The mystery named Kyungsoo began to eat at Chanyeol. While he was with Doctor Kim on his solo evaluations he found himself reading over Kyungsoo’s files. Kyungsoo was eighteen, admitted into the hospital only six months before from trying to hang himself. That was his third suicide attempt, and every time they asked him why he tried to kill himself he would always reply with, “I just want to wake up.”
Chanyeol wanted to know more, so he asked Doctor Kim if he ever had a solo evaluation of Kyungsoo. “Yes, once when he first came to the hospital, but he would only reply with wanting to wake up or point to his head and say that the chemicals were just unbalanced.” Chanyeol bit as his bottom lip and continued reading Kyungsoo’s file, he was extremely curious and he didn’t know why.
“Chanyeol.” Doctor Kim leaned over his desk. “Would you like to evaluate Kyungsoo alone?”
Chanyeol looked up, his eyes wide.
“You’re a lot closer to his age, maybe he will talk to you. Plus it’s great practice and you’ve been doing so well.”
Chanyeol nodded. “It would be my pleasure sir.”
So Doctor Kim set up solo evaluations for Kyungsoo on Fridays for two hours; he expected Chanyeol to fill out the paper work himself, and turn in his notes after every session.

The first Friday he walked into Kyungsoo’s room with sweaty palms and a racing heart. Kyungsoo was sitting on his bed with a book in his lap; he didn’t even look over when Chanyeol walked through the door. Chanyeol awkwardly took the seat in front of Kyungsoo’s bed, but Kyungsoo still didn’t acknowledge him and continued to read his book. Chanyeol pulled out his clipboard and Kyungsoo’s file from his bag and placed them on his lap.
“What’s your name?”
Chanyeol looked up and was met with Kyungsoo’s big eyes, he wasn’t smiling but he made Chanyeol’s blood rush and tongue go dry. Kyungsoo just blinked
“Do you talk? Because I don’t know sign language or anything…”
Chanyeol let out a chuckle and shook his head as he regained his senses.
“I can talk.” His face was still noticeably red, but he continued to pull his supplies out of his bag. “So are you not going to tell me?” Chanyeol looked up again, confused at first then laughed. “Oh yeah! My name is Park Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo nodded and looked down at his book again. “Are you a doctor?” Chanyeol smiled and shook his head. “No, not yet, but I’m studying to be one.” “Aren’t you a little dumb to be a doctor?” Chanyeol couldn’t help but laugh loudly, scaring Kyungsoo whose eyes got even bigger than usual. “I’m smarter than I look.” Kyungsoo kept his eyes on Chanyeol and nodded. “Yeah I hope so.” Then again back to his book. Chanyeol was starting to wonder if he was really reading the book or if he was just staring at it. 
“Okay Kyungsoo, I’m just here to talk to you as a peer. Whatever you want to tell me is up to you. You can even ask me questions if you want.” Kyungsoo laughed. “You can come in here and try to act like my friend, but you’re still going to be a doctor.”
Chanyeol shook his head, “But I’m not a doctor,” and smiled. For some reason that made Kyungsoo smile too, and Chanyeol couldn’t help but stare at his lips, noticing they were in the shape of a heart.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, you’re not a doctor which means I don’t have to talk to you.” Chanyeol nodded. “That’s right, you don’t have to, so we can just sit here for two hours and not speak.” Chanyeol joked, thinking that surely Kyungsoo would feel awkward, but after two hours of sitting in silence together Chanyeol figured out that he was not kidding. If he didn’t want to talk then they would sit there while he stared at his book and Chanyeol wrote notes over it. Chanyeol let out a sigh and started to pack up all his supplies; this session really did feel like a big waste of time, but he wasn’t going to let Kyungsoo know that so he smiled.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow at group chat Kyungsoo, and again next Friday for our next session.” Kyungsoo looked up at Chanyeol with a scowl on his face. “You’re coming back?” Chanyeol smiled wide and laughed. “Of course, I like you. You’re interesting and I can’t wait to sit in silence with you again. Have a nice day Kyungsoo, I’ll see you soon.” Kyungsoo just blinked and nodded as Chanyeol bowed and backed out of his room. “What a weird guy…” He mumbled while Chanyeol closed the door and walked to Dr. Kim’s office. When he got there, he sat at his little desk and wrote up his paper work about Kyungsoo and pretending to read a book for two hours. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of another session with Kyungsoo, because even if it seemed like nothing he really did think he got somewhere with him at the end. Even if it took twenty more sessions, Chanyeol wanted to know everything about Kyungsoo.

This time at group, Kyungsoo didn’t talk, but he did watch Chanyeol the entire hour. Chanyeol could feel his big eyes staring at him so he tried not to look up to often, in fear that his face would turn an even darker shade of red. He kept scribbling non-sense into his notes, muttering things under his breath like, “Is there something on my face?” and “Why am I red? This is ridiculous.” Twice Dr. Kim looked over and asked Chanyeol if he was okay, and he just nodded and apologized. When group ended and everyone got up from their seat, Kyungsoo walked over to Chanyeol. That was the first time they ever stood by each other, and the first time Chanyeol noticed how small Kyungsoo really was. He barely came to Chanyeol’s shoulders and he had a strange urge to pick him up, but he instead just looked down at Kyungsoo and smiled.
“Hello Kyungsoo, how are you? You didn’t talk much today, is everything alright?”
Kyungsoo nodded his head and smiled a little.
“Yes I’m fine, but I’d much rather just talk to you. It’s a lot easier.”
Chanyeol’s ears went red and the blood started rushing to his face again.
“Oh, uhm.” He started stuttering and scanned the room; everyone including Dr. Kim was staring at them with wide eyes.
“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t give up on me, and you’ll be there on Friday.”
Chanyeol scratched the back of his head and chuckled, “Yes of course, I wouldn’t give up on you. I’ll see you Friday.”
Kyungsoo nodded then turned and walked out while everyone stared between him and Chanyeol. Dr. Kim gave him a once over then proceeded to walk to his office in a quick pace, Chanyeol following behind him. When they got to his office, Dr. Kim closed the door and asked for Kyungsoo’s file.
“In your last entry you said the two of you just sat in silence as he pretended to read his book because he didn’t want to talk to you, correct?”
Chanyeol just nodded.
“Then what was that?”
He shrugged his shoulders, a little scared of how big Dr. Kim’s eyes were getting. “I really don’t know sir, does he not do that often? I thought you said one day he would speak and the next he would stay quiet all day?”
Dr. Kim sat in his chair and looked up at Chanyeol, who was extremely confused. Why did he feel like he did something wrong? He never does anything wrong.
“He does, but he never talks to anyone individually like he did to you. He will only speak to people who confront him first, not like what he did today.”

Chanyeol didn’t really know what to expect that next session. He thought maybe Kyungsoo was putting up an act in front of everyone, he didn’t know why, but it was a possibility. Or Kyungsoo could actually be interested in speaking to him, which made his face and ears go red at just the thought. When he walked into Kyungsoo’s room, he was sitting on his bed, his legs crossed and waiting.
“Hello Park Chanyeol.” He smiled and Chanyeol took his seat in front of Kyungsoo’s bed again.
“Hello Kyungsoo, how are you feeling today?”
“I’m ready to talk today.”
Chanyeol looked up from his bag and Kyungsoo was staring off into the room.
“I feel bad for making you sit with me for hours without speaking. Usually people will walk out after ten minutes of nothing, but you stayed. I felt… not lonely for once.”
Chanyeol’s eyes were probably as wide as Kyungsoo’s, and his mouth was agape. He was quiet for a while, until Kyungsoo waved his hands in his face.
“Are you there?” He knocked on his head. “Hello?”
Chanyeol jumped back scaring both of them and rubbed his forehead.
“Sorry, I was just a little surprised.”
Kyungsoo nodded.
“So… do you want to hear what I have to say?”
Chanyeol nodded and hurried to get his things out of his bag.
“Of course, I want to know everything.”
Kyungsoo smiled then started playing with his fingers.
“I was pretty normal in high school. I had friends, went out, did normal things everyone did, I just never felt like I was really a part of them.” He stayed quiet for a while looking down at his fingers. Chanyeol just kept writing and looking up at him to make sure he wasn’t crying or anything, until he started again.
“One day I came home after being out all night, and I felt drained. I felt like I was empty, lonely and I just wanted to cry. I laid in bed and thought about everything and my breathing started to pick up, I started freaking out and crying. The only thing I could think about at that moment was wanting to wake up. I just wanted to wake up.”
Chanyeol noticed Kyungsoo’s breath starting to pick up just talking about this, so he reached forward and took his hand. Kyungsoo looked over at him and squeezed it.
“I just wanted to wake up, do you ever feel like you’re in a nightmare? And all you want to do is wake up, but you can’t?”
Chanyeol nodded.
“It’s normal to feel like that when you’re having a panic attack.”
Kyungsoo wrapped his other hand around Chanyeol’s hand. He could feel himself getting red, but he focused on Kyungsoo.
That’s when I tried to kill myself for the first time. I just felt no hope, no escape; I just wanted to wake up. I felt so trapped.”
He started playing with Chanyeol’s fingers this time.
“That’s enough for today right?”
Chanyeol nodded and smiled up at him.
“Yes, that was more than enough. You did great today.”
Kyungsoo smiled then pulled on Chanyeol’s hand.
“Can I play with your hand for a while? It’s calming me down for some reason.”

This time Chanyeol’s ears and face went a dark shade of red, but he smiled and nodded. If he would have said something it would have came out as nothing but stutters.
While Kyungsoo played with Chanyeol’s left hand, he wrote up some work with his right. They stayed like that for a good while, Kyungsoo even asked Chanyeol some personal questions like how old he was, what his favorite color was, and if he had a girlfriend. The last question made him turn red again, and Kyungsoo admitted his favorite color was the color of Chanyeol’s cheeks when he looked at him, and that’s when Chanyeol decided to end their session. It was ten minutes too early, but Chanyeol thought Kyungsoo wouldn’t mind.

That night while Chanyeol was at home he started to beat himself over the fact that his crush was so obvious even Kyungsoo himself noticed. This feeling was extremely unprofessional, and could get him in a lot of trouble, but he couldn’t push Kyungsoo away. He knew if he tried to, then Kyungsoo would close himself off and Chanyeol would lose everything and a part of him really didn’t want to stop talking to him. He thought more on it, and realized maybe that’s why Kyungsoo spoke to him first, because he noticed the weird shade of red Chanyeol’s face would turn when Kyungsoo looked at him.

The next day at group, Kyungsoo didn’t look Chanyeol’s way, he didn’t speak, he didn’t even acknowledge when the counselor called his name. He just sat there, playing with his fingers. Chanyeol got a little worried, but at the end of group Kyungsoo walked up to him. Chanyeol’s heart started to race, and he felt a little relieved.
“Look, don’t try to figure me out, because you won’t like the answer. Just leave me alone for now on, don’t come back to my room. I don’t want solo anymore. I push everyone out, and you’re no different. You’re handsome and very interested in me, I’m flattered, but this needs to stop.”
Chanyeol didn’t care about everyone else in the room at that moment; he didn’t care if he looked heart broken, because he really was. He thought that he and Kyungsoo were actually getting somewhere.  All he could manage to spit out was, “Why?”
and Kyungsoo let out a small laugh.
“Because my life doesn’t have a happy ending and if you’re too invested in me you’ll be hurt, and I don’t want someone so perfect to be hurt because of me.” 

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I was really excited about this chapter, because i really liked it and I hope you do to <3
Again thank you to Sora for fixing the mistakes for me <3