I arrived at her parents’ place at the exact time she told me to come. I knocked on the front door before putting my hand back in my left pocket since the weather had started getting much colder these past few days and being at the seaside didn’t help. As I waited for her to let me in, I started focusing on the puff of steam coming out of my mouth each time I exhaled. For a second I got lost watching the little cloud of steam float away in the cold winter air.
            I was brought back to my senses as the door in front of me opened, revealing my longest and dearest friend, Jin.
            It only took one quick glance at her for me to know how hard this must be for her. But at the same time, I could read a strong determination in her eyes. As our eyes met, I smiled at her and she returned it, as best as she could.

            “Thank you for doing this.” She said, her voice somewhat, distant. She then turned around and started walking deeper inside her house.
             I knew I had to follow her so I did. Staring at her back, I studied her body language. You couldn’t miss how tense her shoulders were, nor could you miss how she was walking with her hands held in tight fists. She led the way until she reached a closed door. I stopped next to her and took her hand in mine so that she knew I was going to be here for her through all of it. Jin squeezed my hand back but didn’t look at me. She was staring straight at the door before her. After a few seconds she took a deep breath, then let go of my hand to put it on the door’s handle.
            When the door was pushed open, my heart dropped. Here I stood in the doorway of my other best friend, which also happened to be Jin’s twin brother. I stepped into the room in a daze. Everything was the same. Nothing had changed. It was as if Shin was still here, that any second now I would see him barge in, hug his sister and come to give me a pat on the back. But I knew that none of that would ever happen again. It would stay a fantasy forever from now on.
            Suddenly I was brought out of my thoughts by a loud sob. I looked up to see Jin still standing in the doorway of her deceased brother, her body shaking with strong spams. She had her hands covering and I could see her eyes watering at a crazy speed.

            “Jin…” I wanted to give her reassuring words but she cut me off.

            “I can’t… I can’t do it Yongguk. Too hard…” she gasped while looking in my eyes. I was taken aback by what I got to read in her eyes. It was pure terror mixed with the most astonishing hurt. I couldn’t even start to understand how devastating this was for her, I could only imagine. I tried to imagine how I would feel if I was told Yongnam was deadly sick. How I would react if he was taken away from me without a chance for me to save him. Just the thought of it terrified me. I tried to reach to her but she flinched and started walking backwards.

            “I can’t…this is mistake…I-I need to…” she was mumbling as her body shook harder by the second. I got really scared, I thought she was going into shock. I stepped once more towards her before she ran away. I immediately ran after her, afraid something would happen to her. I ran down the stairs and outside the house, to see her running away from her home and towards the beach. I shouted her name but she either didn’t hear or just didn’t want to stop running.
            She always was the fastest one of us so she got there much quicker than I did. I finally reached the beach, totally out of breath. I crunched down with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. I straightened up when I started to hear someone shouting. It was quite windy and the noise of the waves crashing onto the sand prevented me from hearing clearly. I spotted Jin at the far end of the beach, her feet in the water, making me sprint to reach her. As I got to her she was a total mess.

            “Give him back!! I want my brother back you hear me!!” Jin was shouting at the top of her lungs, her voice breaking as she was straining her vocal cords. Her tears were starting to freeze on her cheeks because of the wind and temperature. “Shin!! Come back now! It’s not funny anymore! Shin!!” she kept moving further into the icily cold water which helped me snap out of it and actually go help my friend. I ran the last meters that separated me from her and I grabbed her hand pulling towards me.

            “Jin…” for a second I was at lost for words. What could I possibly say to her? She had every right to feel the way she was feeling right now. But I still knew I couldn’t watch her crumble down like this. “Jin, come back on the beach with me. We have to get you somewhere dry!” I shouted over the wind at the waves. But she didn’t care what I said, she kept calling his name, her voice breaking even more. I then knew the only way I was going to get her out of here would be by carrying her. I bent down a bit and wrapped my arms strongly around her waist. I picked her up, her back pressed against my chest. She started kicking and yelling at me to put her down. I fought her, my priority was to get her back on the beach. I put her down when we finally reached the sand. As soon as she was able to move she span around with her fist aimed at me. I caught her arm before she could hit me. For a second she tried to break through but her strength suddenly flew away and she collapsed in my arms. I held her as tight as I possibly could, letting her know that I was there, that I acknowledged her pain.
            I could feel every single shiver of her body as she cried her eyes out into my chest. I felt so helpless while holding her. I wasn’t good with words. Well I was good with written words but right now I couldn’t figure out what to tell her. What to say to ease her pain.

            “It hurts so much Yongguk. My heart feels so empty without him. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to be with Shin.” She said between sobs. I tightened my hold around her, feeling my own heart shattering at what she was implying.

            “Look at me.” I said as softly as I could. I let her the time she needed to calm down, still hugging her tightly against me. After a long time she raised her face to look at me as I asked. “I don’t have magical words to give you. I can’t tell you that everything will be alright because I don’t know that. But what I can tell you is that you are not alone in this. You have me and Yongnam. It may not seem much but we are there for you. Never hesitated to call me. At any time. I will pick up and come right away. But please don’t say you don’t want to be here. Because you know he wouldn’t want you to feel that way. And I think that wherever he is now, he will always keep an eye on you.” I told her with all the honesty and sincerity I had. She stayed silent, her eyes welling up while looking at me.

            “Do you really believe that?” She asked just as a child would ask a parent for reassurance.

            “I do. I believe that he can still here you, whether you talk to him in your mind or out loud. And I also believe that if you can listen hard enough, you’ll be able to hear him too. Just don’t give up.” And for the first time she smiled genuinely. Her tears fell from her eyes but she was smiling.

            I knew I had one this battle but that there were much more to come. It would take a whole lot of time for her to adjust to Shin’s death but I was willing to walk through that path with her and pick up the pieces each time she will need me to.

***

this one is really dear to my heart so I hope you will enjoy it.
Please comment :)