Kris decided to give Park Chanyeol a chance.

The guy had proven a lot just by putting up with all of Kris's attitude for the past month, and in a sense, Kris owed it to him. Kris was still cautious, but after another week or so, he'd slowly begun dropped his guard.

It was hard not to enjoy being around Chanyeol. His genuine interest and ease of conversation made it easy to open up, and Kris began finding more and more reasons to like Chanyeol. Everything he did, everything he said, everything he was, was like a breath of fresh air. His smile was brilliant and his laugh infectious. His eyes were dark brown, but in the sunlight, they were almost like honey. His voice was deep yet vibrant, and it would rumble into the farthest corners of Kris's bones and make him shudder.

Kris found himself looking forward to his classes with Chanyeol. Seeing Chanyeol's smiling face brought a sense of calm to his tormented soul, and for a few hours each day, he felt something he'd forgotten ever existed: peace of mind.

Though Kris felt a little guilty about having been so mean to the younger man in the past, it was almost as if the fact that he actually began talking with Chanyeol made up for him never apologizing verbally.

Fridays were always the worst, since the last class of the day and their last class together was chem lab. Though the lab lasted for about 3 hours, the two would never actually say anything to each other. They'd spend the time working with their own lab partners, stealing glances at each other and pretending not to do so. Then, when lab was done, Kris would simply leave first without looking at Chanyeol or bidding him farewell. And Chanyeol wouldn't come stampeding after him like a malfunctioning giraffe.

Kris had no idea why they did this. It was almost as if saying goodbye was not an option. Leaving was simply easier to do; it hurt, but it hurt less, in a sense. The whole idea of feeling "hurt" confused Kris, since all he'd ever done was get left behind. He was used to it; it shouldn't have hurt at all, really.

But that Friday, it was different.

As Kris was walking out the door of lab, he felt a presence behind him and he glanced back to see who it was. Startled to see that it was Chanyeol, Kris tripped and started to fall. A hand reached out and grabbed his arm, preventing him from colliding with the floor.

"Thanks," he muttered, trying to avoid looking Chanyeol in the eye. 

The younger man let go of his arm and said, "Just be careful next time," before turning and walking away.

Kris's heart felt like it would explode. Walking away from Chanyeol was always hard, but watching him walk away was just painful. Kris fought the urge to run after Chanyeol. Instead, he just went home.

Then began the weekend-long struggle of feeling completely empty and alone. Kris never though he'd dislike the weekend as much as he did now. Weekends were terrible because not only were they Chanyeol-less, the free time gave Kris way too many chances to think and get lost in his own mind. His mind was a frightening place, filled with pent-up anger and fear, pain and sadness, depression and shame.

More times than not, he'd fall into a fitful sleep and wake up in a cold sweat, chest heaving and darkness swallowing him up in a claustrophobic grip. Everything he'd tried to escape by sleeping would haunt him in his dreams, and even after he opened his eyes, they taunted him and tortured him until nothing but sunlight made them fade away.

But the worst part, in all of that, was waking up.

To nothing.

Because he could go through this a hundred times. Maybe even a thousand. But no matter how many times it happened, Kris would always be forced to wake up to the harsh reality that no one was ever going to be there to hold him and tell him things were going to get better.

*