Track 06

          I walked without having a set destination in mind. I didn’t know where I was going. I know I just needed air. I wanted to know about my part in the story. I wanted to know why Jackson left me his bracelet. I wanted to know why he left me with this music player. I wanted to know a lot. I don’t understand what Taekwoon was talking about. I don’t understand why Min would do that you to. Did she think that you like me? I stopped walking. Everything was all starting to fall into place now. There are two more tracks left, mine and another one. Is this track the calm before the storm? Or is it the storm?

          I was far away from town now. I turned around and started walking back. Nothing made sense, but it was all falling in to place. Jackson had this all planned before he even committed suicide. He did not just decided to do this. It took him awhile to do this. He had it all perfectly planned out beforehand. What happened between then? What made Jackson decide to do this? He was at the party. Everyone saw him. I saw him.

          I saw the library and walked inside. I spotted Youngjae. They were having a meeting about something I could not remember. I walked quietly trying not to bother them. Youngjae looked at me and told me to come over and sit by him. I did. I listened to the other people talk. They were talking about poetry. Some of them were from my school, but most were older people. I listened to Youngjae read a poem out loud. I listened to every syllable, every pause, and every breath within words. He handed me the paper after he finished reading, for me to read. He told me that he wrote it himself. I had a hard time understand some of it, but I knew that this poem was something that he was proud of.

          After the meeting, Youngjae and I walked out of the library together. He talked to me about the poetry club. I listened to him. Youngjae’s face would light up whenever he talked about poetry.

“Did you know Jackson well?” I asked.

“We should go somewhere quiet to talk,” he answered.

          He grabbed my wrist and led me to a little outside area not far from the library. We sat down on the bench. He took a deep breathe before clearing his throat. I waited until he spoke.

“Jackson asked me to help him before he committed suicide. He asked me to send the mp3 player to you. The day before he came to me and handed me a box. Inside that box was the mp3 player and a note addressed to you. All he wanted me to do was deliver the note to you the day after he had done it. I had no idea he would commit suicide. He never told me anything. He just gave me a date to give you the package,” Youngjae explained.

“Why me of all people?” I asked.

“I take it you haven’t listened to your track yet,” he said.

“No, I haven’t,” I answered.

“Just listen to it. I’ll stay right here. I’ll hold your hand if need be,” Youngjae said.

I pressed play on the music player. I could hear your voice softly singing Jackson. I didn’t know what you were singing, but you were. I kept listening.

Yi Eun, you were the calm before the storm. You were one of the best things in my life. You were something I could not have no matter how hard I tried or even wanted. I could never have you. You were out of my grasp. I noticed you from the beginning. I think I wasn’t the only one that noticed you. This track should more or less be a little lighthearted. It does has its ups and downs just like any other track on here. This one is yours Mark. I should start from the beginning.

          Yi Eun, I noticed you when you had fiery red hair and an awkward smile. I noticed you when you were shy and quiet. I liked that Yi Eun, but don’t get me wrong I like this hyper and talkative Mark as well. I found it interesting when you got comfortable around me. At first, I thought you hated me because you would never talk to me. That was not the case though. You were one of those people who has a hard time opening up to people. Am I right?

          When Min asked me if I liked you, I never had an answer. I couldn’t say yes, and I couldn’t say no. I let her assume what she wanted because either way it would end up with me getting beat up. I left that thought alone. I pushed it to the back of my mind and focused on other things. When the rumor went around that I was Jiho’s pet, I let them believe what they wanted. I was afraid of Jiho. I had every reason to be afraid of him. He almost got away with touching me. I was scared. I’m scared. I’m extremely scared right now. I know what is going to happen, but I don’t know what is going to happen afterwards. The aftermath scares me. Yi Eun how was the aftermath? When Min told me that I was not needed anymore, I felt like I wasn’t. I never felt like I was needed in this place. The school made it seem like I wasn’t needed anyway.

          Let’s skip to the night of JB’s party not too long ago. JB handed me a drink to loosen up. I chatted with him