That night, Woobin hadn’t stayed over at Jongsuk’s place. They remained silent all the way, even when Woobin stood up to go home. They were both fine with it, since they were both afraid of breaking that silence. They needed the time alone. The silence was deafening, but they needed it. They hadn’t contacted each other after that, but that didn’t affect them too much. They both worked like they normally did, they knew they both needed the time away from each other to face whatever it was – even if their answers might not have been the same.

Jongsuk’s question that day had forced them to face the blur about their friendship. Although Woobin had only just convinced himself that they were not being anything more than friends, Jongsuk’s question instantly nullified whatever he had convinced himself about. He was partly annoyed that a question from Jongsuk could just erase whatever effort he had put in to convince himself that he wasn’t doing too much, that whatever he had done for Jongsuk so far was only because they were friends and that their friendship was just different. He was forced to face and acknowledge it – the reason why their friendship was different. That it was because they weren’t just friends.

The moment the question came out from his mouth, Jongsuk knew that he definitely had crossed the ‘friendship’ line. He liked Woobin, more than a friend, but was it love? Jongsuk didn’t know. It didn’t feel like how he felt when he was in love previously. It was a feeling he had only for Woobin, previously and now, it was a feeling that was exclusively Woobin. To him, Woobin was just Woobin. Did it really matter if they were friends, more than friends, or if what he felt for Woobin was love? He didn’t want to define their relationship, he didn’t understand why defining it was that important. Neither did he want to, he feared defining it might change the way things were between them.

Woobin understood though, he had always had a better understanding of how the world functioned. He understood why defining it was important. He knew that the ambiguity would possibly cause more harm than good for the both of them. Not only to their career, but also their lives as whole. He knew, but that didn’t mean he really wanted to do anything. Because he had the same fear that Jongsuk had. He knew he was threading on a thin line and any wrong move he made could result in a drastic change in their relationship. And he didn’t want that. He didn’t think he was ready for that.

The both of them struggled internally. They didn’t know what the other was thinking, neither did they know what they should do. They tried not to think about it too much, but it kept coming back. The question about what they should do was screaming loud in their head. They needed to talk to someone about it, but there wasn’t anyone they really could talk to. Not about this. They would have confided in each other, but they couldn’t do it now.

It was about two weeks later that Jongsuk first received a text message from Woobin.

“My head is exploding trying to think of an answer to your question.” The text read.

Jongsuk stared at the message, blinking a couple of times. A few questions ran through his head. What did Woobin mean by that? Did that mean that Woobin was in the same situation as he was? Did it mean that Woobin was equally conflicted?

“What do you mean?” he replied. He knew it was a lame reply, but he wanted to hear it from Woobin.

“I don’t know what to do. Because I crossed that line. Bastard why did you have to make me acknowledge this. Can we talk?”

Jongsuk bit down hard on his lower lip when he saw the text. He didn’t have an answer yet, he didn’t know what he could do if he saw Woobin. He wasn’t sure he was ready to meet Woobin yet. But the fact that Woobin was in the same situation as him made him want to talk to Woobin about it. It wasn’t about him anymore. It was about them.

“I’ll drop by your place tonight after work. Not sure what time, will give you a call when I’m done.”

“Okay. I’ll wait. No matter how late. Just come.”

It was way past midnight when Jongsuk finally arrived at Woobin’s apartment. The atmosphere wasn’t awkward, but it was stale and there was a sense of fear and tension surrounding them. It was a tiring day, and Jongsuk had used whatever remaining energy he had to deal with the fear. He didn’t have any energy left to put on a front. He was tired, but he knew this was the best time to talk to Woobin, when he didn’t have energy left to hide anything, when he could just be completely truthful.

“What am I to you?” Woobin finally asked.

“You are Woobin. I don’t know, you are more than just a friend. Fck, you might even be more than a lover. You are Woobin. That’s all I know. I am feeling things for you that I haven’t felt for anyone else before, I don’t know what it is. I’m feeling whatever I am feeling now only because it is you,” Jongsuk said without holding back.

Jongsuk didn’t give Woobin a chance to say anything.

“Can’t we just leave it the way it is? Must we really do something? I don’t want to do anything about it. I like the way things were and I don’t want to change it.”

Woobin swallowed back his words, looking down at his lap. “You honestly think this is the best way out?”

Jongsuk shrugged. “I don’t know, it probably isn’t. But I am scared.”

“So am I…but Jongsuk, the moment the question came out, you know we can’t leave it like that anymore. You are very clear about that yourself. We have to acknowledge it.”

Jongsuk held his breath as he watched tears start to form in Woobin’s eyes.

“Jongsuk-ah, in the place we are, in the industry we are in, you know we can’t do anything. Jongsuk, I am not going to say it, what I really feel. Because I can’t say it. I can’t say it knowing that we can’t be anything more than friends in this world we live in. I can’t.”

It hurt. Jongsuk turned away. He didn’t want to see Woobin crying. Neither did he want to show Woobin that he was crying. He didn’t know why it hurt so much, but it did.

“So…what do you want me to do?” Jongsuk managed, his voice quivering as he continued to look away.

“I don’t know.”

“Then why did you have to tell me. Why couldn’t we have just left it?”

“Because if we left it, and I fell deeper into it and started wanting more, I won’t know what to do. Sorry for being selfish. But I had to stop that from happening.”

“So you want me to disappear?”

“No. Don’t. Don’t ever. I need you, even if I can only treat you as a friend. I’ll clean up whatever I’m feeling. I’ll sort it all out. Give me time. Just be normal around me, just give me time. If I don’t react the way I usually do, it is because I am trying.”

“Yah bastard, do you know what the fck you are saying?! I can’t be all normal around you if I know what you are going through. If I have to go through the exact same thing I do. And you know what, you are not the only one who needs to sort things out. I still haven’t figured out exactly what it is I have for you and now I know, whatever it was I was feeling, I should stop. I can’t stop something that I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Why are you apologizing?”

Woobin sniffled and wiped his tears with the back of his hands, before moving closer to Jongsuk and snaking his arm around Jongsuk’s waist, pulling him closer. When Jongsuk turned his head, Woobin immediately crashing their lips together. Jongsuk was taken aback by this sudden action and instinctively pulled away, only to have Woobin’s lips pressing against his again. He blinked a couple of times and wiggled in Woobin’s arms, whining as he flutters his eyes close, his lips parting as he moved closer to Woobin, his arms making their way around Woobin’s neck. Feeling Jongsuk’s lips parting, Woobin took them in and encapsulated the fleshy lips between his, kissing and tugging at the flesh lightly and lovingly, tasting and feeling Jongsuk’s lips in his, along with the taste of their tears.

It was a salty kiss. It was their first kiss, and their last. Whatever more-than-friends feelings with each other were buried and sealed with this kiss. Or so they hoped…

I can't decide if I want to continue this story since i'm not seeing it already and it's pretty obvious in the writing. I'd probably not be updating anymore unless I suddenly start seeing it again, which is pretty unlikely I think.