Even if your heart is in pain, after confronting with reality,

At the end of each tears, there is a stream of light,

Which will light up the dark,

and sink into time

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 Red as blood. The blood he shed in order to get where he was today. The dead bodies which covered his path reached out to him. He felt their cold hands around his neck, trying to squeeze out the last bit of air. His breath hitched. Their voices filled his ears.

Another night. Another nightmare.

He wished to escape his world. The chains keeping him where he stood. The screams nobody heard. Frustrating.

When he wanted to give up all hope he saw her. The person who could end his aimless walk tonight. He ignored her struggle, her pleading voice, the horrified look in her beautiful eyes. He desired her. So she would belong to him. Tonight, and whenever he felt like it. Until his sleep got disturbed again...

 

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A smooth voice stopped him from taking another step. You think killing yourself will help? He turned around. Three steps beside him stood a young male, pale skin glowing in the dark. A soft smile was placed on his lips. It'll bring pain to everyone who know you. Nothing is worth killing yourself. Don't you agree?

He just stared. He did not dare to say a word. He thought there was no one around this area. Suddenly, a man appeared, shattering his intentions to broken fragments. It was strange. He blinked. Who are you?

A smile. Just a passer-by I guess. Won't you come down? I don't like to talk to someone who is hovering about me more than ten centimetres. A playful glint was seen in his eyes. The other nodded and followed the suggestion. Let's go. I think both of us need a drink.

Yoochun wondered why he agreed. He did not know the stranger. Maybe he was a killer, a . Looks will not give you away most of the time. So why did he say yes? It was a mystery. But oh well. What is done is done. Silently he followed the other. Somehow he gave him a secure feeling. As if he was protected by him. A small smile crept up his lips. What a joke. Nobody could protect him from the nightmares in the nights nor the days. He could only do it himself but he did not wish to. Banning those dreams meant to abandon the meaning of his life. He was not able to abandon her.

The two of them entered a bar. It was well attended. Nobody paid attention to the newcomers. They went directly to the counter and the pale man ordered two rum shots. He smiled at his companion. Mind telling me why you tried to fly?

The other was caught off-guard. Trying to fly? He clearly did not understand. The first man pouted. Am I too complicated? He sighed. I mean the bridge. You know... standing on the balustrade is kind of dangerous.

The other smiled drily. Well, I guess. But it's still better than suffering from the meaningless called life.

Meaningless? Why? Two glasses were put down in front of them. They thanked the bartender. He only nodded. Don't you have family?

A brother. He's younger than me. He likes to smile. His biggest wish is to become an actor. He always ask me how he did. Sometimes it's tiring.

Hm, that's not meaningless at all.

Yeah, but that's the life of my brother. He shot down the alcohol.

You're a part of it, right? Having family is a great thing. They support you, help you and are the last to leave. What do you think would had happen to your brother if you had flown?

A short silence. I don't know... actually, I didn't think about it. His answer was greeted with a smile. Then isn't that something meaningful in your life? Finding out what your brother would do without you? Will he be able to accomplish his dream? Will he fail? Or maybe he changes his intentions? The pale man cocked his head to the side. Many different ways. So how about meeting once a week and talking about the process?

The other opened his mouth. No word came out. He tried again. Why...? Why do you care so much about someone you don't know?

I'm a selfish person. He winked the bartender. A new glass was placed on the counter. That's why.

If his answer was mysterious or not, if he understood it or not Yoochun nodded and took the offered hand. He looked forward to meeting the young man who seemed to be a carefree person and at the same time looked kind of sad.

 

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It was a few days later. Three to be accurate. Jaejoong had not seen his best friend in all this time. If he added the other day since they visited his parents it almost took a week. That was rare – no, it never happened before. He did not know what do do. Of course he knew the reason why Yunho has not shown up. Clearly, he remembered the phone call, his best friends broken voice. He remembered the cries and the pain the other felt. He remembered his own helplessness, the shock he experienced after hearing the news. The news about Jihye, Yunho's younger sister. The cheerful and brightly high-shool-girl who was adored by her older brother, who was by a sick-minded person.

And now, they stood in Jaejoong's apartment. Somehow it felt awkward. Three days could change many things. One of it was the big fight they did not know how it started.

The smaller of the two puffed his cheeks. Yeah... you said you would stay by my side. Over and over you repeated it. Sometimes, I was sick of hearing it. But I believed you. Me, I thought your words were true. And now? You don't care any more. The only person in your mind is your sister. The only name you say is Jihye.

The taller one stared at him. Are you serious right now? Disbelieve could be clearly heard in his voice. You're complaining about the lack of attention I give you? A hollow laugh escaped his throat. I can't believe you, Jaejoong.

The other smiled sarcastically. Of course you don't. You're no the one treated badly.

Stop it. A demanding tone. One more word and I punch you. The warning could not be overheard.

Do it. I don't care. At least you'll look at me and not Jihye.

Anger flashed in brown eyes. Hands balled to fists. Step to step he neared the small man. Did you forgot? She...SHE GOT ING ! A loud scream. Full of despair, disgust. His voice broke. And all you think about is you?! Can't you understand? Jihye is more important now. Can't you see it? Please... he stared at the dark haired man. His eyes searched for a hint in the other's expressionless face. I guess not. A mere whisper. You're selfish, narcissistic. Is there anything good? I'm beginning to wonder why I ever befriend you. Where is the kind-hearted man I knew?

A scoff. Hardened facial features. He never existed. Cold tone, but the vulnerable words inside spoke more than enough. If only someone listened to them. You projected an illusion. The real me is disgusting, isn't it? After all those years, finally, you see the true me. Everyone is the same, just the same. The second they got tired of me they badmouth me. It's funny, isn't it? There war an unreadable look in his eyes. What if I would had got , too? Would you care? Or do you set Jihye as your priority?

You know I won't and can't answer that question.

A hollow laugh. It's not hard. Just 'Yes' or 'No'. The almighty Jung Yunho can't even do that?

No answer. The raven haired man took a step forward. Does Jihye deserve a brother like you? Incompetent as you? Wouldn't a good brother pretend those things? Aren't you ashamed of yourself? The mocking tone could not be overheard. You can lecture me when you can look in the mirror, Yunho. Not earlier than that.

The taller stared at him. A good brother would have pretend those things from happening? His voice trembled. I can't foresee things, Jaejoong! What do you expect of me? I can just console her, try to bring back her faith in humanity. Yeah, I am ashamed of myself. I know I should have cared more about her. But whenever I wanted to talk to her or see her you came and complain. I had no choice to be with you.

So it's my fault? The other balled his hands to fist. Now, I am the one to blame? You're ridiculous. What the hell have I to do with your stupid decisions? I never said you weren't allowed to visit her. But you know what? If your ego is scratched maybe I should go out at night and met myself getting . Then you can dash out of the dark and safe me heroically. What do you think? A great idea, I think. No? Well, I guess I'm not worth to be rescued. Maybe Jihee let it happen a second time. I heard victims of assaults are getting cured when they are confronted with the same thing happening a second time.

The sound of skin slapping against skin could be heard. The two men looked at each other. One with rage clearly seen in his eyes, the other just with shock. A small smile crept on his lips. He touched his cheek. The pale skin turned red. Finally, you did it, huh? I'm surprised.

The other shook his head. His lips a thin line. Enough. Get out.

Another smirk. Don't worry. You won't see me again. Since my precious face got hurt... his voice trailed off.

I do not wish to see that face of yours ever again.

The smaller swirled around. I can fulfil your wish.

The taller man's next words cut the air. We're over. His ears met the sound of a banging door. Nothing but emptiness stayed.

 

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Rain drops sprinkled the small windows of the little bar in one of many fringe areas. Inside, people talked quietly or sipped every now and then from their bottle of alcohol. Many did both at the same time. They wanted to forget the humiliation they'd endured these days, the happiness only a few could enjoy. Alcohol was their knight in shining armour. Alcohol was their parachute and their life raft. For them, it was the steel cable they stood on.

In the middle of all the suffocating thoughts Jaejoong sat on a chair, staring in his glass. Yoochun did not utter a word, just looked at the man who slowly became a friend. He felt sympathy. To fight with someone that is dear to you hurts the most. Though he knew nothing about the said man he had a feeling both of them were heading nowhere.

You are like him. A mumble.

Like who?

You make fun of me instead of listening. Question being ignored. You're horrible like him.

Who are you talking about? But he never got an answer.

Every time they went out Jaejoong would get drunk and would start rambling about a person he did not know. Whenever he asked who the other was talking about he felt asleep and mumbled incoherent words. It droves him crazy. Beside his name the person was just a shadow.

And then he met him. The guy Jaejoong got drunk over and over again. He met him by accident.

At a day in November.

 

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Mouth wide open he stared at the woman in front of him. He could not believe his ears. That had to be some sick joke. His voice reflected his emotions. What are you talking about? I don't know of such thing. You must be mistaken. If that is some Fool's Day prank it's not funny. We have November.

The stranger shook her head. It clearly says Shim Changmin, Mr. Shim. I'm sorry but I've got things to do. Please sign here. Thank you. Have a nice day. She left, leaving a dazed young man.

What the hell happened to him? He must be dreaming. Yeah, right. A nightmare. He just had to pinch himself and he would wake up. He cursed the woman that seduced him. If he were not been so needy that time nothing like that would happen.

Memories of their last conversation before they parted ways flashed in his mind.

 

“You've gotta be kidding me!”

“Don't shout,” she scolded him.

He glared at her. “I can shout as much as I want.”

She shrugged her shoulder. “It won't change a thing,” she stated. It was the truth.

“So what?” he spat. “Do you expect me to stay calm and welcome the news with open arms?”

“At least I'd hope you would acted your age,” she retorted sarcastically.

“Age my .” He crossed his arms and slammed the door shut.“I'm twenty-four, damn it.”

She smiled. “You still have to take responsibility.”

“I'm too young!” he protested and turned around. “We are to young! How do you think we'll be able manage such a burden?”

“It's not a burden.” She balled her fist and took a step forward. “It's our child! Your child. Don't you dare see it as an object.”

His hollow laughter resonated through the apartment. “Great, just great. My girlfriend left me and now you appeared.” He spit the words as if they were gift. “Couldn't you at least tell me the wonderful news eight months ago? When you were in the beginning stage? How selfish are you?”

The brunette woman stared at him angrily. “Selfish?” she screamed. “You were the one who forgot the ! You were the one who acted carelessly. Don't blame me for you faults! You ruined my life! Rather than going to finish university as I had planned I have to take care of child, your child!”

The tall man grabbed her wrist. She winced. “Why didn't you take the pill? Wasn't it invented to prevent these things from happening? You are the stupid one,” he accused her. “So take the responsibility for it yourself. Don't put it on me!“

“Fine,” she spat. “I'll go. But don't think it's the end. You'll pay for me and the child.”

“Leave!”

 

Desperately, he paced around in the living-room. Four pairs of eyes were watching him. No one dared to say a word. They knew one wrong sentence and they were doomed. So they stayed back and followed with alert every move the youngest made.

His brother sat on a kitchen chair. He bit his lip and drummed his fingers on the table. He looked nervous. The youngest shook his head, deep in thoughts. The nervousness of his brother did not helped in any way.

Beside him sat a man with a wide forehead compared to the others. He did not move an inch but his eyes were restless. He did not stopped in his track. The situation he was in was a plain joke!

Beside the window giving a view of the busy streets of the town stood the second tallest of the group with brownish hair, arms crossed. His face did not give anything away. Changmin did not understand. How could he be so calm? Well, he was not the one having a problem. Damn him, the all-too-perfect Jung Yunho!

Sitting awkwardly on the backrest of the grey sofa was the fourth man with pale skin and big eyes. His glance wandered over everyone except the brown haired man. The tension was no help to the tallest who showed all of his emotions clearly on his face.

He kicked the table and screamed out of frustration and helplessness. What am I supposed to do? She is crazy! Giving birth to that kid was not enough?! Now, she shoved it literally in my arms and I can't do anything against it. He looked at the other four. Don't stare at me like that. I'm not guilty. I've done nothing wrong. It's her entirely fault. This time, he kicked the sofa one of the men sat on.

Eventually, his rambling was interrupted. Stop it. The soft voice let the desperate man stop. It won't change a thing. You're only hurting yourself.

He smiled bitterly. You know it the best, right, Jaejoong?

The other did not even flinch. He stood up and grabbed the other's hand. Yeah, I know. A whisper. And because I know I would like to prevent you from doing the same foolish thing as I did … he paused for a second... and still do.

Behind them a noise could be heard. What did you say? It was a growl, more frightening than anything else. Calm down, Yunho. Changmin is more important right now. And didn't we agree we cut all ties? His tone was blank. The one called Yunho looked away. The others changed puzzled expressions.

What are you guys talking about? The shortest among them asked. His high pitched voice seemed way too loud in the quiet room.

Nothing. The pale skinned man answered back. His voice was firm and did not allow a 'but'. Back to you. His eyes locked with the youngest. How often did I tell you to stop blaming others? Yeah, that woman was wrong. But you were, too. You should have used contraceptive. As an adult you know of the consequences going along with having . You could have prevent that woman from getting pregnant. Maybe it's for the better and you learn your lesson. Being a playboy seems to give more problems than pleasure. How about stopping jumping from bed to bed and try settling down? The reason your supposed-to-be girlfriend left was because of your stupid behaviour. Stop thinking with your libido. He took a breath. No one uttered a word. Everyone had their attention one the raven haired man. The anger was clearly seen on his face. Grow ing up! You're not a kid any more, Changmin. You can't come back crying, saying 'sorry' and expect everything to be okay. That's the difference between being a child and being an adult. You can say 'sorry' when you do a mistake. No, you have to apologize. But you have to take the responsibility also. Making a woman pregnant? Then you have to support her and the child. A sigh escaped his lips and he let go of the tallest.

Changmin clicked his tongue. Sometimes he wondered if he'd ever be able to stay as cold-minded as Jaejoong. Was it because he was older? Probably part of it. He did not understand his mind even though he filled most of his childhood memories. Heck, most of the time he had problems to understand himself. He grimaced. You know, the problem isn't supporting or not. Hell, compared to what I have to deal later on I would give her tons of money! He shook the oldest by his shoulders. I don't want a child. Another shake. I'll be a no-good father. Nobody in his right mind would entrust me with a newborn. I'm a player for god's sake. With every sentence he strengthened his grip. The shoorter man's face showed pain. Why does this has to happen to me? Did I do something wrong in my previous life? I can't understand. It's unfair. He wanted to let out again his frustration on the other but a strong hand pushed him off. You're hurting him, Min.

He blinked at the interfering person. Then he looked at the now kneeling man. His eyes widened as he proceeded the said words. Oh god. I'm sorry, Jae-hyung. I didn't mean to -

It's okay. A raspy voice. Guilt flushed over his face. You're confused and feel trapped. It's okay. He was given an assuring smile. Slowly, the other stood up and almost stumbled. Changmin wanted to catch him but Yunho was faster. He slung an arm around Jaejoong's waist and hold him close. The youngest could clearly see him stiffen and was sure those two had had a rather strong argument.

Are you okay, hyung? The scared tone made the three look to the kitchen. Junsu was half-up, he seemed torn between rushing to Jaejoong and staying put where he was. The reason he did not move was probably Yoochun's hand on his shoulder. For Changmin, the other was still a mystery. He met him a few times but never heard him talk about his family, love-life or anything in that way. He knew what that guy liked, he knew his preferences, be it food, fashion or uality. Still, the youngest in the group felt like he did not know him at all. Well, besides Junsu, the two oldest were also good in keeping a particular distance. Where they friends? Strangers? Something in between? He sighed. It's not fair. Why not someone else? Why not one of you? He locked on to each their glances. Why does it have to be me? Why not you, Yunho hyung? He pointed at the second tallest. You know how to treat children. They'll trust you immediately. You're responsible. Everyone will agree you would take great care of a little human being. He received no answer. His eyes fell on the one he shook earlier. What's with you, hyung? Feeding a kid would not be a problem for you. Being able to cook well. You're nice and caring, too. You put others before you without thinking a second about your own safety. I know you would raise a kid wonderfully. There it was. A faint smile. I bet even Yoochun or Junsu are better at raising children than me. I'm only a young man who loves to eat and use his brain. In the future I wanted to have a family, tease my brother, make my parents proud. But right now...? what am I going to do? I'm so scared.

Four pairs of arms wrapped around him, comforting him.

Four pairs of arms who were strangers to each other.

They did not know each other.

They did not know Yoochun and Junsu had quite the history together or that Yunho and Jaejoong were close friends, sometimes mistaken for more than that.

They did not know Changmin was like a child to the oldest and that he took care of him when he was little.

Secrets over secrets who were ready to explode. The time would come.

 

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So this chapter is on of the longest O.o

I hope it's not too long... I kind of had the infamous writer block and took two weeks for the chapter sigh

Well, as long as it receives positive feedback~ And maybe it is a little bit confusin sometimes. It will be enlightened in part 3 :D

Have a nice day (now the earworm of Bon Jovi's sonf starts again :P)