Bang Yongguk.

Time of death: 11:15 am. June 26rd, 2016.

Wrong

It wasn't until Eun Ah stumbled out of the hospital and threw up in the bushes before that tears slammed her in the face.

It wasn't until her heart broke, that he died.

It wasn't until her whole world was destroyed.

It knocked the blank expression off her face, shattering her whole body into a million irreversible pieces.

Suddenly the blazing hot June evening was racking her body with brain numbing shivers that turned the tips of her fingers blue and why the middle of the parking lot was the only place she could let tears fall as she sobbed.

She let out pained, ear-splitting screams that echoed in the lot as she pounded her fist into the cement road. Blood starting seeping through her cracked knuckles but she didn't care.

He was gone.

The blood splattered over her wedding dress, but none of it registered. Not even her swollen fists.

She was never going to get him back.

"The burns were too severe for us to get a DNA sample, but the dental records are a perfect match. I'm sorry Eun Ah-ssi. This body belongs to Bang Yongguk, there's no doubt in my mind. He's gone."

No.

No.

No.

NOOOOO.

Eun Ah clawed at her face, smearing her blood all over it as she pulled at her hair, harshly yanking strands out.

In the span of one day, It went from butterflies fluttering in her stomach to bees stinging in her heart until she exploded.

How? How could he do that to her? How could he just leave?

Her hear felt numb and constricted. It felt as if she couldn't breathe and that her heart was being squeezed.

Eun Ah wheezed out heavy, laboured pants that barely escaped her lips.

"Who did this?" She grabbed Woon's jacket and shook him aggressively. "How did this happen?"

Woon looked away, "I-I don't know, Eun Ah. We're working on it, but I don--"

Eun Ah started shaking her head spinning, vomit threatening its way up . "He-he just drove off, for no reason at all?"

"I'm so sorry."

Eun Ah slammed her head against the cement, splitting the skin on her head, blossoming a stream of blood down the front of her face and she let out agonized sobs.  Her face turned a vicious red, partly from the blood dripping down her skull, but mainly because she was forgetting how to breathe.

How was this happening to her? Why her?

Wasn't fate done with her?  

This wasn't supposed to happen, after he got shot, they were supposed to leave all the screwed up parts of their lives behind them.

It was just supposed to be smooth sailing from thereon out.

Three years.

She only had him for three years.

It was not ing fair.

She would've given anything to switch places with him. To be the one inside the burning car instead of him.

She would've given anything all.

Because death seemed like an easier option that being alive with the pain. With the pain of having something important torn, unforgiving, from her hands.

She'd take a beating for the rest of her life if it meant that he'd come back to her.

The law has many penalties for the atrocities we inflict on others but there are no punishments for the terrors that we inflict on ourselves.

-----

Eun Ah stood, stiffly by the door, Yongmi on her left, Himchan on her right, dressed in black as people filed in.

This day was not happening.  In her mind, this was not happening.

She had lived the last two days in the hospital, even after the police removed the body. She just didn't want to go home.

To their home.

But she knew she'd have to eventually.

She tried to convince herself that she was at someone else's funeral. Someone who she didn't know. Someone who deserved to die.

Someone who wasn't her fiancé and the love of her life.

Someone who, as cruel as it sounded, didn't matter to her.

Dara came up to her and gave her a tight hug. An action that Eun Ah didn't return.

Even the most menial of tasks felt too draining to do.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. If you ever need a single thing. Give me a call and I'll come running."

Eun Ah didn't meet her gaze and just pulled away from her embrace. It felt all wrong, being surrounded by all the familiar faces without him standing beside her, his arm tightly around her waist as they mingled around.

All the faces that she used to know, just felt like blank canvases, blurring with the rest. She just gave them all the same silent treatment.

She could feel his presence missing so much that it made her feel sick. She didn't even know how she was standing up right without help.

Without him.

She could feel it all rushing back. The same feelings she felt when she stood in this exact room 12 years ago, watching people mile in to say their last words to her already deceased parents.

It was the same desperation for it all to be a dream.

The same hopelessness.

The same numbness.

The same surealness.

The same feeling of her life being shattered.

She just felt broken.

None of it felt real. She didn't understand how he could've died at 29. How could he have been ripped, so heartlessly and without explanation, from her life.

How the center of her universe was burned out. Her life, now, orbiting mindlessly with nothing in her heart.

Empty.

She felt emptiness.

She just wanted to run away, hoping that she'd get a call from Yongguk, mumbling into the phone about how much he missed her, and how he'd want her to hurry back home to him.

But she'd never get that call.

Ever.

She felt tears welling up as she spun the ring on her finger. Himchan rubbed her arm, but she couldn't feel any of it.

She glanced over at Yongmi who just zoned out, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. Daehyun was handling some last minute things with the others, but every other second he would glance up at Yongmi just to see her, mentally checked out.

But Eun Ah's state wasn't any better. All these people were too much, even though their voices didn't raise higher than a whisper, it still felt too loud for her.

She leaned her back on the wall behind her, unable to keep herself up any longer.

The priest came into the room and shared a few words with Himchan who just nodded respectfully.

Himchan had become the head of it all, being the oldest. He manned up and took charge of everything, leaving as little as possible on Yongmi, Junhong and Eun Ah, who were taking it the hardest.

But that didn't mean that the rest of them weren't torn apart with the loss of their leader and brother.

But Eun Ah knew that they were just better at hiding their pain than she was.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, letting her tears escape, after being so carefully bottled up, and fall down her face.

Come back. Please just come back to me. I can't do this without you. I need you. Are you listening? I need you here with me right now. Who am I going to say 'I love you' to if you're gone? Come back. Please.

"Eun Ah." She opened her eyes and faced Himchan. He had stopped calling her piggy for a while now and she would've made a comment about it, but she just didn't feel that it was fair for her to laugh and make jokes while he was gone.

While he was dead.

"We’re ready to the start the ceremony."

She gave him a brisk nod and reached for Yongmi's hand and laced their fingers together. She gave her hand a squeeze and walked hand in hand with her to the front of the room.

She just needed this day to be over already.

-----

"Eun Ah, everyone's gone, we should go." Himchan said quietly as he walked up to Eun Ah who was sitting in front of Yongguk's coffin, dressed in her black hanbok.

It was a closed casket viewing since his body was burned badly.

She didn't even get a chance to see him.

She didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

What happened in the hour between the time she had spoken to him and the accident?

How could he had just disappeared?

She didn't move, instead she just scooted closer, to get a better view of the smiling picture of him that had a flower garland hung around him.

He seemed so happy and lively in the picture. I just didn't seem real that he was gone, that she'd never see that smile in real life.

Why would you leave me?

You said that you'd stay by my side forever.

Himchan sighed and glanced at the solid, wooden coffin.

Look what you're doing man. You're ruining her.

He rubbed her back before leaving her alone, giving her some well deserved privacy.

Yongguk al