in a minute. Don't make this any more difficult." Taehyung says in complete formality and Jungkook feels the sting at his eyes.
No.
"Don't leave." Jungkook whispers, eyes dropping to the ground.
Taehyung grabs whatever his hands find and shoves it into the backpack.
"Please."
Jungkook's hand is reaching out but Taehyung whirls around, his eyes damp.
"What do you want from me?!" He screams and grabs Jungkook by the shoulders.
"I gave you everything. Everything. You had had enough of me and our years together dissipated into nothing. I kept on giving and giving and never once complained. When you pushed me away, i left. I'm following orders, right?! So why are you pulling me back now?!"
Jungkook dosen't have a reply.
"You. Broke. Me. But that's okay, because it let me meet him. I didn't intend to make my personal matters be known to you but i thought i should."
Jungkook's eyes trail up from the ground back to Taehyung's gaze.
Him..?
"I have a boyfriend." The words flow out of Taehyung's mouth and he dosen't realise his tears are falling.
Jungkook can't hear a thing. His heart is pounding in his ears and he wishes this was just a nightmare.
"A what?" His voice dosen't sound like his own.
"I have a boyfriend and i'm happy with him. So please. Don't make this any more difficult." Taehyung almost pleads and he's at the door.
"But you said you'd never love anyone but me." Jungkook whispers from behind, sounding every bit as shattered as he was.
"And you said you'd never stop loving me." Was the reply and Taehyung shut the door behind him. Leaving a frozen Jungkook in the hallway.
Jungkook had never hated himself any more.
Taehyung had slipped through his fingers one too many times and he had no right to win him back.
Jungkook had lost before the fight even began.
Taehyung collapses in a heap once he's through Jimin's door.
"Taehyung!" He barely hears the yell and he's hauled up.
"Are you okay? What happened?" Hoseok asks and Taehyung dosen't reply.
"He— He told me not to leave." Taehyung whispers and Jimin's eyes soften.
Jimin looks away.
"So how did you deal with it?"
"I... I yelled. I threw every bitter thought back at him and left." Taehyung whispers.
Jimin dosen't say a thing.
Taehyung is biting his lip and he dosen't try to move up from his position on the ground.
Hoseok whistles lowly as Jimin struggles to put whatever he's thinking into words.
"Jungkook... He— When Taehyung passed immigration. Jungkook came running. I don't know who told him about Tae's flight. Jungkook was heaving and crying, screaming at the guards to let him get to Tae. Taehyung didn't hear him and i grabbed the er and punched his sorry face." Jimin admits and Taehyung looks up, eyes still watering.
What?
"From what i know, he's been a mess these three years. He was dismissed from the hospital and dosen't leave his house. I think... I think he truly regrets it, Tae."
Jimin whispers the last part and Taehyung is frozen.
"I guess my job here is done." Hoseok says and Taehyung's head snaps up, panicked.
"No! Wai—"
"Job?" Jimin questions, raising a brow and Taehyung gulps.
"Er... You see..."
"I am— was, Taehyung's pretend boyfriend for this visit." Hoseok admits and Taehyung looks scandalised.
"Hoseok! What the heck?!"
Jimin smiles knowingly and then pulls Taehyung off the ground.
"Go get him, Taehyung-ah." Hoseok pats Taehyung on the back and turns to leave.
"Wait! But where are you gonna go?" Jimin asks when Hoseok reaches the door.
"Home. I have a girlfriend waiting."
Oh.
Taehyung looks sheepish when Jimin turns back to him.
"I'm not going to say anything except for you to think it through. I'm serious, Tae."
Taehyung lies on his back on Jimin's couch and stares up at the ceiling.
It's 2:04am and the tiredness just can't pull Taehyung in.
He thinks, and thinks and thinks.
And soon enough, his thoughts take over his entire being.
Jungkook.
Taehyung grips his blanket as the image of Jungkook's broken expression flashes on and off in his mind.
He almost feels guilty.
Taehyung's mind tells him not to forgive him. To not get up and run to his door. To not throw himself in Jungkook's arms again. To not give himself another chance to get hurt.
But his stupid heart kept urging him to move. To go back and give it— them, another chance. Another chance to make amends. To watch Jungkook go through everything to win him back.
A part of him wants to see it happen.
Taehyung spends the hour pondering and pondering until his eyelids feel heavy and he can no longer keep them open.
Taehyung decides to not open up an outlet for more hurt. He decides to follow his mind.
It's the right choice.
He tells himself and yet, when he finally falls asleep. The thought didn't stick well with him.
"—and I'd never stop loving you." Taehyung drags, strumming the last chord on his guitar.
Taehyung had gone all the way to lead Jungkook on a wild goose chase.
Left lavender on Jungkook's doorstep with a card attached to it, and of course Jungkook would follow the message that was typed out and printed on a piece of paper.
Taehyung also left a question that he painstakingly researched on to get the boy guessing his way to the next location.
He knew it was an easy question, that Jungkook would scoff and carry on using the clue.
He even made Jungkook run a full circle before he realised that the bright purple envelope was right above the small signboard.
Finally when Jungkook reached him, Taehyung was dressed in a blue dress shirt with a black vest and fitted slacks, guitar idly on his lap.
All his previous frustration and tiredness seeped away at the pleasantly shocked expression that came over his expression.
Taehyung serenaded Jungkook with his favourite love songs.
After the first one, he stared back at Jungkook. Hoping he'd get a hint.
When he didn't Taehyung would just shrug and go on to the next one.
There had already been a crowd gathering but Jungkook had remained frozen.
By the time Jungkook had come to an understanding, Taehyung was already ready to play all the 6 billion love songs until Jungkook officially accepts him as his boyfriend.
"I still can't believe it took you so long to get that I have been wooing you. I even got you chicken nuggets!"
Jungkook's cheeks were blotched pink and the tip of his ears tinted red. "I didn't know! I— I thought you meant it as a friend!"
"That's the excuse you're gonna use for the rest of your life."
"The rest of my life?"
"Yes. Because we'll last till then."
Taehyung says sweetly and Jungkook takes a second to recover.
Taehyung can't help but marvel at the younger's beauty. His hair all jelled up and the pants fit him like a second skin, leaving nothing to imagination
Jungkook still remembers clearly what had happened next after Taehyung stopped teasing his obliviousness to his advances.
Jungkook feels the tear slip down his cheek.
Taehyung had laid a blanket on the grass and popped champagne to commemorate his success of finally bringing the stupid clueless boy to his senses.
It fet like eternity when they finally kissed. Slow and passionate.
Pouring all those feelings bottled up for years for the sake of their friendship. Intertwined their fingers and marvelled on how they fit perfectly like they were the missing halfs of each other.
Holding Jungkook's hand felt different.
It felt like his hand fit in Taehyung's like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
When their lips met was a whole new feeling all together.
The feeling never did get old. It never did lose its magic.
So why did he think he'd lost his love for Taehyung years ago when it was sitting right there in front of him?
Jungkook feels the nostalgia building up again.
He had chosen to run away from the confrontation.
Jungkook drags a hand down his hair. It has gotten longer and matted for his long term neglect of a proper shower after he gathered up his courage to fix their broken engagement and watched as his other half disappeared into the distance behind those damned barricades.
Jungkook still yearns to hold the lithe body and guide the large hands through cooking.
Then, something hit him.
Hit him so hard he felt stupid for not thinking of it earlier.
He could try again.
He could deliver flowers to Taehyung's— Or in this case Jimin's, doorstep and cakes with hidden messages.
He could dig out his record player. He could look through his LP collection and pull out an album that speaks his love to Taehyung.
He could serenade him with all the love songs he had ever known.
He could win him back and finally let Taehyung get all the love he deserved.
It was a slim chance but he was willing to try anything.
Taehyung was distracted by the doorbell ringing. Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Jimin wasn't supposed to be home early.
Taehyung decided to just answer the door. However, no one was behind the door when he opened it.
Taehyung looks around in confusion to realise that there is box and a bouquet of flowers on the doorstep.
Taehyung frowns again and bends down to pick the stuff up but a card flutters down.
For Taehyungie
It reads, and Taehyung has no idea what to make of it.
After he's shut the door and secured the lock, Taehyung ripped the box open in haste to find—
A cake.
Jungkook.
Taehyung wanted to break down.
Was it just to mess with his feelings?
For some reason, Taehyung couldn't convince himself of the worst this time.
Later then, his phone vibrated with a message sent to him. Taehyung unlocks his phone to see a message from an unknown number.
Taehyung didn't need a contact name to it to recognise the number he knew by heart, even though he'd deleted it.
He opens the message and a series of photos they took together flooding the conversation.
Even the photo where they went on an ice cream date and ended up getting kicked out of the diner is there.
Taehyung had never known it was taken.
At the end of the conversation is one message. Just one.
It really only takes one for Taehyung to make up his mind.
"Can i have another chance?"
Yes.
Always.
Jungkook bites his bottom lip in nervousness. It feels like a first date all over again.
It might as well have been. Jungkook hadn't lived until he met Taehyung. He hadn't lived after Taehyung left.
Frankly speaking, he hasn't, dosen't and won't live without Taehyung.
After he'd poured his heart out through pictures he found in his dropbox, he'd gotten just short replies from the love of his love but he couldn't help but feel alive again.
Okay.
Can we meet? At 5 in the cafe where we had our first date at? Do you remember?
Okay.
Just as Jungkook was about to tell him where it was, because he couldn't blame Taehyung for not wanting to remember that, another reply came.
How could i forget?
And Jungkook knows this is his one and only second chance and he isn't going to screw it up.
Taehyung is smiling and he knows it. Jimin keeps shooting him knowing glances, because damn that boy's gotten sharper over the years.
Taehyung finds himself getting ready hours before the meeting.
He can't decide what to wear because he hasn't bought anything new except suits.
Taehyung eventually settles for the outfit he'd first worn to their date.
It wasn't difficult to remember. The outfit had become his favourite after Jungkook had complimentated it shyly.
Some part of Taehyung's heart decides to start pumping faster at the thought of Jungkook again and he feels like they've just started.
He'd start all over again a hundred times if it was for Jungkook.
4:26
Taehyung is sitting on the seat at the cafe quietly, sipping on his hot cocoa. It was cold outside, about to rain and he keeps glancing at the clock.
4:37
Sure enough, it begins pouring and Taehyung can't help but hope Jungkook reaches unscathed.
Taehyung realises his drink is empty and he stands up to get another one.
4:42
Taehyung keeps waiting.
5:00
Taehyung knows something is wrong. That something is happening and he isn't there to try to stop it. He just hopes it dosen't concern Jungkook.
5:05
Taehyung's phone rings and he picks it up after the first ring, and then hoping he didn't.
5:28
Taehyung vaguely remembers feeling cold. The cold rain beating against him as he ran with all his strength left.
He reaches the hospital and runs straight for the ER.
No. No. No. No.
He hears his own voice chanting in his head.
5:31
He reaches the room right when he begins hearing the long dull tone and the doctor shakes his head.
5:32
Taehyung's world comes back crashing down.
5:33
Taehyung can't think straight. He's pushing past the nurses to collapse next to the ward bed.
5:34
Taehyung has so many things he wants to tell Jungkook but he can't find his voice.
5:38
Taehyung wishes he were being wheeled out along with Jungkook's cold body.
5:46
It seems like the only thing constant around Taehyung is time.
Jungkook can't stay to be a constant anymore.
The tear streaks on Taehyung's face are dried and he wonders why its so quiet.
And then Taehyung hears thundering footsteps drawing closer and a hand reaching out to pull Taehyung into a bone-crushing hug.
Taehyung manages to peel his eyes away from the ground to meet Jimin's concerned, teary eyes.
"Tae." He begins and Taehyung looks back down.
"Don't call me that." He whispers quietly.
"Tae!" Jimin calls again and Taehyung pushes Jimin away.
"That's what he used to call me." Comes the next broken whisper and Jimin is shaking him by the shoulders.
"Are you okay?" He asks, softer this time. Jimin knows its a stupid question but asks it anyway.
Taehyung takes a second and says, "No."
1:35
Taehyung is curled up on Jungkook's bed.
It used to be theirs.
He inhales Jungkook scent and realises that the pillow is wet.
He briefly wonders if it was raining but then quickly realises he's indoors and that he's actually crying.
1:40
Taehyung realises he'll never be okay if Jungkook isn't with him.
Taehyung realises he misses Jungkook a lot.
Taehyung realises he still loves Jungkook to bits.
He realises a lot of things at 1:04am.
This biggest and worst realisation is that Taehyung can't have Jungkook back.
A/N: i'm sorry
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